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The storm outside has died down a little but they can still see the harsh flashes of lightning through the curtains, can hear the low rumble of thunder that occasionally shakes the house, the sound of the downpour of rain against the roof of the house lulling the two brothers as they lay intertwined on the full-sized bed. Their bare skin still slick with sweat and overheated and their hair tangled and mused.
As they stare into each other’s eyes it’s when the younger brother can feel that exact moment when the silence between them turn uncomfortable. Leaving a heavy feeling wrap around his chest and squeeze in a vice grip. As he lifts his hand up to cup his brothers pale cheek he asks the question without even opening his mouth.
“She’s pregnant.” Gerard says quietly after a moment’s pause. Mikey’s hand stills before he pulls it away, his chest feeling as if the heart beating inside it could actually explode.
“Gee..” Mikey says in a broken whisper, turning to bury his face against the pillow that smells strongly of him and his brother.
“I’m sorry, so so sorry.” Gerard mutters as his limbs wrap tighter around Mikey, holding close as if that would make things better.
“You said,” He began, turning to face Gerard again; his face already splotchy and eyes too bright. “That it was all for show Gerard. That it was only for show. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
Gerard’s chest clenches painfully as his brother’s voice cracks and his face crumbles. They both know what this will mean.
“When?” Mikey asks, unable to project his voice to more than a whisper. Gerard looks away then, guilt and shame washing over him in waves.
“How long do we have Gerard?” Gerard flinches at the ice in Mikey’s voice, knowing his answer will only cause more pain than he’s already caused. He sighs, raising his deep hazel gaze to meet Mikey’s once more.
“Tomorrow,” Mikey is pretty sure if he hadn’t been straining to hear his answer he would have completely missed it. “Tomorrow, we’re going to city hall. Keep it out of the press that way. As low key as possible.”
The younger brother nods even as he feels his throat begin to close up. And not the way it closes up when you know you’re going to cry. This feeling is far worse because his throat is actually starting to close up.
Untangling himself from Gerard’s arms he doesn’t even bother to grab clothes as he crossed the small bedroom to the jack-and-jill bathroom, not even bothered by the door slamming as he locked it.
Gerard sat up in the bed, his arms locking loosely around his knees and the covers pooling around his waist as he stared at the door. He could hear Mikey inside the bathroom as he yanked open a drawer and fumbled around in it furiously, the sounds of things dropping to the floor with a clatter meeting his ears. Next came the barely audible clack of a plastic cover hitting then floor, then the two loud puffs as Mikey sucked in the medicated cloud of his inhaler. It was the worst feeling in the world knowing that he was the one to send his baby brother into an asthma attack.
He could hear his quiet gasps clearly through the plywood door. The way he was hiccupping slightly, trying to get his shuddering breath under control. It all broke Gerard’s heart, but he knew that he had to do this. He knew that if he didn’t too much would get leaked to the press. But he couldn’t let Mikey know the full situation. It would be better this way, or at least he told himself in his mind.
When the bathroom door cracked open a few minutes later, Mikey found himself alone in his room. Gerard’s clothes were no longer tossed to the ground with his onto the floor. The bed looked somewhat made, but was still messy and Mikey was pretty sure if he was to lay in it, it would still smell like him and Gerard and the heavy scent of their lovemaking. Crossing over to the window he peeked through the blinds, just in time to see Gerard look up at his bedroom window and then get into his car.
He wasn’t even aware he was crying until his vision blurred over too much to see, his hot tears falling freely down his face as he watched Gerard’s car pull out of the driveway and leave. He already knew where he was going. He was going to her.
***
After a night of tossing and turning, Mikey woke up to sunshine streaming into his face. With a grimace he rolled onto his other side, swearing under his breath to be woken up at the ungodly hour of….. 9:30 from what the flashing red display of his alarm clock said.
Blindly reaching for his glasses on the messy nightstand next to his bed he grabbed his glasses; knocking God only knows what onto the floor as he pulled the thick square rimmed glasses onto his face.
With a yawn he managed to glare at the window, thinking that the weather was too cheery to suit his mood. To him it should be raining and storming, almost like it had been the previous day. The thought of which had him frowning all over again, knowing that Gerard and that girl would probably be at city hall by now. All rosy and blushing to sign a piece of paper so they could be legally shackled together.
Downstairs he was correct in the assumption that he was alone. The kitchen felt lonely and cold as hey yanked the cabinet door open to get a bowl before moving to the refrigerator for the half empty box of raisin bran and the jug of milk that was two days shy of souring.
At first after he’d made his bowl of cereal he sat there at the kitchen table just staring into the bowl. He watched how the milk was instantly sopped up into dry cereal and he belatedly realized he’d added too much milk. Normally that wouldn’t have been a problem. He would usually just shove the bowl to Gerard and start over. But today he couldn’t, and that made his stomach churn uneasily.
The first thing he noticed about the cereal when it made its way into his mouth was that it was soggy. And the more he chewed the more it gummed up and congealed in his mouth, threatening to gag him with the sweet cold mush. But no matter how soggy it felt like he was swallowing cardboard on the way down.
To be honest with himself, Mikey wasn’t even hungry, not in the least. If anything his stomach felt sour and sore. But ever since he could remember Gerard had made him eat some type of breakfast, saying it was the most important meal of the day and that he was too thin as it was. He laughed to himself around a bit of the disgusting cereal.
His damn brother.
The one who was supposed to love him.
Was going to be a dad.
And was now a married man.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He was supposed to be with Gerard. The other girl was just a distraction from the press, from prying eyes. So everyone could just fuck off and let them be. But not, now that was all over.
He was jilted out of his thoughts as a strong arm wrapped itself around his shoulders from behind, his spoon clattering into the bowl as a pair of lips pressed a kiss to the crown of his head.
“Good morning Mikey.” Gerard’s voice muttered into his hair, his hot breath against his scalp. Mikey closed his eyes and grunted in response, making Gerard sigh and press another kiss to the top of his head.
The moments passed by and the only movement Gerard was to brace his hand up on the table as he held onto his younger brother. Mikey couldn’t help but stare down at the newly adorned golden band that circled around Gerard’s ring finger, sending a fresh wave of tears from his eyes, his glasses instantly beginning to fog up.
“I did this for you Mikey.” Gerard shushed him quietly as his arms tightened around Mikey’s shoulders.
“I don’t understand.” He said in a broken voice, his hands coming up to cling to Gerard’s arm. He could hear Gerard chuckle humorlessly, his fingers rubbing Mikey’s should lightly.
“I know. One day soon you will though.”
“I feel like I’m losing you.” Mikey whispered, his eyes burning with tears. Gerard leaned down next to him, arm still holding tight around his shoulders as his other hand gripped his little brothers chin lightly, making him look him in the eyes.
“I will always love you more Mikes.” Gerard said finally after a moment of them staring at each other, and then leaned in and captured Mikey’s lips in a soft kiss, the action causing an almost pained whimper from the younger brother.
“Always love you more.” Gerard repeated, trying to show with his eyes that he meant every word before pressing another quick kiss to his lips and walking away.
It wasn’t until Gerard was to the back door that Mikey finally noticed the black haired girl standing in the doorway. Gerard’s bride, there in her short white dress that clearly showed off her growing baby bump, stared right into Mikey’s eyes with tears of her own shining in her eyes.
It was a look that Mikey instantly knew everything. That Gerard was with her, but he would never be hers.