Sperm Donor Wanted

Chapter Text

Babies. Babies. Babies…everywhere.

Every time I come to this park it's always filled with small children. They laugh, they play, they run…to their mothers. What I wouldn't give to know the love of child, a child loving its mother. You know, that unconditional love that only a child can offer. That's what I crave. God I want a baby.

Now that my biological clock has been ticking for the past five years-and believe me you can sense that kind of shit -I am seriously feeling the funk.

My best friend, Alice, always tells me that babies are the key to lifelong happiness. She says the same thing about sex. Uh, yeah, we'll save that for another time. Because, lately, I'm not getting any. At all. Period. The end.

This is easy for Alice to say when she has a beautiful daughter, Dixie, that she dotes on, on a daily basis. Yeah, I dote on her too. I love that little girl to death. But damn it if I don't ant my own!

Drastic times call for drastic measures.

Chapter Text

"Why do you look like someone just stole your Rabbit?"

Alice. She knows me so well. And someone actually did steal my Rabbit, my vibrator that is. Yeah, laugh it up. I have my ideas of who did it. Too bad they don't make GPS for vibes.

"Screw you, Alice," I mumble because that shit really pissed me off.

"Oh, Bella," she coos. "You really need to get over that. I told you that I would buy you another buzzing bunny."

And she did. My bestie is the greatest. Through thick and thin she's there, ready to tackle the dildo buying task at hand. It makes me want to roll up my sleeves, do a fist pump, and yell "Vaginas Unite!"

I watch Alice with little Dixie. They are so cute together. Dixie is only 4. She's smart for her age and it makes my heart swell every time that I'm around her.

"Ansy Bwella nees a fuzzy bunny," Dixie mimics, almost.

Fuzzy or not, the kids has the right idea.

Chapter Text

Every time I come over here Alice always turns me into her walking, talking Barbie. By the time I leave her house I look like a two dollar hooker on half price night.

"Why do you always insist on plastering my face with this crap?" I am not having any of this. "It's like, what's that shit called? Bondo?"

Alice laughs. "It's not bondo, Silly. It's Pancake."

I throw my arms up, dramatically. "Oh, is that all?"

I need to make sure to Google 'pancake' makeup later.

"All done!" Alice does a little squee and claps her hands.

I roll my eyes at bestie and take another look in the mirror. I don't look that bad but I really hope it doesn't take a putty knife to pry this stuff from my skin.

"It's alright," I say as I glance at Alice who looks incredibly proud of herself.

I'm still sitting in front of the mirror when I feel a slight tug on my pants leg. I look down. It's Dixie, staring wide eyed at me.

"Ansy Bwella is pweedy."

Man, I love this kid!

A squeal rips from Alice. "I forgot! Jazz has this friend at work and I thought we all could…"

And this is where I tune my friend out.

Chapter Text

Don't get me wrong. I do appreciate the effort Alice puts out, trying to find me a man, a boyfriend, whatever.

There's just one problem.

The last time Alice set me up on a blind date the guy turned out to be related to Oscar the Grouch. It wasn't that he was 'grouchy'. He was stinky. I swear to whoever will listen, the guy smelled like onions and funk.

"Please, Bella," Alice begged. "I swear, this one will be just perfect. His name is James. He's really funny and…"

My hand shoots up. "Stop, Alice. Just…no."

Before she can oppose I bite the bullet and take the leap.

"Alice?" I say, taking a breath. "Have you heard from your brother lately?"

Chapter Text

Alice eyeballs me, her eyes narrow.

"Why?"

I roll mine. "No reason," I say, shrugging. "Just curious."

Again with the narrowing eyes.

"You have something up your sleeve," Alice says, waving her brush at me. "Let's have it."

I stand up a walk out of the bathroom, feigning innocence.

"I have no idea what you're talking about. I was just wondering."

I can feel her hot on my heels as I walk to the kitchen.

"Bella, you can't stand my brother. You never have, even when we were kids. Remember the incident with your diary?" She reminds me.

Yeah, I may have forgot about that incident.

"You're up to something. What is it?"

Before I gave any thought, I spin around and blurt out, "I want Edward's baby."

Chapter Text

I think the vein in Alice's neck just exploded.

"What did you just say?"

I nibble on my bottom lip. I think I taste blood.

I huff out another breath. "I want Edward's baby."

Alice's eyes currently resemble those of a fly, big, fat and bulging.

Her arms dart towards the Heavens before she hollers, "Are you insane? Have you lost your damn mind, Bella?"

Maybe I have.

"Look, Alice," I start. "It's just a little jizz."

"Just a little jizz?" There's that hollering again. "Just a little jizz, she says!"

I roll my eyes because, really, what's the big friggen deal? People do this all the time.

Don't they?

Chapter Text

Alice is pacing the kitchen, looking very similar to an expecting father, fingernails jabbed between her teeth.

I don't have time to think of something clever to say when Alice smacks both of her palms on the dining table.

"Look, Bella," she says, closing her eyes. She takes a deep, calming breath. "I understand your desire to have a baby. Believe me, I do. I just really wish that you would consider going about this the conventional way. You know, you meet a man, get married, and then make a baby."

I try to open my mouth to speak but Alice stops me with her hand mid-air.

"Like I said, I know you want a child of your own, but my brother? Seriously, Bella? I mean, he's not even suitable to wipe his own ass let alone make a baby with someone. Please tell me that you're joking about this whole thing."

I gape at Alice not really knowing what the hell to say now but I try.

"I know that I haven't seen him in years, but he didn't seem that bad, then."

A deep chuckle comes from my bestie's lips. "Oh, you have no idea!"

Chapter Text

I huff in frustration. "Then why don't you tell me."

Alice sits in front of me. She runs her hands through her hair. Edward had the same habit when we were kids.

"Remember when I told you that I haven't seen my brother in several years, since he moved to Central Washington?" she asks.

"Yeah, I remember," I tell her.

I actually haven't seen Edward since he graduated from the University of Seattle.

"Okay, well, he's not the same arrogant bastard he used to be," she replies. She looks defeated.

Perfect! I think to myself because, really, that's just great!

"And that's a problem why?" I ask because I seriously don't see what the whole issue is. This should be great news.

I know Alice is nervous when she starts biting on her thumbnail, much like she's doing now.

"Alice?" I urge. "What's wrong with Edward?"

Alice closes her eyes and takes a calming breath. "Let me show you."

A few minutes later Alice hands me a photo. I don't recognize the, um, what the hell is it?

"Who is this?" I ask, holding the photo up.

Alice cocks a perfectly groomed brow and stares me right in the eye.

"That my, dear friend, is my brother. Sasquatch."

Chapter Text

The word Sasquatch plays on repeat in my head. What the hell?

"C'mon, Alice, it can't be that bad," I say, folding my arms across my chest.

From what I can remember about Edward Cullen was that he was the hottest looking boy in all of Forks High, the town we all grew up in.

All the girls wanted him. The guys wanted to be him. Oh, and let's not forget the 'Cougars' of the town. Yeah, they did the happy dance every time that boy walked down the street. If they could have wore t-shirts that read 'Team Edward', I'm sure they would've.

Edward Cullen was the All American Boy of Forks, Washington.

Even when Edward graduated from college, he was still the "It" guy.

The guy came from a long line of beautiful people, smart, and amazing. Alice was proof of that.

"So, what," I start, "is he some overweight mountain man, gone feral, who's grown a bushy beard or something?"

It wasn't even possible.

Just as I ask the question, Little Dixie rounds the corner from her nap.

"I's wakeded up, Mama," she tells Alice. My heart squeezes hard in my chest.

Alice pulls Dixie to her. I wish like hell it was me wrapping my arms around my own child.

I feel the tears well up.

"I tell you what Bella," Alice says, sitting Dixie on her lap. "We'll take a trip to see Edward. Just be forewarned, you're in for a shocking treat."

I stay silent.

"And we need to bring," Alice starts, covering Dixie's little ears, leaning in and whispers, "a shitload of Lysol."

Chapter Text

Alice won't shut up. Her mouth is running like the Energizer Rabbit, It keeps going, and going, and going…

"Maybe you're going through a mid-life crisis right now. You're still young, but it's possible," she says as we speed down the freeway.

Dixie stayed home with Alice's husband, Jasper, who I might add tried as he might to change her mind about this road trip. The words he'd kept using were 'lack of hygiene and uncouth'. Who the hell uses the word 'uncouth' anymore?

Alice had told him that she was prepared, armed, and ready.

"Before we get there, please use the hand sanitizer I gave you," she says, smelling like Purell. I'm pretty sure she might have bathed in it this morning.

I huff in frustration because no one person can be that bad. "Alice, why don't you just tell me what the big deal is."

She shakes her head, gripping the steering wheel. "Let's just say a year after Edward graduated from college, the shit had hitith the fanith!"

I decided to ignore her, tune her out.

Maybe she's right about one thing, 'conventional methods'. And then again, maybe I am going through a mid-life crisis, and the desire to have a baby has been fueled by said crisis.

Three hours into the drive, and a long dirt road later, Alice chimes in, "We're here."

I must have nodded off because as soon as I open my eyes my mouth filter fails me.

"What the fuck?"

Chapter Text

Someone is punking me. I'm sure of it. Either I'm being punked or I'm in an old episode of The Twilight Zone.

A few junked out trucks sit in various spots in the front of the property, wasting away from time, rust, and weather. There are dead rose bushes planted against some fencing near the house.

The house itself is another story.

Brown and run down, it looks like it is sitting at a slant with a porch that is half attached to the siding of the home. The windows are a complete mess with torn screens. The rain gutters have detached from the monstrosity, and the shit brown paint is badly decayed.

A brown and black hound dog sits on the dilapidated porch. His ears in full flop mode. Even strangers don't make the furry guy bark.

"Who lives like this?" I mutter. My eyes are wide as I stare out the window.

"Sasquatch." Alice cringes as she vigorously applies Purell on her skin, all the way up to her elbows. "This is the home of Edward 'Sasquatch' Cullen."

Before I think of a smart reply, the front door swings open and hits the house hard.

The hound dog jumps as does Alice.

My eyes go even wider.

Maybe I will rethink this jizz collection business after all.

Chapter Text

Alice and I don't move.

My eyes are super glued in the direction of the front door when I see a figure step out.

It's him. I can tell by his size, or height, rather. The color of his hair, bronze and gold, is a dead giveaway.

He walks out, taking the front steps two at a time. That's when the cringing begins.

What the fuck?

His hair is longer, much longer. It's past his shoulders. It resembles a mop. The furry beast that has taken residence on his face is bushy to say the least, covering his once sharp, chiseled jaw line, and his plump kissable lips.

The t-shirt he's wearing is ripped in obvious spots. His blue jeans are covered in dried mud and dirt, and his boots are unlaced and grungy. He's a mess.

He's also pissed. I can tell.

He stalks up to Alice's car. His brows are furrowed, his eyes dark.

Why is he so angry? Doesn't he know it's his sister?

Before I can even think a loud roar rips from his chest.

"What the fuck do you want!"

Chapter Text

I'm convinced that there's something mentally wrong with Edward Cullen. There has to be. Maybe he's has a nervous breakdown. That would explain his mangled state.

"I said what the fuck do you want!"

I just stare at him as he stands next to Alice's side of the car. He doesn't acknowledge me. I'm kind of thankful for that. I seriously want to crawl up my own ass and hide.

"What the hell, Alice?" I ask because I seriously have no clue what the fuck is going on. "What's wrong with him?"

It's almost like that scene from the movie Cujo, the one where the rabid dog attacks the poor mom and her little boy in their car. I cringe at the thought of Edward foaming from the mouth.

"My God, he looks like Chewbacca," Alice all but whispers, wide eyed.

We are both stunned when a dirty, muddy quad rounds the corner of the house. A very large man is driving it. And an even larger blonde woman is riding bitch behind him, a Corona planted firmly in her grip.

"Jesus, it's Hillbilly Nation up in here."

Chapter Text

I swear I can hear the music to Psycho playing around me. Okay, it's just my imagination, but whatever.

I lean in close to Alice. "Mind telling me why the fuck Edward is so pissed off?"

"Long story," Alice grumbled, not even attempting to get out of the car.

I try to see Edward's face, but his body is too close to Alice's side of the car.

"You need to get the fuck out of here, Alice! Now! Take your fucking friend with you!" Edward roars. "You are not welcome here!"

My heart thuds in my chest when I hear him yell.

"What the hell, Alice?" I look at her, waiting for a reply. "What the fuck did you do to him?"

A single tear slips down her cheek. I feel bad but, at the same time, I have no clue what's going on.

"Talk to me, Alice," I urge.

"I said leave!" Edward's voice bounces hard off of every surface around the car.

I'm pissed.

As soon as I exit the car and my feet touch the ground, Edward is hovering over me, his expression changes. I can smell alcohol on his breath.

"Who the fuck are you?"

He doesn't remember me. Great.

Chapter Text

Have you ever been so scared that you feel the urge to vomit on spot? Yeah, well, that's me right now.

Edward is relentless. He's trapped against the car, arms encasing me on either side. His nostrils are flared, expanded to their limit.

He really doesn't remember me.

"I asked who the fuck you are," he spits, closing in on my personal space.

My heart rate speeds up as the heady smell of alcohol washes over my face.

I try not to look up into his eyes, but it's hard. They are still the same deep green I used to get lost in.

"I'm," I say meekly. I try again. "I'm Bella. Isabella Swan."

Instantly Edward's expression changes as his eyes look into mine for confirmation. I watch as his green pools roam up and down my body, quirking a brow as he goes.

He licks his bottom lip. His tongue brushes against the bushy rodent attached to his face.

I squirm a bit.

He sucks in a deep breath when his eyes catch sight of my lip between my teeth.

I'm worried. He hasn't said anything.

I bite down even harder.

I jump a bit as he reaches up and pulls my lip from between my teeth.

I look up into his eyes again. They've changed. They're softer.

Edward moves in closer. "It's good to see you again, B."

His voice hasn't changed. A visible shudder rocks through my body.

"You look good," he says.

I close my eyes and suck in an unsteady breath, remembering the boy I had a crush on years earlier.

He closes in and whispers in my ear, "But I want my fucking sister out of here."

Chapter Text

"You alright over there, Ed?"

I whip my head to the side, forgetting that Edward still had me pinned against Alice's car.

My eyes are cemented on the blonde Amazon who is glaring daggers at me.

"Yeah, Em, I'm good," Edward told the burly guy on the quad.

"Alright, man," the guy replied. "We're out!"

All too quickly the wheels on the quad spun, peeling out, and leaving dust in its wake.

I want so bad to check on Alice, who I'm certain is shitting her pants right about now, but I can't.

I can feel Edward's heavy, alcohol induced breath hot on my neck.

He's so close.

I chance a look at Edward. His eyes are darkened and now it seems like he's only inches from my face

"Why are you here, B?"

I suck in a breath. "Why are you mad?"

His jaw clenches. "Ask my sister."

"I asked you," I say, taking my chances.

"Just get back in the car and go home, Bella. Please," he says.

My heart clenches. I don't want to go.

"Why?" I ask.

Edward closes the distance between us. Those feelings I had for him when I was younger, those pesky butterflies, are all too present. His hot breath is lingering, hot and heavy, near my ear.

He whispers, "Just go."

Before I can reply, I watch Edward's retreating form.

I can't let him leave. This isn't right. They need to fix this, whatever this is.

I stand up straighter, dust off my clothes, and take a deep breath before I shout, "Wait!"

Chapter Text

Edward's feet continue to move.

I huff in frustration. I didn't come here for this.

My mission was simple, schmooze the guy a little, possibly get him drunk, and start collecting the 'Super Jizz'. But no, he has to go all wonky on me, being difficult; typical man.

Besides, I really want to know what the deal is between him and Alice.

I take in a heavy pull of air before yelling, "Would you fucking stop already!"

My feet move before my brain has time to process. Dirt flies up in all different directions as I scurry my way towards Edward, until I feel a thud across my chest.

Damn!

His back is hard to the touch, no doubt from muscles that are hidden beneath his shirt.

I feel like a complete idiot. I haven't always been graceful, and running right into Edward's back proves just that.

Edward's movements abruptly stop. He turns slowly. Now my face is buried in his chest as I am that much of an ass hat not to move. I get chills as I feel the hard pecks under his t-shirt resting against my face.

I can't move because, really, I'm too fucking scared to.

I feel the warmth of Edward's fingertip graze the underside of my chin. He slowly tilts my face up towards his and I instantly melt. Passed the face fur, grime, and semi-scowl, are the soulful eyes that have haunted every one of my fantasies for the last several years.

With his brows knit Edward mutters, "What do you want, B?"

"What happened between you and Alice?" My breath is shaky but I stand firm, waiting for a reply.

"Maybe you should ask Ali..." Edward starts, looking behind me. A chuckle rolls from his lips. "Too late now."

That's when I hear it.

When I turn around another fluff of dust is being kicked up as I watch Alice's Prius zoom away.

"I'm gonna kill her!"

Edward laughs. "Join the club."

Chapter Text

All I can do is stand, cemented to the dirt, as I watch the dust billow around me.

Thoughts of killing Alice play in a steady loop when I suddenly realize that I am stranded in the middle of nowhere.

I turn around and Edward is gone. The only living breathing thing around me is the old hound dog lying on the porch flat on his back.

Feeling rejected by not one, but two Cullens, I slowly make my way up to the dilapidated porch. I sit on the rickety step and stare at the dog.

"How's it going, buddy?" I ask the furry canine. A slow moan seeps from the dog. "You and me both, dog. You and me both."

I have no idea how long I'd been sitting on the porch when I hear the front door creak open.

I don't bother to look up. I know it's Edward.

"You still here?" he asks.

"Yep. Just enjoying the view." Where the hell else am I going to go?

"You call someone to pick you up?"

"Nope. My cell phone is in Alice's car which is currently on it's way back to Seattle." I huff in defeat, burying my head between my legs.

"Won't your, um, husband or boyfriend be worried about you?" Edward asks, as he clears his throat.

My stomach turns.

"If I had one of those I wouldn't be here right now," I whisper into my lap.

"What was that?" he asks.

I whip my head up, frustration at the brink.

"I have no boyfriend. I have no husband. No children." My stomach begins to flip and I can feel the tears start to form. "And as of this very moment, I have no cell phone, no purse, which means no money, no credit cards, and no I.D. to take to the bank." I suddenly feel nauseous. "So, I'm basically fucked."

I don't know if it was my rambling or the use of the word 'fucked' but Edward's eyes instantly darkened several shades. He runs his tongue along his bottom lip and shakes his head.

"I must be out of my mind," he says, looking past the trees that lined the driveway. "C'mon inside, Bella. We'll figure this out."

Chapter Text

"Do you have a phone I an use? I'll call someone to drive out to here and pick me up."

"Don't have a phone here," Edward says as he walks back into the house.

Say what?

"A computer?"

"Don't have one of those either," he replies.

"Do you at least have indoor plumbing?" I ask incredulously, because really, if he tells me that I have to shit in the woods, we're gonna have us a really big problem.

I shake my head at his lack of modern technology and instantly step back as I enter the house.

It isn't bad looking, not like the outside. It looks lived in, homey, comfortable. There's actually not much to the small place.

An old side table greets guests in the front entryway. Nope. No phone there!

We walk further, reaching the living room. A brown worn out couch sits against a far wall with an end table housed against it.

"You live here?" I ask, feeling out of place.

A funny look crosses Edward's face as he cocks a brow.

"Remember the big buy riding the quad today?" I nod, remembering quite well. "He lives here."

"And the woman?"

"Rosalie, his girlfriend."

"So, where do you live?"

An audible sigh rolls from Edward's lips. He nods in the direction of the back door. "C'mon. I'll show ya."

Chapter Text

I cautiously follow Edward out the backdoor.

I seriously must be smoking crack.

Isn't this the part where the audience yells, "Don't follow the scary man in the woods!"

Yes, I must be on some good shit.

"You live in the woods?" I ask because, really, there's nothing back here but a barbeque pit, some chairs, and a table.

If he shows me an underground bunker or a fucked up old tree house, I'm out.

A small chuckle escapes from his lips as he shrugs. "Maybe."

I continue to follow blindly behind Edward, stumbling every few feet over branches and tall grass that have taken over the large yard.

Edward is a few feet in front of me when I say, "So, what happened between you and Alice?"

His footfalls slow as he reaches a large gate. The he turns to me then, his brows creased in the middle. "Have you ever had everything you've ever wanted and dreamed about ripped from your life? Have you ever been so happy one day, and so ungodly miserable the next?"

I nod my head because I did know the feeling.

I lost both of my parents to a fatal car accident, taking both of their lives. It was like having your soul violently sucked right out of you.

"Well, I had everything, everything I ever dreamed about, desired, wanted, until one day I woke up and poof, it was gone."

Edward's eyes are trained on a thicket alongside the house.

"My sister could've warned me about her but the bitch didn't. She let me fall flat on my face."

Her?

"I don't understand," I say, wrapping my arms around myself, instantly feeling awkward. Not to mention scared shitless that I might end up face down, ass up, mauled by a bear or something.

Edward blew a heavy breath, sadness playing on his face. "I was engaged, Bella. Everything was perfect. We had it all."

Why didn't Alice ever mention this to me? I silently ask myself.

"What happened?" I ask, hoping that I wasn't crossing any lines.

A venomous sound crept up his throat before he said, "I came home from work one evening and the bitch was gone. She cleaned out the bank account, took the cars, and wiped out the safe. My house looked like someone had broken in and ransacked the place."

A spark of anger shot through me.

"And what does this have to do with Alice?" I ask.

Edward looked me in the eyes. "She was Alice's friend. Alice set us up."

Well, damn!

Chapter Text

Edward motions to a 4-wheeler that's parked just behind the gate. It's full of mud, grunge, and God knows what else.

"What?" I ask incredulously, looking between him and the machine.

"Get on," he replies.

"I'm not getting on that thing," I say, shaking my head.

Ten minutes of arguing my case as to why I won't ride on the Death Machine From Hell, I am squished up against Edward's back, bracing my arms tightly around his chest as he takes each bump with gusto. My eyes are glued shut.

I still have no idea where we are heading and try to figure out why my idiot body feels so compelled to follow this angry man.

I mentally face palm myself because Alice was right, Edward was a dick to me when we were kids. Apparently the insanity meter just kicked up a notch.

I squeeze Edward even tighter and remember when I was a young, stupid teenager, always pining away over him. He was such a good looking guy. But this? This hairy man-beast look he's sporting? He seriously needs an extreme intervention, complete with a shaving kit and hair clippers.

And then my thoughts gear in another direction as we hit a bump that I'm convinced will leave a nasty bruise on my ass cheeks.

Why didn't Alice ever tell me about this spat that she and her brother have been having? We always tell each other everything. I knew he had been seeing someone at one point, but Alice never elaborated further on the subject.

My brain is stuck on auto pilot when the 4-wheeler begins to slow.

I detach my face from Edward's backside and look up. My breath hitches in my throat. I am in absolute awe.

My eyes are wide as saucers as look over at the gorgeous log home and say, "This is beautiful. Who lives here?"

With my hands still wound around Edward, I feel him sigh. "I do."

Say what?

Chapter Text

"You live here?" I say, pointing toward the beautiful rustic home.

This has to be a joke.

"You surprised?" Edward cocks a furry lopsided grin as he climbs of the four wheeled death trap. "What? Did you think I lived in a damn tree?"

He offers me his hand. I take it. Suddenly I'm closer to him, he pulls me closer. I can feel his breath against my face.

"You really shouldn't judge a book by its cover, B."

I'm beginning to think he's right.

I follow Edward up the front steps that lead to the front door of the amazing home. Edward opens the door and steps aside, allowing me entry.

My feet stop. Something doesn't add up.

"I don't get it," I say, looking around at my surroundings. "Why the façade? The house back there," I say, jabbing my thumb behind me.

Another smile plays on Edward's furry face. "You haven't changed, Mrs. Kravitz. Still nosey as ever."

I don't get a chance to respond.

Edward enters the house, leaving me standing on the porch in shock.

"Wait!" I say, picking up my step as follow after him, remembering that the backwoods duo is somewhere around here riding into the muddy beyond.

As soon as I cross the threshold I am taken aback.

"Holy fuck," I mutter.

I don't see Edward around. I decided to venture further, keeping my eyes peeled.

The entryway is breathtaking. The staircase looks like it had been intricately carved out of humongous pieces of wood.

I enter the living room next. The fireplace is what catches my eye. A lot of time and effort looks like went into building the massive stone piece. The wood that surrounds the area is smooth as I run my finger over the surface. The open expanse of the room is inviting and comfortable.

My eyes trail along the space, never seeing anything this gorgeous before in my life.

Then a thought hits me.

Edward looks like something from the Stone Age, sans the club, but he lives in such a beautiful home.

"Still so fucking beautiful," a voice softly mutters out.

I jump a bit and turn around to find Edward leaning against a door frame.

"Oh, beautiful? Yeah, you're, um, house is beautiful," I say.

Edward bows his head and chuckles lightly. "Yeah, okay."

Chapter Text

"So?" I say, clasping my hands together. "No phone here, either?"

I look over at Edward and a small smile still plays on his lips.

He clicks his tongue. "Nope."

For some reason I think he's lying to me.

I purse my lips. "I guess it's gonna be a long walk back home."

I don't give him a chance to speak as I walk past, suddenly feeling a sense of loneliness.

I brush past Edward, trying to squeeze between him and the wall. He doesn't budge. My arm lightly touches his and in an instant a spark heats up my skin, causing goose bumps to prickle.

Edward's arm slowly creeps up as his hand grips the door frame, successfully stopping me.

My breath hitches in my throat. I stop and close my eyes.

A heavy grumble creeps up Edward's chest and asks in a low voice, "You leaving?"

"Yes," I say, though my head is telling me not to.

Edward drops his arm and slips inches from me, allowing me to pass him.

When I reach the front door I put my hand out and grasp the knob. I take a deep breath and close the solid wood door behind me.

My feet move across front steps as my heart screams at me to run back to Edward.

My thoughts are cast aside as I reach the last step.

The front door swings open and a low, breathless voice calls out, "Or you could stay."

Chapter Text

I open and close my mouth a few times but nothing, absolutely nothing, comes out.

Edward isn't the same person he was years ago. Hell, neither am I. However, I didn't grow up to resemble a fucking Yeti!

I know my purpose for coming here.

I need jizz, little swimmers, funky spunk, a little protein shake, some pecker spit. Whatever you call it, that's why I'm here.

I know that if I look past the fur, which I might add…is totally freaking me out, I could accomplish getting the love liquid very quickly.

I bite my lip, a bad habit I've had since I was a kid, and look up at Edward. He's standing there, arms stretched above his head, his hands resting on the wood frame.

I can't help but wonder if a tiny rodent might jump from his bushy beard. Hell, I'd try to jump from that scary hairy mess too.

My feet dance on top of the dirt, making small patterns as my brain and my heart fight for control.

Before I can speak my decision, an all too familiar rumble flies up the dirt road.

It's the Backwoods Quad King sans the blonde Amazon.

"Yo, E!" the Quad King yells. "The shoe'rs here. Didn't know he was coming today. Whad'ya want me to tell him?"

The Quad King tosses me a wink. I throw up a bit in my mouth. Disgusting.

Edward looks over at me as I chew on the inside of my cheek.

"Tell him I'll be right there."

The Quad King drives off into the muddy beyond, and I'm left standing here, wondering, what the fuck should I do?

Chapter Text

"My truck's outta commission, but I can see if Charlotte can drive you into town when she comes by later today. Until then, you're more than welcome to stick around," Edward says, coming off the porch and walking toward me.

"Who's Charlotte?" I ask.

"My housekeeper."

My eyes shoot wide open.

Edward looks like a Yeti, kinda smells like yesterday, but he has a housekeeper? Oh yeah, and this beautiful house?

I don't get a chance to answer him or ask the millions of questions running through my head.

Edward walks past me and hops on the dirty quad. For a minute I weigh the situation. Not only do I need to get back to my house, but there's my job at the magazine.

The roar of the dirty death trap snaps me back to the now.

"You coming, B?"

I take a deep breath and my feet start to move.

I hold on tight, wrapping my arms around Edward's chest. I breathe him in. His scent has changed. He put cologne on. I inhale deeply.

I lace my fingers together and smash myself against Edward's back. I love the feel of man against my body. It's been too long.

I open my eyes and take in the natural beauty that surrounds me as we continue to ride.

Our speed starts to slow, slow, slow, until we come to a stop.

When the noise of the quad stops, there is a thud, thud, thumping. I turn my head around to face the sound.

"Oh my God!" I say. "They're beautiful."

The mixture of browns, whites and blacks zip past me in a blur.

"Are they yours?" I ask Edward.

"Every last one of them," he says, resting his elbows on the handle bars.

"Wait," I say, realization hitting me. "You own a horse ranch?"

"Sure do. I run cattle too."

My mind is a mixture of questions and disbelief.

"This is truly amazing, Edward."

He chuckles, holding his hand out. "C'mon, B, walk with me."

And…I do without hesitation.

Chapter Text

"So, what exactly do you do here?" I ask, taking everything in.

"Well, most of these guys," he says, pointing to the various horses, "are here for boarding. And some are here for training."

"Training?" I have absolutely no idea what he's talking about.

"Rosalie, the blonde you saw back at the house, well she gives riding lessons to the local families in the area who can't afford to pay for lessons for their kids."

I try to wrap my mind around this recent development.

"So, you just give horseback riding lessons for free?" I ask incredulously. Because, honestly, I have never heard of anything like this.

Edward and I keep walking.

"Well, not really for free," he says, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Most of the kids work here during the summers. They help take care of the horses, they clean up after them, feed them, groom them, just about anything."

"You make them do this?" I ask.

A huff falls from Edward's lips. He stops his footfalls. "Bella, I would do this for these kids even if they didn't help. It's not about the money. It never has been."

I don't respond, letting the information he just revealed sink in. The same information that now makes Edward seem like a saint.

"So, why the caveman look?" I ask, with my best 'serious' face firmly in place.

A boisterous laugh rips through Edward's lips and I watch as he doubles over in laughter. It's actually pretty nice to see.

"What?" I ask because I really can't understand what's so fucking funny. "You look like a damn grizzly bear!"

Our feet begin to move.

Edward's expression has changed. It kind of makes me feel bad about the comment I made.

"I guess I do. I dunno. I guess I just haven't had to impress anyone. Until now that is," he says and I can feel his eyes on me.

My heart thumps hard against my chest.

Before I can respond we reach a big red barn.

"It's time to get to work," Edward says, slipping from my side.

I slow my steps and take a look around.

"What am I doing here," I whisper to myself as I stand alone.

Or so I think.

"I dunno what the fuck you think you're doing here, Missy. But, if you break that man's heart, I will kick your ever loving ass." Someone says harshly.

I turn to see the scowling face of the blonde Amazonian on steroids.

Oh great…

Chapter Text

My eyes go wide and my heart speeds up.

"Excuse me?" I say, feeling the sudden urge to bolt.

The blonde purses her lips. "You're that bitch, right?"

My palms feel clammy. Oh hell, where's Edward?

"I don't know who you're talking about," I mutter.

The blonde is rather intimidating. She's tall. I swear, she has to be about six feet. Her hair is beautiful, though, long and blonde. I silently wonder if she always keeps it up in a ponytail.

"Are you," she asks, picking something from between her teeth, "the bitch that fucked him over?"

"No! No," I say as I shake my head like a damn loon. "I'm an old friend of Edward's. We go way back. I would never do anything to hurt him."

Amazonian eyed me up and down before saying, "We'll see about that, now won't we?"

I watch as the scary blonde whips her head and walks away.

Yep, I need to find a phone fast…really, really fast!

Chapter Text

"You okay?"

I jumped a little, and I might have even squeaked, at the sound of an unfamiliar voice.

"Whoa! Didn't mean to scare ya.," the muscle bound, chaps wearing guy says, holding his hands up in the air. "Bella, right?"

I nod my head as my heart scurries from the deep confines of my ass, finding its usual spot in my chest. This guy almost gave me a heart attack.

"Good, good," Muscles says, looking a little relieved. He shoves his hand out. "Name's Jake. Pleasure to meet ya, Bella."

I reached out to shake his hand. "Same here. Um, do you know where Edward is?"

Jake nodded. "Yeah. He asked me to come get ya. He's in the arena. C'mon."

All righty now…let's go.

"So, how do you know Edward?" I ask, following behind Jake, who incidentally is really nice…and really tall.

Jake moves his hand and reaches inside his back pocket. He pulls out a round can and begins to open it.

"I've known Edward since he moved here. My family owns the land behind this one," he says, jutting his finger to the trees behind Edward's house. "When the ranch became a working business, he asked me to foreman for him."

I really wanted to ask Jake if he knew the story about Edward's ex-fiancé but I thought against it.

I looked over at him, waiting for the conversation to continue when Jake dipped his fingers in the round can that he'd pulled from his back pocket. He pulled out a large pinch full of dark black tar and swiftly stuck it behind his lip.

"Gross," I mutter because, really, that is some sick, nasty ass, shit.

"Ah, you get used to it," he says, smiling with a fat lump behind his lip.

We keep walking until we reach a large paneled area that I assume is the arena that Jake was referring to.

Without warning, my breath catches, and I ramble out a strangled, "Oh shit."

Chapter Text

The overwhelming urge to cry, scream, and throw a fucking temper tantrum ricochets throughout my body.

My ovaries feel like they just exploded, taking my uterus and fallopian tubes with them.

The scene is beautiful and heartbreaking all at the same time.

Until…Suddenly…

I don't see pretty Unicorns wrapped up in rainbows. Nor do I see a short, fat leprechaun shitting shamrocks out of his ass.

No. Neither of these things do I witness.

But I do hear…

"Oh, damn, Girl! You alright?" Jake's voice sounds muffled and shaky, and a million miles away…The laughing bastard.

As I finally get my wits about me that incessant, full body blush starts to creep over my skin.

"Damn, that fuckin' sucks, Mama!" Another voice booms. "Fuckin' aye, you're in there good and deep, ain't ya?"

From the sound of his voice, and the ever present stink emanating from his body, I realize it's the horrid hillbilly, quad riding, Emmett.

As I try to brace my hands on the flat surface of the ground, I loose the fight.

I'm down again. Nose almost touching.

The sound of thump, thump, thud gets closer. Closer, closer, closer.

"You two dumb shits gonna stare at her all day, or help her up?"

At the sound of his voice, and just the simple fact that he sees me in my current predicament, my former body blush turns into hot molten lava.

If I never meet a pile of cow shit again, I will be grateful.

Opening my eyes, I'm met with the smiling face of Edward.

And the first words out of his beautiful mouth are, "Damn, B…you stink."

Chapter Text

I can feel the hot tears start to form in the corners of my eyes. So embarrassing.

I think Edward notices because in a swift movement he's helping me to my feet.

"Let's get you back to the house and cleaned up," he says as he leans in close to my ear, placing a hand on the small of my back.

A shiver creeps up my spine from his soft, gentle touch.

"You two," he says, pointing to Jake and Emmett, "finish up with the shoer, will ya?"

"Sure thing, Boss," Jake replies, a small smile plays on his lips.

"Ya got it, Ed," Emmett says as he winks at me. "See ya later, Mama!"

Five minutes and a Walk of Shame later I find my self standing in Edward's guest bathroom, smelling like funky cow ass.

As I sit on the edge of the tub and wait for Edward to bring me some clean clothes, I can't help but think of what I saw before I was met with a pile of hot, steaming shit.

I go over the scene in my head and remember the way my heart ached at the sight of Edward straddling the beautiful horse. But that wasn't what got me.

He had a young child nestled in front of him, laughing and giggling as he trotted with her around the riding arena.

The little girl looks nothing like him so I highly doubt she's related. But that doesn't matter. It was Edward's smile that did me in. Every time the little girl would giggle, Edward's smile would widen. He looked so content.

I want that.

I'm pulled back when a knock sounds on the bathroom door.

"Come in," I say, taking a big whiff of myself, judging the stink.

The door cracks open a fraction and Edward sticks only his hand inside the door. "Here you go, B."

I sigh. "You can come in."

I watch as the door opens further and see Edward's bushy face pop around the frame. His cheeks lift slightly.

"All I could find is an old pair of sweats and my old football jersey," he says as he bites his bottom lip. "Hope that's all right."

I nod because, really, anything is better than staying in shit covered clothes.

"Thanks."

"Everything you need is in the shower. Sorry I don't have any girly products in there," he says.

"Anything will do right about now."

A low chuckle passes his lips. "I was gonna fix some lunch. You hungry?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

Edward eyes me for a moment.

I feel the embarrassment kick back into gear.

His eyes turn darker.

A shudder rips through me.

"It really is good to see you again, Bella. Really good."

With his last words, Edward closes the door and I'm left with the horrible task of ridding myself of cow shit and humiliation.

Chapter Text

It doesn't take me long to peel out of my crappy clothes, tossing them not so gingerly to the side. If I had it my way, I'd toss the damn things in the trash can.

I slip out of my bra and panties and have the sudden urge to do a happy dance.

I test the water in the shower and step inside. It feels so damn good.

As the warm water floods over my body my mind races back to Edward. Again.

I close my eyes and run my hands through my wet hair as the water races down my back.

I see his eyes. They're dark and hungry, as his gaze penetrates hot on my skin.

I ache. Fuck, how I ache.

I run my hand over the soft mounds of my breast, grazing the tip of my finger over my hardened nipple.

I want more.

I need more.

It's been too damn long.

My fingers continue to roam down my chest, slipping across the flat surface of my belly.

The need is strong.

Fuck I need to get laid.

A small moan escapes my lips as my fingers dance over my aching, hot center.

It's bare.

There's nothing in the way.

I brace my left hand on the wall and allow my right hand to continue its journey, throwing my head back once my fingers slip inside.

It feels so fucking good.

I moan again.

I need so much more.

My thoughts drift to Edward's arms, thick and strong. His hands and their steel grip.

I push my fingers deeper, deeper, deeper.

"Oh fuck," I whimper. "Oh, yes."

I pump my fingers three more times, feeling the all too knowing coiling tighten in my belly.

"Fuck, fuck," I mutter, pulling my fingers from my slickened pussy.

I'm not there yet. Something's missing.

I dip two fingers back inside my wanton flesh, drawing out its sweet, creamy nectar. I find my aching, throbbing clit and I rub.

I rub harder, harder, harder.

I can feel it.

"Shit," I say to no one in particular, as the coil continues to wind tighter, tighter, tighter. "Oh, fuck!"

Chapter Text

When I saw her coming here with my sister Alice, I seriously had no idea who she was. She's not the same mousy little girl she was when we were kids. I mean, Bella was pretty and all back then, but she looked nothing like she does now.

Truth be told, I'd always had a crush on her.

When I'd realized it was Bella standing beside Alice's car, all of those feelings of a 'boyhood crush' washed over me. It feels like a pull you can't control.

Alice is another story. I have no idea what possessed my sister into thinking that she was even welcomed at my home.

I haven't seen Alice in years. I heard through the grapevine that she'd gotten married and had a kid. There have been times that I've wanted to call her, get her side of the story, but I just don't know if I can trust her again.

Besides, I have a great life now, one without all of the drama of the past.

Now here I stand, in front of my bathroom door, listening to the water running in my shower. Oh, did I mention that there's a fine looking naked woman in it?

I listen intently at the sound of the water when realization hits me.

Holy shit, is she?

I press my ear up to the door, trying to hear the sound again.

"Shit."

Oh fuck, there it is again.

Bella. Is. Masturbating. In. My. Shower.

Bellaismasturbatinginmyshower!

I feel the pushing against the fly of my jeans.

Fuck my life!

I grip my jean covered cock, trying unsuccessfully to ease the strain.

"Oh, fuck!"

Jesus, fuck! There she goes again!

Sweat starts to form over my top lip. This shit's even more unbearable when you have all this hair on your face.

Maybe it is time to shave.

I run my hand over the bulge in my pants, giving it a good palming, wishing like hell I could whip the fucker out and give it a good once over.

But I can't. Bella is in there…in my bathroom…in my shower…naked…masturbating.

Maybe if I just…Oh shit…again?

"Oh yes, Edward! Right there! Fuck me right there!"

Fuck my fucking life! Did she just say…that? Oh my God... it has been way too fucking long…fuck!

Chapter Text

Oh, shit! Shit, shit, shit!

I take a deep breath. In, out, in, out. Yeah, like that fucking shit works!

I still cannot believe that Bella is getting herself off in my shower. Can. Not. Believe. It!

Okay, I can admit when I'm a complete tool. And earlier, I was a complete tool when I didn't realize who she was. It'd been so long since I had seen her last.

Now. Now she's here, looking mighty damn fine, and she is in my shower flicking her bean like it's going out of style.

Fuck, now I'm craving beans!

Go in, don't go in? Go in, don't go in? Go in! No! You can't, Dumbass!

I brace myself and take a few deep breaths.

But if I go in, would she really mind? I mean, she does sound like she's in need of some 'meaty' assistance.

Fuck! Quit thinking like that. She didn't come here because of you. She came here because of your sister.

And then I remember why I'm standing at the door in the first place.

The bag.

I look at the plastic bag I have in my hand. I grabbed it for Bella's shit covered clothes, and forgot to give it to her. Complete tool.

I run a hand through my hair and give it a tug, still feeling the tightening in the crotch of my pants.

Calm the fuck down, Junior! She ain't here for you.

I'm still leaning against the door, going over the events of the day.

I didn't see it coming.

I didn't hear anything.

"Ugnf!"

Damn, that hurt!

"Edward?" Bella squeaks out. "What the hell? Were you listening against the door, Edward?"

I look up at her from my place on the bathroom floor, where I just so happened to land when the door suddenly opened.

I close my eyes, breath again, hope like hell my cock is behaving, open my eyes, lift the plastic bag in the air and smile.

"Bag...Anyone?"

Chapter Text

"Bag…Anyone?"

Is this guy for real?

I stand in the doorway dressed in Edward's old sweat pants and high school jersey.

No I didn't sniff them. Okay, maybe just a little. Needless to say, they smell like dust and age. Kind of like they way Grandma Swan used to.

"How long," I say, swallowing thickly, "have you been standing by the door?"

The look on Edward's face doesn't get passed me. His eyes go wide and the sweat above his brows is thick.

Oh dear, God! Please don't say he heard me in there!

"Not long," he says in a voice that's an octave higher. "I just thought you might need a bag for your, um, your clothes."

I wrap my arms around myself, feeling extremely overexposed, although I'm completely covered.

You cam here for his funky spunk, Bella! And now you feel exposed?

"Thanks," I mutter, sticking my hand out. "Need help?"

As soon as the skin on Edward's palm touches my own, my breath hitches and my heart speeds up.

That feeling is still there. The searing ache between my legs pulsates over and over.

My inner whore wiggles her ass, and smiles gleefully.

It doesn't help my current predicament.

Edward doesn't know why I really showed up here.

Fuck my life.

I tug on his arm, giving him a quick pull until he's up on his feet.

Our faces are mere inches apart.

I can feel his breath on my face. It's minty.

"Thanks for the shower," I say, giving him a small smile. "It feels great not smelling like a cow's rotten ass."

Edward leans in and takes a long whiff. "Yeah, you smell good," he says, quirking a small grin. It doesn't escape me that he just licked his bottom lip.

God, he needs to shave that damn squirrel off of his face.

"Hungry?" he asks, nodding toward the kitchen.

"Yeah, a little," I answer.

Edward motions for me to exit the small space first.

"After you."

As I walk past him, I hear a low growl rip from his chest.

He's so close.

God, if you can hear me…I'll never ask you for anything else…just please make him forget what he thinks he might have heard.

Chapter Text

"Ham or turkey?"

Oh, I'm not in the mood for ham or turkey. A protein shake would be nice, though. Please and thank you!

"Ham, please," I answer.

"Mustard or mayo?"

Oh, mayo you say? The white creamy stuff? The baby batter? Yes, Edward, please give me your creamy goodness.

"Mayo," I reply as I squirm a bit. The thought of Edward's baby batter makes my mouth water.

"Cheese?"

Cheese? Uh, okay, now that's just nasty thinking of men, cheese, and beef torpedoes in the same thought.

"No, cheese." I shudder.

I sit patiently as Edward makes us lunch trying to figure out my next move. Actually, I'm trying to figure out why this guy doesn't have a phone.

I should've asked that guy Jake if he had one.

I wonder when that Charlotte lady will be here. Maybe she'll have a phone, or can at least drive me to town.

I look out the window and watch the sun start to disappear around the back of Edward's house.

Great.

I hear the sound of clanking silverware and look up to see Edward's tongue poking out as he starts to sink his teeth into his sandwich.

Oh God, that tongue!

"Here," he says with a mouthful of turkey as he slides my plate across the kitchen island.

I eye the cold cut goodness, and reach down to pick it up. As it reaches my lips, I nearly choke when the next question comes flying out of Edward's mouth.

"So Bella, what's the reason for your visit?"

With mayo on my lips, horror in my eyes, and a lump the size of Kansas in my throat, I swallow hard.

There goes my appetite!

"Well Edward, here's the thing…"

Chapter Text

"Well Edward, here's the thing…"

But before I can go any further…

"Yo, Ed!"

That voice sounds familiar.

"Where ya at, Numb Nuts?"

Edward shakes his head. "In here, Emmett."

Oh fuck, here comes the dirty hillbilly.

"Sorry," Edward says, "he barges in sometimes."

I smile flatly.

"Hey, Ed, we're…" Emmett says quirking an eyebrow in my direction. "Hey, Clarabelle! Get all that cow shit washed off ya?"

I immediately cringe, not because of the talk of cow shit, but because Emmett smells like ass and pits.

"Leave her alone, Em," Edward warns.

Emmett walks closer to me. Too fucking close.

"Ah, it's alright, Clarabelle," Emmett coos, throwing an arm over my shoulders. "We all stink like shit at some point or nother round' here."

Oh, hell no! The pit…the pit stink!

I must be turning green because the way Edward is looking at me is confirmation that he knows of the funky smell his friend is wafted in.

"Emmett, can you get your stinky pit off of Bella's shoulder?" Edward asks, his own shoulders shaking.

The laughing bastard.

Emmett looks at me and smiles, slipping his arm from my shoulders. He tilts his head, burying his nose in his armpit, and takes a big whiff.

"That's what you call hard work, and real, all man, Clarabelle! Ah!"

My stomach turns, flips, and flops.

Jesus, I think I'm going to puke.

"So, what brings you by, Em?" Edward asks, passing his grungy friend a beer.

"Everything done out there?"

"You know it, E. The shoer just left, and Jake took Emily home. The rest of the guys spilt for the day."

"You on you're your way home?" Edward asks, taking a long pull from the neck of his beer bottle.

I take a deep breath because, really, that shit just made my inner whore whimper.

"Yep. Just wanted to let ya know that we're gonna que it up later if ya wanna stop by."

Okay. I know I am an educated woman. At least that's what my degree says. But seriously, I must be a fucking moron because of not being able to understand Billy Bob over here and his freakin hickphonics, at all!.

"Oh, and you're welcome to come too, Clarabelle! Bring that skinny little self of yours and let Rosie plump ya up some," Emmett says, eyeing me up and down. A serious look planted firmly on his face. "Ya look like you could use some fat ass ribs and some tater salad."

"Emmett," Edward mutters, shaking his head.

"Ah, Ed. Sugar Britches over here knows exactly what I'm talkin' bout. Don't ya, Clarabelle?"

Someone shoot me, shoot me now!

"So, ya gonna swing by, Ed? Bring this lovely gal with ya?" Emmett asks, sucking the remnants of his lunch through his teeth.

Edward looks over at me as I bite the inside of my mouth.

"Maybe, Em."

Emmett looks between Edward and me. His eyes widen.

"Gotcha! I'll just show my own ass to the door," he says, looking over at me. "C'mon, Clarabelle. Come get ya some meat later on. See ya later, E!"

I eye the greasy hillbilly as he walks out the kitchen, scratching his dirty ass. Did I mention that he picked it too?

I think I just threw up in my mouth.

"So," Edward says, bringing my attention back to him. I can hear that awful quad speed away. "…what do you say? Wanna go?"

No! No I don't want to spend valuable time and air with Billy Bob and his Queen of Trailer Trash! Absolutely not!

"Sure, why not?" I say.

Edward sighs. "Cool. Make yourself at home. I need to shower."

Yes, shoot me now!

Chapter Text

Thirty minutes pass. Thirty long minutes, and Edward still isn't out of the shower. What normal man takes that long to clean himself?

Oh, that's right. Edward isn't normal. He's got about fifty pounds of hair attached to his body that needs sifting through to make sure that there isn't any critters running through it.

That's just all kinds of wrong.

How did Edward go from being sex on legs to Groucho the Grunge Master?

He seriously needs a weed whacker.

I wonder when that lady Charlotte is coming over. I need to find out if she has a cell phone because the first thing I'm going to do is call Alice and rip her a new one!

But first, I need to figure out how to get back to Seattle.

I could call Angela, but that means that Ben will come with her, and I seriously don't want to be around when they make googlie eyes at each other the entire car ride home.

Maybe Jessica will pick me up. Scratch that. She's probably sucking off her boss as we speak.

Fuck! What am I going to do?

There's always the bus, but that means dealing with weirdoes the entire trip. I guess it wouldn't be any different than dealing with Emmett.

Good grief. Why did I agree to go with Edward? I must be a glutton for punishment, as if I haven't had enough of that today. This evening can't possibly go well.

I sure hope Charlotte…

"Ready, B?"

My breath catches in my throat, and my heart literally stops.

I think my vagina just had a heart attack.

Scratch that...

I think my inner whore just stroked out.

Chapter Text

Oh, good fuck!

I do a couple Kegels until my vagina involuntarily twitches.

Yep, we're good.

I cannot believe it. If I wasn't looking at him right now, I would be convinced this was a joke.

Sex on legs is back. And fuck if my inner whore didn't just pass the fuck out again!

"What?" Edward asks with wide eyes. "Something wrong?"

I think it's cute how he looks at himself, possibly trying to find the problem, but he won't find one. He's down right beautiful.

I shake my head because, really, there is nothing about the way Edward Cullen looks right now that could ever be wrong.

I can't help but stare.

His hair is shorter. He obviously cut it himself. It's not botched, it actually looks good. It almost looks the way it did when we were kids, sticking up in every direction; sex hair. He runs his hands through it, shaking out the last bit of water left from his shower.

His beard is gone, well, almost. He must've taken my silent advice and took a weed whacker to that thing. There's still a light dust of stubble covering his perfect jaw but at least now you can see that sexy, chiseled thing. His lips even look fuller now that the furry rodent has been eliminated. Those lips look, so, so, kissable.

The inner whore in me is stirring again, opening one eye, and waving her white flag in surrender.

I feel the same way.

God have mercy, and the way he's dressed should be illegal.

The tight white t-shirt shows off the defining points of his ripped chest and arms. The tight denim covering his ass is sinful, exposing the slight curve in his hips and the rounded shape of his ass. The black cowboy boots on his feet even look hot.

But the hottest thing on Edward right now isn't the t-shirt, the jeans, not even the boots. Huh uh, no way. The hottest thing about him this very moment is that he's wearing that white Stetson.

When I was younger, the cowboy look never appealed to me. But Edward makes it look so fucking good.

He coughs.

I snap my attention back to his eyes.

He gives me his trademark crooked grin and a cock of his brow.

I gulp because, really, that just did me in.

"You ready to go, Bella?"

I squeeze my legs together in hopes of keeping the Hoover Dam from exploding, and nod.

"Yeah."

"Well then," he says, holding his arm out. "Shall we?"

There goes the white flag down, down, down. The whore is in a pile of goo. She scrawls a message in the sand, slowly, and effectively it reads, "Whore down."

Chapter Text

I can't stop staring. It's like my eyes are permanently glued to Edward's ass, which, I might add, looks mighty juicy in those jeans.

I need to stop, though, because with my luck I'll probably trip over the air that separates the two of us.

The whore notices and smirks. I know what she's thinking. I beat her back, and give her a good thump on the forehead. This is really not the time for the hussy to wake up and show herself.

But damn if he doesn't know how to work the whole cowboy look.

He smells good too, spice and woods.

Apparently he wants to walk to the Hillbilly Hoedown. I follow behind him, as we continue down the narrow path. I don't mind…the view is fabulous.

In the distance I hear loud music playing. People are laughing and carrying on.

God, look at the way his cheeks move under that denim. Yum.

I don't get another spare moment to ogle.

"After you," Edward says, and all I want to do is meld against him.

"Thanks," I mutter, taking in my surroundings.

It's not the same house that I was at earlier this morning. This is much nicer. I wonder who lives here because, really, Emmett the Wooly Booger cannot possibly live in this place.

I walk through the gate that Edward is holding open for me, and stop dead in my tracks.

"Hey, Clarabelle! You made it!"

Oh my God! Why on earth is Emmett wearing only his boxers, which I might add have Pinocchio's face attached to the crotch, nose sticking proudly at attention. And, on top of that, he is also wearing his high a hell cowboy boots with socks peaking up from the tops. Oh yeah, and a big ass straw hat planted firmly to his vacant dome!

Jesus, I pray to you that you will watch over me tonight…and please don't let me catch whatever Emmett the Wooly Booger has…please! If you do this for me, I promise to be a good girl forever.

"Make yourself at home, Clarabelle! I gotta take a poop!

Jesus…help…please…

Chapter Text

Oh God, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

"Did he just say what I think he said?" I ask Edward, or so I think.

When I turn to my left Edward is nowhere in sight.

My heart begins to speed up as I look around. There aren't many people here, and the ones that are here aren't dressed like, or shall I say undressed, like Emmett. These people are clothed and, surprisingly, look sane.

There's still no sign of Edward.

My heart races to the pit of my stomach when I feel a light tap on my shoulder.

Please don't let it be Emmett! Please, dear sweet Jesus, don't let it be him!

I slowly turn around.

"I see you haven't left yet."

The Amazon's brow is arched, and her lips are pursed. She eyes me up and down, looking like she has a bad taste in her mouth.

"You remember what I told you earlier, right?" she asks, lifting the neck of her Corona up to her lips. She takes a deep pull. "I don't want to see him hurt."

I sigh in frustration.

Maybe she senses that I had ulterior motives for coming here.

She eyes me some more.

"Do you know where Edward is?" I mutter.

"Yep," she replies, disgust still deep in her eyes.

My inner whore flips the Amazon a double bird.

"Whatever."

I turn to walk away, because, really, I have no interest in being anywhere near Trailer Park Trixie.

I head for the gate, and place my hand on the handle when I hear a, "Wait."

I take a deep breath, because I seriously have the urge to slap a bitch.

I look at the Amazon. Her expression isn't as harsh. The wrinkles in her forehead are gone.

"You sure you're not here to fuck Edward over?"

I cock a brow, irritation in full swing.

She isn't going to break me.

For some reason, I think we have a silent understanding.

"Well," the Amazon says, looking at Edward's old clothes hanging loosely off my body. "We need to do something about those. "C'mon, follow me."

"Oh, sweet Jesus, what now?"

Chapter Text

"I'm not wearing that."

If Rosalie thinks I'm slipping my legs into those tiny scraps of fabric, she's got another thing coming.

"And what's wrong with it?"

"It's…it's…barely there!"

Can she not see that "things" might very well flop out?

"There ain't a damn thing wrong with this outfit, Missy," she says, holding up the checkered material. "It covers everything that's important, and then some. Besides, it might do you good to loosen up a bit. You seem tighter than a vagina at a nuns' convention."

Seriously? She went there?"

The whore laughs uncontrollably, her shoulders shake in hysterics as she nods, agreeing with the Amazon.

"What the hell are you getting at?" I ask incredulously.

Rosalie sighs as she sits on the bed.

"Look, Bella. I saw the way you gave Edward them googlie eyes. I actually thought it was cute," she replies, bringing her beer up to her lips.

Wait…

"You thought it was cute?" I ask, feeling slightly annoyed. "What happened to kicking my ass and all that shit?"

An audible sigh creeps from Rosalie's lips. "Edward has been through a lot, and I do mean a lot. He's helped me out when no one was there, hell, he saved my life…and he's helped Emmett."

Rosalie looks lost in thought.

"I used to work at the local tavern," she starts, as I sit on a chair opposite of her. "You know those kind where the skimpier the clothes, the better?"

I nod, even though I have no point of reference…other than what I've seen on TV.

"Well, this one particular night, a week after Edward moved to town, I was working late at the tavern, and...when I was leaving, alone, in the dark…"

I feel my stomach turn.

"Let's just say I owe that man a lot, Bella, he saved me that night, and I don't want to see him hurt. He deserves more than that So, I hope you're here with good intentions, cause' if you ain't, I'll break ya."

I need to get out of here.

But once again, I am stopped by Rosalie.

"Here, try this it's…um…a little more conservative."

Chapter Text

"Now, saunter those baby makin' hips out that door, and grab yourself a cowboy," Rosalie says, smiling brightly at me.

I straighten out my back, and tighten the knot Rosalie constructed on the white button down as the material rides up my waist, showing off the skin around my mid-section.

The outfit isn't as bad as the one Rosalie tried to squeeze me in earlier.

Without looking out into the crowd, I take the back steps slowly, since I'm wearing Rosalie's boots and I'm unsure if they're going to send me sliding to my death.

Once I reach the bottom, I run my hands down the front of Rosalie's skin tight jeans, giving them a slight tug around the thighs, hoping that the suffocating denim hasn't given my vagina a bad case of camel toe.

My inner whore gives me the thumbs up.

I try not to make eye contact with anyone around me. I reach my hand up to my head, adjusting the beige straw cowboy hat that Rosalie insisted I wear. I feel kind of ridiculous having never worn anything like this outfit before.

It's not everyday you go from city to country in less than twenty four hours.

"Well, hot damn, girl. You're lookin' mighty fine, Darlin'."

With my head geared toward the ground I see a pair of brown muddy boots, and get a whiff of liquor wafting around me.

When I snap my eyes up, I'm caught off guard by the dirty, grungy guy standing in front of me. Hell, he makes Emmett look like a GQ model.

"The name's James," the putrid man says, eyeing me with his beady eyes, like I'm a roll of summer sausage. "You got a name, Darlin?"

Before I can make an escape from James the Creeper, I feel a warm hand on the bare skin of my back.

My breath momentarily catches, when the sound of his sexy, silky voice dances close to my ear.

"Excuse me, James," Edward says, lightly squeezing the flesh of my waist. "This one's already taken."

Oh dear, I think I might need to ask Rose for a clean pair of underwear.

The whore nods, panting heavily.

Edward leans down, his breath causing goose bumps to gather on my skin, as he says in a husky tone, "C'mon, baby girl, let's get a drink."

He turns to look at James, and I think I see a slight smirk appear on his lips…smug sexy cowboy bastard.

My inner whore screams, and I agree.

Chapter Text

"Thank you," Bella mutters in a low voice, wrapping her arms around her stomach. "That guy's kind of weird."

I nod, agreeing with her because James is definitely a fry short of a Happy Meal.

"You alright?" I ask, hoping that she doesn't feel too uncomfortable. "We could go back to my house."

Bella shakes her head. "It's okay."

I find us a couple seats near the back of the small crowd.

"Want something to drink?"

Bella nods, tucking herself into the seat.

I reach into the cooler that's planted next to us, and pull out a couple beers. I hand one to her.

I can't help but stare a little. She's gorgeous. So much different than the girl I knew so many years ago. And dressed like this, well, let's just say it's causing one hell of a party in my jeans.

Stupid, cock blocking Emmett. I could kick his ass. So what if his stupid potato looks like a vagina. It wasn't that important enough to drag me away from this beautiful woman the minute we arrived. Because of him, and the potato…she almost got a little too close to James, which could have ended badly. Stupid potato. Stupid Emmett.

I chuckle as I remember the look on Emmett's face. Sick fucker.

"What?" Bella asks, as she catches me looking at her. "I knew it. I look funny, don't I?"

Funny? Did she just ask that? She thinks I'm laughing at her? Oh, no…

I shake my head. "No, no you don't. Definitely not…no."

I notice that our knees are close to touching. I have the urge to run my hand up Bella's calf.

"So, I take it that you and Rosalie played dress up?"

Bella looks at me with wide eyes. "You mean she played dress up. I just sat there, forced into it I might add. She and Alice would get along great."

I chuckle because she might just be right about that.

I watch Bella as she brings the neck of the bottle to her lips. Her tongue peeks out as she opens her mouth, and wraps her lips around the rim.

The party in my jeans is now in full swing.

I take a few breaths, and try to calm myself. It doesn't work. I'm still hard as a rock, and in some serious need of friction.

"Wanna dance?" I lean over and ask.

Just a leg. All I need is a leg…or a hip.

Chapter Text

I think Bella may have had one beer too many. Not that I'm complaining because it's cute watching her giggle up a storm.

"Still wanna dance?"

With droopy lids Bella nods.

I smile, and stand up, reaching my hand out for her to take.

"Thank you," Bella says, slightly unbalanced. A giggle escapes, as she bites her bottom lip.

So fucking cute.

There are a few people on the floor, but I don't care. I just want to get her in my arms. I can't even believe I'm saying that right now. I never thought about having a woman in my arms since that bitch left me.

But Bella, she seems so different than her.

She's standing there, in front of me. She looks so tiny. I slowly pull her to me, loving the way she gasps when our bodies connect. Maybe it's the effects of the alcohol, maybe not. I don't care. I want her close…I just want to revel in the moment.

The song that's playing is perfect.

I slip my hand around her left side, letting my forearm rest on the small of her waist and take her right hand into mine.

We're so close.

I can feel her warm breath my shirt, and it sends chills across my skin.

So amazing. So right.

Bella rests her head on my chest. It's probably for support because her body feels slightly heavy against my own.

The perfume she's wearing is addicting. I could sniff her for days on end, and get lost in it.

It's my new favorite scent.

Once the song starts to gear up, Bella's hips start to move. The movement is slow, sensual, and deliberate, as her mid-section starts to bump against mine.

I remove my arm from around her waist, and slowly trail my hand up her back.

She feels so good under my touch.

My fingers finally reach the nape of her neck, lingering for a bit as I rub the area there. I feel her shiver, and she nestles further into me, continuing to rock her hips.

It's all I can do not to take her right here.

I need to watch how far I go with this. I'm not sure it's what she wants. But I can't help myself; it's been so damn long. I just need to feel her under my palms.

I let my fingers gradually wind through her hair, as I rub a little more, feeling her meld into my touch. She shivers again.

When Bella suddenly turns around in my arms, and starts to move her ass against my crotch, I feel a shudder rock through my body.

Take deep breaths, Edward. It's still early, and I have a feeling, this is going to be a long night.

Chapter Text

Oh God, what am I doing?

Well, seeing as though my ass is still gyrating against Edward's crotch, which I might add is hard as hell, I guess I should know the answer to that question.

I'm acting like my inner whore. She has finally overpowered me.

The hussy nods her approval, as she wiggles her ass erratically.

Edward feels so strong, like steel against my back.

And God, the way his hands grip my waist feels so, so good.

"You smell amazing," he whispers in my ear, causing me to shudder with lustful excitement.

"So beautiful," he whispers once again.

I can feel the arousal building between my legs, as the all knowing slow ache burns a scorching fire that quickly sets my body ablaze.

My inner whore holds up her sign reading, Get em' Gurl!

She's such a hussy, and I'm starting to believe that I am too, as I relax further into Edward.

The way this song bumps and booms intensifies and heightens my overly worked senses.

As soon as I feel the soft touch of Edwards hot lips massage the skin on my neck, right below my ear, I'm done for. The flood gates instantly open, and I can feel the creaming between my thighs start to pool in my underwear.

Edward's kisses are long and lingering. His tongue pokes out every so often, making my nipples perk up and harden. It's almost painful.

"Why was I so stupid not to see you?" He says in almost a question but I know it wasn't for me to answer.

I feel him start to pull away, almost removing his hands from my body.

"Don't," I plead. "Don't stop."

I grab his hands, placing them back on my needy body.

A deep growl rips up Edward's chest as he wraps his arms around my waist, encasing me in his strong hold.

Without thought, I bring my arms up, clasping my hands to his head, letting my fingers glide around the back of his neck. I continue to rock against him.

Edward blows a hard breath from his nose, and quietly says, "We should stop Bella, before this goes too far."

The whore protests. Her fists are balled, stretched to the sky, as she falls to her knees, and begins to whimper.

Then she suddenly cries out a silent 'No'.

At Edward's words, I release his bronze locks from my fingers, and twist my body in his arms.

I cup his cheek with my hand. "Do you really want to stop Edward?"

Without a word, or a spoken answer, Edward's lips crash against mine, searing me in a hot, hungry kiss.

The whore collapses on the floor, writhing in passion.

And I give in to desire I've been hiding for so long.

Chapter Text

Where ya goin'?"

"It's getting late, Em, we're gonna head out."

Emmett looks at me dumbfounded.

"But we ain't even played beer pong! Ya gotta stay for beer pong!"

"Maybe next time, Em," I say shifting slightly, trying unsuccessfully to calm the boner in my jeans.

Emmett looks between Bella and me, his eyes go wide. He crooks his finger, motioning for me to step aside.

I reluctantly release Bella's hand, stepping aside. "What?"

"So, um, why are ya leavin'?" He asks, wiggling his brows. "Got a hot date with Clarabelle?"

I roll my eyes. "Em, she's tired, we gotta go."

"Ya gonna dip the sausage? Glaze the taco? Pound the punanni pavement? Give her the bone? Hide the salami? Storm the cotton gin….."

"Enough, Emmett!" I yell under my breath, hoping like hell Bella didn't hear him. "And if I was…gonna glaze the taco… it's none of your damn business."

"C'mon, E, you can tell me," he urges, nudging me with his elbow.

If Emmett wasn't such an idiot I would seriously pound him into the pavement.

"There's nothing to tell, Emmett," I say, trying to walk back to Bella. "I gotta go."

I only move an inch when Emmett pulls on my shirt, crooking his finger again.

Holy crap! Now what?

"What, Emmett?" I ask in an irritated tone.

"Okay," he says, shifting his eyes from side to side, and then digging into his back pocket. "Here, take this."

What the hell?

"What's with the condom?" I ask because I know he and Rosalie have been trying to have a baby. Then an idea hits me. "Are you cheating on Rosie?"

Emmett shakes his head wildly. "No, no. Sometimes she likes it when I sheath the dragon, ya know, like if we were still datin' or somthin'."

"Okay," I drag out, because that just doesn't make any kind of sense whatsoever.

I swipe the rubber from between Emmett's fingers, and stealthily shove it in my back pocket.

"Alright, Man," I say, slapping Emmett on the back, "see ya later."

I walk over to Bella and slip my hand in hers. She smiles up at me with lazy eyes.

Before we can make it out of the back gate, Emmett decides he needs to have one final say.

"Sheath the dragon, E! Sheath the dragon!"

With a roll of my eyes at Emmett's remark, I toss my arm over Bella's shoulders, pulling her close to my side, and say, "C'mon, baby girl, let's go home."

Chapter Text

When we reach the bottom of the stairs behind Edward's house, a sudden sexual charge descends over me, like a massive rippling wave, gearing straight for it's intended target.

I can't control the current that has built up between Edward and I. My thoughts are only on getting naked, and getting laid.

The whore holds up her sign with one hand reading, Do it! Do it!, while doing a fist pimp with the other.

I put her out of my mind because I seriously need all the brains cells I can conjure up to make this work. I need a clear head so I don't fuck it up by vomiting all over him with all of the liquor I just ingested.

I need him so, so much. To be honest, even that cucumber back at Emmett's house was looking pretty doable.

My hands swiftly move to Edward's hair pulling his face down to mine. His kiss is hungry and full of so many promises. It's almost scary.

"You are so goddamn beautiful," he says, kissing me back with such fervor.

I love the way he's making me feel.

He backs me up and my rear bumps against the patio table. I think I may have even squeaked a little.

He slaps his hands on the table, one on either side of my body, encasing me, as I become entrapped by his arms.

I feel something poke against my belly and my breath catches. Hard isn't even the proper word for what he's got knocking at the fly of his jeans.

Every time he presses against me, the steel behind the denim surges forward.

My heart is racing.

His green eyes gaze at me with such fierce intensity. I gaze back at him, my eyes locked on his.

I lick my lips as my eyes roam over his face, landing right where I want to kiss him.

"Kiss me again, Edward," I say, spreading my legs wider to give him a nice, warm spot to plant his fine ass.

Edward leans forward, his eyes darken to a deep olive. It should be illegal how absolutely gorgeous this man is, not to mention the way his stare does things to my body. Sinful.

"Kiss me," I say again while my body hums from the alcohol.

Edward doesn't respond with words.

His lips crash against mine. The kiss is urgent, forceful. I kiss him back with the same amount of passion.

Edward's hands move to my neck, pulling me in closer as he gives me everything he has in just that kiss.

Fiery sparks shoot through my veins. My body ignites, and my senses are on high alert.

"Let's get these off," he says, as he pops the button of my jeans, and quickly starts to pull them down my legs.

His breathing is labored. So is mine.

"Now these," he says, hooking his fingers at the waist of my underwear.

He slides them off as I start to sway a bit; the alcohol taking its effect.

"Goddamn you are fine," he mutters, and I smile with my eyes close.

My shirt is still on, but that's okay. This is what I need; impulsive, spontaneous.

I think I hear the faint sound of a zipper, but I must be wrong because Edward's expert hands are back on my body.

I feel his lips connect with my neck, and his breath dance across my nose. It's so sweet.

Then one word…one question…stops me dead in my tracks.

"Condom?"

Ah, crap!

Chapter Text

Seeing Bella naked from the waist down, spread out is nothing short of perfection. And it doesn't help that my cock is harder than a metal pipe.

The look on Bella's face is hard not to notice. She went from sexy and confident, to scared and unsure in a matter of minutes.

What did I say?

I watch as her eyes flicker lazily down my body, and that's when I notice how much of a tool I really am.

I'm still dressed, and holding a condom in mid air. Wonderful.

I look away from my denim covered woody and whip my gaze back at Bella. And that's when I hear it.

Oh no she didn't.

Her snoring is deep, almost a growl. In with a breath, and out with a rippling snore.

I tap her thigh. Nothing. I tap again. Nothing. I give her a little pinch on her hip. Nothing. I light slap her ass, hoping that would make her budge but it all it did make my dick harder than before.

I run my hand through my hair because I seriously have a massive problem in my jeans that isn't helping matters much.

I decide to ignore the raging bull in my jeans, and crouch down to pick up her discarded clothes.

As soon as I stand back up I wished I hadn't.

Bent at the knees, and vulnerable as hell, I watch Bella's snoring form as she turns her body to the side, in the fetal position, and lets out the most daintiest of farts. It sounded like her butt cheeks are almost glued shut as the gassy air blows down wind. It wouldn't have been so bad if my face wasn't right in the line of fire.

Fuck my life.

Chapter Text

I'm dead.

I've got to be fucking dead.

At least that would explain the pounding currently turning my head into a pile of mush.

Or, maybe I'm in Hell.

I crack open an eye and look for Beelzebub. I close my eyes because the pitchfork wielding masochist is nowhere in sight.

And then I hear it.

The grinding sound of a lawnmower is not exactly what one wants to wake up to first thing in the morning, especially with the mother of all hangovers.

I wince, trying to move around. Everything is stiff. I feel like I've been run over and thrown to the wolves…after being thrown out of a speeding car.

I rub my legs together. I can feel a slight draft as the blankets move.

The whore cackles.

My eyes spring open as I pull the blankets back.

Oh my God!

"What the fuck?" I mutter, looking at myself from the waist down. "Where are my pants?"

Wearing only a pair of panties, my heart starts to stammer.

Before I can wrap my head around why I am half dressed, it dawns on me that I'm in Edward's house, in Edward's bed.

I lift the blankets again. "Yep. Half naked and in Edward's bed."

The whore points at me, doubling over in a fit of giggles.

I peer over the side of the bed. Nope, no clothes there.

Noticing that the bedroom door is open, I gently and slowly grasp at the blankets as I ease out of the bed, trying as hard as I might not to let them slip.

And, because I'm such a damn klutz, my foot gets stuck in the sheet, and I go tumbling out of the bed.

"Shit," I mutter out, rubbing my head that just so happened to hit the dresser.

"Nice underwear."

I close my eyes, embarrassed, because my partially bare ass is proudly sticking up in the air while Edward stands, hovering over me.

"Looking for these?" He asks.

I quickly recover, wrapping myself in the traitorous sheet that had failed me mere seconds ago. When I finally turn, I see Edward's crooked smile dancing on his lips.

"What happened last night?"

He shrugs.

"Edward, why am I half naked?"

He smiles again.

"Edward! What the hell happened last night?"

"What do you think happened last night?"

And with that, the whore cocks a brow and licks her lips, and begins to sing the words to 'Your Body Is A Wonderland'.

Bitch.

Chapter Text

Bella looks so damn cute all pissed off and mortified, with her hair fucked in every direction.

I remember back when we were kids and she and Alice would sneak our dad's Rum upstairs, thinking they were grown enough for the tough stuff.

Truth be told, all those two did was sling back a couple of shots and they were out for the count. Some things never change.

"Are you going to tell me what happened, Edward?"

"Nope."

Little Miss Sassy Pants thinks she's going to get away with the shit she pulled last night so easy, she's got another thing coming.

I throw on my Stetson, fully ready to get my day started, when Bella's small frame pops up in front of me, wedging herself between me and the front door.

"Where are you going?" She asks, her brows connecting.

Ah, she wants to be a little spitfire now. We'll just see about that.

"Last I checked there ain't no one around here that I've got to answer to but me. Now if you don't mind," I say, nudging my way past the tiny brunette.

An audible huff resonates from Bella's mouth as she crosses her arms over her chest.

So damn cute.

"Well, what the hell am I supposed to do here all by myself? Hell, you don't even have a phone!"

I chuckle at the last remark. If she only knew.

"Edward?"

Did she just stomp her foot?

"What?" I ask, spinning on my heel. "What?"

As soon as I turn around my stomach tightens, flips, and flops as I watch Bella's wide chocolate eyes gaze over at me.

God, she's gorgeous. Even if she looks like she's been rode hard and put away wet, smelling like day old funk, she still looks beautiful.

"What am I supposed to do?"

I hang my head because I know I could tell her the truth about actually having a phone.

And, no to mention the fact that my truck isn't really broke down. If I come clean now, she'll be pissed and run like hell back to Seattle.

There must be an alternative…

"Ever ridden a horse?"

Chapter Text

Is he serious?

"Straddle it, Bella."

Did he just say that…no, he didn't.

I'm gonna die.

"I am not going to get on that thing. What if it throws me off?"

I watch Edward shake his head, and I truly don't care how much of a petulant child I sound like, I am not straddling that thing.

Motioning to the horse I say, "This large, hairy creature could kill me, Edward, squish me like a bug and there is nothing…"

And with out warning, Edward grabs my hips and tosses me over the top of the horse as my ass lands perfectly in place.

"Are you fucking insane!" I yelp, squeezing the hell out of the horse's mane, positively sure my ass cheeks are clenched uber tight. "You could've launched me over the side!"

The horse makes a sputtering noise, as Edward begins to chuckle.

Oh, so now they're both laughing at me!

"You've lost your damn mind!" I spat, hugging the furry animal tightly.

And as quickly as I was tossed up, Edward mounts the horse right behind me.

I whip my head around and see that goofy lopsided grin playing on Edward's lips.

The horse begins to move around, and I feel my heart start to stammer. I swear to all the baby cherubs, I think I just shit myself.

I squeeze tighter to the animals mane, as Edward slowly runs his hands down my arms, unraveling my fingers.

Settling his palms over my shaking hands, he takes them in his grip, leans in close to my ear and softly says, "Trust me, Bella. I would never let you fall."

A sudden shudder rocks through my body as his breath tickles my ear.

The whore thrusts her thumbs in the air, nodding in the affirmative.

And with one last squeeze of his hands Edward whispers in my ear, "Let me take you for a ride, B."

Straddle…ride…

I am so screwed.

Chapter Text

The whore is on cloud nine. She's such a pervy perv, pushing out her boobs and fluffing out her hair, seductively. She's so torrid.

This dysfunctional whore, she needs a name…She's around so much lately, I have to call her something…whore just doesn't cut it anymore!

She smiles at me, wiggling her perfectly manicured brows, and holds up a hot pink blinking sign that reads, "Nyddi, bitch".

Bitch? Really? Oh no, she didn't just call me a bitch!

"Bella?" Edward calls out behind me, pulling me back from my mental malfunction.

Nyddi the shameless whore sighs, rubbing at her pert nipples.

I shake my head because, really, my therapist would have a field day.

I feel Edward scoot closer.

He smells amazing. I whip my head to the side, taking a tentative whiff.

Something's poking my back.

What the…oh God!

Nyddi throws her head back, spreading her legs wide, crooking her finger, mouthing the words, "Come hither, Cowboy."

I shake my head, causing the whore to stumble backward, flipping me the bird in the process.

I blow out a breath, as I adjust my butt, not sure whether I should scoot up or scoot back.

Decisions!

"Thought I lost you there for a minute," he says.

"Just thinking." About that damn boner in your pants!

"About?" Edward asks.

"I dunno," I reply, feeling the horse start to slow, as we reach a lake near Edward's property.

As the horse stops along the lakeside, my breath catches in my throat. I feel Edward's hands grip my waist, as he presses his fingers in my hips, leaning close to my ear.

"Bella…You ready to get off?"

And with that, I'm a dead h00r…

Chapter Text

"So, how long have you lived here?" I ask Edward, sitting a safe distance from him because, really, I don't think my mind can function much longer being so close to him.

"A while now. A few years I guess."

"What about you," he asks, picking at the grass beneath his legs. "What has Isabella Swan been up to all these years?"

I watch Edward's detached expression as he looks past the lake.

"Nothing really to tell," I say, hugging myself.

Edward cocks his head to the side, and eyes me skeptically. He doesn't believe me.

"As I remember, you were really smart in school. You must've landed yourself a pretty stable job."

Stable? Yeah, if you call answering emails from women who have more issues than an over used tampon, a pretty stable job.

"It's alright. Pays the bills I guess."

A chuckle rolls from Edward's lips, as he shakes his head.

"What?" I ask.

"Nothing," he chuckles again. "Just thinking."

I raise a brow in question.

"Do you realize that you were the first girl I ever had a crush on?"

"You're lying," I tell him, because he never showed any interest. "You always had your eye on the popular girls."

Edward nods, confirming my statement.

"You're right. I did. But that never changed how I felt about you, how I saw you."

A slow silence envelops me as I let this new information sink in. How did I not know?

I chance a look at Edward, watching as he sucks in his bottom lip. God, he is so sexy.

"So," I say, clearing my throat. "You wanna tell me why I woke up this morning half naked and in your bed?"

And that's when my breath catches.

My body stills as Edward leans in closer to me, his eyes trailing over my face, as he slowly runs his tongue across his bottom lip.

He is so close, so, so close, I can feel his breath on my cheek…then he speaks, in that voice that makes me clinch my legs tightly together, and oh so slowly he says…

Bella, it's kind of hard to describe how that happened with words…but….if…you want…I could show you."

I swallow hard, and close my eyes.

"Then…then show me."

Chapter Text

Isn't that cute…

If I didn't have enough restraint, I would seriously take Bella on the ground right now.

But, I have the restraint...I do…

This is gonna be too damn easy.

I can't think with her lips all pouty like that, slightly puckered and waiting.

I lean in even closer and whisper, "How badly do you want me to show you?"

Bella sucks in a deep breath. "Really, really, bad."

A smile etches across my face for what I'm about to do but she deserves it. She really deserves it after that stunt last night.

"Okay. Don't move," I say, giving her a lingering peck on the cheek, and loving the shudder that visibly rocks through her body.

She's ready, but not for what I have in store for her.

I get to my feet, moving a few feet away from her. Sucking in a deep breath, I remove my Stetson and place it on a nearby log.

Bella's eyes are still screwed shut. "Edward?"

It's almost funny how her voice cracks.

"Just another minute," I reassure.

Making sure her eyes are still closed, I wave my hand in front of her face. Yep. Closed.

I finger the hem of my tee shirt, and pull it over my head. I toss it off to the side.

I can feel the deep rumble.

I take another breath, and run my hand through my hair. A small chuckle escapes me as I think about how Bella might react when I'm done.

"What's so funny?" she asks.

"Oh nothing," I say, figuring that she's probably getting impatient. "A few more minutes, okay?"

A sigh tumbles from her mouth. "Okay."

I shake my head because Bella is even stunning even though she looks confused, with worry playing across her face.

Back to the task at hand, I remind myself.

Fingering my belt buckle, I unfasten it, giving the zipper a small tug, only releasing it a small fraction.

Slowly I kneel down beside her, taking my original spot, except this time I lay down with my legs spread eagle. My arms are flailed to my sides, and I close my eyes. I don't say a word.

Silence takes over…more…more….more…until…

"Edward! What the hell?"

Chapter Text

Oh, God! Oh, God!

"Why? Can you please explain to me why?"

A smirk spreads along Edward's contorted face.

Is he pushing?

Nyddi covers her nose, gagging, as she shakes a finger back and forth.

I know how she feels, slapping a hand over my nose and mouth, as the retched smell blows downwind.

Edward's face begins to relax, as he throws his arms behind his head, closes his eyes, and smiles up at the sun.

"You," I tell him in a muffled tone, because I still have my hand securely attached to my face, "are freak'in disgusting!"

A deep, boisterous laugh rips from Edward's mouth, as he clenches his hand over his chest. He ends up in a fit of coughs.

"Me?" he points to himself. "I'm the disgusting one? No lady, I am not the disgusting one!"

I prop my hands on my hips and glare incredulously down at him.

"What the hell are you talking about? You're half naked, and just shit YOUR pants!"

The smug bastard is still on his back, as he shrugs his shoulder, placing his Stetson back on his head, tipping it down to cover his eyes.

"Shit happens when you party naked." Edward's signature grin is placed firmly back in place.

What? What the hell is he talking about? The babbling bastard!

I mentally run last night's events on fast-forward rewind, trying to remember what in the hell happened.

We went to Emmett's for a barbeque. Rosalie loaned me some of her clothes. Edward and I drank some beers. He and I danced a little. We…

I see Nyddi sitting off to the side, pointing at me, cackling like a loon.

I shake her off, trying hard to remember….Oh…Ohmygod!

I throw my hands over my face, feeling the heat of my embarrassment start to prickle over my skin.

I…I cannot…

"Remember now?"

Edward's voice swirling below me jolts me from my thoughts. My eyes spring open, and I can feel the tears start to well up.

Everything about last night floods me, from the dinner to the blazing make-out session on Edward's patio, to the…to the…

How? Why would I do that?

"I…I am so embarrassed, Edward," I tell him. "I'm so sorry."

I spin on my heel and start to bolt for Edward's house, taking bigger steps as I go.

"Bella!"

I don't stop.

"Bella, wait!"

I move faster, wrapping my arms around myself, when I hear the sound of Edward's horse coming up behind me.

But that's not all I hear.

My head snaps up to find…what in the hell?

"Yo, E!"

It's a guy, he's naked, and on a quad. What the fuck! Why?

"There's a problem at the stables. Red's sick, man!"

Who the fuck is Red, and more importantly, why in the fuck is that guy naked?

I jump when I feel something grip my shoulder.

It's Edward. And he's still shirtless.

I think Nyddi just keeled over.

"I'll be right there, Ty," Edward responds to Naked Quad Man.

I squeeze myself tighter, and suck in my bottom lip as Edward just stares at me, his eyes searching.

I want to be invisible…I just want to disappear…

Edward reaches out with his hand, and there's worry in his eyes.

"Come on Bella, we need to go."

And before I know it we are heading off in the direction of the barn, and I can feel his bare chest and arms all around me…

For the moment, I forget last night, and just ride…

And Nyddi, that inner whore of mine, is panting so loud, as she tries desperately to catch up with us!

Chapter Text

Shit…maybe I went too far.

But goddamn it, she wanted to know what happened last night, so I fucking showed her. I mean, she did the same thing.

She wanted to know.

“I’m sorry, Bella.”

She stays quiet, not acknowledging me.

“Bella, I said I was sorry. You asked me to show you…and…well I did.”

I watch behind Bella as she takes a deep breath.

She’s pissed.

I think.

“No, Edward. I asked you to tell me, but you took it upon yourself to…to…to do that,” she spat, cringing.

What the hell? I thought it was harmless. I mean, Emmett farts around Rosalie all the time. Why is that so bad…

I cringe at the thought. Don’t get me wrong, I totally love the guy like he was a brother, but sometimes I’d like to take him and…

I mentally face palm myself. I just pulled an asinine move that actually made me resemble Emmett. Not to mention the silent but deadly fart I let out minutes ago that could’ve been deemed deadly in epic proportions.

“Did I really do that, Edward?” Bella asks, poking her thumb behind her, in the direction we came from.

I pull back on Katie’s reins, earning a huff from my beautiful mare.

“Why are we stopping, Edward?”

I jump off Katie, grab Bella hand and help her down.

“Look,” I say, taking my hat off, and running my hand through my hair, “it was a bad idea to…show you. I should’ve just told you what happened.”

Bella bites down on her bottom lips, with her eyes cast to the ground.

“Did I really…um…did I really fart in front of you, Edward?” she asks, and I wish I could lie and say no, but I know she’d hate me for it.

I blow out a breath. “Yes. In my…um face.”

Bella’s arms instantly fly in the air, as she turns her body.

“Oh, fantastic!” she replies, turning her head back in my direction. “In your face? I farted in your face?”

I nod.

Bella’s eyes go wide.

“I know I drank quite a few beers, Edward, and maybe I don’t remember bits and pieces of what happened, but why in the hell were you even close enough to my ass for me to fart in your face?"

Shit…

“Edward?” she says, narrowing her eyes.

“I…um…” I say, cementing my hands in my hair. “I was trying to pick your clothes up off the ground.”

Bella starts to mumble to herself. It’s almost like she’s talking to some invisible person, flailing her arms in the air. Maybe she’s lost her mind. Fantastic.

Is it my fault?

My body reacts before my brain has time to kick in, when I grab her by the arm and pull her to me.

“Bella,” I say, pulling her even closer to me. “It’s no big deal.”

My clothes…my clothes were on the ground…?” she mumbles.

“Were we going to…you know?” she asks, cutting her eyes to the ground.

“Make love?” I say in a questioning tone.

She nods her head, still looking toward the grass beneath our feet.

I slip my finger beneath her chin and pull her face up so that her eyes meet mine.

She is so fucking beautiful.

Bella licks her lips, and all I want to do is kiss her silly.

“I was going to make love to you until the sun came up.” I tell her and watch as she closes her eyes and a shudder rocks through her body.

She opens and closes her mouth, as if she’s going to say something, but I don’t give her the chance.

All farts aside…and forgotten.

As soon as our lips meet, I instantly feel like the something I was missing, has maybe just been found.

This feels right…and really, really, fucking good…

Chapter Text

That kiss was unbelievable. Toe curling, unbelievable.

Panty dropping unbelievable...

I know I shouldn't be all fangirl right now, especially after Edward damn near set the corn field on fire back there, but how can I not be, when he kisses like a porn star! And he made me see stars!

I see the barn as Edward's horse gets closer, looking over his shoulder to see what the commotion's all about.

"What's going on?" I ask.

"It's Red. He's at it again."

"Who's Red?"

Edward chuckles. "You'll see."

Another horse, maybe? A goat? A cow? Oh, please don't let it be a cow. Me and cow shit don't …

What the hell?

As soon as Edward brings Kate to a stop, I see his foreman rounding the side of the barn.

"It's been like this all morning."

I try to peer around Jake to get a good look, but all I see are a few people in a huddle.

"What caused it this time?" Edward asks, shaking his head.

A smile spreads across Jake's face. "A woman, apparently."

Edward shakes his head as he dismounts. I watch as he pulls his shirt back over his head, and then helps me down.

"Just wait here, Bella. I'll be right back," he says, planting me safely on my feet. Don't think I don't notice the way he smiles at me, making my cheeks blush profusely.

Before I can ever gather my wits, a loud roar explodes several feet away from where we stand.

"Be right back!" Jake's feet hit the dirt before the last word spills from his mouth.

"Jesus, is everyone always so dysfunctional around here?" I say to myself, only to find that I'm not alone.

"All the time, Missy."

I grab at my chest and try to catch my breath.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"

Rosalie scoffs, waving me off like some pesky gnat. "You seriously need to take a chill pill, or a shot of Tequila."

No, and thank you! I do not need anymore liquor while I'm here. Hell to the no!...absafriggenlutly not!...

"So," Rosalie starts, scooting closer to me, "You and Edward, huh?"

My brows knit together, but I don't have a chance to speak, as suddenly a figure barrels out of the huddle heading right for us.

"Well, well, well! Look t this pretty little thing! Who might you be, Missy?"

"What the…?" I say, trying hard not to clamp my hand over my nose to minimize the stench. Red smells like a combination of dirt and grime, not to mention the over abundance of alcohol vapors seeping from his very toothless mouth.

"The names Red, M…Ma'am," the boozer says, grabbing my hand as he sways from side to side, and plants a wet sloppy kiss on it. "It's a p…pleasure to make your acquaintance."

I cringe, but smile, not wanting to be rude to Edward's friend. Suddenly, the man rolls his eyes, stumbles back and falls on his ass.

"His real name's Billy," Rosalie whispers in my ear. "They call him Red because he's part Indian. Ya get it?"

I nod watching as Edward carefully tends to the old man.

Rosalie continues. "He helped Edward out when he first showed up in town, emotionally beat to all hell, and down in the dumps." She smiles at the knowledge. "Red hasn't always been so brewed and screwed." A little giggles passes her lips. "He's just heartbroken is all."

I let the information soak in as my eyes land on Edward who's watching me contently, and then sends a wink my way.

"We're like family here, Missy," Rosalie says, nudging my arm. "Whatever it is you're looking for, I sure hope your heart is in the right place, cause you can see where Edward's is."

All is quiet for a few minutes.

As soon as I turn to look at Rosalie, a familiar voice resonates from behind me.

Oh, my God…does it ever end?

"Clarabelle! Clarabelle!" I see Emmett waving his arms, as his bulky figure runs toward us. "Did Edward sheath the dragon? I heard some noises com'in from his place last night, so you two musta been hidin' the sausage or doin' some rumpy pumpy!"

Does this ever end?

Chapter Text

“Hey, Rosalie, do you have a cell phone I could use?”

I watch Emmett give Rosalie a look, as she pushes her hands deep in her pocket.

“Sorry, baby girl, ain’t got one on me,” she replies. And I totally saw the look she gave Emmett.

What the hell?

“Maybe Jake has one.”

As soon as I start heading toward the burly foreman, I feel someone pull on my arm, stopping me in my place.

“Jake’s…um…busy,” Rosalie says to me, taking me by the arm. “How about you and I go see if we can help out with the horses.”

I turn to look back at Emmett, as he shrugs his shoulders with a shit eating grin on his face. And before I can protest, I find myself being dragged behind the Amazon, dodging a group of wayward chickens who decided to cross in our path.

My awkward chicken dance is interrupted when I notice Edward making his way toward me, wearing his Stetson low on his brows, as sweat drips down his neck. Sinful.

“How’s your friend,” I ask, slightly breathless.

Rosalie smiles at me, giving me a knowing wink, as she continues on toward the stables without me.

“Red? He’s fine, sleeping it off.” Edward chuckles while his deep dimples sit firmly in place. “One of these days those women he pursues are gonna give him a heart attack.”

I raise my brow at the use of his words pertaining to women, silently questioning him to explain.

A sigh expels from Edward’s lips. “Red has this…um…issue, you see. He…um…”

“He can’t get it up no more, Clarabelle!”

A laugh rips from both Edward and I, as Emmett jogs past up with his fly down. Apparently, he’d just finished…Hell I don’t know what he’d just finished!

As soon as our laughter dies down, I notice Edward’s eyes change from the sparkling jade that can make women swoon, to the deep emerald that can make their panties melt. Kind of like mine are, at this very moment.

His eyes slowly cut down to my cotton covered breasts. I notice his chest start to rise higher, as his breaths come on quicker. I think I hear him moan.

I follow a droplet of sweat as it makes its way from the side of his face down over his neck. I’m so jealous of that little bead of sweat.

“C’mon,” he says, grabbing my hand and startling me from my haze. “Let’s go.”

Two minutes later I find myself pinned up against a horse stall with Edward’s lips attached to my neck. His hands roam freely, kneading my breasts.

“Oh, shit, Edward,” I mutter.

“Tell me how good it feels, Bella,” Edward whispers in my ear in that velvety voice that makes me a puddle of goo.

“So good, Edward,” I say, shivering at the contact.

My hands fly up and wind through his bronze locks, tugging him down further into my neck.

Edward licks the shell of my ear, making me purr his name over and over again, melting into his touch.

I whimper when I feel his hand slide down my chest, over my belly, and cup my heated, sopping wet core.

“I can feel how wet you are through these,” he says, tugging on the crotch of the denim. “I can smell you too. So fucking good.”

Nyddi perks up with a warning. I ignore it.

“I want you so bad, Bella,” he whispers again, pressing his hard length in my hip. “Always have, but too stupid to show it.”

Oh, God, what is he doing to me?

Nyddi sends out another warning, but again I ignore it.

I screw my eyes tighter, loving the way he makes me feel when suddenly the reality of why I came here in the first place flops hard into my lap.

I’m conflicted…do I tell him…do I tell him right now…I hear him moan again, and I lose that thought as I feel him press harder…

“We’d could make such beautiful babies.”

Chapter Text

Diapers…

Formula…

Bottles…

Wipies…

Oh my!

As soon as the words fly, my ears take notice, and so does Nyddi, as she takes out her thermometer and checks her temperature.

"What did you just say?" I ask Edward, trying to nudge him forward.

He looks at me, confusion plastered across his face.

"What's wrong? What did I say?"

If he only knew what those words really mean to me. If he only knew the truth.

He closes the space between us once again, latching his lips onto my skin, and again I sink into his touch, loving every bit of his seduction.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he says, running his hand up my thigh, and stopping at the apex between my legs. So wet.

My mind decides to take a different turn,and does a playback of his previous sentence.

Nipple cream…

Diaper rash ointment…

Pacifier…

Teething gel…

I feel my belly ache from the want, and need.

"You said…ungh…that we could make…oh damn…beautiful babies together."

He presses his knee into my wet core, grounding it out and creating a sweet, tortuous friction.

I whimper loudly.

"Tell me what you want, Bella. Anything…it's yours," he says huskily, pulling my shirt over my head. "Tell me, baby girl."

The button on my jeans pop open as Edward releases it, running his fingers along the seam of my panties. His touch feels delicious.

"Tell me, Bella. You need to tell me what you want me to do, what you want."

Breast pump…

Stretch mark cream…

Maternity clothes…

Midnight feedings…

My nerves are like live wires, flicking, and spiraling out of control as I try to sift through the emotions of want, and those of need.

Before I can utter a single word, Edward whips off his shirt, and tosses it onto the dirt floor, into a pile of hay.

God, he's gorgeous…and sexy…and perfect….

My fingers itch to touch the tanned skin of his chest, the rippled, muscular planes of his belly, and that small spattering of hair on his chest. So lick worthy.

The ache down south doesn't subside as Edward grasps my breast in one hand, and rubs my wet core with the other.

"Tell me what you want, baby girl," he says again, his grip on me even more intense.

Nyddi pulls the thermometer out again,and nods her head. She approves!

Mine is spinning, however, threatening to explode with the sweet, lusty visuals Edward has given me.

"Say it, Bella. Say it now," he commands, rubbing and squeezing.

I shake my head, and whimper softly, "I want a…a baby."

Edward falls to his knees and doesn't stop his ministrations. "What's that, love?" he moans against the skin on my belly, as he circles his tongue around my navel.

"Oh shit, Edward!" I reply, embedding my hands into his wild hair. "Feels so, so good!"

I cast my eyes down to him, as I feel my jeans being tugged from my hips, and the denim start to slide down my legs.

Nyddi cocks a brow at me, flashing her sign that reads, "Gimme that baby batter, Cowboy!"

Babies…babies…babies…

"Edward, wait! Wait!" I say in a strangled voice.

"Mmm…you taste so fucking good here," he says, licking the inside of my thigh.

"Please, Edward, there's…oh, shit that feels good…" I choke out because, really, that shit feels so fucking good.

I jump, with Edward's strong hands holding me in place, as he runs his long, wet tongue across the center of my panties, making me purr, moan, and...

"Edward, stop! Please…please stop," I say as his eyes flicker up to mine. They look so innocent behind his long lashes.

"What is it, baby?" Edward asks,as he continues sliding his hands slowly up and down my legs.

I breathe deeply, and run my hands through my hair.

This is it.

Now or never.

Nyddi flips me the bird. She's pissed.

What a time for my conscience to make an appearance.

Cock block 101, folks…

"Edward…I came here for a baby…your baby…"

Chapter Text

“Edward…I came here for a baby…your baby…”

My eyes flicker up to Bella’s, as I continued to grip her hips. I see her pull in her bottom lip, worrying it with ferocity.

“I…I don’t understand,” I say, confusion swirling around my head.

I release my grip from her and push myself up to stand, swiping my hand across my mouth, placing my hands firmly on my head.

“You came here for a baby?” I ask incredulously. “I don’t get it, Bella. What the hell are you talking about?”

I watch as Bella swallows hard, taking in a deep breath. Her features morph into something resembling fear and desperation. I clearly don’t understand.

“I…um…there’s a reason I showed up here with Alice yesterday.” She takes another deep breath, hugging herself tightly. “And…well it wasn’t just to visit you.”

I clasp my fingers together as they rest on my head.

“What’s the reason?” I ask, feeling my blood begin to boil at the thought of yet another woman using me just to rip me in two. Not happening this time.

Bella doesn’t speak, which only fuels the frustration bubbling up inside of me. I tug on my hair and wait for an answer.

“You gotta give me something here, Bella,” I say, dropping my arms to my sides, and bending down to pick my shirt up off the ground. I can still smell her on my face, sweet, and…

“I came here to ask you to help me, Edward.” She sighs, and runs both of her hands through her chocolate locks, looks me dead in the eyes and says, “I want a baby, Edward…of my own. I have no one, I’m all alone, and I thought…I mean, I…”

My brows knit together as the realization of her confession starts to sink in.

On their own accord, my arms fly out to my sides, and I can feel a sickening feeling swirl around in the pit of my stomach.

I chuckle darkly. “Wonderful,” I mutter under my breath, swiftly propping my hands on my hips. “So, what? You decide yesterday that you and my sister would drive all the way out here to…ask me for what? A quick roll in the sheets? Or, maybe you wanted me to jack off into a petri dish. That’s it, right?” I knew my sarcasm could be sharp at best, but damn if she wasn’t stirring those familiar, fucked up emotions that I pushed back a long time ago. “What, Bella? What?”

I watch as she closes her eyes, biting the side of her mouth, and shakes her head. “This was a mistake. I’m so sorry Edward. I should have never come here.”

As Bella starts to turn and head out of the stall, an empty feeling washes over me, sickening me to my core.

Her feet take off before I can stop her, as I try to slip my shirt back over my head. By the time I reach the barn doors, all I see is her long, brown hair whipping in the breeze as she runs in the direction of Emmett’s house.

A tremendous ache deep seats itself in the pit of my gut as I watch her run from me, unable to fight of the all too familiar feeling of despair and nothingness, watching as her tiny form disappears through the trees.

“Goddamn it!”

Chapter Text

“Jesus, Missy!”

Standing on the porch, I look up at Rosalie not able to form words, as the tears silently stream down my face. Although I know that this is my own doing, I can’t help the empty feeling bouncing around, pinging off of every nerve ending inside of me.

“What the hell happened to you? You’re a cotton pickin’ mess,” she says, pulling me into the house. “Take a seat, I’ll get ya a beer.”

Yeah, the last thing I need is alcohol.

“I just…I just need to use a phone, if you have one,” I reply, sniffing back the tears. I really didn’t want anyone, especially Rosalie, seeing me crying like the blubbering moron that I am. Plus, if I have to explain why I’m upset, chances are Rosalie will feel inclined to kick my ass.

I take a final swipe at the tears under my eyes, and suck in a deep, soothing breath when Rosalie walks back into the living room. She hands me a beer and takes a seat across the room.

“So,” she says, taking a large swig from the long neck bottle, “you gonna tell me what’s got you so teary eyed?”

“It’s nothing, probably just PMS or something,” I lie. “Look, I just need to call someone to come pick me up. I really need to get back to Seattle.”

As Rosalie opens her mouth to speak, the front door slams open, startling me.

“Clarabelle!” Emmett shrieks, stepping into the living room, or running, rather.

Oh, Dear Lord! Just what I don’t need right now.

I’m clearly not shocked that he’s dressed in a pair of tattered old overalls, with no tee shirt underneath, smelling like yesterday’s funk.

“Clarabelle, why were ya runnin’ from Edward like a bony chicken from a fox?” he asks, completely out of breath. “He was callin’ for ya, and you just kept on a runnin’”.

I smile tightly up at him, as he takes a place next to Rosalie, picking something out of his teeth.

Clearing my throat, and shaking off Emmett’s reaction, I say, “Rosalie, I really need to use a phone. Please.”

Rosalie and Emmett exchange an odd look, conveying a silent message to each other.

“Why don’t you explain what’s goin’ on first, Missy.”

Thirty minutes later I breathe out deeply, overwhelmed and exhausted by my confession. I can’t help but cringe when I see Rosalie’s steely glare directed right at me. Unable to decipher her mood, I shift nervously in my seat, and wait for the inevitable pounding. Truth is, I probably deserve it.

I came here a stranger, and in some ways I still am. I have gotten to know these people…but they are Edward’s friends, not mine. Their loyalty is to him…and I hurt their friend. I deceived Edward…and Rosalie warned me not to do that. My intentions made sense to me at the time, but I guess after looking at the downside, they were idiotic at best.

Edward was my choice, he always was. But, in the last 36 hours, lines got blurred. I started to care. But now…I won’t get the chance to tell him. And it’s all my fault.

I watch Emmett as he shifts nervously in his seat and runs his grungy hands over his face. This is the only time, since I first laid eyes on Emmett, that he seems somewhat sad, and looks conflicted as he gives his woman another cryptic look.

What the hell?

“Emmett, baby, go get my car keys…and my gun.”

Emmett’s head whips in Rosalie’s direction, his eyes wide. Mine almost bug out of my head.

Oh. My. God.

“Rosie, baby…why do…”

“Get em’ Emmett!”

Without another word, I watch Emmett scurry down the hallway, leaving me alone with the scary Amazon, who I had thought might possibly become my friend.

“C’mon, Missy, let’s go.”

Nyddi hides behind a rock, shaking uncontrollably with her sign reading, “Run, Bitch! Run!”

Good God, no one is ever going to find my body!

Chapter Text

She's going to kill me. Rosalie is going to murder me and no one will ever find my body, she'll make sure of it. I'll be buried in some remote corner of this place while the insects eat away at my dead carcass. And for what? Because I'm so pathetic I couldn't just go find a man, fall in love, and have a baby the traditional way.

I sat in the passenger seat of the beat up Chevy truck as Rosalie gunned her rust bucket down the driveway and away from Hillbillyville.

As soon as we hit highway 90, I started to breathe a little easier…just a little. At least we're headed in the direction of Seattle. But there is still a lot of land to be buried in. Hell, she could pull off the highway anywhere between here and home.

Oh, God.

I hear the flick of a lighter, and cut my eyes to Rosalie as she lights up a Marlboro, letting it hang from her lips.

She inhales the nicotine mixture and blows it out slowly. "What are ya gonna do now?"

That question caught me off guard. Hell, I was just surprised she even spoke to me, let alone worry about what my plans are.

"Um…I don't know. Go back to my life, I suppose."

Rosalie nods her head, and I can tell that she's thinking of what to say next.

And true to form, I don't have to wait long to find out.

"And what do you think Edward's gonna do now?" She asks, keeping her eyes on the road. "After all this?"

I shake my head at her question because, really, I have no idea. I screwed any friendship he and I might have had. After the way he yelled at me back at the barn, I'm certain of it.

"You know, if you had just told him the truth from the start, we might not even been taking this drive," Rosalie says, pulling off an exit that is nowhere near my house. Hell, it's nowhere near Seattle. "I wanna show you something."

Oh, Dear God…this is it.

My belly begins to turn, knotting up with fear. I take deep breaths and try my best to calm my nerves.

We pass a sign, but with Rosalie's driving I'm not able to make out the name of the small town. The truck speeds down the paved road, heading for nowhere it seems, just as Rosalie begins to slow down. When signs of life begin to come into view, my breath catches in my throat as I take in the beauty around us.

"Where are we?" I ask, wide eyed, as I look out the passenger side window.

"You hungry, Missy?" Rosalie asks, pulling over and parking in front of a cookie cutter Mom and Pop diner. "Cause I could eat the ass end of a skunk!"

Well if skunk is what we're eating, I'd rather it be that than a swift kink in the ass, or a bullet to the heart.

As Rosalie turns off the engine, I place my hand on hers. "Thank you."

An amused look paints across her face. "For what?"

"For not killing me with that thing," I reply, waving at the gun concealed behind her back.

A loud chuckle spills from her mouth. "Oh honey, don't thank me yet. There's still something you need to see. But first, we eat. Now c'mon! Let's get us some skunk!"

Wonderful…

Chapter Text

Skunk was not on the menu, thank God. I don’t think I have ever been more relieved about anything in my entire life. Well, maybe the fact that Rosalie hasn’t used the gun on me yet, is number one, this is number two!

The waitress who’d brought us our plates was rude and obnoxious, chewing her gum to the point of irritating Rosalie. It was funny to watch until Rosalie slung her fork on the plate, slowly standing up, gripping the table sides, and glared icily at the blonde ditz.

“Listen here, Flo,” Rosalie growls out, gritting her teeth. The funny thing is the waitresses name is Jessica, not Flo.

I’m sure my eyes look like those cartoon characters, you know, like those Slinkies, as I watch the scene play out in front of me.

“If you so much as breathe near our food again, or pop your gum in my ear again, I’ll nail ya so far up your ass, you’ll be shittin’ toenails for a year.”

I snatch up the rest of my double cheeseburger as the management asks us to leave, but not before Rosalie yells out, “You’re lucky I don’t cut a bitch!”

Once we leave The Diner From Hell, I’m finally able to breathe again, but make it my life’s mission not to piss Rosalie off during the rest of our…trip. Cause, that gun is still right there…in the waist of her jeans…taunting me…

“You sure did tell her back there,” I say, jabbing my thumb behind me, with a cracked voice because, let’s get real, that shit scared the crap out of me.

Rosalie huffs out a simple, “Yeah.”

As we drive, I try to conjure in my head where Rosalie might be taking me. I come up with nothing. We are still in the small, rinky dink, cookie cutter town, with no sign of a freeway in sight.

Ten minutes later Rosalie presses on the break pedal, and turns onto another dirt road. As I look up I see a steel arched sign that reads, ‘Whispering Willows Cemetery’.

My eyes widen with fear as Rosalie kills the trucks engine and extracts the gun from the waistband of her jeans. They will never find my body…

“Get out, Missy, and follow me,” she says, sliding out of the truck, and closing the door.

Nyddi falls to her knees, clasping her hands together, as her fingers intertwine, shaking her head erratically. I notice a frantic message in the sand that reads, “No! No! No! We’re too young! We haven’t had the golden peen yet!”

For some odd reason I push her aside, and my feet move on their own accord, following behind Pistol Annie.

‘Rosalie,” I say, trying to keep up as I pass marked headstones, “why are we here?”

She stops in her tracks, taking a long drag from her cigarette, and says, “Over here, Missy.”

I quickly saddle up next to Rosalie and cast my eyes to the small tombstone nestled in the grass near our feet. What I see shakes me to my very core.

“This,” Rosalie says, pointing to the tiny, marble marker, “should make ya understand Edward’s bitterness a little better.”

My hand instinctively flew over my mouth as I read the inscription…

Naomi Simone Cullen

‘Fly With the Angels’

2/11/2006 – 2/17/2006

Oh, God.

Chapter Text

There is nothing but deafening silence.

I feel my belly twist and turn, as wild thoughts thrash around my head, as I try to decipher who this little girl, Naomi was.

“Wh...who is this?” I mutter, shaking my head, afraid of the answer. “I know all of the Cullens.”

Rosalie takes a long drag from her cig, throwing the butt on the ground, snuffing it out wit her foot.

“Apparently, you don’t know all of them,” she says, pointing to the headstone.

Frustration builds at her ‘beat around the bush’ attitude.

“Then who?”

I can still see the gun nestled behind Rosalie’s back, but that’s not what I’m afraid of right now. It’s the look on her face, the one that makes her brows furrow, and a sadness spread across her features.

That scares me.

Rosalie sits down on a bench in front of the little girl’s grave, and pats the spot next to her. I realize it’s my cue to join her.

I sit down next to her and say, “Please tell me who Naomi is.”

Rosalie breathes in deeply, then releases the air through her nose. Her expression resembles one of struggle and worry.

“Naomi was Edward’s daughter.”

My hand instinctively flies up to my mouth, as dread washes over me in waves.

“Oh, God. How? Why?” The words rush out of my mouth.

This can’t be. Tell me this is not so.

“Missy, did Edward tell you about that woman he was with, the one that took him for everything he had?” Rosalie asks, staring straight ahead, her eyes fixed on I don’t know what.

I nod my head remembering his rant.

Rosalie continues, “Well, not that long before the bitch ran off, she found out that she and Edward were gonna have a little one, a girl.”

I don’t reply because I really just want to hear the story without interrupting her.

“Edward was so happy, buying the baby a world of toys and things she’d need. He wanted to be a daddy more than anything. But, the problem was…she didn’t want to be a mama.”

What? How could someone not want to be a mother, especially knowing they were expecting something so precious? Isn’t that just instinct? Isn’t that what every woman wants?

“So what happened?” I ask.

Rosalie’s blue eyes flicker towards the headstone. “That woman was cold, so cold, all during her pregnancy, she treated Edward like shit. She didn’t want him around her, and always made up excuses why she couldn’t be intimate with him. He tried though, hard, but she just kept on pushin’ him away.”

“And what about the baby? She was so young,” I say, feeling tears behind my lids as they threaten to spill.

When they brought Naomi home, Edward was so attentive, always getting up with her when she needed a bottle or a changing, because that cruel ass woman refused to do it. And then one night, six days after her birth, Edward went in that morning to check on Naomi and she wasn’t breathin’.”

Hot tears slide down my cheeks as Rosalie continues with her gut wrenching.

“How,” I start to ask, sniffling back the tears, “did she die?”

Another breath is blown hard from Rosalie’s lips. “Crib death. She was found face down in her crib, and not breathing. It crushed Edward.”

Oh my God…

“That icy, cold bitch just stood there, staring at that baby girl while Edward sobbed like a child, holding his little one in his arms. She never said a word, or shed a tear. And then, after the funeral, she just left. Edward realized too late, that she had taken everything he owned, and left him with nothing. He hasn’t seen nor heard from her since.”

“This is…this…”

“I know, Missy. I know. But just be certain, if I ever get my hands on that ragged bitch, I’m gonna fuck her world to hell and back.”

I have no doubt about that one.

A thought crosses my mind. “If she cleaned Edward out, how did he get such a wonderful place as the ranch, and the business?”

Rosalie went on to explain that Edward had funds in a trust that his grandfather left for him, which he in turn was saving for his little Naomi when he found out she was conceived. When Naomi passed on, he cashed out, left his old life behind, and never looked back.

I let it all process for a few minutes as I sit in silence.

“So, now you know,” Rosalie says, patting my leg. “This is why I said that I’d hurt ya if ya ever broke his heart, cause I knew he’d been through so much already. One man can only take so much, ya know?”

“How do you know all of this, Rosalie?”

“Sometimes even men need someone to talk to.”

I sniffle back the tears and turn to face her. “Why did you bring the gun?”

“For protection from the creepers, Missy. You can’t be too careful. Why, what did you think I brought it for?”

I bite my bottom lip, and from the look on her face, realization hit her.

A loud chuckle rips from Rosalie’s mouth as she pats me on the back. “Honey, if I wanted ya dead, you would’ve already been dead.”

That statement doesn’t sit well. At. All.

“You about ready, Missy?”

“For?”

“To go home,” she says, standing up. “You wanna go home, don’t ya?”

I stay silent and look back at the baby girl’s headstone.

Rosalie eyes me for a moment before saying, “Or is there somewhere else you’d rather be?”

Chapter Text

I wanted her so much.

More than anything.

But she’s unobtainable.

She was like a mirage. Too good to be true.

I watch as her white dress flows in the summer breeze, as her long chocolate ringlets dance around her face. Here deep brown eyes penetrate my soul.

I try to speak, but no words come out.

I try to move, but there is no movement.

I want to follow her, but nothing happens.

It’s useless.

I lost her, she has gone…she walked away…no longer in my sight. Out of my life. I am alone again…

I hear the annoying sound of castanets, very close to my ear.

Wait…I think I see…

Apples…

Bananas…

Mangos…

Pineapple…

Coconuts…

I try my hardest to look around the Chiquita Banana Lady look-a-like for my angel, but she’s gone.

And before I realize what’s happening, Emmett and his pineapples are inches from my face, as he clanks his castanets wildly.

I cringe at the sight before me, as a huge guffaw rips from the mouth of…Emmett?

“Edward,” he whispers in deep feminine sounding voice. “Edwaaaaaaard!”

I don’t move a muscle, not sure what my cross dressing, fruit wearing friend will do.

The bowl of fruit that he’s wearing on top of his head has to be at least three feet tall…maybe I am hallucinating…

“C’mon, Edward!” He hollers, biting down on his bottom lip, throwing his arms from side to side. “You need to fix this!”

My eyes begin to flicker open.

“Edward!” There’s that clanking again. “Wake your ass up, Ed!”

Sunlight floods my vision, as I squint into the daylight, a headache pounding my brain.

I blink rapidly, shifting my eyes around me, and notice three figures hovering over me. Emmett, sans the Chiquita getup, Jake shaking his head, and Red scowling at me with one bushy brow cocked.

I feel a swift kick in my left side, and watch the dirt from the ground billow around me.

“Ow! What the hell was that for?”

“That there,” Emmett says, giving me another kick in the side, “is for lettin’ that little brown eyed beauty get away, you stubborn old mule’s ass! Now git up and go fix it!”

I slap my hands down on the dirt ground, as one lands in a pile of horse shit.

“Son of a bitch!”

Roars of laughter tumble from my friends’ mouths as I stagger to my feet.

“Jesus, man!” Jake blurts out. “You smell like TaTa Tavern on a Saturday night!”

I do smell pretty ripe. Apparently that’s what I get for making Mr. Cuervo and Captain Morgan my best pals. They sure know how to mend a broken heart, or at least put a band aid over it.

As I try to brush the dirt from my hair, Red saddles up in front of me, giving me one to the jaw.

“Ow!”

What’s with all the goddamn abuse today!

“Now ya listen here, Edward,” Red says, pointing his wrinkly finger at me. “I’ve searched high and low for a pretty lady to want and love me and all they ever do is break me. I’ve seen how ya look at Miss Bella, like the Heavens opened up your heart.”

I throw my hands up in the air in defeat.

“She don’t want me, Red! She just wants someone to give her a baby! A baby!”

During my fit, Red moves closer and stands stock still in front of me.

“Maybe that ain’t all she wants, Son.”

Chapter Text

My heart is beating a thousand miles a minute.

I look at the white front door and try to will down the anger that has taken up residence inside me.

After taking a deep calming breath, I raise my hand and knock.

My anger subsides when the door opens, and a look of horror is registered on Alice’s face.

“Bella?”

“I need my things.”

I watch Alice as she bites on her bottom lips, her eyes everywhere but on me.

“My things, Alice!” I snap, getting thoroughly impatient, watching the little imp procrastinate.

Alice’s blue eyes widen, as her tiny frame bounces back from the force of my words.

“Bella…” she starts, giving me that “I was a tool, please forgive me” look.

Not this time, sister!

“Alice,” I say, closing my eyes, “I just came here to get whatever I left in your car. I would like to be able to go home, get in my house, take a shower, and forget that any of this ever happened.”

When she hears the motor of Rosalie’s truck rev up, Alice peers around me.

“Wh…who’s that?”

I roll my eyes because this shit it getting on my last nerve.

“Does it matter, Ali? I mean, really? That,” I say, throwing my thumb over my shoulder, “is someone who was kind enough to get me back home so, really, it shouldn’t fucking matter to you. Now please, just get my shit so I can get the hell out of here.”

Alice’s shoulders slump, as she retreats back into her house, only to reappear minutes later with my belongings in her hand.

“Here,” she says, never meeting my eyes.

Without a word, I grab my purse, turn, and head for Rosalie’s beater. But before I can make it of the porch, Alice pipes up.

“I’m sorry, Bella,” she breathes, her words catching. “I…I’m sorry for leaving you there with my asshole brother. I ju…”

Something in me snaps. I don’t know what exactly. But for some reason, the overwhelming urge to protect Edward is overpowering.

“You wait one damn minute, Alice!” I snap, earning yet another frightened look from my friend. “You have no right to talk shit about Edward. Who do you think you are to even breathe a word of ugly about him after what you did to me? Huh?”

I watch as she opens and closes her mouth a few times, but no words come out.

“I stayed two days, two long days, at his house. I met the strangest people there who, incidentally, regardless of their funky smell, are the kindest, most awesome people that I have ever met in my life met.” I take a breath and force myself to continue. “But you know what’s funny? They,” I say, turning and looking over at Rosalie, “have treated me like family. Nothing’s spared. It’s blunt and forthcoming, not shadowed and sugar coated like some. So, before you go passing judgment on other, you should really take a good, long look in the mirror.”

I take another breath and continue.

“I’ve dealt with horse shit, smelly armpits, and I’ve seen things that require brain bleach to forget. And on the flipside, I watched a man, a very broken man, open up his house to someone who needed a friend the most. Me. Your asshole brother welcomed me when…when you went off and ditched me. So, do not stand there and pass judgment on him. No. Not today, not ever.”

Before Alice can respond, I grip onto my purse and head for the truck. The sound of sniffling behind me is all too present, as I try to tune out my crying friend.

Once I’m settled in the cab of the truck, I let out a shaky breath, as the tears stream down my face. At this moment in time, my life seems several notches of fucked up, and now it seems that I’ve just done something I never thought I would do, I’ve written off my best friend.

“Please…please take me home.”

Chapter Text

The next several days, seven maybe, went by at a snail's pace. Every time I would catch a glimpse of long, wavy, chestnut hair, I'd stop in my tracks, wait, and hope, only to be disappointed by the end result.

Truth is, the one thing that started to make me feel whole again walked away from me… and I did nothing to stop her. Absolutely nothing.

I have had plenty of interventions from the guys. Ol' Red thinks he's freakin' Dear Abby. That man's the craziest ol' coot ever, having the world's worst track record with women. I mean, he bombs out in the love shack every darn time! And Em…Jesus, he actually wanted me to lie down on his couch so he could talk to me regarding matters of the heart. He says that he knows all about this stuff because he watched Dr. Phil one time. I'm so sick and tired of these fools trying to tell me what I should do about Bella. And Jake, well, he's been playing classical music in the barn for the last few days, saying it would help me keep my Zen. Is everyone crazy? Don't they realize that none of this can help me?

At least I've been showering after work most days, but that's the bare minimum, and I completely gave up on shaving. To be honest, it looks like a Chia Pet has staked claim on my face. I look like crap, and it's getting itchy as hell.

I'm brought out of my emotional downer when I hear a light knocking on my front door.

"Go away, Em!" I shout, hoping like hell my nutty ass friend will get the hint. I'm over the sympathetic conversations, no more. Can't they all just get the hint and leave me alone?

There is nothing anyone can do. I blew it. I let her go. She showed up here out of the blue, she made me feel for the first time in years, and then I let her run…run away. And now I feel nothing. Just like before.

The knocking continues, and so does my irritation.

"I said, GO AWAY!" Jesus sakes!

Once the knocking ceases, I settle back onto the couch and start flipping through the television channels, trying to find anything to keep my mind preoccupied; trying being the operative word.

The Discovery Channel…

Click.

ESPN…

Click.

Spike TV…

Click.

The History Channel…

Click.

Hallmark Channel…

Cli…Ah, hell!

The channel isn't one that I'd usually watch but seeing the beautiful brown eyed beauty is enough to make me put the brakes on and watch a minute.

The woman is standing near a large rock with her arms wrapped around herself, gazing out onto the crystal clear lake. The sun is shining and the breeze is blowing lightly, making her silky brown locks wisp around. She's gorgeous. And, as the camera zooms in on her face, my breath catches.

Bella…My Bella.

No. No it's not.

No. She isn't my Bella. Hell, she never was.

Maybe she could've been, but she's not.

Maybe she wanted to be. Maybe I wanted her to be.

I breathe out roughly through my mouth, and run a hand through my hair. I'm losing my goddamned mind!

I flip off the TV and head toward the kitchen, dead set on grabbing the entire case of beer I have stashed in my fridge. After that mind fuckery, it's due time to get shitfaced.

As I reach the kitchen, the knocking starts up again, jolting me where I stand.

"Holy crap!" I screech, slapping a hand to my bare chest.

I take a couple deep breaths.

"Someone's fixing to get a royal ass kicking! I'm sick of talking to you crazy ass lunatics!"

My gait is wide as I make my way to the front door hell bent on beating the crap out of whoever it is that just won't get the fucking hint.

I grip the doorknob and as soon as I swing it all the way open, my heart momentarily stops, and my body takes notice.

"Uh…wh…what are you doing here?"

Chapter Text

The past several days have been the longest of my life. I haven't eaten properly, consuming Twinkies and HoHo's at ever turn, and Mt. Dew has become my best friend. So, needless to say, I'm wound for sound and mentally preoccupied with the loss of a certain cowboy. I've even been wearing the jersey Edward loaned me, and purposely forgetting to give it back. Now the damn thing smells like…I don't know what it smells like, but it isn't good.

Speaking of best friends, I haven't talked to Alice since the night I picked up my stuff. She's left me message after message, but I haven't returned any of them. I'll call when I feel she's learned a lesson, or when I'm ready, whichever comes first. Hell might even freeze over by the time that happens.

I had given Rosalie my cell phone number the night she dropped me off at home, and she gave me hers. She's called me a couple of times since that night, only to see how I'm doing, and to let me know about Emmett's new found obsession with yoga. She told me that it's funny as hell to watch her man try to bend around, all pretzel-like, in his Pinocchio boxers. Someone should burn them, but in then the thought of Emmett in spandex, doing the Downward Dog, is positively revolting.

As the days pass I find myself missing those crazy-ass people more and more. Sure, Rosalie still scares the crap out of me, but I think she'd scare anyone within a ten mile radius. Emmett, well, I'm sure I could deal with his smelly pits and crass behavior if it meant being back on that ranch again.

And then there's Edward. He's the reason my stomach gets tied in knots every time I watch an old episode of Bonanza. First off, don't knock it! And second, I need something to keep me in tuned to the cowboy life. Even Little Joe Cartwright can't fill that void.

Everything's a disaster. My life, my house, my lack of hygiene, even my job is becoming a problem. My boss said that if I didn't snap out of it and get some kind of article written by next week, I'd find myself without a job.

Even Nyddi's been on a downhill spiral. She just sits on that log underneath a big oak tree, sobbing non stop. The other day she scribbled in the sand, "I WANT THE GOLDEN PEEN BACK!"

Me too, Nyddi. Me too.

But I can't have Edward back. I tucked tail and ran. Ran from something good. My stupid self took off, leaving behind a wonderful man. But what was I supposed to do? I mean, I basically hit the guy with a shit ton of stupidity. What did I expect him to do, open his damn arms and say yes to giving up his super jizz? Yes. Yes I did. I was so stupid.

Edward deserves so much better than me. Hell, after everything he's been through, he deserves it all. I didn't know his past, and I didn't know his heartache. And what I asked him for, expecting him to say yes was the lowest. I know he must hate me. He must hate the kind of woman I am. A deceptive woman who came into his home and tried to trick him out of a child, that's what I am.

God, I feel sick to my stomach.

I huff out a defeated breath and head to the kitchen for another round of cream filled Twinkies, when I hear a loud knock on my front door.

I stand still, pulling the terry cloth belt of my robe tighter around my waist. I try to smooth the rat's nest that has developed on the back of my head, with no such luck. And I don't even care.

The knocking continues.

Reluctantly, I move toward the incessant banging, and take a deep breath before opening the door.

I don't ask who it is, and when my eyes land on my unexpected guest, I wish I would've.

"Go on. Get your shit. You're coming with me."

Chapter Text

If it were anyone else I would've remembered to grab my can of mace.

"I'm not dressed," I say, closing the truck door.

"And you smell awful, Missy," Rosalie states, waving a hand in my direction. "Ever heard of a shower?"

The truck roars to life and it's beyond me, looking like I do, why I even agreed to leave my house.

I scoff at her appraisal. "What's the use?"

I watch Rosalie as she shakes her head, and chuckles minutely. "You know, Bella…" And now I'm blown away. This is the first time she's ever called me Bella. "…you and Edward are sure a couple of peas in a pod."

I raise a brow because now she has my complete attention.

"That's right," she says, keeping her eyes on the road, "you two are a couple of sad cases, mopin' around like someone stole the last piece of cake. And, you're both stubborn as hell."

I fold my arms across my chest. "What do you mean?"

With a click of her tongue, Rosalie replies, "You'll see."

My heart starts to stammer in my chest the moment I realize that Rosalie is jumping on the freeway that leads straight to Edward's house.

"Where are you taking me, Rosalie?" I ask in a panic. There is no way in hell I can return to his house after what I did…no matter how much I want to see him. "Please, Rosalie, I can't…"

It instantly scares the crap out of me as she whips her head in my direction and glares daggers that could definitely maim someone.

"Oh," she mumbles, lighting the Marlboro that's jammed between her lips, "you do not want to piss me off, Missy. All I've done all week is watch that big ass baby moan and groan around the ranch…he's lucky I didn't bitch slap is butt outta that funk. Never seen a man wallow so much before."

I sink back in the seat and let Rosalie's words sink in.

Before I realize what's going on, I hear the sound of an engine coming right at us.

"What in the hell!"

Rosalie's high pitched voice, snaps me out of my mental tirade, and that's when I notice that we've reached Edward's ranch. And…that's not all I notice…

"Emmett-I will kick your ass-McCarty! What in the damn fuck?" Rosalie slams on the brakes, sending my forehead flying right into the dash.

"Damn!" I rub the tender skin on my face.

"Baby, Rosie! You can't go up there!" Emmett yells, hopping off his quad, running toward the truck, throwing his arms wildly in front of him like some deranged ape.

I watch from the semi-safe confines of the truck, as I hang the side of my head out the window to listen.

"And why the hell not?" Rosalie asks, as she get out of the truck and slams the door behind her.

"Someone…um…"

"Spit it out, Emmett. I don't have all day," Rosalie growls out.

Emmett rubs the back of his neck, shifting from foot to foot. He's stalling. Yeah, she scares me too, Man.

"Emmett!"

I watch Emmett take a deep breath and lean toward his girlfriend, whispering into her ear.

What the hell?

As soon as he pulls back, a screeching noise erupts from the Amazon's mouth.

"I. Will. Kill. Her! She's a dead bitch!"

I shrink back into the seat, fully convinced that she's pissed at me for some unknown reason, as she hops back in the truck, revs up the engine, and barrels down the dirt road, leaving a cloud of dust, as well as her man, behind.

"What's…um…what's wrong?" I squeak out, afraid of the answer.

Rosalie cuts her hard, icy glare at me, her nostrils flaring.

"You ever dug a six foot hole?" she asks, directing her eyes back to the road.

What? "Uh…no?"

"Today's your lucky day," she says, pulling her gun from the waist of her jeans. "I got me a bitch to kill, and I'm gonna need a hole."

What. The. Fuck.

Chapter Text

"I fucking told you to leave."

Edward's blood starts to boil as the bitch actually laughs in his face. What he wouldn't give to punch the heartless broad right in her perfectly enhanced nose, a nose he might add…that he paid for. His mother taught him better, though. Never hit a woman.

"Oh c'mon, Eddie, you really don't mean that."

The urge to hurl quickly sets in as soon as she slowly runs her index finger down the center of Edward's bare, heaving chest.

"I've never forgotten about you, Eddie. Remember all the good times we had?" The look on her face is one of determination that Edward knew very well. It wasn't the first time she had that glint in her eye.

It hadn't escaped Edward's attention that another woman was standing next to the expensive white Town Car.

"Some things never change, do they Tanya? Always bringing Irina for back-up," Edward says, slinking away from his ex's hold. "Still haven't figured out how to fight your battles on your own, I see."

The sweet smile that graces Tanya's face is enough to make Edward wish he was anywhere but on his front porch facing the woman who burned him years ago.

Tanya Denali is anything but sweet.

"I want you out of here right now, Tanya…right now," Edward coldly says, removing her hand from his chest."

A sinister look flashes across the woman's features, as her eyes become dark and seemingly vicious.

"You know, Edward…"

Yeah. Now I'm Edward.

"I thought we could do this like civil adults, no hostility, and maybe even see if there was still a bit of spark left," she says, clicking her acrylic nails on the porch railing, "but I was apparently wrong. And even now, looking at you," Tanya sneers, waving a hand around Edward, "yeah, I wouldn't touch your horrid ass with my sister's overused pussy. You look like shit, Edward."

Edward shakes his head, frustration bubbling to the surface, ready to explode. He roughly scratches his scruffy beard, trying to push down the desire to beat the shit out of Tanya. Hate is bubbling to the surface…memories. The woman disgusts him. What did he ever see in her? Everything is fake…nose, tits, nails. Hard, rough. Not soft and sweet and real. Not soft brown eyes and long flowing hair…

Ever so slowly, Edward leans in just inches from Tanya's face, and whispers, "If you don't get the fuck out of here, I will…"

"What, Edward," Tanya says, throwing her arms out to her sides. "What the fuck do you think that you'll do? You touch me and I'll have your sorry ass thrown in jail."

Edward breathes in deeply, taking a minute to calm down, when an idea hits him.

"Why are you here, Tanya? The real reason."

He crosses his arms across his chest and stretches out to his full length in an act of possible intimidation, waiting for the woman he once held on a pedestal to answer him.

"I need money."

Before he can get his mouth to cooperate, a roaring laugh barrels from Edward's chest, as he doubles over in a fit of cackles.

Neither of them gets a chance to respond to the other when the grinding sound of an engine comes straight at them.

Tanya continues to stand nonchalantly, arms folded over her breasts, toe tapping on the wood porch, as dust billows around her from the sudden impact of brakes.

When Edward registers the fact that it's Rosalie and….Bella?

"You!" Rosalie points over at Tanya who suddenly stands straighter, chin jutted out in defense. "You need to get the fuck out of here!"

Tanya purses out her lips and arches a perfectly groomed brow. "I don't know who the fuck you think you a…"

And that is all she wrote ladies and gentleman…

With a cock of a camouflaged painted shotgun, the double barrel of the enormous weapon is pointed directly at Tanya's temple. She gasps but remains silent.

Rosalie leans in and whispers, "I am the mutherfucking bitch that's about ready to give your ass a one way ticket to meet your maker."

Tanya visibly shakes.

"I could kill you right now, but I don't wanna get blood on my shoes…so I'm gonna give you a head start. Ready?"

Before another word is spoken, Tayna and Irina are halfway down the driveway, dirt and dust flying in every direction.

A deafening silence surrounds them as Edward and Bella stare at each other.

The voice of reason speaks first.

"And you two," Rosalie says, waving the shotgun around Edward and Bella, "fix this shit!"

Just then, the grumbling sound of a quad flies down the road.

"Rosie!" Emmett waves his arm erratically. "Rosie! What did ya do, Baby? Is anyone dead? Rosie!"

Edward shakes his head.

His eyes land on Bella.

Emotions swirl.

Hearts beat faster.

Where the hell do they go from here?

Chapter Text

As the dust settles I just stand with my feet planted firmly to the ground. This is so uncomfortable, so unnerving. Chewing on my bottom lip isn't helping matters at all. All that's doing is making my lip throb.

"Um…"

The husky sound of Edward's voice causes me to whip my eyes in his direction. He looks nervous too. Actually, he looks completely unhinged.

"Do you want to come inside?"

Nyddi drops to the floor, folding her hands as if she is in prayer, and begins to chant in foreign tongues.

God yes, I want to.

"I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to," Edward says, shifting from foot to foot. "I just didn't think…"

"Yes!" I close my mouth as quickly as the word flies from my mouth.

My eyes snap shut. I'm afraid to look up at him. He must think I'm desperate. Maybe just a little.

I watch as Edward moves toward the front door, holding it open for me, as my feet trudge up the steps. I don't look at his face, even though it's what I'm desperate for.

I freeze a little when I hear the click of the door. I'm not afraid to be alone with Edward. I'm more afraid that I might say the wrong thing like I did the last time I was here.

"Want something to drink," he asks, standing directly behind me. I think I may have shivered a bit at his proximity.

"Sure," I say, still keeping myself tucked away.

He retreats to the kitchen and I move slowly to the living room, and stand next to the fireplace. My eyes search the wide area, realizing just how much I've missed being here.

"Here." The sound of his voice so close to my ear causes goose bumps to travel up my arms.

I turn slowly and say, "Thanks."

I make the mistake of grabbing the water bottle from his hand, letting my fingers linger a little too long. Just the light touch of his skin causes my panties to dampen the same way his touch affected me before. I want his hands elsewhere, all over my body, touching me sinfully.

Edward's breathing begins to get ragged and slightly labored. I can tell because of the rapid rise and fall of his chest.

"You look like shit, Bella," Edward says, closing any distance between us.

"You smell like ass," I tell him because he really does.

His eyes darken several shades, and his jaw tightens as his gaze flickers to my mouth.

"Shower?"

Chapter Text

What the hell am I thinking saying yes? I mean, of course I want to take a shower, and even better with Edward, but after everything that just went down, I really don't think that he means taking one with me.

"I started the shower in the guest bathroom," Edward says, rounding the corner.

Yep. I was right…showering solo.

"I also left you a towel…um…do you have a change of clothes?" Edward asks, looking around the living room.

I shake my head.

Edward blows out a breath. "Of course you don't. Um, I'll get you something."

"Thanks." And that's my short response, considering this awkward situation.

He runs his hand through his messy hair. "You remember where the bathroom is, down the hall?"

"Yeah."

Nyddi shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

"Cool. See you in a bit."

And with that, Edward takes off toward the stairs, apparently to his room I assume.

I wait a minute, until he's out of sight, and make my way up the stairs. It's quiet in the house, except for the shuffling I hear going on in Edward's bedroom as I pass it.

I enter the bathroom and feel the warm air from the water circling around me. I make quick work of stripping my clothes off, and step into the shower. It feels good to have the warm water spray over my body, as I close my eyes and lean my head back, letting it soak my hair. I can't remember when taking a shower ever felt so good.

I open my eyes and look around the shower in search of the hygiene products I used the last time I was here. Instead of finding the same ones, I notice girly soaps; Pantene and Dove. I shake my head at the thought that maybe Edward had thought of me when he bought them. Maybe they belong to another woman. I cringe thinking that he had some other woman in this house, loving on her, making love to her, and then having her shower afterward,or before, maybe together.

I close my eyes and feel the tears well up behind my lids as I soap my body…

"Can I do that?"

My eyes spring open, and I jump back a little.

My breath catches at the sight of Edward. He shaved that nasty beard off. And now…he's here…in the shower…with me.

I open my mouth to say something, anything, but nothing comes out.

He naked. Stark raving naked. He's beautiful.

My eyes move on their own accord, traveling over the sculpted planes of his chest, over his sharp abs, and past his cute as hell innie. My fiery gaze doesn't stop there when it zeros in on his 'Happy Trail' that no doubt leads to the 'Promise Land'. And wouldn't you know it…that is exactly where my eyes end up.

And boy if his cock isn't….

"See something you like?" Edward asks, causing me to reluctantly snap my attention back up to his eyes. He's wearing that sexy lopsided grin of his again.

I have the sudden urge to fuck that smile right off…

"Touch it, Baby. Put your hands on me. Touch my cock."

And in the background, over the sound of heavy breathing and cascading water, Nyddi is once again speaking in tongues...

Chapter Text

Bella’s eyes widen as she takes in the meaning of my words. It’s really fucking sexy to watch her face morph from surprise to lust in a matter of seconds. Watching as her lids get hooded, and her gaze snap to my cock, makes me harden and twitch.

The words actually just slipped out of my mouth. It wasn’t the first thing I thought to say. It was just the first thing that felt right.

I lean and whisper, “Touch me, baby. I need to feel your hands on me.”

A noticeable shudder rips over Bella, causing the hairs on her arms to stand.

I keep my lips close to her ear, as more of the distance between us disappears, and then I whisper. “Feel how hard you make me, Bella. Touch me. Feel what you do to me.”

Fuck I need her to touch me.

I almost cum when I see her tiny hand slowly reach out and take hold of my erection. She licks her lips. Never letting her eyes leave where her hand is positioned, she slowly starts to stroke my entire length. Her strokes are slow and torturous, but at the same time they are driving me fucking crazy.

“Fuck baby, that feels so fucking good, “ I say to her, as I slowly swirl my tongue around her earlobe. “So fucking good.”

Her strokes up my shaft are nearly killing me. I want…no, I need her to move faster.

“Stroke me faster, baby.”

She does. Her hand starts to move at a faster back and forth pace, and I take cleansing breaths trying to keep myself from blowing my load too soon.

“Jesus, fuck!” I ground out, because fuck if that shit doesn’t feel fucking fantastic. “Yeah baby, don’t stop.”

I know that I sound like a greedy bastard but, really, I’m not. I have every intention of taking care of the brunette beauty in front of me in more ways than she can fathom.

First things first…

“Shit…I’m gonna…!”

And I do…all over her chest. And fuck if that isn’t the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.

I get my breathing back to normal and cup Bella’s cheeks in my hands, bringing her face up to mine. I need to kiss her. Fuck that. I need to devour her.

I kiss her lips slowly, taking my time, inch by savory inch. I drag my tongue across her bottom lip, loving the way she whimpers against my mouth.

“Edward,” she sighs, breathy. “Edward, please.”

I can’t hold out any longer. I need her. I need to taste her. I need to be deep inside of her. I need all of her.

“Turn around, Bella,” I say, giving her one last kiss on the lips. “It’s your turn, baby girl.”

Chapter Text

My heart is thundering in my chest. I can't believe that I just stroked Edward off. Hell, I can't believe that he just came all over my chest. I mean, it was hot as fuck, but I still can't believe it, especially not after everything that had happened over the last several days.

And the way his cock felt in my hand, hard and throbbing, was enough to make my pussy weep for more.

And the words slipping from his mouth right now are so utterly dirty, making me want to do anything he asks. He fucking turns me on to the point that it's driving me insane.

He asked me to turn around but I'm so eager to feel his lips on mine.

"Kiss me, "I tell him, my breathing becomes labored. "Kiss me, Edward."

And he does very, very, slowly, placing his hands on either side of my face, running his tongue across my lips before saying, "Bend over, Baby. Stick that pretty, little ass out for me."

My belly starts to flip.

Shit, I need him.

I bend over and grab my ankles, letting the warm water cascade down my back. It feels good as it streams down the small of my back, sliding between my cheeks. I can also feel Edward's hands as he grips my hips firmly and rubs his erection down my backside.

Fuck that feels good.

I moan a little, and Edward digs his fingers hard into the skin on my sides. He rotates his hips, causing a delicious feeling near the crack of my ass.

I shiver as Edward leans forward, resting the entire expanse of his lean, muscular chest on my back. He's breathing roughly near my neck and it sends goose bumps that cover my body.

"Missed you. So, so much." Edward's mouth is so close to my ear.

I almost think I don't hear him right, he's talking so low. But before I think twice about it, Edward is on his knees behind me. His hands are all over my skin.

"Oh, shit," I murmur.

I feel Edward's fingers dancing across my aching pussy.

"You like that, Baby?" He asks, but I can't form any words to answer him, so I just…feel…everything.

Just then I can't hold back and I cry out,"Yes! Yes! Oh fuck, yes! Don't stop."

A whimper escapes me when I feel something wet and warm swipe across my aching core. Edward's tongue no doubt.

I turn my head as I brace my hands on the shower wall.

I shiver at what I see. The unfolding scene is hot and dirty and I love it.

Edward's hands are gripping my waist, and his face is buried deep between my legs. I can feel him lapping, twirling, sucking, and humming.

I reach a hand behind me and grab one of my cheeks, spreading myself open wider for him. He moans with his mouth still on me and I...

"Holy, fu…fu…fuck!"

Chapter Text

I watch as she arches her back, pushing her backside further against my face, causing me to delve even deeper.

I pull back and run two fingers up the length of her wet slit and moan when I hear her whimper.

"Come on, Baby. Let me hear you," I say, stroking her faster in a steady rhythm.

"Oh, yes!" Bella cries out, gripping a handful of my hair, and pulling my face back against her hot core. "I need to…ungh…"

I knead the flesh on her hips harder, slipping my tongue deep inside her moist walls, and feel as she clamps down hard around my tongue. I drink her up, every last drop. Her sweet scent wafts across my senses, creating a longing to keep her in this position.

I feel her body convulse, and I know that she's close to her release. I speed up my movements, flicking my tongue vigorously across her swollen nub, using just enough pressure to send her over the edge.

"Yes! Yes! Oh, God! I'm…yes, I'm…"

And she comes undone. My mouth is greeted with her juices, spilling over and over again.

I steady my legs to stand, feeling almost numb, but loving the way her body continues to quake and rock.

I wrap my arms around her, and try to forget the fact that my cock is hard again. All I want to do is hold and kiss her.

"You're so beautiful," I say, burying my face in the crook of her neck. "I don't want to let go."

Bella places her hands on my forearms, as she leans her back flush against my chest. I hear a soft cry tumble from her lips, and I turn her to face me. Her eyes are cast to the shower floor. I place my hands on either side of her face and bring her eyes to meet my own.

"What's wrong, Baby?"

She shakes her head, her eyes still downcast.

I don't accept it. "Bella, please. Please tell me what's wrong. Did I hurt you?"

She needs to tell me why she's so sad. It's driving me crazy.

"Did I hurt you? Oh, Baby, please…what is it?"

She shakes her head again and whispers, "No. But I hurt you."

My brows bunch together because I really have no idea what she talking about. We just had the best…

"What do you mean? I'm fine," I tell her, because I really am.

"You know what I mean," she says, shaking her head. Her eyes are filled with tears, and I hate that. "Last week…when I told you why I came here...I hurt you."

And then it hits me. She thinks I'm still upset. The truth is, I was never upset. Had she waited, and not took off running from me, I probably would've told her yes. Yes…that I would give her what she wanted. What she came for. But she didn't. She left. That…well…that hurt more. Her leaving hurt more.

"I'm not mad, Bella. And you didn't hurt me." I smile down at her, still holding her face in my palms, and lean down to kiss her softly on the lips.

She sniffs back tears and looks up at me with those big brown eyes, doubt lacing them once again. "You sure?"

I nod my head, take a deep breath, and lean down close to her ear. "The truth is, I was lost until you showed up here. I didn't feel anything. I was numb, not really living. And then you came, and I felt alive again, even if it was only for a little while. But I like it, I liked those feelings. And now…because of you… I know what I want."

Again, with those brown eyes, she looks up at me questioningly. "And what's that, Edward, what do you want?"

"You, Bella, I want you."

Chapter Text

My head is still in a cloud of fog after what happened in the shower with Edward. I never expected anything like that to happen. Hell, I hadn't even given coming here this morning a second thought.

But I did come here…

Edward and I did fool around…

And now I have to figure out what this means for…me…for us.

I step out of the shower after Edward left the shower himself, and dry off. My body still feels tingly from that amazing orgasm he gave me just minutes ago. Just thinking about it makes my nipples harden and my pussy ache.

Standing in front of the large vanity mirror, I look myself over and notice that my cheeks are flush, and there's a slight afterglow to my skin. I bite my lip, and place my hand on my flushed cheek, letting my fingertips slowly trail down my neck and over my…

"Ung." I can't help the whimper that falls from my mouth when I feel a set of warm lips attach to the skin right below my ear.

"You smell so good."

Edward. He's nipping at the sensitive skin with his teeth. I glance up and watch in the mirror as his mouth works my neck, noticing him looking back at me. My body rocks when he brings his hands up on either side of me and starts palming my breasts that are covered underneath a bath towel. "It was hell without you here."

I close my eyes and take in the depth of his words.

"This needs to go," he says, bringing his hands up to the makeshift knot that's holding the towel together, and releases it in an expert move. "Fucking beautiful."

I can feel the coil wind tighter, tighter, tighter…

"Edward, we…"

I try to speak but the words get stuck as he puts each of my nipples between both of his forefingers and thumbs, and begins to roll them. That burning ache is back…between my legs…scorching. I need him. I need to feel him. I need to feel him deep inside of me.

"What is it, baby? Tell me what you want. Anything, it's yours."

My breathing begins to get labored, and I can feel Edward hard against my ass…pushing…pressing. He's wrapped in his own towel that's hung low on his hips, and it wouldn't take much to release the last barrier between us.

Again he whispers in my ear, "Tell me, Bella. Tell me what you want," and then bites down hard on my shoulder, sending me into a world of sexual desire.

Before I can think of the words bounding from my mouth, I breathe out, "Make love to me, Edward. Please, just fucking make love to me…"

"You sure?" He asks, then whispers, "Do you want me to make love to you?" He slowly licks the shell of my ear, his hot breath making a beeline for my aching core. "Or do you want me to fuck you, Bella?"

His words cause my body to convulse with want and need, and I can no longer hold back when I say almost breathless, "Fuck me. Make love to me. I don't care. I just need you inside of me. Now."

Chapter Text

I feel as Bella grinds her ass against my steely erection. She's still facing the bathroom mirror as I stand behind her, hands on her hips.

I feel my cock twitch when she looks over her shoulder, hair still dripping from the shower, and says, "Please, Edward."

I stare at her for a moment longer, taking in every inch of her beautiful body, a body I have every intention of worshiping.

Placing my hands on either side of Bella's waist, I gently pull her towards me, lightly pressing down on her back. "Bend over, baby. Spread your legs for me. Wide."

It's a beautiful thing when the person you have so much desire for opens up to you so easily, wanting, needing, giving, especially when you can watch your own eyes looking back at you as you move deep inside of her. Which I plan on doing soon.

I'm going deep. Really fucking deep. But first, I want her aching for me. I want her aching for me as much as I'm aching for her.

She's so fucking wet right now, so fucking wet. But it doesn't keep me from licking the underside of three fingers, and swiping them across the length of her heated core.

"Oh, God!"

I continue to stroke, listening to Bella's soft mewling. I watch her face in the mirror, her eyes closed, and mouth partially open as she grips the counter for support.

I'm so painfully hard. I can feel the throbbing, the coiling deep in my belly, needing some sort of friction.

I stand, taking my hand with me, earning a soft cry from Bella at the loss of contact.

I lean in wrapping my hand around the front of her neck, and pulling her face back toward me for a kiss. I move my lips against her slowly, letting the kiss linger. I run my tongue across her lips, asking for entrance, and I am quickly granted permission as Bella's consumes me.

Bella's pulls away, panting, and biting her bottom lip. "Edward, I can't wait," she purrs, pressing her ass into my hard erection.

There's no need for me to respond, only to act.

I keep my hand firmly wrapped around her neck as I pull away, and position myself to enter her. I take a deep breath, lining my cock at her entrance. "Damn, baby, you're so wet for me." I run the length of my erection slowly up and down her slit, nudging slightly at her entrance.

"Oh God, Edward," Bella whimpers. "More. I need more."

I don't hesitate as I push into her, deep and slow, feeling her moist walls consume me. I revel in it. It feels amazing.

"Jesus, fuck," I say in a strangled tone. Feeling her wrapped out me is all too consuming.

"Harder!"

I look up and notice Bella's eyes on me as she looks into the mirror and watches me fuck her from behind. It's an unbelievable sight.

I start to move faster, thrusting harder, giving her everything I have, and listening to her cries of pleasure. The coiling in the pit of my stomach winds tighter…tighter….tighter…

"Oh, fuck, Edward…I'm gonna cum! Please! Please make me cum!"

I slam harder, giving Bella what she needs the most. I listen as our bodies slap together, skin to skin, juices dripping.

"Cum for me, Bella. Let me hear you," I say with gritted teeth, because I can feel my own impending release on the brink.

Harder…Harder…Harder…

"Oh, shit!"

And that's when I feel it.

I watch as Bella's body convulses around me, rocking…rocking…rocking…

"Fuck! Fuck! Ungh!"

"That's it, baby," I tell her, as I continue to thrust, urging my own release forward. "Fuck you feel so fucking good."

And then it breaks…

I grip her waist with one hand, and with the other wrap around her neck, I grip a little tighter as I spill deep within her slick walls. I pulsate, draining everything I have.

"Fuck!" I ground out, pumping once…twice…three times…

I try to steady my breathing, kneading the skin on Bella's waist, as I lean in close to her ear and say, "I don't think I can go another day without you near me. Stay."

Chapter Text

“I love you smelling like this,” Edward says, running his nose from my pubic bone up to my belly button, leisurely tracing the way with his tongue. “You smell like me…and sex.”

“You’re disgusting,” I say, running my fingers through his wayward hair.

“And you,” he replies, “are adorable.”

Edward dips his head, placing a soft kiss on my belly button, making me giggle. His low chuckle is contagious. I could lay here with him, all day, just enjoying the way he makes me feel, so content and so completely sated.

“Edward?”

“What is it, baby?” He asks, bringing his chin up to rest on my belly, and looking at me under heavily hooded eyes.

I cannot think with him looking at me like that. It should truly be illegal to be that beautiful, and sinfully sexy, all at the same time.

I look down at him and try to choose my words cautiously. The last time we, or I, spoke about baby making it didn’t go over so well.

I run my hand once more through his hair, and suck in a ragged breath, and quietly say, “We...we, didn’t use a condom.”

Edward sighs, knitting his brows together, as he reaches up and pulls my hands from his head. He places them around his neck as he slowly crawls up my body, and settles himself between my legs. He places a light kiss on my lips, dragging his tongue across the bottom one, asking for entrance. I give it to him without hesitation, as I open my mouth and revel in the taste that is Edward Cullen.

He doesn’t speak, or answer my admission, when I feel him enter me. He’s slow, painstakingly slow, taking his time. He fills me fully with his impressive, hard cock. I feel him twitch within my moist walls, pushing, and sliding deeper. Everything is quiet, except for our labored breathing, and the gentle movement of Edward's oversized bed.

I gasp. “Oh…fuck.”

“You feel that?” Edward asks, thrusting into me with his arms on either side of my head. “Do you?”

“Feel…oh God!” I cry out, unable to form a coherent sentence. "Yes, I feel so much!"

"But, Baby, do you feel it"? He asks again, in a husky voice.

“Feel…feel…what?”

Edward kisses my open mouth and nibbles on my bottom lip, pulling it with his teeth. He releases it with a snap and slides his cheek across mine, as he reaches my ear and whispers, “Me not giving a shit about a condom. Me and you, with nothing in between. Do you feel it, Bella?”

And there’s Nyddi in a heap on the floor, poking holes in some of Edward's condoms, and making water balloons with the rest…

Chapter Text

"You ready, Baby?"

"No."

"Jesus, you'll be fine, Bella."

"No."

"Okay. What's it gonna take to get you to go in?"

"Nothing. I'm not doing it."

"Just get in."

"No. You don't know what's in there. Something could bite me."

As begin to fold my arms in front of my chest, I feel my feet come up off the ground, and water hit my back, drenching me from both ends.

"Oh my God! Are you crazy?" I bark out, flinging my wet hair out of my face.

A sly smirk spreads across Edward's face as he places his hands firmly on hips. "That is very likely," he says, fingering the hem of his t-shirt and pulling it over his head.

I watch intently as Edward pulls his t-shirt over his head, tossing it to the side. He flicks the button on his pants, releasing it in one swift move. And, before I break my cemented gaze from him, I watch as his pants slide down his legs.

"Wh…what are you doing?" I pant, I mean ask, as I tread water and try to stay afloat.

He doesn't answer me as he slides his boxer briefs down his legs. They hit the ground in a silent thud and my mouth goes dry. I will never tire of seeing this man naked.

The past twenty four hours have been nothing short of amazing. Edward has proven to be an attentive lover, taking my needs and wants into consideration before his own. I've never had any man treat me the way he has. It's an amazing feeling to know that someone wants to give you all that they have with no limits and no conditions. And on the same token, I know that there is still a lot that Edward and I need to talk about.

"I'm commin' in!"

And with that, I watch wide eyed as Edward takes a running start and jumps feet first into the water. It's pretty cute to watch, but my eyes are naturally glued to his balls and Johnson swinging back and forth, bouncing around for all to see.

I yelp when Edward grabs me from underneath the lake water, and pops his head up above the surface. Damn, he's so fucking hot.

After running my hand through his wet hair, Edward pulls me into him, kissing me lightly on the lips, and says, "Ever make love in a lake?"

Chapter Text

My shirt goes first…

The bra? Yeah that doesn't last very long either…

Oh, and my shorts? Well, those went a while ago…

"I love feeling your naked body, all wet, against mine."

Jesus, if he keeps talking to me like that I might just explode!

"Edward," I draw out, almost cumming on the spot when he dips his head to nip at my collarbone. "Edward, we need to talk."

And we do. There's so much to work out, to get out of the way, to…

"No, babe, this is what we need to be doing, more of this...," he playfully says, dragging his tongue along the underside of my throat, and successfully makes me groan. "Talk later. Lick now."

My body gives in, relaxing against his chest. He feels so good with his strong arms wrapped around me, holding me close. Hard against soft. Steel against feathers. Wet skin against wet skin….

He slowly lifts me up and my legs automatically wrap around his waist. He looks at me with those deep green eyes, effectively making my body weaken.

"Oh, shit," I whimper, as I feel Edward enter me, filling me completely. He goes deep, thrusting…thrusting…thrusting…

"Fuck," he groans into my neck. "I really want to feel you cum around me."

I close my eyes and there's Nyddi. Poor girl is in a puddle of womanly goo, sprawled out, plucking at her nipples. She really needs a man.

"Edward…Edward we…Oh my God! Ungh!"

"That's it, baby," he coos, as he pistons deeper inside of my weeping pussy. "Let. Me. Hear. You."

"Oh, yes! Edward, I'm gonna…I'm gonna cum!"

And I do. And it's glorious. And it feels so damn good. And…

"Hey! Hey you guys!"

My head immediately snaps up when I hear a voice call out to us with Edward following suit.

"Hey! You guys skinny dippin'?"

Oh, no! Oh, dear sweet baby Jesus, no! Please do not…

"C'mon, Rosie!"

And that's when I see it. Another set of balls and a Johnson.

I would give anything not to have seen them, but that was impossible. Because there, dangling in the wind, was Emmett in all his glory, totally naked...except for his boots. He flexes a few times, looks around for his audience, and then, without any warning, does a sloppy cannonball into the lake, while yelling out "We're goin' dippin'!"

And Nyddi is now running in the opposite direction from the sight of Emmett in the buff...

Chapter Text

“Damn, this water sure feels good on my balls!”

I’m still clinging to Edward, and he’s still inside of me, throbbing, as I stare wide-eyed at Emmett bobbing and thrashing wildly in the water.

The funny thing is the lake is as calm as it could possibly be. There is absolutely no reason for his idiocy.

“Ya guys sure had the right idea,” Emmett says, smiling like a loon as he wades around us. “How long ya two been out here? Hey Ed, did ya hear? James got his pecker stuck in the hole of his Jacuzzi. Poor bastard. I bet that hurt like a son of a…”

“Em! For the love of…” Edward barks out, stopping short, as he clenches his jaw, and continues to move uncomfortably inside of me. No doubt his once hard erection is now semi-flaccid.

I could beat the cock blocking hillbilly with a shovel right about now.

“What’s the matter, Ed? Ya got a cramp or somthin’?” Apparently, Emmett notices the awkward look on Edward’s face.” Here,” he says, moving closer to us, “Let me help ya get…”

“No! Jesus…no!” Edward yelped, giving me an apologetic look, as he slowly slid out of me, making me whimper. He screws his eyes shut and tenses his jaw. “Em, can you please turn around.”

I chance a look at Emmett as he knits his brows together, and scratches his head. “But…” I swear the guy needs a full mental evaluation.

“No buts, Em! Just…turn around so Bella can get out of the water,” Edward demands, and Emmett shrugs his shoulders and does as his friend asks.

I made quick work of swimming toward the shoreline, and tried to figure out how in the hell I was going to hoist myself up onto to the short dock without being noticed. Just knowing that my vag is probably consuming more fishy goodness than a cannery, makes my insides churn as I near the dock.

As I grip the water soaked wood, I look out to where I left Edward and Emmett and notice that the big oaf’s back is still facing me.

I see Nyddi, and I notice that she’s back in the water...practicing her deep sea diving all around Emmett and Edward, wearing her bright pink goggles, snorkel and fins...and still butt naked…She wags her eyebrows at me and clicks her tongue.

I decide that it’s now or never. Needless to say, as soon as I get halfway out of the water, I feel a hand grip my arm. My eyes snap up to find Rosalie’s blue ones staring back at me. It doesn’t get passed me that she’s wearing a knowing smirk, the kind that says, “I know what you were doing.”

“Need some help, Missy?” Rosalie asks, as she stretches out her hand for me to take. She dips her head, “Looks like it’s a titty bit nipply, wouldn't ya say there?”

Fuck. My. Life.

I look down and snort. “Ya think?”

As soon as Rosalie pulls me out of the water, I spin wheels and run for the cover of safety. Standing behind a tree a thought quickly hits me. Rosalie comes into view and panic sets in.

“What’s wrong, Bella?”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. “My clothes,” I point towards the water, “are floating in the lake.”

Rosalie lets out a deep belly laugh, as she doubles over in a fit of giggles. “Oh, my damn! You are something else, Missy.”

With a little bit of coaxing on Rosalie’s part, I find myself riding bitch on the back of that dirty ass quad I loathe so much. I'm naked as a jay bird, my boobs flapping, and my hair blowing, as Rosalie zips down the dirt road, heading for her house.

She raises her hand in the air and gives me a thumbs up.

Fuck. My. Life!

Chapter Text

"So, you and Edward gettin' cozy, huh?"

If Rosalie's smile is any indicator that she's okay with me and Edward "getting' cozy" with each other, then I have nothing to worry about.

"You guys using anything?"

What?

Nyddi's off to the side looking in her full length mirror, running her hands over her…plump belly? Huh?

I shake off the thought when I hear Rosalie snap her fingers near my ear.

"What?" I ask, slightly lost.

"I said, are you and Edward using anything? You know, like rubbers?"

Oh. "Um…well…yeah. Sure."

I'm going to hell for lying. I'm going to hell because the Amazon is going to shoot me and send me there with a one way ticket.

"You're a damned liar, Missy!" Rosalie exclaimed, pointing her finger at me, as she chuckled at my expense. "You two been goin' bareback, ain't ya?"

I take a deep breath when I realize that Rosalie isn't pissed. One of these days I hopefully won't be so anal around the woman.

"You sure you're ready?" she asks, arching a brow, something I've seen her do on many occasions.

"Ready for what?" I honestly have no clue what she's talking….

"Babies. You ready for them babies, Missy?"

And then it hits me hard, like a Mack truck at full speed. All the fun Edward and I have had in the past twenty four hours has been tossed out the window, leaving the ripe reality that is my life. I could be pregnant. No protection equals pregnant. No protection and a lot of sex with Edward equals pregnant. A lot of sex with Edward in a lot of different positions equals pregnancy.

As I process Rosalie's question, I take a minute to digest it all. Am I really ready for babies? What if I'm not a good mother? What if I can't provide for my child? Jesus! What if I put the diaper on wrong?

I run my hand over my flat belly.

No baby bump.

I look down, scrunching my hand over my abdomen.

Tears prick my eyes.

I could really be pregnant. I could really be pregnant!

"You okay, Bella?" Rosalie asks, apparently noticing the awful shade of green sweeping over my face. "You don't look so good."

Panic starts to set in, and my stomach starts to turn. My breathing becomes hitched, and sweat pellets begin to form over my brows. I try to breathe but there's no time to gather my wits about me when I hear heavy footfalls come up the front porch steps. My eyes instantly snap up when I see Emmett and Edward walk in the house.

"Damn it, Em! Could you quit fucking farting when I'm right behind your stinky ass?" Edward growls out.

"Sorry, E, but that burrito I ate earlier is catchin' up with me." Emmett kisses Rosalie, and smiles down at me, saying, "Hey, Clarabelle, smell that? That sure is a stinker," as he fans his hand across his rear.

Before anything else could be mentioned about Emmett's ass pollution, I look up at Edward and say, "I don't feel so good."

And Nyddi is over in the corner , singing the hallelujah chorus and blowing up those condoms until they pop...

Chapter Text

I stand behind Bella. It's enough that she's hunkered over the toilet, but listening to her heave chunks in the porcelain pot is making my stomach queasy.

And the smell...

"You done, Bella?" I ask, feeling my stomach turn with each lurch. "Cause…um…I'm…"

And that's when it happens.

The sound of Bella upchucking in the toilet sends my stomach violently twisting and turning. While I try to keep her hair pulled back,and be supportive, I feel the contents of my breakfast shoot upwards as my body twists from side to side, as I search for my own place to vomit.

"Oh, God!" I hear Bella cry out as she shoves her head back in the toilet, releasing yet another round of explosive puke.

Fuck...the smell...

My jaw clenches, and my eyes screw shut, in an attempt to keep my stomach under control. "Jesus, you done, Bella?" Please say yes. Please fucking say yes…

She rapidly shakes her head from side to side. "I don't know what's wrong with…" There she goes again.

I rack my brain trying to figure out why she is so sick, and what in the hell might have caused it. And on the flip side, why in the hell am I just as sick.

Was it something in the water?

"I think…" I say, gagging. "I'm going to be…sick."

Oh...that motherfucking smell...

Standing behind Bella I feel it. It's coming fast, and hard, and fast, and…

"Bella, I…I…oh, God!"

Chapter Text

There's no way around it. The deed has been done.

The results were not positive...

"I'm so sorry, Bella."

I take in a deep breath, trying hard not to ingest faucet water through my nose as it pours down the sides of my face.

Damn my belly still hurts.

"I don't usually get…um…sick like that when other people are getting sick, but you…um…damn, Bella. I mean, that shit was…"

I shake my head in hopes that he'll shut up. Just the idea of vomiting sends by body into a fit of shivers.

"Edward, please," I plead under the powerful spray.

He doesn't say anything, as he continues to massage my head under the spray of the bathtub faucet, rubbing in the shampoo with gentle motions.

"I just…" he says with a deep sigh.

"I get it, really, Edward."

He must feel like shit after what happened, but he can't begin to imagine how crappy I feel right now. Not only does my belly still feel like it's turning a thousand miles a minute, but my body is aching so bad. Not to mention, I have the shivers. Oh yeah, and let's not forget…

"Well hell, Bella," Edward huffs, as he turns the water off, and wraps a towel around my head. When I move my body around to face him, a look of regret sweeps across his face. "I really am sorry."

I cup his cheeks in the palms of my hands, cradling him there, as I look into his eyes. "Don't sweat it, Edward. I really just think I might be getting the flu or something. My body kinda hurts."

He nods in confirmation. "Yeah, you don't look so good. Maybe you should go lie down, Baby."

As I pass by Edward, he reaches for my hand and lightly pulls me back to him. Just when I think he's about to kiss me on the forehead, he leans in and takes a whiff of my wet hair and says, "I'm sorry for throwing up in your hair,Baby. But…at least it smells good now."

Yup...must have been the water.

Nyddi shakes her head, and then erupts in a fit of giggles, giving me a big thumbs up.

Chapter Text

Whatever Bella has, is seriously kicking her ass and doing a number on her. She's been asleep since she got sick yesterday, only to get up to use the bathroom or get something to drink.

And I swear I have never seen someone drool so much as she does while sleeping.

I tried to apologize as much as I could for the disgusting mishap with her hair. I have never been so embarrassed about anything in my life, but that, well, it was fucked up to the nth degree. How she will ever be able to forgive me, I have no clue.

After I woke up this morning and checked on Bella, I decided to let her rest, and took off to the stables. If she needs anything, I programed my number into her cell phone.

"C'mon, Kate, git."

Kate has always been the one solid source in my life that has never let me down. The past couple of days have had me wondering if Bella could be that for me. If she can be my constant.

"That's it girl. Run," I say, tapping my heel against Kate's backside. "Fly, Baby. Let's go!"

When I first bought the ranch I wasn't dead set on buying any animals. I really just wanted the place as a sanctuary from all of the bullshit life abruptly dealt me. Never in a million years would I have ever thought that, by losing so much, I would have gained even more. I'd never ridden a horse before buying Kate, and now, well, riding so freely on top of this beautiful girl is my favorite place to be.

After a few laps around the arena, I realize that Kate's had enough, as I notice the sweat around her long mane. Once we hit the stables, I quickly set out to bathe and then brush Kate, and after that I give her fresh hay, water and grain.

Seeing that she's settled and relaxed, I lock up the gate to her stable, and head out to the water barrel just outside the barn door.

I take off my shirt and quickly dunk my head in the barrel in an attempt to cool myself off. Riding can sure bring on the sweat and stink really quickly. No way can I go back to the house and to Bella like this. Just then I hear the crackling of twigs behind me, and I know someone is approaching. As soon as I pop my head back up, with water dripping down my bare back and chest, I turn and see Bella standing inches from me, eyes trained on my chest.

"You're awake."

"You're shirtless."

"I am."

"I can see that."

"I was sweaty."

"Uh huh."

"How are you feeling?"

"Better."

"You hungry?"

"Uh huh."

"What would you like? I can make…"

"You."

Chapter Text

Four long strides. That’s all it takes for me to reach her.

I watch her breathe in and out as each breath comes out a little more ragged once I’m in front of her.

Her hair is messy, almost as if she’s been rode hard and put away wet. That isn’t possible. Not yet anyway.

What the hell is she wearing?

I quickly pull her into a clean, empty stall, and press her gently against the wall.

“Are you trying to kill me in this?” I ask through gritted teeth. “Or are you trying to give Emmett a show? Cause’ I don’t think Rosalie would appreciate that much.”

I dip my hand down and finger the hem of the long, white t-shirt, trying hard not to rip the damn thing right off of her. I run my hand along her ass and realize that she only has a pair of lacy panties on underneath, and when my eyes shoot up to meet hers, they stop short of her breasts. She isn’t wearing a bra.

I run my free hand up and quickly palm her left breast.

“Yeah. I think you are definitely trying to kill me.”

With quickness I never knew I possessed, my lips meet Bella’s with a ferocious hunger. Our lips dance together, as our tongues fight with a vengeance.

“Oh, my God, Edward,” Bella mutters, as she throws her head back, and closes her eyes. “You…oh, God!”

I bring my hand up and cup the side of her head, winding my fingers in her hair, giving myself better access. I pull her head to the side, and my wet mouth immediately descends on her neck, licking, sucking, and nipping.

“You are so fucking gorgeous.”

“Oh…oh…Edward, please,” Bella whimpers, and I want nothing more to give her anything, and everything she wants, even if I have to crawl to the ends of the earth to get it.

“Say it, Bella. Tell me how to make you feel good.”

Soft whimpers escape her lips, as I continue my ministrations, palming her breasts and sucking on her skin, when she utters out, “Make love to me, Edward. Here, right now.”

Anything…I’ll give you anything

Chapter Text

I have no clue what made me sick. I mean, there are about a thousand things that could have done it, but thank goodness it's over with.

When I woke up and found Edward had left the house, I was slightly panicked that he was turned off by the situation. Then again, he did vomit in my hair. I think I may use that to my advantage later.

Once I slipped out of bed and took a well needed shower, I realized that the clothes I had brought with me needed washing, so I decided to rummage through Edward's drawers to find something to wear. Luckily, I found an over-sized t-shirt. And, as horny as I was waking up, I decided that the shirt and panties was sufficient enough.

I was on a one track mind to seduce the man who'd become my newest addiction.

And then I saw him standing next to the barn, shirtless, sweaty, and all kinds of yummy wrapped up in a gorgeous package that I seriously need to unwrap. Preferably with my teeth.

"Touch me, Bella," Edward requests, as he nips at the skin below my ear.

Nyddi stomps the ground with her red stiletto, thrusting her hands toward Edward's crotch, mouthing the words, Touch his peen, Bitch!

I suck in a much needed breath and let my eyes trail down Edward's torso. I run my hand down the rippled planes of his chest, feeling every ridge and the bold hardness of his body. My finger circles his tight nipple.

"Fuck, Baby," he moans, clamping his teeth down on my skin.

I rub my thighs together in an attempt to create some much needed friction.

"Touch it," Edward whispers in my ear, as he lightly presses his jean clad cock into my thigh. "I need to feel your hand wrapped around me, Baby."

A visible shudder rockets through my body, leaving goose bumps in its wake.

I continue to let my fingers dance across Edward's wet, sweaty skin, as I reach his happy trail at the 'V' between his hips. My tongue itches to drag along the thin strip of hair from his navel to the Promised Land.

"Baby, I can't wait," Edward says in a breathy, choppy voice. "I need to feel your hands on me."

I shudder.

He leans in closer to me ear.

"Touch my cock, Bella."

Nyddi puts on a pair of airman goggles naked, wearing only her red stilettos, and holding up a sign that reads, I'm goin' in and takin' one for the team!

Chapter Text

The suspense is fucking killing me!

Doesn’t she know that if another nanosecond passes, I might just get blue balls?

Apparently not. Her hand is moving so slow, you’d think that my dick was gonna bite her. Well, if she doesn’t do something quick, I will not be responsible for my actions.

This makes me think of the first girl I ever attempted to go down on…

“Edward, just lick it already! The damn thing isn’t going bite you!”

I studied it for a minute, or two, trying to figure out what her pussy resembled. Nothing came to mind.

“If you do not stick your face down there and do something, I will beat your ass with your own dick!”

I stared at her shaved, wet folds, spreading her legs even wider, before I brought my face down between her legs.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to pleasure her, hell, it was my first time and I was scared shitless that I’d fuck it up.

“LICK IT!”

After several attempts, a few moans, a few fingers thrusts, several licks and sucks on her tight nub, I had the girl panting my name and writhing off the bed.

I will never forget Heather Abdelrahman. Yeah, I never did figure out what her last name meant.

I’m brought back from my walk down memory lane when I hear a soft thud hit the floor. When I look down my eyes widen. Bella is on her knees.

“Wha…what are you…”

And before another word flies from my mouth, I watch as she releases me from my jeans, wraps her soft hand around my shaft, and descends, mouth open, taking all of me in.

My knees begin to buckle, and…

I think I died and went to heaven.

“Oh, fuck!”

Chapter Text

The last time I took a man this way, it turned out all wrong. Not only did I let it slip every few minutes, I was getting confused, switching from balls to Johnson. Needless to say, the only one that got off was the guy's parrot. He kept repeating, "Suck it. Suck it." In the end I was absolutely mortified.

And now here I am…in front of Edward…down on my knees…ready to consume him.

And I want to.

"Um, Baby, you don't…"

I don't let him get another word out as I bring my mouth down on him, loving every inch I devour.

"Jesus, fuck!"

I go further, relaxing my muscles, breathing evenly through my nose.

I feel Edward run his fingers through my hair, gripping several locks, and securing his hand there.

I let him.

I like it.

I want it.

"More, Baby. Fuck…more," he mutters out, pulling my hair just as fraction, causing my head to come even closer to his body.

I crave it.

A growl rips through his lips, and more profanities slip from his mouth.

I'm making him do this.

It's me doing this.

I feel empowered.

I see Nyddi in the loft, perched on a bale of hay, rubbing herself into oblivion.

I go further…further…further, taking in all of him until there is nothing more to feed on.

"Fuck me, Bella, you're gonna make me come," he says, and I look up at him through my lashes, earning yet another sinful growl. "You are so fucking beautiful."

And with that, I feel his body tense, and I brace myself, never removing mouth from him, as he comes undone, and I am there to take every drop of it.

Catching his breath, and me catching mine, Edward pulls me up, kisses me with a fury and says, "Your turn, Baby."

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OzellaMarie

Summary:

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Chapter 1: The Biological Clock

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Chapter 2: Fuzzy Bunnies

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Chapter 3: Pancaking the Barbie

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Chapter 4: The Funky Onion

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Chapter 5: I Want It

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Chapter 6: People Do This All The Time

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Chapter 7: The Joke's On You

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Chapter 8: Sasquatch

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Chapter 9: Got Lysol?

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Chapter 10: Prepared, Armed, and Ready

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Chapter 11: Where Are You Ashton?

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Chapter 12: Tame That Furry Beast

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Chapter 13: Chewbacca and the Hillbillies

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Chapter 14: You Are Not Welcome Here

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Chapter 15: Bushy Rodents and Squirming Bellas

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Chapter 16: Not So Fast, Mister!

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Chapter 17: The Vanishing Prius

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Chapter 18: This Old Hound Dog

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Chapter 19: Does A Bear Shitith in The Woods?

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