He was a dream- nothing more, nothing less.
It was with this thought that should have had Tidus questioning his existence, questioning everything that he had gone through. Hell, it should have had him questioning why the Fayth chose him of all people to stop their suffering. But deep down, a part of him already accepted the reality, and the consequences left with it.
Sin was finally dead.
Spira would no longer suffer from the pain and losses of the ongoing evil monstrosity.
He knew he wouldn’t be able to go back, because everything was the way it should be. There was no need for him anymore. The dream had ended.
He was met with a feeling of loss, alongside that satisfaction and acceptance of his fate. He didn’t get his chance to say the three words he had longed to say back to the woman who had sacrificed so much. He loved her.
So many sacrifices were made, but all for a good cause, he supposed.
Though he didn’t get to say those words, he knew in his heart what he felt, and that they would see each other again. He wasn’t sure about when or how.
The Farplane was more than just a large place where the dead resided when their souls went to rest. It was a place of death, peace, and ending. It was eternal.
He didn’t know how he was supposed to spend an eternity here. It was just soo…eerie.
For days he had tried adjusting to the resting place. There were many floating pieces of rock that were suspended from nothing, each cascading flowing waterfalls toward the floating abyss below. The water ran through the flowery patches of earth, seemingly unaffected by the flowing water. There was also the sky, which held an offsetting mix of both the sun and the moon. It was like an ethereal twilight that cascaded the sky. While there were stars that dotted the dark half of the blue night sky, the other was forever glowing with an orange dusk. There was no division, but they merely blended together where the moon and the sun stood next to each other.
While Tidus was amazed by the view, it was different and unsettling from the sunsets and sunrises that he had seen in Spira. At least there, he could tell what time of the day it was, or rather, he could indicate if it were daylight or nighttime. Here, time didn’t seem to have a value or indication.
He had been here long enough to know that wandering around aimlessly was a way to gather his bearings, and to get a new sense of himself. He remembered seeing his old man after hopping off of Cid’s airship, and diving into the Farplane below. His father was proud of him; he exchanged smiles, even a high five. But after the exchange, Tidus was left alone to fend for himself throughout this wide and mysterious plain.
His feet carried him towards a wide and open expanse. The grass here was only an inch high, but still swayed from the small breeze. The purple sky cast rays of aurora lights above, and Tidus wondered when in the world did that happen. Thinking of the circumstances that he had been led through, he never would have imagined himself to be a dream created by the Fayth, but as he was confronted by the truth by none other than the Bahamut Fayth himself, something inside of him wasn’t shocked or surprised.
He accepted it for what it was. Maybe the reason as to why he accepted it so easily was because he had accepted everything else.
Stopping his stride in the middle of the grass, he rubbed the back of his neck absently. He knew it was going to be the death of him some day (figuratively speaking, since he wasn’t dead. He was just a dream). He was so accepting and sympathetic that it was his weakness. But even as he stood there, he realized that that was what helped him throughout his journey, and helped him along the pilgrimage. He created friends and memories along the way that would never be forgotten.
He could only imagine what his father would say.
‘You’re too weak, stop crying like a damn baby.’
‘Some son you are.’
Those were the memories that he once had of his father- the one created by the Fayth. Tidus had to remind himself that he was none of those things his father said he was, and that the troubled past he had behind him was what made him who he was today.
He shook his head, ridding himself of the troubling memories of his past. Now things were different. His was safe with the fact that his father didn’t hate him. In fact, it was the exact opposite.
Now only if he could find his old man in this damn place.
There were many Pyreflies floating around aimlessly, looking as if they didn’t have a care in the world. Tidus found, over the short amount of time here, that he actually liked the small tails of light floating around, regardless of the fact that they denoted a sense of life and death. He lifted a hand out as one floated past his face, knowing full well that it was nothing but an insubstantial point of light that drifted with no sense of direction. If he were in Spira, seeing them floating aimlessly would have gotten him a little nervous, but seeing them here was more of a natural occurrence which he had grown used to.
The Pyreflies in front of him illuminated his face, making his blue eyes more vibrant as they followed him. A few circled around his feet as well as around his torso, surrounding him like a veil to the point it was almost blinding. The blond stepped back a bit and watched as they pulled forward and away, as if an invisible wind was pulling them into a gentle breeze. There were about fifty, or maybe sixty of them, creating a trail into the air several feet above him, and floated away towards the cascading waterfalls ahead.
“Really now?” Tidus said to himself, taking a step forward. That was a little weird, but at the same time, Tidus had seen weirder. Something told him that he should follow, and that he should listen to his gut instinct. He didn’t see any harm to it actually. Anything was better than wandering around without a sense of direction.
With that he started a jog and followed the trailing tail, all the while noting that the floating rocks above him were slowly moving and shifting around. He wondered vaguely how it was possible to get up or even down those things. It wasn’t as if he could fly.
Now that would be something to tell his old man.
The open plain started to shrink into a narrower road, and the greenery shifted to more flowers and less grass. Looking at the abyss below, he was greeted with the familiar sight that he had encountered when he first entered the Farplane back in Guadosalam. Below, there seemed to be a canyon with huge cascading waterfalls. The water-not its natural blue, but a bright orange gold, cascaded into a bed of bright red flowers below. It was a vibrant sight that had grabbed his attention almost immediately. Beyond the canyon and the bed of flowers, was ground and grassy terrain. It merged with the lake that glowed with crystalline blue water, which, was the most natural thing he had seen in the Farplane thus far. The place had its own beauty and magnificence even though it did denote a sense of death and foreboding. So mesmerized by the sight, he nearly tripped over his own foot and fell, but he caught himself before it even happened.
Grinning sheepishly at his own clumsiness, he continued to follow the cluster of pyreflies as they reached a decline of the narrow path. There were orange clouds shifting above and around them, making the road a little difficult to see. Tidus looked ahead, noting that the clusters of pyreflies were leaving him at a faster pace.
“Hey, wait!” He called out. He broke into a run, while still trying to be careful as to where the ground ended. There was more even plain, and the terrain was grassier. The pyreflies dispersed and then started to disappear. The blond was left a little confused at the phenomenon, mostly because he was hoping that they were going to lead him to at least someone.
In fact, he hadn’t seen any hint or trace a person or fiend since arriving here. Maybe that was a good thing that he hadn’t encountered any fiends. He wasn’t really up for a fight anyway.
The dusky clouds uplifted like a blur of dust, revealing the grassy and rocky terrain. Ahead of him, he could see that it ended at the shimmering crystal blue lake. To his right, there was more land and trees becoming denser to develop into a forest.
Tidus walked into uncharted territory, blinking when he caught a glimpse of something red and brown amongst the glowing red trees. He ran, curiousness getting the best of him.
There was a grunt and he fell to the floor. Tidus bought his hand up to his head and winced. This was the first time he had ever felt pain after being in the Farplane. At least he knew for a fact he was solid matter instead of a transparent being, because whatever he bumped was as hard as a rock.
“Looks like you’re still clumsy. Still haven’t learned to watch where you’re going after how many years?”
At the sound of the man’s voice, Tidus couldn’t help the smile that played on his lips. He looked up to see a smirking Jecht. His arms were crossed over his chest, lean body towering over him.
Sitting up, Tidus glared at his old man, but there wasn’t as much malice behind it as before. “Still with the insults old man?”
There was a chuckle from the older man, and he stopped momentarily, while eyes slowly softening as he looked his son over.
“Just tryin’ ta keep you from messin’ up kid,” The older man looked away once Tidus gave him an even stare, and turned away. If the younger Tidus were to hear those words, they would have no doubt sent him angry with tears of frustration. But hearing them now spoke volumes to him, especially since he could tell how uncomfortable his father was feeling at the moment.
Tidus tried to act unfazed by the comment, and smiled. “Looks like I finally found you old man.”
“Took you long enough,” Jecht commented, “In fact, I was wondering if we were ever going to find you.”
“We? Oh you mean-“
Tidus was cut short as Jecht called over his shoulder “Hey, guys. He’s over here!” Tidus didn’t have to wait long to see who Jecht was talking to, nor did he have to guess. His heart nearly leapt out of his chest when he met the cool gaze of Auron walking out of the dense foliage towards them, as well as a summoner whom he never laid eyes on, but knew was Lord Braska.
“Hn.” Auron’s gruff voice broke Tidus’ thoughts as he stood beside Jecht. “Three days.”
“What do you mean, three days?” Tidus asked.
“Trying to find you, but it looks like you found us,” Lord Braska commented, appearing behind Auron. Tidus had never seen the man up close, but the people of Spira held Yuna’s father in such a high regard- the ones who weren’t influenced by the Yevon teachings at least.
“Three days? How did you know it took that long, let alone, how in the world do you tell time in this place?” Tidus turned to Auron, who always held his still posture and stared at him through his sunglasses. Even in the Farplane, he still held his usual attire.
Jecht barked out a laugh. “That’s why I have Braska here. Been wonderin’ that myself.”
Braska let out a soft laugh, looking between both Tidus and Jecht. “Like father like son, I suppose.” He lifted out a hand just as a few pyreflies weaved in between his fingers. “A thing I learned about pyreflies is that they really do unexpected things,”
Well, of course they did. Even Tidus knew that.
“Since Jecht wanted so badly to see his son, Braska sent them to go find you.” Auron said gruffly.
“First of all, I ain’t desperate. And second, he didn’t send them. He spoke to them or some shit that summoners do,” Jecht grumbled to the red-coated guardian, turning away from the both of them.
Tidus didn’t know whether to feel a little light-hearted at the fact that his father wanted to see him for once in his life, or just awkward about it. This was a new experience even for him.
“If your heart yearns for something, it’ll find its way to obtain it.”
“Tch,” Jecht turned away, moving a few feet away from the group. “Alright. Looks like we found each other. Could we go now?”
Auron laughed, noting the settling uncomfortable tension on his friend’s demenour. He had been with Jecht long enough to know how the other man wasn’t great with words, even if he were on a friendly basis with his son. “I agree, we’ve wandered too far.”
Tidus’ interest was piqued. “Far from what?”
“You’ll see,” Braska replied, walking towards the forest of glowing red and orange. Auron followed, with Jecht following behind. Tidus walked along side him.
Their walk was indeed a long one, and there were a few occasions where Jecht would make comments on Auron, while the stoic man would grunt in reply, and Braska laughing at his comrade’s banter. Then there were times where Tidus would catch his father staring at him, then looking away and mumbling to himself, saying something along the ones of him not being the brightest box in the toolshed or something, which didn’t make much sense. Not wanting to argue, Tidus asked him how he could tell time in this place, and was greeted with the knowledge that summoners had a connection with pyreflies, and had an ability to communicate with them due to their connection with they Fayth. Somehow, the High Summoner knew how long the span of time was according to the pyreflies, and not only that, sent them to find Tidus, mostly on Jecht’s behalf.
Tidus knew his father would never admit it, not even to himself.
“Hey old man,” Tidus said after they left the dense forest and headed onto a large rocky surface. Both Lord Braska and Auron were standing at the edge, looking at the cascading waterfall coming from a higher floating rock ahead of them.
“Hn,” The man finally turned to him, smirk growing instantly on his features.
“I don’t…”His words fell short, not exactly knowing what to say. In all actuality, he didn’t hate his father. In fact, he didn’t think he’d have the will to hate anyone. Sure, he disliked the things that his father had put him and his mother through, and that would never go away. The pain ran deep and he tried to hide it. He tried to look past all of that though, and with his father becoming sin, sacrificing himself to become Braska’s final aeon, had made Tidus feel a little more respect for the man. His father wasn’t a monster. He wasn’t a bad guy. He was by no means perfect either, but that selfless act to save Spira made Tidus feel proud to be his son.
“Don’t worry about it kid.” The older man waved a hand dismissively, not letting the tense air get to him. He seemed as uncomfortable as Tidus, but tried to dismiss it. “Don’t need to say it.”
“Right,” Tidus nodded, not wanting to push it further. Somehow, they had established a mutual understanding of each other within this short span of time, and it was with this that they let the tension ease out itself, though it was going to take a while.
“Get ready, “Auron said, turning to face them. “The cliffs should be shifting over here any minute now,”
Tidus walked towards the edge, gaze lifted upwards towards the sky. “You mean you already know when and where they’re going to move?”
“Not exactly.” Auron said.”The way they move can be completely random, depending on the time of day and number of platforms involved.”
“But if you know where you want to go, they do connect and eventually lead you to one central place.” Braska said, stepping back just as the platform ahead of them descended. Once it was at ground level, Braska led the way. Auron followed, as well as Jecht.
Just as Tidus’s feet landed on the floating rock, he nearly fell in surprise when it shifted and began floating into the sky.
There was more traveling, and more connecting platforms that eventually led to a central expanse. The whole route seemed a little complicated, because once they had stepped on a platform, it would move to another once, but then go back to a completely different one.
The sky was shifting to a mix of dark purple and blue, making it seem as if it were nighttime.
“Here we are,” Braska said, stopping in front of a large rock before them.
“I don’t see anything,” Tidus said crossing his arms over his chest. He gave his father an annoyed stare as the man clapped his hand on his back.
“Of course you don’t. That’s why you have to go inside.” Jecht led the way, and Tidus watched as his old man walked through the long vines that draped down an entrance. Upon inspection, one would have just assumed it was just a regular rock and nothing more. They all looked the freaking same to him. How in the world did they tell the difference?
As it turned out, the entrance of the rock turned out to be a tunnel that descended into a long road. When they came to the end of the path, it was something Tidus was not expecting. Below, there was a large expanse of a circular cave of sorts. The ground was composed of a huge bed of flowers of reds, oranges, pinks and blues, just like the Farplane itself. They stretched over the far expanse. The pyreflies littered the high ceiling, with the stalagmites forming different kinds of crystal. The walls were composed of rock, and in front of them was where there was water cascading down them into a circular steam below. The stream extended around the circular cave, and deposited somewhere at the cave’s exit.
But that wasn’t what caught his attention. The question as to where were the people in the Farplane was finally answered. There had to be maybe at least a few hundred people gathered here. They were milling about and talking to one another, as if their deaths hadn’t even transpired. There were so many of them that Tidus couldn’t even count- Guado, Ronso, humans, and even Hypello altogether in this small community.
“How did you manage to find this?” The blond asked as he walked behind Jecht, noting that once they stepped off the path, some people gave Jecht enthusiastic smiles. He merely waved back. “And the people? Wouldn’t they be wandering around in the Farplane like me?”
“Yes and no,” Braska answered before Jecht could retort. He grumbled a few curses under his breath. “You see, people say the souls who are sent to the Farplane have their souls put to rest. While that is indeed true, no living being has had the account of what happens afterwards.”
The voices and chatter of the people were a little distracting to Tidus, as he caught some conversations of people whispering about the High Summoner and his guardians. Even in the Farplane, it seemed that people couldn’t give him a break. The High Summoner didn’t seem fazed though, most likely used to it.
“So I’m assuming that something bad happens? Like, getting attacked?”
“That’s one of the possibilities,” Auron said just as they entered another smaller cave. This one was more compact, and had a few tunnels running along it. There were people walking through them, talking amongst themselves. Something about this place seemed a little….gloomy to Tidus.
“Another possibility would be being dropped off at a remote location, and searching around aimlessly. If you don’t know where you’re going in the Farplane, or, if you don’t have a sense of direction, you would either be attacked by a fiend, or go insane, while wandering around aimlessly for eternity.”
At Braska’s words, Tidus felt a shudder run through him. He hadn’t thought of what would happen if he didn’t find anyone. In fact, being alone definitely would have made him go insane. Even if he were a wandering soul, he still had rational thought and felt things.
“Now that we’ve found you, we don’t have to worry about either of those happening.” Braska’s voice echoed through the cave that branched out into an even smaller cavern. But this one gave off a homely touch- there were benches that stood against the wall and connected to a bunch of vines that hung from the ceiling. The vines seemed to cover three entrances to what appeared rooms of some sort. Pyreflies aimlessly filtered through the walls and the ceiling, creating a natural light.
Tidus nodded, understanding what would have happened had he not found anyone, or rather, thankful that his intuition kicked in when he chased after those pyreflies. He rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. This really was a turn of events.
“So you went in alone?”
Tidus stared at his father in what would have been morbid fascination. Jecht’s signature smirk appeared on his lips once he caught Tidus’ eye, and he burst out laughing. The both of them were currently occupying one of the rooms, which wasn’t very impressive looking. It was the same as the outside - occupied a long wooden bench which embedded the Farplane’s signature flowers to make it comfortable. Besides the fact that all of the rooms in the cave looked the exact same way, the whole flower thing was starting to get old pretty fast.
“Bet your ass I did,” Jecht was leaning against the wall, laughing to himself as memories of old days filtered past. They had started a conversation about his father’s days back as a guardian, and he recalled a tale of when him, Braska and Auron were at Macalania to visit the temple there. He recalled the three of them attacking a fiend, and said fiend knocked Jecht’s weapon out of his hands. The man jumped into the freezing lake to obtain the weapon, and Jecht chopped off its tail in the process, weakening it. “The thing didn’t even know what was comin’ to him.”
“Sounds like something I would do,” Tidus said and leaned back, right knee raised and right arm resting against his knee casually. He was surprised at how relaxed he felt in front of the other man. Yeah, there was still the little tension that was there, but the sound of his father’s voice telling him stories were indeed hilarious, and Tidus found himself laughing the tension off. The two of them eased into the silence.
Both Auron and Braska had gone back to the Farplane’s Sanctuary(Which was what the High Summoner called it) to calm the people who have gathered there. He seemed to be an important figure amongst the lost souls, and have helped them to find their way amongst this place of the dead.
In a way, it did seem like a sanctuary for the people. There were no fiends, no danger. Just the souls and spirits of the people of Spira who have been caught in the cycle of death.
He remembered Seymour saying that Spira was constantly going through a continuous cycle of death. Death was inevitable; eternal.
Till this day Tidus still thought that man was a bastard.
Jecht gave him a pointed look, brown eyes studying his. “We’ve fulfilled our purpose.”
Tidus looked up, blue eyes staring at the older man in surprise, then shifting away. “Yeah, seems that way.” There was an unsettling feeling in him but he knew it was true. There was no longer any need for him because Sin was dead. The Fayth no longer could dream and they needed their rest. There was no way for them to go back.
There was no way he could go back to Yuna.
“Pretty sad you had to leave that girl. She seemed really nice.” Jecht trailed off. “All for the greater good.”
“She’ll be okay, she’s strong.” Tidus said, more to himself anyway. Yuna. The thought of her made him feel some sort of longing that he had never experienced in his life. Sure, he had girls admire him back when he was in dream Zanarkand, but those were fleeting, and never really held much value. Going on this pilgrimage with the Summoner made him realize that there was so much more out there, and her bold and fierce determination to save the world, as well as her unflinching stare at death of what awaited her at Zanarkand and the final Aeon, was more than enough to move him in ways he couldn’t explain.
Not only was she bold, she was fearless. She followed her heart even to the far reaches of earth and her resolve was unflinching. She was honest, loyal and kind-hearted that it made him admire her even more.
And for that, he loved her. He would do anything for her, including accepting his fate as a dream so she and the people she loved could live on and live happier lives.
“Look kid, you gotta know that things happen for a reason,” Jecht explained while leaning off the wall. “Hell, it was hard for me to accept being in present day Spira in the first place.”
It was strange how both of their feelings mirrored each other. Maybe Braska was right; like father like son.
“You pulled through. I’m even more proud of you.”
“I-“His words were caught in his throat- he couldn’t find the words to speak. Did he just hear right? Was his father proud of him? More? Did that mean that he always was to begin with? Since when?
Jecht gave a small shrug as he watched Tidus’ shocked look, then looked away. “Not good at these damn things,” He mumbled to himself, then turned to leave.
Deep down, Tidus had felt something equating to something at those words. He sat up, watching his father’s lean figure exit the room and go down the hall. To someone else, those words wouldn’t have much of a meaning. But to Tidus, they spoke volumes. Maybe it was because of the fact that most of his life he had been waiting for some kind of acknowledgement from his old man, albeit him constantly putting him down.
The man was brash, and would not hesitate in calling him a crybaby in front of others, especially his mom, but that in turn made Tidus retaliate and fight back. There grew a strong dislike towards the man and everything he represented. There was no way in hell he’d ever say he loved his dad. That would be quite a stretch since the man was gone from his life for practically ten years, and the times before that, he barely spent any time with his son. There was too much distance between them, but at the same time, at least they weren’t hating each others guts and calling each other names. It was time to get past all of that, but even he knew that that would take time.
He seemed to be getting so emotional these days, and to think that it only took a pilgrimage and a sacrifice of his life to come to terms with them.
‘Lessons learned’ He thought to himself. His whole life there was always something to learn, something to gain. Opportunities and never looking back and living life without regrets. That’s what he had done. There was only one thing he did regret, but it was something he hadn’t said back to her on that day on Cid’s ship.
She didn’t know how he felt.
But at the same time, weren’t things supposed to be this way? He was a dream and no longer able to return to Spira. If he had told her that he loved her back, wouldn’t she be expecting his return? He didn’t want to give her promises that he couldn’t keep. He didn’t want to have her relying on false hope and developing a broken heart.
Yes, it was probably better this way.
Let her live her life free of empty promises; the way she wanted to. There was no more Sin. No more danger. No more Tidus. It was about time that he truly accepted his fate and stop pretending that things were going to get better, because this was about as better as things were going to get.
He clenched his fists, regaining his composure as he released a shaky breath. He had to be strong. He was no more of that crybaby from years ago who would run to his mother when he got hurt, or when something went wrong.
He wasn’t going to go running to someone when anything went wrong. Besides, who in the world was he going to run to? His dad?
He laughed to himself at the thought. He couldn’t picture it even happening.
The dark tunnels weaved around and lead towards the center of the Sanctuary. He had forgotten how many people were gathered here, and it was almost overwhelming. He noted some Ronso and Al-Bhed staring wearily at him, and he kept his distance, not wanting to start any more tension than there already was.
“You look troubled,”
Tidus nearly jumped when he heard Auron’s deep voice from behind him. Tidus forgot that the man had a weird way of sneaking up on him when he least expected it, especially when he was younger. In his defense, Auron would respond with a gruff nod and a retort saying “It’s your fault for not paying attention to who’s around you.”
A sigh escaped past Tidus’ lips as he looked around wearily. “Something about this place seems…uncomfortable.”
“Dead, you mean?”
“Well since you put it that way, then yeah. It doesn’t feel right.”
If Tidus had to put the feeling into words, then yeah, this place did seem dead. Not in the literal sense, but the people seemed really…off compared to the ones in Spira. Yes, they were indeed spirits, but he felt that they were also were physical beings (he could tell because he had accidently bumped into a few people on his way here). But what disturbed him was the atmosphere, and the gasps and whispers of the people. They mostly spoke of stories about their families, the horrible deaths that befell them by either an accident or killing by a fiend, and then Sin. He didn’t notice it before since he was so entranced by the mysteriousness of the place, but then once he settled in and heard what the people talked about, he found it to be upsetting.
They literally were dead. There was hardly any life here.
“Figures you would say that,” Auron said, walking a few yards away towards the flowing stream, Tidus following behind him. The man didn’t have his red coat on, nor did he don his sunglasses. The sharp features on his face shone more prominent as pyreflies floated around him, illuminating his face briefly. “Now you see why I waited a long while to come here,”
Tidus laughed and crossed his arms over his chest, balancing his weight on one foot. “I’ll say. Does the great sir Auron think he can survive and keep his sanity here?”
The warrior laughed, then sighed. “Anything to keep wandering souls from disappearing forever. At least they can finally live in peace.”
Tidus blinked. “So wait. A soul can die in the Farplane?”
“Yes it can. It can cease to exist under extreme circumstances.”
Tidus didn’t even want to know what those extreme circumstances consisted of.
“Since Braska was here longer than all of us, he should know more than I do.”
“Where is he?” Tidus asked, looking around.
“Most likely out in the Farplane with Jecht doing a search.”
“I don’t blame them from going out. This place looks like it would drive me up the wall. If it were me, I’d rather stay by myself than-“
“No you wouldn’t,” Auron cut him off suddenly. He turned to face the other. “Trust me.”
“Fine,” Tidus said, and it was then that he was starting to feel the weight of the situation on him.
He’d have to get used to it.
It settled and writhed; coiled deep within his core to the point that it was blinding.
This was how it was, and this was going to be until this unsettling rage was sated.
It had been so long- too long, but the rage still burned deep. And what was worse was that he still remembered as if it happened yesterday.
Damn them all to the fiery pits of the Farplane. Damn all of Spira for their ignorance, their wars, their destructive ways, and their technology.
Damn them and their civilization.
Hundreds of years had passed, and he couldn’t shake off the anger, the blinding madness of it all, but what he couldn’t shake off the most was the utter betrayal.
How dare they take Lenne away from him.
How dare they kill the both of them when they weren’t the ones who didn’t do anything wrong. The only thing he did was try to protect her. Was that in itself wrong? Was he being punished for protecting the one person whom he loved the most in this world? Over hundreds of years Shuyin had asked himself this same question over and over to the point that it was a mantra. He eventually found himself going insane because it didn’t make any sense. At first, he blamed himself because he failed to protect. Even in death, his guilt for failing to protect had laid heavily on his soul to the point that it was suffocating. He couldn’t think; he couldn’t even function and live peacefully because he was so full of grief.
What made matters worse, was that she wasn’t even here with him. With a lonely soul wandering the Farplane, he searched endlessly, not comprehending that the Farplane in itself was a never-ending realm of a barren yet beautiful wasteland. But then again, that was what all it was. It denoted a sense of peace and death.
But there was no peace for him. Not once in this Yevon forsaken place had he ever had a sense of peace. Not one. He soon realized that after a few decades of searching, he wasn’t going to find her. He had been very persistent, and relied on his desperate and slowly dying soul to find her.
That was what kept him going- that was what kept him existing, because he had nothing else left. What else was there?
There had come a point when that self-pity and on-going agony turned into something more.
Lenne wasn’t here not because of him not protecting her. Lenne wasn’t with him because of that damn war that he was drafted into. It was that very same war that took Lenne and forced her to become a summoner and go to the frontlines.
He wanted to get back at them.
He wanted to get back at Spira for many reasons.
It was then that he started to think of reasons as to why he hated Spira, and why they deserved to pay.
Why did they deserve to live? Why in the world did they deserve to have a peaceful and quiet life? Who were they to determine who lived and who died?
Bastards. Every single one of them.
His hatred had burned deep, even after nearly a thousand years. It had come to a point that he barely remembered what his life was like before his death. He was so focused on his anger, despair, and grief that it completely took over his soul.
Was he even human anymore? Had he ever been human?
So fueled with anger and anguish, it erupted a fierce and terrifying boldness within his nature that he never knew existed.
He wasn’t afraid of anything. He had no feelings. The only thing he wanted to do was find Lenne. She was the only one who could make him feel. She was the only one who could erase it all away. He loved her, and she loved him.
With a wandering soul in the Farplane consumed with an unpredictable rage and unending despair, he feared nothing. Not even the random fiends that would appear at any source of negativity within the resting place.
In fact, they were attracted to him like a moth to a flame.
He had lost count as to how many fiends he had killed. He watched, as he killed fiends mercilessly, that they did not sate his rage. In fact, they only fed it, because he liked to see them writhing in pain. He was the one causing them pain.
That was what he wanted to do.
He wanted to cause people pain. Specifically, the people who took his Lenne away from him.
He had long ago figured out that the Farplane was eternal, because there was just no end to it. The sky patterns were randomly changing, shifting to a dusk and a dawn littered with aurora lights and dotted stars. The colors of this place were very jarring at first, but he had grown used to the flowers as the natural scenery.
It had become second nature. Wandering was a way to gather his thoughts, which were constantly thinking about anger and torment, payback and of course, getting Lenne back. There was no doubt in his mind that he wasn’t going to get her back. In fact, it was what fueled him even more.
The planning for that opportunity came to him that fateful day. Shuyin knew something was big happened.
He had been stuck in the Farplane for so long that he was actually in tune with it. Something drastic had happened in Spira. He could practically feel it. He knew because he would sometimes watch as the pyreflies would act randomly, or go berserk and haywire.
And then there were the fiends. They appeared even more rambunctious than normal. The blond wasn’t going to complain about the fiends though. They were what drove him to help him keep fighting, and with each new kill, he was always rekindled of his anger and vengeance.
He needed to keep his anger alive.
All the while, he was thinking of a way to get his revenge.
He had sensed disturbances- not only within himself, but with Spira as well. There were factions and groups rising, civil wars being bought about, and tensions running high. Didn’t these people know how to act civil? Why did they have to constantly fight? He was able to sense these things because part of his soul was trapped in a cavern in Spira where his body was buried. He wasn’t exactly sure where, for it was so long ago that he had forgotten its whereabouts.
He definitely sensed that something big was destroyed – a monster that would resurrect itself every ten years or so and bring many casualties in its wake, filling the Farplane with many fiends and Sent people along with it. Now this monster, Sin, was dead.
He didn’t care though. It had nothing to do with him.
Maybe if this strange occurrence bought him closer to Lenne, then he would have been more involved.
The Eternal Calm- a time where people were free of pain and torment from Sin- this period never lasted long though, because Sin always came back to kill; always came back to destroy those who have sinned against mankind.
Shuyin thought that they needed to repent for their actions.
But this monster was gone. No more death, no more pain, and no more suffering. If there was no more of that, then everyone would be able to live in peace.
Fucking bastards. He was never able to live in peace. Over the past few years, he had started to plan and scheme. He wanted to finish what he had started a thousand years ago.
He needed to re-activate Vegnagun.
Of course, he knew how to operate the machine. Being drafted into the war had let him in onto a few of Bevelle’s secrets. He had just been so lucky to learn how to operate the destructive machina.
There was no way he could activate the machine in his current state. It was physically impossible. But he wasn’t going to let something so trivial as not having a physical body at his disposal deter him.
He’d use one if he had to.