When I first started working homicide, I learned pretty quickly not to ask Jane about her personal life. Let's face facts, she's a hardass, and I really don't want to piss her off. She's my partner, and I want her to feel like she can come to me with stuff, but there's no way I'm pushing her.
I learned that one the hard way.
We were sitting in the cruiser one day waiting for this guy we thought might have a lead for us when I thought it'd be a good time to ask her. I figured it'd be okay. We'd been working together for about four months by then.
So, in my best I'm-only-asking-because-I'm-curious voice, I said, "So, what's up with you and Dr. Isles?"
I should have just gotten out of the car and started running. I can't believe I missed that death glare.
"What do you mean?" She asked between sips of coffee.
"Just, you know, you two seem close. That's all." I shifted uncomfortably. Suddenly, my good idea didn't seem so good anymore.
"Yeah, she's my best friend." She set her coffee cup down and actually turned to look at me. That set my alarm bells off. Jane doesn't stop drinking her first cup of coffee for anything. "Look, I know about the rumors, and I'm not interested in feeding the trolls, okay? We're friends. That's it, and I don't want you to start in on us like the rest of the idiots at the precinct. Got it?"
A two fingered point at my chest and a growl told me all I needed to know about the topic. "Yeah… yeah… I got it."
I don't care what anybody says. I've seen that look Jane gets when she hears people making cracks about it, and I know her. She's my partner. I think I could tell if she was just blowing smoke or something. It doesn't matter what anyone wants to believe, there's nothing going on between Dr. Isles and Jane. Nothing, and it's never going to happen.
They're just friends, and I'm cool with that. Shame, though… that'd be one fine looking couple, just don't tell Jane I said that. She'd break my kneecaps or something.
Janie hasn't gotten a lot breaks. I mean, sure she's good looking, but no one in their right mind would tell her that they thought she got where she is because she battered her eyelashes. Of course, they wouldn't tell her that because they know she'd bust their ass so hard their mother would feel it.
I miss being her partner and watching her do that kind of thing. There's nothing like watching Rizzoli take some pretty boy down a peg or two after they've tried to butter her up by telling her how pretty she was. Man, I really miss watching that.
Of course, I still get to watch her chew up the new recruits when they start in on her about Dr. Isles. It's the highlight of my day.
Some young, newbie uniform will come in and work here for a week or two, and then they'll make a crack about how Rizzoli and Isles look hot together and wonder out loud about when they'll give us all a free show, and, the next thing you know, Rizzoli's got the new recruit by the collar. No one's about to step in on that. The rest of us like keeping all our body parts intact.
It's great to watch, though. I mean, really good stuff to watch.
She's got that glare of hers down, and it takes all of about ten seconds for her to set the record straight.
I don't know what the big deal is. Since Dr. Isles came into the picture, Rizzoli's been a little less…Rizzoli, not that that's a bad thing… or a good thing… I mean, it's just a thing, you know? Whatever they are is whatever they say they are, and I believe Janie. If she says they're best friends, then they're best friends. Besides, I was Jane's partner for a long time. I know stuff, and that woman likes men. Trust me on this one.
This rumor going around the station about Jane and Dr. Isles is nothing but a bunch of crap. Not happening and not going to happen… even if they would make a hot couple, but don't tell Jane I said that.
Maura is hot. I mean, she's totally… hot. I'd do her. Man, I'd give my right arm just to get a date with her, but there's no way I'm breaking the brother/sister code of ethics. You know the one? It says you can't date your sister's best friend.
It sucks because I think Maura would totally go out on a date with me if I asked her. But, the last time Ma said I should ask Maura out, Jane almost shot us both right there at the dinner table. So, I'm thinking it'd be a bad idea if I actually asked Maura out.
I don't know why she even cares. I mean, it's not like she's dating Maura. She doesn't even like women like that. My sister has been boy crazy forever. I remember this one time when we were kids, and she got caught in her room with Bobby Flannigan. Ma and Pop… well, I better not tell you. She'd kill me if she knew I told you about that. Let's just say Jane didn't have a door for about three months after that.
Anyway, I know for a fact she's not dating Maura because I asked her. After I got out of the headlock and she stopped cussing at me, I finally got her to tell me what was going on. I believe her. She's not that violent unless someone's making stuff up about her or someone she cares about.
It's cool, though. Maura's pretty awesome even if she talks a lot about stuff no one cares about. Well, Jane sometimes cares about that stuff, but I can't tell if she's faking it because Maura is her best friend or if she actually thinks all that information is interesting.
All I really know is that Maura is hot, and I can't ask her out because she's my sister's best friend. It's messed up. If Jane's not going to date her, one of us should at least be able to give it a try, right? Let's face it, my sister hooking up with her best friend is about as likely as Ma not wanting grandkids anymore. Never going to happen.
Jane never tells me anything anymore. I just don't understand why. I'm her mother. She should be able to come to me with anything, but she never does.
I know something is bothering her. She doesn't eat when she comes over, and the last time I saw her laugh was last week at the family dinner. It was something Maura said.
My Janie's so unhappy, and it worries me. I think she's lonely, and I want to help her. I just want her to open up to me and tell me what's going on. She's always been such a private girl. Even as a child, I'd have to work on her for days before she'd tell me what was bothering her after she had something happen to her at school.
She's just gotten worse as she's gotten older.
I tried to set her up with a nice man I met a couple of weeks ago. He's a lawyer working in the DA's office. I ran into him when I went to see Jane at work, and she was out doing something. He came in while I was waiting for her, and we started talking. He was so nice and such a handsome guy – tall, dark hair, good facial structure, fit, nice voice, smart –Did I mention he's a lawyer?
I thought Jane was going explode when I suggested we have lunch together. She went storming off mumbling something about going to the morgue to get Maura and have lunch with her.
It's no wonder there are rumors flying around all over the place about those two. They're together all the time! I know they're best friends, but even best friends spend some time apart.
Yesterday, I asked her about it. I just thought she should know why those rumors were going around, and she said to me, "Ma, I know why, and anyone who thinks that is just being stupid. Just because Maur and I are friends and we happen to be attractive women – yeah, I said it – doesn't mean we're hooking up behind closed doors, okay? Maura's my best friend. I trust her, and she doesn't try to hook me up with every single guy in Boston. Can we drop this?"
She's right, but don't tell her I said that. I know my daughter, and I think I'd know if she was gay, but I have a lot of reasons to know better, like that time with Bobby Flannigan when we had to take her bedroom door away for three months. My daughter is definitely not gay, not that it matters. I just want her to be happy, and I wish she'd find a guy that she's as comfortable around as she is with Maura.
I find it fascinating how interested people seem to be in the nature of my relationship with Jane. I really should keep a tally as I've lost track of the number of times someone has asked me if we're more than just friends. One would think the officers and workers around here would have more important things to do than speculate on what Jane and I do when no one else is around.
Of course, I realize that it's a common fantasy among men, lesbians, and bisexuals to watch two attractive women performing intimate acts. It's a common fetish, actually. However, given the often violent reaction Jane has when someone mocks, suggests, or otherwise hints about our relationship being more intimate and less platonic, I would think people would stop asking. At the very least, it would be nice if Vince and Barry would warn the new officers to prevent the inevitable scene Jane makes the first time the new officer makes a remark about me and her.
I've asked Jane about her reactions, and she tells me she believes people should mind their own business. She says what we do or do not do when we're not on duty is no one's business but our own. I have no reason to argue the point as it is valid, and I happen to agree.
If one more person asks me if Maura and I are hooking up, I'm going to shoot them. I mean it.
What does it matter anyway? I mean, no matter what we're doing when we're not clocked in, we kick ass when we're on the job. Maura would say, "Our performance is beyond reproach."
We make an awesome team. She finds the stuff that helps me go out and collar the bad guys. Our record speaks for itself. We're badass, and that's all that matters. Anything else is no one's business but mine and Maura's.
If you don't like that answer, too bad. You can deal or go take a short walk because Maura and I aren't here to be anyone's porn fix for the day. We're here to do our jobs, and we're a-freaking-mazing at what we do.
Whether or not we're dating doesn't have anything to do with the fact that we're badass. The fact that we're totally awesome has everything to do with the fact that we're badass.
Of course, the fact that I lie well (thank you Bobby Flannigan) and Maura is good at telling half-truths also has a lot to do with whether or not anyone thinks we're dating. But, in the end, it doesn't matter what we say or do (or who we do) so long as we get the job done, right?