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The Blithering Idiot Who Lived

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Minerva McGonagall, Headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, vaguely registered the change in magic, as she somehow felt the nearness of someone… non magical, once the gargoyles below had moved aside for the one person in question. She didn’t really have to guess who could possibly come to disturb right now: a cold Sunday afternoon in October. She sighed, hoping to at least finish her sentence. She wasn’t so lucky.

“Ma’am! This can’t go on any longer, I swear! It would be about time that you finally banned that damn poltergeist from the Castle!”

Minerva sighed, quietly lowering her quill and releasing a sigh of near despair. She didn’t have to ask who he could possibly refer to. This was already the fourth time that same week that the man had burst into her office and come to bemoan the very same matter. Blithering idiot. How many more times would she have to say it? Oh how had he even managed to survive the war at Hogwarts only last year, if he even was too dumb to get she really wasn’t going to change her mind about this? Hadn’t she been unambiguous enough the other three times? Minerva McGonagall sometimes wondered if maybe he had remained alive just to pester her for the rest of her time as a Headmistress there.

“I’m still convinced every pupil leaving wet footsteps in the hallway should be punished, too! I’ll happily–” “Mr. Filch!” Minerva interrupted, fleetly pushing herself up from her high backed desk chair, watching him with icy cold eyes. Minerva’s nostrils flared. What was he hoping for when it poured, and there were lessons like Herbology, Care of Magical Creatures and Flying, which were not taught within the confines of the Castle, and thus incidentally required the pupils leave the building in said pouring rain? What was he hoping for then, that for instance first years could perform difficult anti-rain spells when Argus Filch himself most likely couldn’t even for the life of him hold a wand without blowing himself up? She carefully lowered her glasses with one hand and looked up at the caretaker, his beloved cat tightly clutched in his arms like usual. She noticed him swallow visibly.

“Mr. Filch. If you dare burst into my office once more anytime soon with your absolutely negligible nonsense and un-necessities like you have lately, I swear I’m banning you from the Castle… after I’ve hexed you!”

She brusquely whipped her wand to send him flying rearwards through the door again with his cat and locked the door for him. She then wiped away the stain of ink that had formed on her letter to Kingsley and put her glasses on her nose once again.

She could hear Albus uncharacteristically snigger as she again sat. Minerva quietly took her quill, yet hesitated to continue her letter for a bit. “I don't know where you did ever keep getting enough patience for that blithering idiot,” she said.

“He never did that with me, though,” Snape said in his usual dry tone.

“I wonder why...” Dilys answered.

Minerva smiled and resumed with her letter.