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Awake, as much due to the persistence of the moon flooding his cabin as the even more persistent vision of a certain young naval officer's face before his eyes, Major Edrington finally gave in and rose from his bunk. No use waiting any longer - he knew from experience that if sleep had not claimed him within half an hour, he would find no rest at all. It was warm enough to go up on deck in shirt-sleeves, and Edrington allowed himself the rare comfort.
The very same moon which had pervaded his cabin so mercilessly shone above decks as well, of course, only here - mingled with the soft breath of the night and the salty scent of the Atlantic - it was not a distraction, but a vision of sheer beauty.
Much like what the major found at the far end of the quarterdeck, gazing out over the Sea longingly. He stole a moment of time to burn the image into his mind so that he would be able to recall it some other restless night. A wonderful memory to look back on when he next stayed at his country home or found himself camped somewhere amidst his troops.
But it would be prudent to speak now lest the young officer who stood with his hands resting wide apart on the rail were to notice him standing there, staring. He cleared his throat delicately. "A mild and lovely night, Mr Hornblower."
Horatio looked back over his shoulder. "It is, my Lord." He smiled. "Are you finding your sleep disturbed, sir?"
His mood a little brightened by the officer's concern, Edrington admitted, "I do indeed. What of yourself?" He wondered what the young man would say if he knew that he was in fact the cause of the earl's insomnia. "You must be exhausted?" he asked soliticiously, in reference of the challenges they had faced and withstood in Brittany only earlier that day. Odd, it all felt as though it had occurred years ago.
"I am too exhausted to sleep, I fear." Horatio sighed, raising his face up towards the night sky. He looked as though he was attempting to catch the light of the waxing moon so it would invigorate his body and calm his spirits.
It certainly failed to do the latter for the earl, whose eyes were fixed upon Horatio's face. He marvelled at the perfect canvas it provided for the stars - the play of light reflecting off the nearly still ocean danced lightly on the smooth cheeks and in the corners of those most miraculous eyes. Eyes which had drawn him to the young lieutenant like a siren's song would draw a sailor. Eyes which would be haunting him for the rest of his rich, privileged and lonely life.
Silence loomed for a few moments while they both breathed in the night with its comforting darkness and its cleansing breeze. Much cleansing was needed to free them of the blood that had been spilled at Muzillac.
"Might I ask you something personal, sir?" Edrington waited to see if Horatio would object to such a question.
"Yes, my Lord?"
"Do you mourn the girl?"
Horatio sighed, continuing to stare across the sea. "I feel responsible for her death. Had I not taken her with me, she might still be alive. She was a Republican and in no danger at the village. But I felt she wanted to, no... should, leave that place of hatred."
Edrington nodded. "I see." So he had been correct. Horatio's feelings for the girl had been of a protective, chivalrous nature, rather than borne of love. Now he felt certain that his other observations on the ship had not deceived him. "You must be happy to be back here then, Mr Hornblower." He hesitated, unwilling to cause offence. "Back where your heart belongs..."
Now Horatio was truly stunned. "My Lord?" he queried, turning to face his companion fully. How could he know? Had he been so obvious? He found the earl looking at him sadly. "What is it, sir? You look distressed."
"I am fine, Mr Hornblower." Edrington swallowed his despair, knowing his voice would not obey him should he try to thank Horatio for his concern.
"Please forgive me, but you do appear so deeply... troubled, my Lord." Horatio felt great sympathy for the young nobleman. He had come to understand that beneath the reserved shell beat a kind and generous heart, belonging to a man of wisdom and understanding well beyond his years. He also sensed that the Earl of Edrington was a deeply solitary man. Neither his title nor his demeanour encouraged attempts to break through the shell - if one were to be easily discouraged.
Smiling with some effort, Edrington reassured Horatio with a light touch on his arm. "Do not worry about me, sir. We must all face obstacles from time to time which cannot be overcome. No matter how much me may wish to." He paused, swallowing. "And please, now that we are no longer engaged in military action, I should very much like it if you were to cease calling me 'my Lord'."
"What then may I call you, sir?" Horatio asked, pleased at the major's offer of a more personable relationship.
"Percy, if you please."
Horatio smiled. He liked the young aristocrat sincerely, who had surprised him with his gentle nature, dry wit and sharp gift of observation. He had also - in a daze of guilt and pain - overheard his request to Archie to look after him and was deeply touched by it. So he was truly glad that on their arrival at Plymouth, they would not be parting as strangers. "I would be honoured, Percy," he said, smiling brightly. "And you must please call me Horatio."
Horatio... Edrington briefly closed his eyes and imagined whispering the name tenderly while holding the beautiful young man close, and he could almost hear Horatio answer him with soft sighs and pleas to make love to him.
Smiling, Horatio watched a momentary peace descend upon the earl's face, softening the tight set of his lips and the practised control. He looked so gentle, almost serene that way. Unwilling to risk the aristocratic mask sliding back into place, he said cautiously, "If we are to be friends, my... Percy, you must tell me what it is that saddens you so." Horatio hoped he was not being presumptuous, but he wanted to let the earl know that he could trust him.
"It is not sadness that fills my heart, Horatio, only... longing," Edrington admitted.
Horatio cocked his head, watching the man at his side intently. Oh please, he thought, let it be Archie. They would be so good for each other - Percy's compassionate heart would, over time, heal Archie's pain, and Archie's sweet devotion would surely break through the earl's loneliness. "You need not answer me, Percy, but I will ask nonetheless. Who is it you long for so desperately?" The earlier smile vanished, and Horatio heard something suspiciously like a sob. "Percy?" Horatio asked, concerned, reaching to clasp the other officer's arm and finding him pull away nervously.
"Horatio..." Edrington spoke softly. "Have you ever longed for someone belonging to another?"
"I... am not certain that my own longing would be returned even if there were no other. And I do not know whether or not there is. I am too far from my love to know."
"Too far?" Edrington asked, utter astonishment lacing his smooth voice. By his own reckoning, Horatio's love was but two flights of stairs and a few extra yards away.
"Yes." Horatio nodded slowly. "I fear that the gap between us in rank and years makes it impossible for me to ever hope to see my longing fulfilled."
Now Edrington understood. So they had not yet opened their hearts to one another. "Oh Horatio," he chided tenderly. "He does love you, you know."
Horatio's eyes grew bigger still, a feat which seemed impossible to master. Yet he did it, much to Edrington's amusement and astonishment. "Percy?" he asked, baffled.
Edrington reached out to lay a hand against Horatio's cheek. He was too overcome by his feelings to stop himself. "Yes, Horatio. He loves you deeply," he explained. "I could see it in his eyes when we came back onboard, and he saw you safe. You should have seen his face, my dear. He lit up like a beacon. And he is the luckiest man alive, for you love him just as dearly." The young Lord could not stop himself then. "God, how I envy him!" he exclaimed, desperation in his voice.
Horatio's eyes widened. "Percy..." he said once more, at a loss for words. He was the one the earl longed for?
"May I ask a favour of you, my friend?" Edrington requested, aware of Horatio's surprise at his unintentional revelation. He waited for the nod of agreement. "Horatio, will you allow me to kiss you? Only once. And I will be able to dream of you forever."
Horatio hesitated. Not because he did not want to, but because he wondered if it would be wrong when his heart belonged to another. But the helpless plea in the dark eyes before him nearly broke his heart. "Kiss me, Percy," he said, smiling.
Closing his eyes for an instant, letting those words wash over him like warm, soothing waves, the Earl of Edrington grasped Horatio's face tenderly in his hands and tilted it to receive his lips. He waited to prolong the moment even before it was upon them. But the soft breaths against his mouth claimed him soon enough and he touched his lips to Horatio's as gently as the whisper of a nightly breeze in a willow tree. His kiss was welcomed like a dear old friend, so he dared to be a little bolder, parting Horatio's lips with his own and gently entering the sweet mouth with his tongue. The much longed-for moan and flicker of a tongue in response made him sigh.
When Horatio wrapped his arms around his neck and drew him close, Percy's heart grew light as a feather, and its soft beats travelled through his breath into the beloved body in his arms. The body he held so very tight, for he would never hold it again. He cupped the back of Horatio's head, memorizing the silky curls as he let them slide through his fingers, before withdrawing reluctantly. Raising a trembling hand to Horatio's cheek, he whispered, "I will forever be your friend and whatever more you may need or desire."
Feeling the moisture of Horatio's tears against his palm, Percy swallowed and smiled a tiny, sad smile. "You are loved dearly, my sweet lieutenant. Remember this always." He turned and walked away.
At the top of the stairs to the deck below, Percy encountered the captain, whose lips were set tight and whose eyes conveyed his deep distress. He must have witnessed at least part of the young officers' meeting.
Edrington smiled encouragingly whilst shaking his head. He squeezed Pellew's shoulder. "Know this, captain," he said, his voice thick with tears. "I may have one of his precious kisses, but you, sir, have his heart."
Once he could tell the words had registered and Pellew's face softened with a grateful and relieved smile, the Earl of Edrington returned slowly to his cabin to cry for his own heart, for it was lost at Sea.
THE END
© and ™ of characters, locations, and some story lines - the estate of C. S. Forester, A & E and possibly other entities; this story was written solely for the entertainment of other fans; no profit is made and no harm or infringement intended.