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Condiments (The Morning After remix)

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“Pancakes are a maple syrup delivery system,” said Tony. Somehow he made it seem like a challenge.

Bruce swallowed a bite of pancake. “A maple syrup delivery system,” he repeated, frowning.

“Don’t argue with him,” said Steve. “That’s exactly what he wants.”

Bruce ignored him. “What if I say they’re a butter delivery system?”

“Then you’d be wrong,” said Tony.

“How can I be wrong about a thing like that? It's completely subjective. I like my pancakes with butter. Lots of butter.”

"Well, everybody knows my opinion," said Natasha, who was busy slathering her pancakes with sour cream.

"I don't care what you put on them as long as they have blueberries in them," said Clint.

Steve wondered if he should apologize for not being able to find any blueberries, not even frozen. But what did Hawkeye expect? Large swaths of New York were in ruins!

“You’re all wrong.”

Everybody turned to look at Thor. “You have a godlike decree?” asked Tony.

“It’s obvious that the only proper thing to put on a pancake is lingonberries. Or, as a great concession, lingonberry jam,” said Thor.

“You seem to be doing fine with raspberry jam,” Natasha pointed out.

“That was all we could find at the corner store,” said Steve.

“And I appreciate your effort,” said Thor magnanimously. “Nevertheless, it’s a poor substitute for lingonberry.” He prodded his pancake with a fork. “Also, these pancakes are strangely thick. What did you put in them?”

“Eggs, flour, milk, butter,” said Steve. “And a little sugar, and baking powder, to make them rise.” 

“So you made them this way on purpose?” Thor asked.

“It’s my mother’s recipe, okay? You don’t criticize a man’s mother’s recipe.”

“Ah. I see. Forgive me.”

“They’re better if you make them with buttermilk, but I couldn’t find any,” added Steve, and then cursed himself for sounding so apologetic.

Natasha moved her tub of sour cream out of range of Clint’s spoon just in time. “Next time I’ll make blini,” she said.

Tony began to pour the last of the maple syrup onto his pancakes. Of course he hadn’t bothered to ask if anybody else wanted any. Steve hoped that Thor wasn't going to guard his jam as jealously as Natasha did her sour cream, because otherwise he was going to be eating his pancakes à la Bruce, as a butter delivery system....

"Sorry, Cap, did you want some of this?"

Steve looked up. Tony was flourishing the maple syrup and looking at him inquiringly. "Thanks," Steve said, taking the bottle. He wouldn't have to scrap Operation Pancake after all.