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It’s cold and raining outside when Lance opens his eyes. He’s so hung over from last night that he hates waking up in the first place.
The bachelor party was supposed to be fun, but all he remembers was getting drunk and embarrassing himself by sobbing outside on the front porch.
It wasn’t easy, knowing that Arthur would be marrying Gwen. He loves his friend, but he loves her more. And no matter how hard he tried last night, he couldn’t hold back the tears at the thought of them spending the rest of their lives together.
“Don’t be sad,” he kept telling himself in front of the mirror while getting dressed for the party. “Don’t be sad, don’t cry, don’t do anything. Just smile and act like you’re happy for them”.
It all fell apart when Arthur started talking about the plans for the honeymoon, making a toast to the future with Gwaine, Merlin, Percy and Elyan joining him.
Lance needed to excuse himself, because there was no way he could burst into tears without offending Arthur.
Gwaine found him on the porch, and Lance didn’t notice him at first. He doesn’t quite remember what happened apart from that, but he remembers the two of them talking about how bored they were, and how they never got a chance to speak to each other in weeks.
He even remembers Gwaine vaguely hinting at knowing what it’s like to have feelings for Gwen. It made him feel much less alone.
--
When he turns to find Gwaine lying on the bed next to him, Lance’s heart starts to beat faster for a moment, until all of the memories come back to him.
All the guys used to joke about how Gwaine was able to get anyone into bed, but apparently it was true. Lance feels guilty, the things they did last night weren’t something he’d usually do, but when Gwaine opens his eyes and smiles at him, he drops his guard again.
“So…” he starts, awkwardly.
“Nice morning, isn’t it?” Gwaine asks.
Lance looks outside again, it’s hardly a good morning. He still has a bit of a headache, so he grabs the nearest bottle lying on the floor on his side of the bed and sips whatever beer is left inside. His hair is a mess and he buries himself under the sheets to stay warm.
“How do you stay this positive?” he asks Gwaine. He figures it’s best way to drag the conversation away from the sex, because he doesn’t want to complicate things by talking about his feelings anymore.
Gwaine has a serious, contemplative look on his face that quickly turns back into a smile. He kisses Lance on the lips chastely, and Lance lets him, even kisses him back, the way he would usually kiss a woman. It’s so strange; they’ve never done this before. Even last night when they were in the dark together, slipping off each other’s clothes, Lance found himself wondering whether he was the first man Gwaine had ever taken to bed. It didn’t seem like it now.
“I try to live in the present,” Gwaine says. “No tomorrow, no yesterday, only now”.
Lance still feels depressed, but he doesn’t feel like crying, which is…something. He turns around and looks back up at the ceiling, closes his eyes and thinks about what he wants to do for the rest of the day. Nothing comes to mind.
A phone rings on the other side of the room and Lance’s eyes shoot open.
“Should I get that?” he asks. “It’s probably Arthur.”
“Leave it,” Gwaine says, moving closer to him, running a hand across his chest. “We live for today, remember”.
Lance closed his eyes again and rests his head back, buried in the warm sheets with Gwaine next to him he feels too comfortable to move. To think about Arthur and Gwen would only make him sad, and he doesn’t want that.
“We live for today,” he tells himself, sighing.
He not sure if that kind of attitude is applicable to his own life as it is to Gwaine’s, but it won’t hurt to try and he’s got nothing to lose.
Emrys
Posted Wed 13 Jun 2012 10:14AM EDT
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