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Loki the Evil Kitten

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LOKI THE EVIL KITTEN

 

John, for God’s sake! –SH

 

Yes, Sherlock? What? –JW

 

This is just outrageous! –SH

 

I seem to fail to understand... –JW

 

The black creature with green eyes on my chair. –SH

 

For fuck’s sake, where are you? At 221B? –JW

 

On your chair. It’s staring at me. It’s in rage. –SH

 

So are you, I suppose. Don’t worry. It’s not going to eat you. –JW

 

Are you sure? It’s just staring at me. –SH

 

It’s deducing you, probably. Go on, return the favour. –JW

 

Well, it’s black. It’s with green eyes. It’s – God... – fluffy. And it makes those strange sounds. Where did you take it from, John? The street? –SH

 

No. From Mrs Hudson’s late classmate. Her daughter was selling the kittens their cat has just given birth to. They’re two of them. –JW

 

Is it a female one? –SH

 

Really? –JW

 

Oh, it’s not. I see. It has... attributes. –SH

 

I believe so. –JW

 

It’s talking. –SH

 

John? –SH

 

John, it goes on saying this strange word. I cannot hear it properly. –SH

 

John! –SH

 

Sorry, Sherlock. I am at work, you know. What is it? –JW

 

The creature keeps on repeating a word. –SH

 

‘Meow,’ most probably? –JW

 

No, something else too. –SH

 

‘Purr’? –JW

 

Don’t be ridiculous. Those are not real words. –SH

 

John? –SH

 

John, it’s coming at me. John! John! –SH

 

John, save me! –SH

 

John, what is its name? –SH

 

Loki. –JW

 

What? What kind of name this is? –SH

 

The other one was Thor and was kinda... well... yellowish. I like this one better. –JW

 

This one is evil. –SH

 

Even better. Someone who’ll stand for you when I am at work, Sherlock! He’s a true soldier. –JW

 

John, it’s in front of me and staring. It’s doing those sounds again, John. –SH

 

Sherlock, for God’s sake! Give him some milk! –JW

 

Right. We don’t have any. Damn it. –JW

 

I’ll give him one of your jumpers. Cats love wool, don’t they? –SH

 

DON’T YOU DARE, SHERLOCK! –JW

 

Fine. Fine. What shall I do with him, John? It’s taken something like a stick with its paws. –SH

 

It’ll beat you and then it’ll eat you. –JW

 

10 minutes later.

 

Sherlock? Sherlock, you there? –JW

 

15 minutes later.

 

Sherlock, you ok? –JW

 

20 minutes later.

 

Sherlock! –JW

 

This is the worst cat I’ve ever seen. –SH

 

Why? What happened? –JW

 

It’s trying to subjugate me. –SH

 

What? –JW

 

It just meowed me something. –SH

 

What? What are you talking about? What did it... meow? –JW

 

Kneel. –SH

 

... I’m coming home. –JW