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The Hope To Keep On Going

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It'd been six months. In fact, it'd been six months to the exact day when Stiles came into her apartment and sat on the edge of her bed. "Lyds?" he'd asked. "Hey, Lydia, it's me."

She poked her head out from underneath the comforter she was cocooned in and said, "Hey, Stiles."

"Hi, Lyds." He watched her closely. "The doorman let me in. He knows me as...as Jordan's brother."

It made Lydia's stomach sink. She wanted to cover her head back up and slip into a deep sleep. She had sleeping pills for this very occasion. She had gotten them after...well, after it happened, and just kept getting them refilled. And she didn't have to work if she didn't want to. Sure, when it happened, Lydia had been in the middle of her junior year of college, studying mathematics, but she just quit. Just dropped out, because she felt like her life was ending.

It'd been six months to the very day since Jordan - her life, her love, her very best friend - had died over in Afghanistan. Six months since she had gotten the news. She wanted to crawl into a hole and die because she had loved him so very much and then he was just...he was just gone.

So she just was. She locked herself in her apartment, didn't go for her morning jogs, she didn't even have friends over. She was quite content in just existing. Of course, Allison and Kira understood - Lydia had known they would - but they would sneak in with the keys they had made that they got from her mother. Natalie Martin was a wonderful woman, and a wonderful mother at that, but she did whatever she could to make sure that her daughter had what she needed. And she was the only one who had an emergency key. But when Jordan had been killed in that bombing, she got concerned.

"Lyds?" Stiles said gently. He licked his lips and watched her closely. She poked her head out of her cocoon and just watched him, her green eyes brimming with tears. "I know it hurts, Lyds. God, I know it does. It hurts just as much for me, Scott, Melissa and my dad. But you've gotta go on living. Lyds, Jordan - he would want you to live."

The words twisted in her gut. She didn't want to think about that. She knew that Jordan would want what was best for her - he'd always wanted what was best for her - but moving on without him just felt every kind of wrong.

"I can't," Lydia finally said after a few moments had passed. "Without him, Stiles...it hurts too much."

Finally, Stiles sighed and said, "Move over, Lyds." She did as he asked and he lay down next to her, wrapping his arms around her, he enveloped her in his warmth and, feeling safe for the first time in months, she drifted off.

-x-

When she woke up, she wasn't surprised to see Stiles asleep. What she was surprised at, however, was that Allison and Kira were in her room, watching the two of them sleep. She licked her lips before saying, "God, you guys are being creepers."

"We're not creepers," Kira said. "I came over to make sure you were okay. We hadn't heard from you in almost two weeks, and I wanted to make sure you were still alive."

Lydia sighed, "I'm here."

"I see that Stiles had the same idea we did," Allison said after a moment. "I mean, how long has it been since we've seen him here, Kira?"

Kira shrugged, "Not sure. I wasn't aware that the two of you were still friends."

It was true; Lydia had pretty much avoided Stiles, Scott, Melissa and the sheriff after Jordan had died. There were too many bad memories attached, and she was worried hanging out with them was going to just make them tumbling back. After two months of that, though, both Stiles and John had shown up at her apartment, telling her they needed her. They were the only link to Jordan, through each other, and they needed to be together.

Jordan's parents had died when he was a kid. The sheriff took him in, because Jordan's dad worked at the station, too. John was just a deputy at the time, but Jordan had no other living family and John was not going to let the kid go into the foster care system. Jordan was two years older than Stiles, but he adapted well and he and Stiles bonded and talked to each other like brothers. Jordan's bond with Stiles was different than Scott's, but they cared about each other just as deeply. That's one of the reasons it killed John and Stiles when he had died - they felt like they'd lost another member of their family, and Lydia remembered Stiles saying that it hurt just as bad as when his mom had died.

Because Jordan was so close to John and Stiles, he had also been close to Scott and Melissa as well. Melissa and the sheriff had started dating when the kids were about sixteen, and by the time they graduated from high school, they were engaged. Jordan was just another son to the both of them.

"He let himself in earlier," Lydia answered. "The doorman let him in because..." her voice trailed off. Luckily, she didn't need to finish her sentence, because Kira and Allison understood.

"He's Jordan's brother," Allison said softly. Lydia just nodded.

It wasn't very long after that that Stiles lazily opened his eyes. He looked and saw Allison and Kira sitting in the room and talking to Lydia in hushed whispers. "Hey guys," he said, looking at them.

"Hey Stiles," Kira said. They hadn't known Kira as long as they'd known Allison - she moved out to California almost three years ago to start college, but they'd known Allison since high school - but right away, Kira and Scott became a thing, and Stiles was glad. Kira had become one of their best friends in such a short period of time, and Stiles loved her.

"So, Lyds," Allison said, breaking the silence, "Kira and I were gonna go out. Get dinner, maybe take in a movie. You wanna come?"

Lydia sighed, "Sorry guys, I just don't think I can tonight."

"Lyds," Kira said gently, watching her friend, "I know it's been hard for you since Jordan died. I get it, okay? But you need to start living again. For the last six months, you've done nothing but stay in this apartment. I know you've got a trust fund and everything, but what happened to your plans of getting your PhD? You don't even leave to go grocery shopping."

"I know it, but I just...I can't move on, Kira. Not without him."

Allison and Stiles watched each other before Allison spoke. "How about we have dinner here, Lyds?" she asked gently. "I mean, do you have groceries in the house? If not, we can always get takeout."

Lydia sighed, "I kinda just wanna be left alone, guys."

"Lyds," Stiles said, and for a moment, she had forgotten he was next to her. "I think time with your friends would be a good idea, don't you? I mean, it'd just be nice to spend time with you for a little while."

Lydia sighed. "Okay," she finally said. "I guess so."

-x-

Allison managed to find food in Lydia's cupboards, although she had no idea how they got there. Lydia hadn't been out of the apartment in six months, not since she had gotten back from Jordan's funeral. When she asked Stiles about it, he just looked at her and replied, "Natalie. She shops for Lydia, and even comes over here to put the groceries away and replaces the ones that have gone bad. It's the only reason that Lydia's survived this long."

"God, Stiles," Allison said, grilling chicken to put in a salad, "What the hell are we gonna do? She's still a mess."

"It's only been six months," Kira said, coming into the kitchen. She grabbed a can of Coke out of the fridge and then sat down at the small table by the wall. "I mean, I get that's a long time, especially for someone like Lydia, but she's grieving. I get that it still hurts."

"Of course it fucking hurts," Stiles snapped. Then he sighed, "Look, I lost him, too. So did Dad, Melissa and Scott. We all miss him a lot. But we haven't isolated ourselves. I just...I love her, you know, and I know that Jordan would not want her to be like this. One of the things he loved about her was the fact that she was so alive and fierce. She's lost that since he's been gone."

"He was ripped away from her, though, Stiles," Kira said. "Look, I'm not trying to take sides or say that she's going through more than you or your parents, Stiles, but she was ready to spend her life with him and the next thing she knows, he's gone. It's got to hurt in a way that you can't even imagine."

Stiles sighed. "I guess," he said reluctantly, "but my point still stands. We all lost Jordan, and we all miss him just as much. He was our family, too."

"Look, guys," Allison said, cutting up vegetables for the salad she was making, "I don't want you guys arguing about this. Kira, the Stilinskis and McCalls lost him, too. But Stiles, so did Lydia. You guys miss him just as much, but in a different way. Now, can we please drop this?"

Stiles and Kira apologized to one another before Stiles said, "Sorry, Ally. I'm just really frustrated, you know?"

"Look, Stiles, I get it," Allison said, dishing up dinner. "I understand how you can be frustrated. But different people grieve in different ways and in different times. Maybe together, all of us, I think we might be able to help her start to live again."