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"Do you want to play a game?" uu was trying so hard to make his voice all creepy. It wasn't working.
Dirk looked slowly over his shoulder, expression blank. Scathingly so, he hoped. Dirk knew uu had been attempting to startle him, but the truth was Dirk had heard the footsteps tiptoeing through his apartment for about five minutes before that little shit finally spoke up. "You know, you don't have to say that every time. You really, really don't."
The way the corners of uu's mouth turned down was almost adorably petulant. "Because you don't have a choice. You will either play a game with me or..."
Dirk spun around completely in his chair, kicking his legs out in front of him and clasping his hands together over his stomach. "Dude, you know I'm going to do whatever you want. You can just skip right to the good stuff. The gory results of my insubordination are a non-issue."
Jesus. It was seriously nothing but games with this guy. 'Play a game with me.' 'That's not part of the game.' 'Our game isn't over, you disgusting human trash.' 'I'll lose the game I have with my sister if I tell you my actual name so I'm going keep making you call me by my chumhandle in person even though it seriously, seriously, seriously doesn't matter anymore and can't anyone just fucking relax around here'.
uu was showing a bit of fang, now, his hands twisting in the front of his shirt. Dirk was sure that if his eyes had been anything but completely white they would have been shifty as hell. "...Or I'm going to do things to you that are so horrific..."
"Mmhmm."
"...So unspeakable..."
"Uh huh."
"That..." uu seemed to be winding up, eyes wide, chest heaving a little. Dirk put an end to that.
"Seriously. I will go along with any and all of your erotic fantasies. You don't have to preface them with this crazy bullshit. I think it would have been perfectly acceptable for you to have slipped your arms around my shoulders and whispered, 'hold me, Dirk, you sexy creature' into my ear."
uu flushed a violent red. "You will do what I say."
"Yep."
"You will obey my every whim, no matter how...degrading..."
"Dude. Yes. We've reached that point. We reached that point so long ago that my memories of anything but that enormous, ominous point towering over pretty much my entire afterlife are so vague as to be nonexistent."
uu opened and closed his mouth a few times. Truth be told, Dirk didn't even know if it was the same uu that always came to visit him in his dream bubble, or if it was a constant stream of new doomed ones. He always figured it didn't really matter either way.
"So?"
You could probably have fried an egg on uu's face. Dirk pushed himself from his chair and stood casually, arms crossed over his chest. uu cleared his throat, finally. "You will...you will...Hold my hand, you pathetic piece of filth! ...Ohhh."
Dirk had taken one of uu's hands in both of his, gently clasping it, running a thumb over his knuckles. "How's this?"
uu was breathing heavily, eyes half-lidded. Dirk watched the rapid rise and fall of his chest with no less of that same weird fascination than usual. "Good. Yes. Now...raise it to your lips and...and kiss it!"
Dirk complied. uu's skin was hot, smoother than a human's, and Dirk didn't really think he'd ever have the opportunity to feel any of the bits of it that were concealed by clothing. But at this point, Dirk didn't really give a shit. There was a certain amount of zen acceptance in being dead.
"Now. Put your lips on my cheek. Give me one of your...your most tender human kisses!" Despite his demanding tone, uu's posture was shy. And nervous. His free hand was reflexively fisting in his shirt, his leg jiggling. Dirk hooked an arm around his shoulders and tugged him forward in a move done by so many suave dudes in years upon years of movies, put one gentle but assertive hand against the side of his face, and dropped a soft kiss on his flushed cheek.
uu trembled against him, arms tentatively going around Dirk's neck. He was breathing like he'd just run a mile, his eyes fluttering closed. Dirk kissed him again, dropping little kisses along his jaw in a deliberate line towards uu's mouth, pondering the cliche of this particular move. Is it all in the anticipation? Or is the idea to make the other party's intelligence drop with the awesomeness of your face-kisses so that they won't catch on to your intentions, then BLAM: mouth-kiss? To Dirk's great amusement, in this case it actually seemed to work that way. When he placed the most chaste of closed-mouth kisses on uu's lips, that weird little fucker actually moaned.
Dirk was definitely aware that his own intentions were far less than pure objective experimentation, but that, in fact, was part of the experiment. There is only so much one can keep objective when one has an armful of absurdly aroused alien, but experiments in personal subjectivity must be, Dirk supposed, by definition, at least partially subjective. Dirk tightened his hold, bringing their bodies flush, stroking uu's hair in the softest, gentlest way possible.
"Do that..." uu's voice was trembling, and Dirk could feel his pulse pounding at his throat. "Do that again. The kissing."
Man. It was just so damn easy to turn this guy on, and it was pretty much impossible for Dirk to feel anything but smug about it. He began to drop little kisses at the corners of uu's mouth, and then went in for the kill; uu's lips were slightly parted, and Dirk caught one of them between his own. Yeah, okay, that was pretty hot.
Dirk slid the arm around uu's shoulders to his waist, holding him tight. He bent uu back a little, his other hand deep in his hair. He continued the kiss with as much emotion as he could muster (which was a fair amount) and as much experience as he had under his belt (which was not much). uu seemed to be eating it up, though, letting out a pathetic little whimper, hands curling reflexively in Dirk's hair.
"This is so...fucking...depraved," uu gasped out, biting down on his lower lip and helplessly squirming against Dirk in a way that...holy shit, there was no way to see that as anything but really fucking hot. "God, you are a perverted freak."
Dirk almost laughed out loud at that. "Wow. Just wow."
uu narrowed his eyes, pushing at Dirk's chest until Dirk let him go. "Why do you always stay in here, anyway? You can fucking leave, idiot." Dirk just shrugged, and uu twisted his hands in front of him. "If you want," he muttered.
"Whoa, dude, watch out. Your dere is showing."
The suspicious, condescending look uu gave him was almost too hilarious.