Where exactly are you?
[Why aren’t you at home?! You should always be home, when I’m home!]
I’m at the seminar, I told you.
[Seminars are boring.]
Yesterday at dinner. Don’t tell me you didn’t listen to me again, Sherlock.
[That’s your fault I didn’t hear any of it! Your eyes are distracting. YOU are distracting.]
What is it?
I’ve been calling you all morning.
[I’VE BEEN CALLING YOU ALL MORNING. ME. ME!]
So? I was busy.
[Busy? You can’t be busy with anything except for me, John. You’re not allowed to.]
Stop humming, what is it?
I was worried.
[I missed you, you idiot! Why did I even say worried? Ugh.]
Yes, stop asking what I’ve already told you.
[I hate being vulnerable. I’m not vulnerable. Shut up!]
You never worry!
[Who do you think I am, John?]
Did you somehow find your stash, Sherlock?
I didn’t smoke, John. And I found the cigarettes three weeks ago. Under your bed, not exactly the DaVinci's code. You start being predictable.
[That’s for making me feel vulnerable.]
Have you been through my stuff again?! SHERLOCK, WE’VE TALKED ABOUT THIS!
You should be glad I didn’t smoke.
[I should be your number one priority, John]
Three minute silence.
What are you doing?
[Why aren’t you paying attention to me??!]
Seminar, Sherlock, remember?
You didn’t reply to my last message.
[Huh, you’re there. I was afraid you turned off your phone]
Nothing to say to you. Just it.
Fine. I’ll stop breaking into your room while you’re away.
[Please, don’t be angry with me, John]
[I hate it when you make me feel vulnerable]
[Fine! Fine! Come back. I’ll shut up. Please?]
What, Sherlock, what? What’s up with you today?
Nothing. When are you coming home?
[You’re still there!!!]
At about 4 pm.
Can’t you leave before the end?
[Why aren’t you home yet, when I’m practically begging you?!]
Why? Are you bored again?
No. Well, yes. Not the point. Need to talk to you.
[Why is it so hard to tell you the simplest thing?! I hate it.]
Are you okay? You’re being weird today.
I mean weirder than usually.
Thank you, John.
[I thought you loved me for who I am…]
You know what I mean, Sherlock.
I feel weird.
[Trying to be honest here again. Don’t mess it up, John.]
Four minute silence.
Incoming call… IGNORE.
Why are you calling?!
[I don’t want to talk to you! I want to. But I can’t. I’m a mess. I’m glad you can’t see me right now.]
You didn’t reply! I thought something happened!
Stop calling me!
[You will know something’s wrong if you hear my voice. Ugh. I hate being vulnerable. Why can't you just come home?!]
I meant don’t call me - text me. I can’t talk right now.
[I want you to be hovering over me, not me over you! Pay attention!]
John, stop being touchy and reply immediately!
What are you doing?
[Crawled in my bed, duvet over the head. I can’t stop thinking about you. It’s annoying. You’re in my head. Constantly.]
What on Earth are you talking about? On my bed!
Oh. And why is it you couldn’t talk?
[He’ll buy it.]
Really? What did you want to tell me?
Just come home.
[Can you please do as I tell you?!]
Do you always need a reason?
[Shut up and come home! I need you, you idiot.]
Not a reason. A motive. With you there’s always a motive, Sherlock.
There’s no motive.
[There isn’t. That’s why this is so annoying. I need you without a reason. Constantly.]
Yes. Not this time.
[Can we move on already?!]
Then why should I come home? To entertain you?
You’re being annoyingly stubborn, John.
[You’re being annoyingly stubborn, John!]
You’re being annoyingly annoying, Sherlock.
You’re not interested in what I have to say then?
[Can you shut up and listen?!]
I am interested. Text me.
Four minute silence.
Ugh. You’re such a child, Sherlock.
I’m not a child.
[I was trying to think of something to say, isn’t it obvious?]
Then tell me what it is!
Not important anymore.
[Am I really doing this?!]
Here it is: you’re an idiot.
[Why am I saying this?! You’re the only thing I can think about. You perfect, perfect idiot.]
You never do as I want you to.
[I can’t stand a minute without you]
And I hate you.
[I… ugh, I love you. Yes, I said it. Thought about it. I adore you. You’re the only thing I can think about. And as much as I hate admitting that, I can’t stay a minute away from you]
Really nice, Sherlock. Glad to know I’m appreciated.
[Nice work, Sherlock. Smoothly done.]