"Seth," says Stefon. "Seth, I have the perfect place for our wedding reception."
Seth rubs his face and squints at the clock. "Stefon, it's five in the morning. What are you doing up this early?"
"I never went to sleep," Stefon says.
"Of course," mutters Seth. He rolls over and flicks the bedside lamp on. "Stefon, why are you planning our wedding reception?"
"Because," says Stefon, "if I don't plan it, you will and we'll end up with something boring with no midgets anywhere."
"No, Stefon, I mean why are you planning our wedding reception, period? We're not even engaged. And I have a girlfriend." Seth is lying. He doesn't have a girlfriend. But like hell is he admitting that to Stefon.
"Oh, Seth Meyers," sighs Stefon. "When will you get with the times?"
It gets worse.
Stefon shows up for his segment that weekend and gives Seth a messy kiss on the cheek before he can duck away. "Seth Meyers," says Stefon seriously. "I have it all planned out. There'll be ice sculptures and a three foot tall wedding cake and of course our ring bearers will be Martha Stewart's chaus."
"Um, okay," says Seth distractedly, shuffling through his papers. "Sure, Stefon."
The make-up girl orders him to sit still and Seth forgets about Stefon.
He forgets about him, that is, until he's reading, "This Friday, the New York state legislature passed historic legislation to give same sex couples the right to marry. Here with the some advice on where to celebrate your vows is our city correspondent, Stefon."
Stefon sails into shot, saying, "Hey everyone." He smoothes his hair and licks his lips. "Hi, Seth Meyers."
"Hey Stefon. Pretty great news, right?"
"Yes, Seth Meyers, because it means we can finally honor our love." Stefon winks at him. "This weekend, New York's hottest spot is the city clerk's office. It may not be as fun as a club, but it's got everything you need for a prefect wedding - bored bureaucrats, hungry hobos, and of course, me and Seth."
Seth jumps, startled, and looks over at Stefon. "Stefon," he says.
"What?" Stefon asks innocently. He bats his eyelashes at Seth, then looks back at the camera. "But if you're looking for the hottest place to have your reception, you're too late because I've already booked Colin Gayrell's newsest club, Tasti with an i. But if you want to come, we have an open guest list. And this reception is going to have everything. Ice sculptures of me and Seth doing the karma sutra -"
"- a three foot tall rum cake that answers the question, 'Where has all the rum gone?' and of course, DJ Marky Mark."
"Wait," says Stefon slowly. "As in -?"
"Yes, Mark Wahlberg is DJ-ing our wedding reception." Stefon looks immensely pleased with himself.
"Stefon, you forget that I haven't actually said yes."
Stefon waves his hand dismissively. "Details."When the segment is almost over, Stefon grabs Seth's hand and says, "So who wants us to get married?" He gestures the audience on and they all cheer excitedly.
"My wedding is not going to be decided by committee," protests Seth.
"Come on, Seth Meyers, don't you think it's time you make an honest man out of me?" Stefon smiles. "I've already met your mother. And I was your valentine."
"That was an isolated event!" protests Seth, cheeks going red. He can see the camera guys shaking in silent fits of laughter.
"Methinks the anchor doth protest too much," sighs Stefon. "Well, if you really think I'm that ugly, then -"
"Wait, wait," says Seth, sensing danger. "I never said you were ugly."
"So you think I'm beautiful?" Stefon beams at Seth. "You say the sweetest things, Seth Meyers."
"Stefon -" Seth blanks as he stares out over the audience. They're watching expectantly. He sighs heavily and says, "All right, Stefon. Let's get married."
"He said yes!" crows Stefon, grabbing Seth's arm and raising it into the air. "Whoo!"
Then he leans over and manages to plant a kiss right on Seth's mouth. Seth flails in surprise, but Stefon is surprisingly strong underneath that horrible Ed Hardy shirt, and he isn't able to get away. One of the camera men completely loses it and doubles over with laughter as Stefon thrusts his tongue into Seth's open mouth. Seth sees this because his eyes are wide with horror and shock.
Stefon leans back with a self-satisfied smile and bops Seth on the nose. "See you at the city clerk's office tomorrow at ten," he says brightly before pushing his chair away.
Seth tries to compose himself as he looks back at the camera. "And that was...Stefon."
Seth debates not actually going, but then he thinks about Stefon's disappointed face and sighs. He's going to have to go down there and explain to Stefon that it's a bad idea.
Except, once he gets there, he sees Stefon standing with a tall drag queen who is holding a Bible. Stefon is grinning hugely and he waves enthusiastically at Seth.
"This is my honeybun," he tells the drag queen, eyes wide. "My Seth." He makes a kissy face at Seth and Seth just doesn't have the heart to tell him no. Also, he's pretty sure Stefon wouldn't listen.
"This, Stefon, is the beginning of a new kind of hell," he says, and he takes Stefon's hand. "Let's do this."