She hated rooftops, she specially hated the way the sun shone brightly, she was going to get kicked out of this school for her sister’s actions… no, she was going to get kicked out because of Kang So-young.
The sun was starting to irritate her, it reminded her of a familiar boy who was always around her and brought a smile to her face, she hated black bean noodles.
Lee Eun Bi closed her eyes, she didn’t want to look at the sun or be reminded of how she hurt the boy that meant so much to her. It’s a funny thing how closing her eyes seemed to bring him into sharper focus in her thoughts.
She could open them, if she opened her eyes she would be back into reality. Back to the fact that everything she cared about would be over soon, back to the fact that she was here, at their rooftop, but he wasn’t there with her. He wasn’t undertaking the process of photosynthesis; he wasn’t going to take her away from this school to wherever she wanted.
She could choose not to fall into her daydreams of him, she could choose to stop thinking about how he laughed at her clumsiness that day on the bridge, she could choose to stop imagining how her hand would feel wrapped up in his.
She could choose not to do this.
Not to think of him.
But she did it anyways.
When she rejected him last night, she didn’t know it would hurt like this, she wanted, more than anything, to make him happy, she wanted to be the one he would grow alongside with, oh she yearned for him to be next to her so so badly.
do I deserve to be loved by you?
It was a question that plagued her for a while now, she would only bring a mess into his life, all she could do was lie and if she wasn’t lying she was trying to unravel her and her sister’s past. Her life was a mix of chaos and uncertainty. How could she drag this boy into it?
This boy who walked her home, this boy who said her name, this boy who let her cry on his shoulder. This boy who was so worried for her.
‘I’m sorry’ ‘I love you’
Once all this was over, once she replayed the debt she felt towards Han YiAn for pretending to be her sister, once she gave him some sense of peace, and once she made these wrongs right. Maybe then she could tell him the truth.
Don’t go. I want to hold you back.
“I know. I know what you want to say. I know what I say won’t make a difference. But… even so, I still like you.” What a tragedy they were, she loved him with every fiber of her being and she loved him enough to hurt him, just this once. When all this was over and if the war was won she would come back to him, she would go, run up to him, breathless and she would tell him “Didn’t I tell you I always lie” “Do you still like me?” She would wait for his answer then, she would set things straight in the future, but for now there was only one thing to say “I’m sorry Gong Tae Kwang.”
Thank you, I’m so sorry, love you.
He was such an idiot.
Hadn’t she told him in the beginning to never believe what she says?
He believed her so easily last night.
She will go to him in the future, when everything is alright, “Wait for me Gong Tae Kwang, I’ll come to you once all this is over, please believe in me” she whispered to herself at the top of the rooftop she loved so much, where she could feel their warm memories.