I'm drowning and sedated
For my mind to really come down
I'm afraid of being hated
Cuz I'm so Jaded
Not like everybody somehow
Song: Trapped Underneath The Stairs By KoRn
Time passed slowly by like frozen molasses for me but it did pass. It has been one month and three days since I had tried to kill myself. Dad sits to the left of me filling out the paperwork to admit me to this short term mental hospital. I haven’t said anything since I woke up in the hospital Dad did try to get me to talk he even got Jade, Rose, and Dave to come stay at our house. I won't talk to them because they know everything now. I see the pity in their eyes I know Dad blames himself now. He knows what Mark did when he was out of town on business trips and he paid Mark to watch over me.
I always have nightmares of him it feels like my whole being is completely in shards. I dread waking each day knowing what Mark has done his vile touch and those words still frightful to the core. He fractured me so deeply I am not myself anymore. I can never forgive or forget that which changed me so much. I am a shell of who I used to be, a slight ghost of who I should be. A fucking mess in skin and bones. I staring to get tired it must be the mild sedative the doctor gave me earlier for flipping out after the intake nurse tried to hug me. Dad signs his name for the last time needed shakes the intake nurse's hand and looks at me his eyes so sad. “I so sorry John if I had known he would rape you I would have...” I say nothing just stare into his eyes with my own. My eyelids are heavy and the sounds around me are muted slightly. Before I close my eyes I hope that I have no nightmares for once.