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Lucky Charms

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“That…doesn’t sound logical.”

“Logical or not, it works.”

“But how can it…I mean…it just sounds so silly!”

“Trust me, it works. Just try it for yourself if you don’t believe me.”



—

Bruce has been trying to ignore the small pow-wow going on in one corner of the cave but it’s steadily becoming more and more difficult. The exclamations coming from the bunch are varied in tone and emotion and frankly, they’re really making his curious.

“That sounds stupider than that rumor that you could catch Catwoman using tuna.” Jason snorts.

“Yeah, I dunno about this Tim.” Stephanie’s voice is colored with suspicion.

“I know it sounds nuts but it did work.” Tim insists. “I touched it before leaving for work three days ago and I landed this contract that we hadn’t been able to get for months.”

“A coincidence.” Damian replies. Bruce can see the eye roll without having to turn around.

“That’s what I thought too. But I tried it again…last week, right before patrol.”

There’s a small gasp. “Wasn’t that the night you…” Stephanie asks breathlessly.

Tim doesn’t reply but whatever non-verbal response he gave, makes Stephanie let out a low whistle. “Wow…okay so maybe it’s true.”

“Still sounds like complete B.S to me.” Jason gripes.

“But there is no harm in testing this yes?” Cassandra’s soft voice finally chimes in.

And that’s just about the limit.

Bruce is quick to get out of his seat and walk up to the group. He keeps his curiosity under the wraps as he asks the group, “Mind telling me what you all are talking about?”

Not one of them jumps but they do turn around to look at him. All their expressions go from surprised to shifty in a heartbeat.

‘Oh this will be good…’ Bruce thinks to himself.

—

The day starts out normal enough.

The sun was shining nice and bright, heralding a nice warm spring day. Dick heads downstairs to get the newspaper and makes a list of the errands he needs to run today. As he opens the door, he debates the pros and cons of having lunch outside in a little bistro. The weather is entirely too good to remain cooped up indoors.

He spies the rolled up newspaper lying on the porch and leans down to pick it up.

‘Maybe I’ll get Tim or Damian to go wi-‘

He straightens from his position with such speed that it was a wonder his back didn’t let out an audible snap. He turns around, stares at Tim who is giving him a bland look and a raised eyebrow.

“Did you just…?” Dick asks warily.

A lazy, bored blink, “Did I just what? Come to get the newspaper?”

With a small shake of his head, Dick sweeps the idea under the rug. Na, it wasn’t possible that Tim had just touched his butt.

—

“You sure you don’t wanna stay?” Dick asks as he walks Stephanie out the front door. He adjusts the duffel bag on his shoulder before reaching out to open the front door.

“Positive. I’ve got my own stuff to do.” Stephanie replies as she walks outside. The cab driver hops up the steps, coming to a stop in front of them. Dick slides the bag off his shoulder and into the drivers hands.

“Alright. Don’t be a stranger though.” Dick holds his arms out, ready to hug the blonde girl goodbye. She grins before stepping into the embrace, her arms coming around to pat Dick’s shoulders before sliding down and- whoa, hello!

“Whoops, sorry about that.” she replies with a laugh and bounds down the steps and into the cab. Dick stares with confusion at the cab as it drives away.

‘Why did she just grab my ass?’

—

Bruce is standing in front of the main console in the Batcave, frowning as he reads over the results.

“With that face, I’m thinking these arn’t good results.” Dick quips as he comes to stand beside his mentor.

Bruce moves several files around on the screen, “The blood on the victim doesn’t match to the blood found on the crime scene.”

“But isn’t that a good thing? I mean, it could be the blood of the suspect right?” Dick asks as his eyes jump from file to file.

“It doesn’t match to any of the samples we have on file.”

Ah well…that means they have a whole new level of a headache on their hands.

“Anything I can do to help?” Dick can’t help but feel a bit disappointed when Bruce shakes his head.

“You have your own responsibilities. I can’t push my problems onto you.”

And with a sweep of an arm to throw his heavy cape back, Bruce brushes past him.

Dick jumps hard when he feels a hand brush against his uniformed ass. He turns around to give Bruce a look of complete disbelief.

“What the hell…” he mutters in confusion.

—

“May I touch your behind?”

Okay so he wasn’t having hearing problems the first time Cassandra has asking him that question. He had thought that perhaps the wind blowing around them had somehow distorted her words…or maybe this was a side effect of being slammed into a brick wall…or hey, might even have been that explosion whose pressure caused him to slam into a brick wall…

But nope. Cassandra Cain was asking if she could touch his butt.

“Why?” Dick asks, half curious and half scared.

“For good luck.”

“She says as though I should just know…” Dick mutters as he pinches the bridge of his nose. Oh but..this might explain all the ‘accidental’ gropes and touches that he’s been getting from Tim (especially Tim…mostly Tim…) and Bruce (He really wants to delete those instances from his brain).

“Do I have the permission to receive good luck from your bottom?” Cassandra’s hopeful voice cuts through and he jumps back, hands over his ass as he yells, “No!”

But the completely let down expression that takes over Cassandra’s face makes him sigh. He turns around with an embarrassed mumble, “Just get it over with.”

—

“Did you know about this?! And please stop laughing! This is not funny!”

Dick crosses his arms and scowls at Babs, who is giggling into a hand.

“I-I’m sorry.” She giggles while waving a hand, “But you gotta admit, it’s kinda funny.”

He is not amused that the more he scowls, the more it makes her laugh. “No.” He replies slowly, “No it’s not. It’s freaky! Bruce tried to grope me. BRUCE. There is no known or unknown universe where that is funny!”

Barbara’s lips twitch at the corners as she chokes and asks, “You sound like you want to disinfect your ass.”

That…doesn’t sound like a bad idea actually.

Dick stands there, debating how he could do that when he feels two hands grab his ass and squeeze. He yelps and jumps away, hands held protectively over his butt, “BABS!”

Barbara is looking at her hands, “Still as firm as I remembered. Doesn’t feel any more luckier though.”

Dick decides right there and then…everyone he knows, is crazy.

Because only a crazy person would believe in something this stupid.

—

Dick’s plastered against the wall, eyes wide as dinner plates as he wonders if maybe the world is about to come to an end.

Because his little brother…Damian Wayne…just stroked his ass.

The younger boy was looking at his hand with a strangely contemplative look before noticing Dick. With an irritated click of the tongue, Damian speaks, “Grayson, don’t act as though your chastity is in danger. I’m simply performing an experiment to test the validity of the rumor.”

“Validity?” Dick squeaks out, still stuck against the wall.

Damian rolls his eyes, “I refuse to believe that Drake and Father’s streak of luck was simply because of them touching your ass.” ‘Oh I knew it!’ he can’t help but think. ‘I knew those weren’t just accidents!’ “Therefore, I prefer to test the rumor out before making a decision.”

‘Wait a minute…’ Dick tries to smile hopefully, “And you’re going to make your final judgement on the basis of just this one errr…touch right?”

“That would hardly be conclusive now would it?”

Dick runs out of the room like he’s never run before.

—

Over the course of the next week, Dick gets very well acquainted with the walls of the mansion. ‘One back to the wall’ has been his motto for the past seven days and it has been extremely effective in keeping unwanted gropers from groping his ass.

Except Tim.

Who somehow keeps sneaking around his defense system. Dick isn’t sure whether to be proud of how sneaky Tim can be or be freaked out that Tim’s reverting back to his (questionably cute but) creeper ways. Dick was fairly certain that Tim was even keeping count.

Everyone is kinda peeved that they can’t get their dose of extra lucky from Dick’s butt. Frankly, he’s starting to think that everyone just loves him for his butt. Which is one hell of a strange thought to follow.

In fact, he had been following that train of thought (roughly sixty stories high up) when someone had grabbed his butt. He had jumped back (subsequently smacked into a large, angry looking gargoyle for added insult) and turned around to find Supergirl floating beside him. Giggling.

That had been the last straw. So here he was, pulling out something that he had specially made for Tim almost a year ago. When Dick had first gotten the vague feeling that Superboy might have…certain designs on his little brother, Dick had taken certain precautions.

Tim hadn’t seen it from the same perspective and whacked Dick on the head with the box. While giving him a long lecture. And ending with a lot of thanks that Dick was looking out for him. But that he could look out for himself and didn’t need the gift.

He never expected that a day would come that he would have to use this himself…

—

“You don’t think you’re being just a little…” Bruce reaches around for the right word. “Silly?”

Dick shakes his head as he walks beside Bruce, “Put yourself in my place and then tell me if it’s silly or not! I’ve had everyone touching my ass. Even Damian, Bruce. Damian. And you. I don’t you touching my butt for luck.”

Bruce looks vaguely embarrassed as he turns his face the other way with a light cough, “Point taken.”

The rest of their conversation winds up up in the air when Jason enters from a side door. Dick and Bruce exchange a quick look before Bruce asks, “Jason. What brings you by?”

“Save the small talk.” Jason snarls as he walks over, “I’ve been having a crap week and I’m desperate enough to try anything including touching Dickie boy’s ass.”

Dick immediately begins to back up, head shaking from side to side, “No. NO. Trust me, you don’t want to do that!”

“Screw that.” Jason tells him, reaching out towards the denim clad ass.

“No really Jason! If you touch it you’re gonna get-.”

There’s a loud crack and a bright flash and Jason is throw across the room. Bruce eyes the fallen man on the floor and then Dick.

“A little too much don’t you think?”

Dick looks a bit sheepish as he moves to get Jason off the floor and maybe onto the sofa. “Well I did want to use enough to knock a Super off balance.”

Bruce sighs as he moves to help Dick, “While I admire your enthusiasm in regards to looking out for Tim, but I think that a chastity belt that shocks anyone who touches it strays towards the side of over kill.”

“Well I was sick and tired of everyone using my butt as a lucky rabbits foot!” Dick snaps defensively as he dumps Jason’s ass on the plush upholstery. “Lets see you running around trying to stop Superman from stroking your ass, then we’ll talk.”

—

“Kon! Have-you-heard?”

The dark haired boy gives Bart a vaguely curious look, “Heard what?”

Bart leans in to whisper in a conspiratorial manner, “I-heard-this-rumor-that-if-you-touch-Robin’s-butt-you-get-good-luck.”

Kon gives Bart a disbelieving look, complete with sardonic smile and a raised eyebrow, “Robin’s ass? Seriously? Where’d you hear that?”

Bart ticks the names off his fingers, “I-heard-it-from-The-Flash-who-heard-it-from-Black-Canary-who-heard-it-from-someone-else-who-heard-it-from-a-Green-Latern-who-heard-it-from-Superman-who-went-and-touched-Robin’s-butt.”

“Huh…” Kon muses quietly. “Do you think it’s true?”

Bart shrugs, “Who-knows.” And then grins widely, “Wanna-go-find-Tim-and-try-it-out?”

Kon’s grin is just as mischievous as he stands up, “Lets go Robin hunting.”

—

Chapter Text

Tim ducks behind Cassie, “Please hide me.” He begs his friend.

“Something the matter?” Cassie asks as she tried to look behind her at the man using her as a shield.

“Kon and Bart are sexually harassing me.” Tim complains just as Kon and Bart round the corner.

“Hand that Robin over!” Kon declares with a grin as he tries to get behind Tim. Except Tim starts spinning around (while holding onto Cassie) and it becomes a very strange little dance involving Tim and Cassie going round and round in half concentric circles while Kon and Bart try to grab Tim’s ass.

“Whoa whoa STOP IT! STOP. IT.” Cassie yells as Tim continues to spin them around. “You two QUIT IT. Tim, if you don’t stop, I’m gonna throw up in your cape!”

That gets the boys to stop in place.

“Now someone tell me what the hell’s going on!”

—

*15 minutes later*

“You were supposed to be on my side Cassie!”

“I could use the good luck.” She admits as she tries to lasso Tim.