I wanna kill that clown but he’d really hate me if I did. It took me so fucking long to make Karkat realize me and him aren’t kismesis even if we flip or whatever sometimes. I found out that flipping means we roughhouse and then end up covering each other in bites and scratches while we have sloppy makeouts and make each other’s lips bleed. I don’t mind the scars though he seems to mind the blood and feels sorry as hell every time he cleans my cuts in the morning.
He makes this cooing sound when he’s done that could melt anyone’s heart and I hold him close and kiss his nubby horns and tell him how much I pity the shit out of every inch of him. He looks at me with those big yellow eyes and for once he doesn’t look like he’s got something up his ass or someone took his lunch money and he’ll smile for just a second. Then it is gone and his eyes are shut and he’s getting cuddly with me but if I say anything about it he’ll get pissed and stop like saying it makes it real and something he shouldn’t be doing. Little bastard doesn’t know how to let himself be happy openly. He seems to think he has to do shit like that to keep it from the universe finding out or something. He still thinks the universe is out to get him and he’s the worst piece of shit ever. How can anyone not pity the fuck out of someone like that?
But anyways back to the fucking clown. I don’t know what is up with this pale troll romance stuff but I’m tired of seeing that fucking juggalo make him smile like that. I only get to see those for a bit and I’ve seen him grin and I mean all teeth showing just a little and his eyes half shut. I only got to see something like that once when I managed to get away with rubbing his stomach. His skin is really nice and soft by the way and doesn’t feel like ours. It is thicker or something and feels strange but it is really really nice to touch. But he should be mine to touch I’m his matesprit not Mr. Juggalo.
That clown gets to lay on pillow with my troll boyfriend and talk about feelings and pet each other’s hair. And Karkat’s hair is really nice to put your hands through. It is wispy or some shit and everywhere but it is almost as nice to touch as his skin. If I touch it the right way and pet and scritch him he’ll start purring and that is the best noise. It is like a cat’s purring and something’s whistling and he’s got a couple of crickets thrown in just to make it harmonize and sound like some music god smiled down on him and chose to bestow the perfect sound on him and it fucking pisses me off that I’m not the only one that gets to hear it. Just me and the clown.
I hate that I didn’t get to hear a real laugh the first time because of something I did or said. I’d heard his dry laugh or his condescending one but no that clown is the one making him let out that cute as fuck laugh and giggling full of squeaks and the cutest noises imaginable. And how did that asshole accomplish it? He’s fighting to keep Karkat from brushing out the mop of dirty greasy unwashed hair that’s probably full of faygo and greasepaint and who knows what else and Karkat’s managed to pin the fucker down. Well what does Mr. Juggalo do to keep him from making any progress? He slips his hands up my matesprit’s shirt, touching my matesprit’s sides, and starts tickling the shit out of him. I’m left feeling stupid and wondering if fear of him chewing my face or or clawing my eyes out if I tried that is just stupid but goddamn it I want him to laugh like that for me sometime. Gamzee got a fist to the nose and Karkat dragged him to the bathroom and half drowned the clown washing his hair in the sink. I wish he had drowned him, I don’t but at the same time I do. He’d bawl his eyes out and crying Karkat isn’t fun Karkat and just makes me pity him even more.
But yeah I think this ends my, the Dave Strider’s, essay on why Karkat Vantas is the best thing ever and why I shouldn’t have to share him with a clown that seems to be overstepping his bounds and needs a freaking red flag or card or something. He just needs to step the fuck off. I mean John and I are best bros and John doesn’t kiss my cheeks or snuggle the shit out of me. He might hug the breath out of me sometimes and try and pull pranks or something but we don’t have to get all cuddly on pile to talk about something and he doesn’t touch on me like he’s starting something like the juggalo does with Karkat.
Karkat says I’m mixing the quadrant things up and there is shit he has to do with Gamzee and stuff he’ll only do with me but he won’t talk about the stuff he’ll only do with me yet and just tells me to shut pay more attention to his movies to understand the whole pale bro thing. He says I can’t seem to get it through my dense head or something but really if he wouldn’t just vomit weird words at me the whole time maybe I could understand that shit. Still doesn’t convince me things wouldn’t be much simpler if he’d let me just watch one of their pap sessions with permission for once. It is hard to hide and still get to see everything and damn will he let me have it if he ever finds out I watch.