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Accidental Prank War

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Regina and Emma were trying to be civil for Henry's sake. Ever since they had returned from Neverland, Henry and Regina had grew much closer. And after Zelena's appearance and death and reappearance they had become even more so. After they were in alternate Enchanted Forest where Gold of all people was 'The Light One'. All Henry wanted was for his parents to be friendly towards each other... (at least!) which they seemed to be doing. After seeing his adoptive mother just about die in front of his eyes for jumping in front of him saving him from Rumples blade. He couldn't bare the thought of losing her again. She was amazing and he wanted her to have friends who can see jut how amazing she is for themselves.

Emma had always fought so hard against Regina, the woman was so damn snarky. At first it was because she hated how the brunette acted like she was so superior to her. Upon realisation that she was actually Queen.. It became understandable.
Emma always tried so hard to conceal her emotions from people. Every time she had let herself 'feel' something for someone it always went horribly wrong: like when she was in love with Neal and then got sent to prison and had a baby she had to give away. Or like when she was falling for a guy who turned out to be a flying monkey who was an evil spy sent from Oz. Or like when she made a friend like lily and trouble would always follow.

It was easy with Hook, he doted over her and made her feel good. When her father killed him in the Heros and Villains story she had felt the loss, she thought it was love, she thought she had lost her happy ending.
But upon seeing Regina dying in the arms of Robin, the pain she felt witnessing the life drain from the petite brunette allowed her to realise how wrong she was, how she clearly had way stronger feeling towards the Latina woman than she had ever imagined. Seeing Hook alive again after Henry saved Regina confirmed that she felt more for her other sons mother than for Killian.
She didn't want to be cruel and lead him on, but he was nice to her, and he does love her and plus, Regina has Robin, it's not like there's a chance of anything happening.
The only exception to the 'curse of Emma's affections' was Henry.. But even Henry, Well there have been multiple disasters. Emma really didn't want anybody to see her true feelings for the former Evil Queen. Especially Regina! She really enjoyed the older woman's company, the witty and snarky remarks no longer hurt her, she realised that was the brunettes humour and she was happy that Regina was making an effort with her, even if it was only due to Henry's request.

The mayor on the other hand, however, didn't give Emma much thought. She was an inconvenience at best... Well.. She was kind of cute in an always flustered, unorganised messy kind of way. Buuut, She had grown used to the woman who paraded around town in trashy leather jackets and jeans that may as well have been painted on.
However she had to admit, life was a lot more interesting with the blond in it, even if it meant having to share her son. Infact if she were really to think about it she might actually like the blond. She had after all helped Regina get Robin back.. She promised Regina she would get her her happy ending, she has saved her ass multiple times and she has never have up on her. It meant a lot to the darker woman.

Regina was dropping Henry off at Emma's. They shared him throughout the week, Storybrook was a small town and they didn't stay too far apart, so it was an ideal solution. Upon arriving outside the saviours apartment Henry ran over to Emma who was hosing her rusty yellow car. Regina got out her Mercedes and walked to the boot to get their sons weekend bag.
Henry practically bulldozed Emma with the hug he greeted her with causing her to lose control of the hose she was wielding and she accidentally sent a shower of water over the dark haired woman's torso.
Regina just stood there, mouth agape hands raised and frozen in shock, Henry's bag in one of her fisted hands, the mayors white dress now sheer in parts revealing what appeared to be purple lacy underwear, a garter belt and suspenders. Though it was blurred by the outer fabric It was still enough to cause Emma to have a little soaking of her own between her legs.
The Saviour was mentally Thanking God it was only the mayors body she had sprayed with the water, If she had gotten her hair she would have considered herself lucky if Regina let her live. It was an accident but the guilt that laced the saviours conscience was still not enough to deter Emma's eyes from raking over Regina's form, attempting to take in and store the vision of the mayor in her revealing state. She was doing everything she could to not let on how this situation was affecting the area between her thighs. Regina remained in silence standing there for about three seconds before-

R- "you absolute imbecile! It's not a wonder, seen as your the spawn of two babbling idiots, you, Miss Swan need to learn to better control your equipment!"

E- "hey! C'mon Gina don't pretend like your not friends with Snow and Charming! I've seen you hug them."

R- "your insufferable Sheriff, goodbye Henry darling"

handing Henry his bag and kissing him goodbye. In the midst of which she glared at Emma who was doing a miserable job at hiding her building arousal and amusement at the whole situation. The blond could not help that her mouth hung open involuntarily in a smile.

E- "sorry Regina.."

H- "oohhohohhaha ma! you're in trouble. Haha!"


The next day Regina was in her kitchen leaning against the counter, she flicked through some cook books. She glanced at the clock, it's only 6AM, she was considering texting Robin to see what he was upto but instead she decided to go out for a jog.
She was running effortlessly, appreciating the town she had constructed so many years ago when she reached Emma's street, she saw that ugly little yellow death trap parked on the side of the road, all nice and clean, well... Apart from the rusty parts. It was then that the dark haired beauty had an idea.



It's 10AM and Emma and Henry are up getting breakfast. Henry dragged his feet up over to the window to look outside and see what the weather was like. He looks out the slightly murky glass and his gaze zoned in on something peculiar. His eyed scanned the street below and before he could process what he saw, he spat his coco pops out all over the window.

E- "Henry???! What the fu-.... Fudge.. ?!"

H- "good save ma. I'm sorry, I- I w-was caught off guard. I was surprised.. Em.. I don't know how to tell you this.. Buuuut.. Look at what someone's done to your car.."

Emma rushed to the window and wiped residue of milk and cereal off it to get a clear look at her little yellow baby.

E- "what the actual fu-- fudge!! Fu-fu-UUUGH stupid Regina! She did this! It was totally her cos I soaked her. She's went out her way and threw dirt all over my car. I know she's your mom Henry, but gods I just want to kill her sometimes!!!"

H- "yeah okay ma. Over dramatic much?! But yeah, whatever you say. I think you want to do other things to her sometimes too. NOT that I want to talk about that. I'm just saying."

E- "hey! watch your mouth kid! Don't talk to me like that! I'm gonna get her back for this! And. By the way. I don't even know what your talking about and neither do you! I'm with Killian!"

H- "Haha I didn't say you wanted to do sexual things to her jeeze Ma. Haha. You jumped to that one all on your own! I could have been meaning you want to braid her hair?! Or something else girly and lame. But yeah, calm down. And ma, I know your not as into Killian as he is into you. It's so obvious!"

Henry was almost 15, he wasn't an idiot, he saw the way his moms looked at each other.. Sometimes he wanted to clatter their heads together to make them see it.. But he knew better. His moms were stubborn. And so he knew it was a waiting game.. But he just wanted the wait to be over so bad. It became more obvious the more the three of them started hanging out.

Emma looked at her son, who although a teenager, was taller than she. It was unbelievable. he was growing up so damn fast.

Emma went downstairs to see her car. A big lump of dirt on the hood and a dandy lion on the centre of the pile of muck, and then there was sprinklings of dirt over the rest of the car. On the back window, written in muck was
'I'm a filthy ride - still smell better than the pirate though!'
Emma went round the back of her apartment to get the hose.
*what the fuck! Bloody Regina, poking fun at Killian cause he smells bad and doesn't wash regularly.. If only she knew I didn't even really like him*
The hose was still attatched to the outside tap, she turned it on full. That was a mistake.
The water shot out of the tap spraying her smack bang in her face, down her toned arms and her taught stomach, after being propelled backwards with the force of the water she lunged forward tightening the hose to the faucet. *son of a bitch!*
She knew it had to be Regina.
* that bitch, that fucking annoying ass. Beautiful stupid round ass! When I did it it was an accident! Fuck sake! I mean UUUGH Fucking bitch. I'll admit I was glad with what I saw as a result of ACCIDENTALLY soaking her. But now she's started something, purposefully started something so, now it's a game. And that means it's my turn next. Ha, bet the witch didn't think about me getting her back. This could be fun. What could I do.. Oh fuck, I'm freezing, I need to go change. Then wash my car again. Fucking annoyance. *


Regina was in her office sorting through paperwork, the door swung open and she knew immediately Who it was without so much as a glance upwards. She intentionally refrained from shifting her focus from the papers on her desk.

R - "Don't bother knocking or anything Miss Swan"

E - "yeah-yeah, save it. So here's my file on the drunken fight between Leroy and Whale at the rabbit hole from last Thursday"

Regina had expected to see Emma, but he was expecting it to be about the little stunt she pulled on the sheriff in the morning, she wasn't sure what the blonde was up to, but she just took the file and placed it next to the papers she was still fixated on, keeping her poker face in tact.

R - "will that be all Miss Swan?"

She flicked her eyes up to meet Emma's.

E - "um.. Well I was thinking maybe we could go out for lunch with Henry today? You know, the three of us? I know it's my day but, you know, I think we should try to bond a bit more all together for Henry's sake? It's up to you?"

Regina blinked, straightened up and gave the blonde her full attention. *OMFG Regina. That poor button on your shirt. Fuck. Is that red lace??*

R - "yes! absolutely! thank you EMMA. I would enjoy that."

E - "great! So we will see you in about an hour at Granny's then?"

R - "yes."


Regina finished the papers she was filling out, she gave a quick flick through the report Emma had handed her, she glanced at the clock went into her bag to fetch the key to lock her office once she left, She felt something unfamiliar and pulled out a rubber spider. She didn't even flinch. She had always liked spiders. She knew straight away that this was Emma's feeble attempt at getting her back. Obviously with the intention of giving her a fright.
*idiot.. I hope meeting with her and Henry isn't part of this prank. Probably not, she wouldn't. That's too mean spirited for a charming. No. Emma wouldn't do that.. I hope.*

She walked over to granny's anyway to meet with the feeble prankster and her son. She saw Robin and Roland on her walk over, she was going to invite them to join her but truth be told Robin had been grating on her nerves a little since he was back in Storybrook and spending so much time with her.


Regina sat down in the booth, she was five minutes early awaiting her target and her son. She carefully placed some pins on the seat opposite her.

Emma walks into the diner. She sees Regina sitting down waiting, *why does she always look so sexy, stupid perfect hair, lips, eyes, body.. So annoying, pull yourself together Swan!*
Emma goes to sit down, Henry burls through the door just after and runs into Regina's arms and sits beside her. Emma sits down across from her, jumping and yelping up from the seat, battering her thighs against the table, holding her rear, shuffling out of the booth. Emma's eyes bore right into Regina *fucking cunt!*


Regina stifled a giggle.


E - "UUUGH!!! REGINA!!!"

Henry looked at his moms. Emma glared at Regina, Regina shrugged her shoulders and threw the fake spider on the table. Henry looked back and forth between his moms gazez.

He turned slowly back to his dark haired mother and locked eyes with her, the two of them burst into a fit of laughter.

If Emma weren't so pissed at having sat on pins, and smacking her legs off of the table edge she would have spent longer appreciating how alike Regina and Henry's mannerisms were and taking in the beauty of the situation. Instead she grabbed the spider an threw it at Regina which ofcourse the former evil queen caught with ease. The blond brought her face inches from Regina's.

E - "it on bitc-Regina! That really hurt!!! Your lucky I'm so hungry otherwise. You know. I'd get you back right now. But yeah. let's um. Let's make Granny's a safe zone from now on, Huh?"

R - "I beg your pardon Miss Swan?"

E - "let's from now on make Granny's a place where we aren't allowed to prank. This is our safe place? Yeah?!"

R - "haha you really want to play this game with me? You do know you will lose?! never-the-less, I love to win, we have a deal dear."

Henry watched as his two mothers shook hands and shared a look with each other which he couldn't quite define.

The three of them shared a pleasant lunch talking about Henry, talking about fairly mundane things. It was enjoyable for everyone involved. And it was agreed that it should become a more regular occurrence.


In the car ride back to Emma's, after their lunch Henry and Emma chatted.

H - "So Ma? What you gonna do?"

E - "what you talking about kid?"

H - "you and Mom are playing a game of pranks! So what's your next move? The pins were pretty good! Did you put that crappy fake spider in moms bag? That was crap ma, seriously, you need to step up your game! I mean all you had to do was ask me and I could have told you what my mom is afraid of."

E - "na kid! This is between me and your Mom! You are not involved in this. I don't want to bring you into it. And your wrong. This is not a game Henry. This. Is a full on war! And the spider wasn't crap!"

She playfully slaps Henry on his arm and he gives her a look of 'yeah-okay-whatever-you-say-but-we-both-know-I'm-right'
*that look was soooo something he got from Regina.*

E - "Buut. Um. Just out of curiosity. What is she scared of? Please Gods let it be something embarrassing!!"

H - "oh! So you do want my help?Well, now that you mentioned it ma. I think your right about not bringing me into it. I think that would be kinda cheating and, you know. Give you an unfair advantage. I mean there are loads of funny things you could do to Mom to prank her?! You just have to think!!"

E - "aw please kid! Just tell me one thing!!?"

H - "UUUGH well okay. but only one thing because clearly you are crap at this, I mean you know your gonna lose right? Cause mom, when she was The Evil Queen. Like that was what she did. She would annoy people. And calculate ways of doing so. And yeah she would normally hurt people but she's spent a lifetime finding peoples weakness. Haha. So. Besides her being afraid that I'll catch some sort of bacterial disease off of Killian Haha.. Don't give me that look! She said it! But eh, She's afraid of Cacti. And I don't know why, and it's a stupid thing to be afraid of, and I only know this cos she freaked out at the Botanic Center when we were looking for plants one time"

E - " what?! She's afraid of cactus's?!"

H - *rolls eyes* "cacti, yes. do with that what you will, I'm done helping you, Moms totally gonna win this so called war Haha. If I were you I wouldn't go with the cactus thing. Cause it was a full on panic. But There is like a billion more funny things you could do. But whatever. Your choice."


Henry is back at the mansion with Regina, he's up in his room when he hears his mothers squeal echo throughout the house. He jumps from his bed, grabs his wooden sword and rushes downstairs to find his Regina on the hallway floor, hand on chest breathing heavily. The door wide open, an eight foot cactus standing in the doorway.

Henry ran to Regina dropping his sword on the stairs, he lay on the floor, kneeling beside her, lifting her head cradling her in his arms.

H - "mom are you okay?!?"

A tear rolled down her face.

R - "I-I-I j-just, I just. I opened the door and, it was just, it was just there! I fell back when I seen it! Henry!"

H - "are you okay?"

She sat up wiping her eyes.

R - "did you tell Emma about the cacti? I'm not mad. But it's just, you are the only one who knows about that."

H - "you never said it was a secret. I'm so sorry mom! I told her I'm not helping her, I only told her that one thing cos I seen how lame her fake spider was! I thought I'd give her a little help. But I'm so sorry?! I thought it would be funny? I didn't mean to make you cry!! And neither did Emma! She didn't know it would upset you! Cos I didn't know. I thought you'd just get a fright. But I know now I should't have told her!! I'm so so so sorry mom!"

He reached his hand around her waist pulling her in for a hug, both kneeling on the floor.

R - "it's fine Henry. I just. Can you call her and get her to remove it please. And can you help me up? I hurt my back a little when I fell. Listen though my sweet prince! It's not your fault! Don't feel bad. It's. It's just. I. In my childhood, my moth-... Cora. Well she used them as a form of punishment. And Rumple-.. I mean Gold. He used them in my training in my land they were so rare. But I guess they are kind of popular on 'earth' And I- I should have told you, But yes. It's fine, I'm fine. I just got a fright is all. I just wasn't expecting it. And it's so.. Big."


Henry - *calls Emma*

H - " uh hey ma. Could you come take that cactus away now. You scared mom pretty good, but yeah no more cacti. I was wrong in telling you about that."

E - "was it good?! Did she scream? Get a fright? And eeh what? Henry I am not taking that thing away. It weighs a ton! She can drag it away herself. And if she gets pricked it serves her right! I've still got little marks on my bum from those pins!"

H - "Eww Ma!! TMI! But please, I didn't know this but she's like actually really scared of them cos of something that happened when she was younger. something bad. I'm not telling you what cos it's not my place .but. Yeah she can't look at it, she's like trembling."

E - "oh.. Shi- I mean.. Sugar.. Yeah okay I'll call Belle's dad and get his to take it away ASAP. Is she mad at me?"

H - "thanks ma. Nah she's not mad, she gets how it could have been funny if she weren't like petrified of them. The game- I mean 'war' is still on, But yeah get him to hurry. Thanks. And I hope your next prank is better than your last two ha!"


The next day Emma walked into the station with a bearclaw hanging out her mouth to find Regina perched on one of the desks, legs crossed, looking hot as hell. *breath Emma, just breath*.

R - "good morning Sheriff. I just came by to give you these in person"

Regina handed over a folder of files.

R - "seen as last time you claimed they did not reach you, as if that was an adequate excuse for them being two weeks late. I decided to hand them in to you personally, to ensure they made it to you in plenty time for you to meet the deadline of next Monday. Good day Miss Swan."

Regina slipped off the desk and brushed past Emma on her way past her.

Emma just stood there quiet. Regina had to be up to something. That woman is always up to something. And it was Regina's turn after all. Emma went into her office, shoving the rest of her sugary snack into her mouth, sitting the file on her desk.
She walked over to the coffee machine, cream and two sugars. She Stood at her desk looking at the paperwork Regina had given her, taking a sip of her coffee as she did so...

Instant regret filled Emma as she spat the hot drink out over the white sheets of paper that covered her desk, she ran to the water cooler to get some water, only to find that there was salt in that water too. She was gagging and retching, she could feel the bear claw making it's way back up her throat. She ran to the sink pouring the remainder of her coffee down the drainer, spitting and rinsing her mouth out with tap water.

She went over to the coffee dispenser and took the sugar bowl emptying the salt contents into the bin.
*that fucking bitch, the oldest trick in the book and fuck me it still got me... Fuck that was gross*
she dug her hands into her pockets to fetch her phone with the intention of giving Regina a text with some fighting banter in it. But when she pulled out her hands. Glitter. There was silver glitter all over her hands and over her phone..
*shut the fuck up.. No.. No.. No way.. She put glitter in my pockets?! What the fuck kind of prank is that?! That's why she rubbed past me!! Oh it is on!*

After 23 minutes Emma got most of the glitter off her phone, her hands remained glittery no matter how hard she soaped up and washed them. She grabbed her phone put it in her jeans pocket and went to go over to Granny's to get an unsalted coffee.
It was pouring outside, there was one umberella sitting in the stand at the door *finders keepers* she opened the station door and popped the umberella over her head as she ran out the door. Glitter.. *fuck off! Glitter!!! Fucking glitter. She filled an umberella with glitter.*
it fell in her hair, on her face, down her top, she got to granny's angry as hell. Regina was good. Clearly. Regina had a good imagination.. And knew just what kind of tricks to pull to piss Emma off. Regina was, Well, Regina was sitting at the counter with Henry, Roland and Robin. *fucking robin.*

H - "ma! Oooh my god! You are covered in glitter!! You look hilarious!!!!! Mom look!!"

Regina pressed her lips together swinging around on the stool to face Emma. Robin looked at her confusedly, Roland was giggling.

R - "oh my goodness! yes, so you are, how so very unfortunate! Glitter is positively the hardest thing to get rid of.. Well.. besides you dear."

Regina's tone indicated she was being playful, Henry laughed now realising this was his moms rebuttal prank.

R - "we were just ordering breakfast, if you want to join you are more than welcome, this being our safe zone and all?"

Robin looked at Regina in confusion, clearly not wanting to share his time with her with anyone else. This only spurred Emma on more to annoy the forest hobo.

E - "yeah I know it's fuc- it's really hard to get out, it was hard enough to get off my phone from the glitter in my pockets and now it's in my hair, and now wherever I go I'll be leaving glitter behind... In fact c'mere till I rub my face on yours!"

R - "if you so much as take one more step in my direction. I will kill you."

E - "fine.. I'm gonna go wipe what I can off my face in the restroom.. but yeah then I'll be out, just order a bear claw and a coffee, and Regina.. Hold the salt if you don't mind."

Emma went to the ladies room. Regina told Henry, Robin and Roland what she had done and the two boys couldn't control their laughter. Robin on the other hand plastered a fake smile on his face and let out a half hearted laugh.

On returning from the restroom Robin had left with Roland to take him to the animal shelter to pet the furry creatures, leaving the trio to a lovely breakfast. These little meetings in the safe zone were becoming something they all looked forward to.


Emma was walking down the street *what the fuck can I do?... What can I actually do to get her back??? ah. I know. She went old school. With the salt/glitter mixture. Well. Two can play that game. I can go old school too*.

Emma accidentally bumped into Regina outside the grocery store. Regina was a little caught off guard, but not completely surprised, Emma was one of the clumsiest people she had ever encountered. Emma had some Sellotape in her hand but Regina was too distracted by the saviours bright smile to notice. The mayor wearing one of her figure hugging suits and stilettos.

R - "please look where you are going Sheriff!"

E - "sorry, Madame Mayor.."

They exchanged a smirk, Regina turned sashaying away to Golds shop. Emma's eyes just followed the sway of her hips until she disappeared into the store.

G - "Madame Mayor! How lovely to se-"

R - "Enough with the pleasantries imp. just-"

G - "alright, alright, no need to get nasty Your Majesty!"

Gold flashed a smile Regina's way.

R - "you know what you are? You are a-"

***Mr Sandman, Bring me a dream, make him the cutest I've ever seen***

Regina's phone went off, it was the ringtone she'd set for people who weren't saved contacts, as she read the number she recognised it as the pay-phone outside the rabbit hole. she flicked her eyes up to Rumples and answered.

R - "Regina Mills, who's calling"

R - "well, that IS who I am dear, what are you calling for?"


R - "How DARE you! I haven't the faintest idea what in the world has possessed you to speak to me this way knowing full well I am capable of destroying you?!

R - "listen you stout, dirty, flea ridden, drunken, dwarf! YOU will do no such thing! You may fantasise all you want but if you dare mutter those kind of words to me again, I will creep into your bed dear, nice and quietly, in the dead of night and I will snip off your penis and feed it to Pongo. Do I make myself clear?!"

She clicked her phone ending the call and shoved it in her pocket. Gold had only heard her side of the conversation.

G - "my, my, my. You seem rather flustered Regina! So...what were you here for again dearie?"

R - "I came here to-"

***Mr sandman br-***

R - "uh, what the Hell is going on?"

She answered her phone.

R - "Regina Mills, Hello."

R - "okay now listen dear, and listen carefully. I am not in the mood for these silly calls. And I am certainly not in THAT kind of mood. Why are you phoning me? What has urged you to phone myself from a pay phone.. and make your sexual fantasies known to me? Why you would think I would appreciate that is bewildering. So listen here dog-breath, I will only ask once more.. Exactly why are you calling me?"

R - "A WHAT?!!!"

R - "Right! Rip it down this instant and put it in the bin. Consider yourself lucky I already know exactly who is responsible for this."

She ended the call.

R - "I have to go"

G - "a pleasure as always Regina, and strangely... amusing"

Regina stormed up the street to the nearest pay phone and seen the notice which had been taped up just above the phone.

['Ever wanted to tell a mayoress, or an evil queen exactly what you would like to do to her? You wanna hear the former town bitch scream your name in arousal? give her/her-alike a call on 07401453124']

*i am going to kill her* she pulled the notice down. She walked around town tearing them down. Receiving phone calls and voicemails as she did so.

She calls the Sheriffs office.


Emma picks up her phone smiling when she sees it's 'Mayor Milf'.

E - "Hey Regina"

R - "Hello Ms Swan. I would like to report a crime, you see some raggedy glitter clad blonde bimbo with a hideous red jacket has been defacing property"

E - "Haha, hey!!! It's a nice jacket!

R - "we can agree to disagree on that one, but yes, I'll have you know I received quite a number of curious calls today. Welcome to the war dear, you are finally pulling out the big guns."


Emma felt a little nervous. *what the fuck am I gonna do next?! Oh shit. What is she gonna do next?!*


Regina thought for a half hour about what her next move would be. She made a few calls to the callers who had fell for Emma's prank. Regina promised to forgive and forget their sexual confessions about her if they helped her out with something. They all agreed.


The next morning Emma walked into the station, she turned on the light, her dad had told her to let Grumpy out when she got in, he had found him causing a disturbance the night previous. So Emma went to let Leroy out of lockup.

E - "AAAAAAAAGH!!!! WHAT THE FUCK LEFOY!? You know what I don't care, just get out of my sight! I fucking hate clowns"

She unlocked the cell and walked to her office. She screamed again when she walked in and David was sitting behind her desk also dressed as a clown. Emma ran out the office and over the road to Granny's, when she got inside she screeched. Dr Hopper, Granny, Ruby and Mary Margaret were all dressed as clowns.

She ran out of the diner running past Killian, Belle, Dr Whale, Sidney and Katherine who were all dressed as clowns too.
*Killian?! What the fuck?!*
She ran over to The Mayors Office. It was like a real life nightmare. She walked cautiously through the building, Ariel, Regina's receptionist was dressed as a clown too!! *what the fuck* Emma just walked right past her not making eye contact and flung open the office doors.

E - "okay, Regina. That's not fair!"

R - "yes, by all means, do come in Sheriff. what's not fair dear?"

E - "We agreed that Granny's was a safe zone! I walked in there and there's like five people all dressed as clowns?! I fucking hate clowns! You broke the rules!"

R - "oh, yes, sorry about that dear. Are-are you here to reprimand me? I will say, However, that you broke THE LAW with your last one, that fine for defacing public property was deadly serious Swan, it is a criminal offence. But. your right dear, I should have respected the safe zone rules. My apologies."

Emma shifts awkwardly.

E - "Good. Now can you call off all your minions. How you got my mom and dad and granny and Leroy? And everyone- How did you get them to do that? You didn't use magic did you?"

R - "I promised Henry I wouldn't use magic, so I haven't. And well let's just say that your little phone prank worked in my favour, all the callers that were phoning to verbally spank and pleasure me were indebted to me. So I had them all participate."

E - "wait?! No! What?! My MOM?! AND my dad?! .... GRANNY?! Oh God. You knew I was gonna ask that. Uh man. I feel sick. So. There was like what? Ten? No..Eleven people that called in like the eight minutes the posters were up?!?"

R - "twenty three called actually. But I let some of them away with it.. Robin for one, and the rest.. Well, They were teenagers... Just young, hormonal boys with vulgar choice in language.. But still children none the less. Anyway. Not that it hasn't been fun telling you that both your parents and your one handed wonder want to do very naughty and explicit things to me, but, I do have paperwork to attend to. So if that is all, be a dear and close the door on your way out."

Emma left the office
*ugh, my mom and dad. Wtf?! Hook?! I wanna do 'naughty and explicit things' to her. How dare they steal my fantasies. Eeewww. So gross. But omg this is the perfect excuse!!!*

Emma walked past Ariel on her way out the office who was now in her own clothes, and her face was scrubbed clean. She opened the doors but was met with a giant poster of 'IT' Emma screamed. A fresh faced Sidney then popped out from the side and snapped a picture of her, then he was gone. Emma's heart was racing. *deep breaths Emma. Deep breaths.*

Emma took out her phone and sent Killian a text saying to meet her at Granny's in ten minutes.

Emma was sitting at a table, the pirate swaggered up to the table.

E- "Hey Killian, look. I know about why you were dressed as a clown today. And I wanna say it's not acceptable. And I think we should break up"

K- "Emma love, I'm not going anywhere! Look lass, all men like to talk the talk and look Regina and I.. Well.. Nothing's going on, can you blame me? You have seen her right? So aye I phoned her, but it doesn't matter! I love you."

E- "well as nice as that is, I don't feel the same way, and I want to end this relationship."

K- "you can't love! We are meant to be together!"

Killing grabbed ahold of Emma's hands and started squeezing. Emma didn't really know how to make her point clearer. Then she heard that silky voice.

R- "is there a problem here? Hmm? Pirate?"

K- "it's non of your concern love, so, mind your own business"

R- "Miss Swan? Is everything alright here?"

K- "everything's fine Regina now piss off"

Regina reacted with mock offense and shock. Emma's hands flexed in Killian's tight grasp and shot out two small balls of white which sent Hook flying across the diner. This time Regina was actually in shock.

Killian got up and stalked towards Emma but before he could get to her Regina blocked his path, grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him close, whispering something into his ear.

Once she let go, he looked at her before looking at Emma once more before leaving the diner. Regina quickly followed him leaving Emma mildly bewildered.


It was morning and Emma awoke, stumbled out of bed, and padded off to the kitchen to have some cereal. She had bundled herself on the sofa when she heard keys rattling in the door. The door swung open and Henry came into sight, followed by Regina
*fuck my life. Has she always gotta be so fucking flawless, it's 07:30 what the actual fuck. I wanna fu- oh yeah.. Henry!*
Henry ran over to her ready to jump onto her-

R - "Henry. Careful, she has cereal. Sorry sheriff.. You remember you agreed to watch Henry for me today? Yes? I am just swamped with meetings from the miners council, the teachers association, the city maintenance department, etcetera.."

E - "uh.. Yeah. It's just I.. I just woke up but yeah.. You look nice.. I mean.. That's fine. Have a nice day."

Regina smirked..

R - "Oh. and Sheriff. Seen as you have just woke up you won't have seen this yet, I'll pick up another on my way to work, you can have mine."

Regina threw over her newspaper.

R - "your move Swan."

Regina walked out, closed the door behind her and headed to work.

Emma lifted the paper and choked on her fruit loops, the front image, the full length of the paper was of Emma. Her face in complete surprise horror at the 'IT' picture. No title just the image. Regina was good at embarrassing her.
*i guess I deserve it after the phone sex posters..*

E - "hey kid. Wanna go round to gran and grandpas for a bit, I just need to pop out for an hour."

H - "does the reason for this have to do with you and moms game?"

E - "yeah..."

H - "okaydoke, mom told me about the pranks you two have been doing. Like the clown one and the notice with her number on it.. Well.. She said you got people to prank call her, but some of the guys at school phoned the number. And I seen the notice. So I already knew about that one."

*idiot Emma! All Regina's pranks have been child friendly. fuck. time to rein it in a bit.*

E - "I'm sorry Henry. I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry if you were embarrassed."

H - "it's cool. Everyone always says stuff about her anyways."

E - "what?! What do you mean? Like. Bad stuff?"

H - "No.. Just stuff. I mean you know. they are all like.. 'Your moms a milf' and you know some of the older kids are a bit more graphic in their wording of what exactly they want to do to her. I mean don't get me wrong, I'd rather not hear that stuff.. But I prefer that. To the hateful ones. But yeah. I mean some of them say stuff about you two."

E - "about ME too? Like what?!"

H - "No. Well yeah, this is kinda awkward ma. But yeah sometimes about the two of you, like, Together. Like about who does what to who. Who's the top and bottom, I really don't want to talk about it. I told mom and she went berzerk and spoke to the guys and their parents. But that didn't stop them. It actually made them worse. But don't tell her that or she'll go again! Ends up all she did the last time was give them more to talk about.
She obviously told them off but the guys at school would just talk about how close she was to them, that they could see down her top and got worse.. I'm not repeating it.
But yeah.. Point is. I can deal with the comments. It's not a big deal. Anyway back to the prank war. I think you are improving your game. Just maybe think a little bit more about the consequences .. Cause...You know... I am only 14.,"

E - "Gods! you sound just like your mom. But, yeah, sorry. I really am. I wish I hadn't done that one in all honesty. Because when I learned who had phoned your mom, it was like the joke was on me. But don't worry I won't mentally scar you with what I know. "


Henry went to his grandparents. Emma made highly awkward small talk with her mum and dad still not over the fact they had phoned Regina and then dressed as clowns. She then left and went to Regina's house.
She took out a kirby and picked the lock of the back door. She walked through into the study. She had a smile on her face. She had a good idea. She moved everything that could move 3 inches to the left. She then took an apple and took a giant bite out of it and sat it 3 inches to the right of the centre of the desk. She relocked the back door before going to her parents.


Regina came home, she was exhausted. So many people, so many demands all in so little time! That combined with the constant undressing her with their eyes she received from just about every client that came in. Regina had phoned Henry to see if it would be okay if he stayed with Emma and she can come get him tomorrow.

Regina went into her study to place her folders on her desk. When she saw a bitten apple sitting there idly. She sat her folders on her side cabinet. She picked up the apple and smelled it. *Emma* she threw the apple in the direction of the bin. But she missed. She never misses. She looked around the room.. *EMMA!* she quickly phoned Henry again.

R - "Henry.. I know you don't want me using magic. And I haven't in quite a while. But it's just.. Emma has moved things in my study and I am so exhausted I don't have the time or energy to move everything back......

H - "yeah okay, I don't mind you using it as long as it's for good things. I just didn't want you using magic to hurt people.. But I know you've changed and I know you wouldn't hurt anyone now! I meant to say I didn't mind you using magic again like three weeks ago. But I forgot. Haha. I love you mom! Night night "

R - "thank you Henry! I love you too"


With a snap of her fingers the room was back to normal. She then made her way to bed.


The next morning Emma dropped Henry off at the mansion. She then hurried off to work. Late again. There's a surprise.

Henry ran through the house and practically bulldozed Regina backwards into the sofa. His arms wrapped around her.

H - "so.. What you doing next? Ma moved stuff over a bit?.. That's lame"

R - "Ha, yes well I am a bit of a perfectionist and have a slight case of OCD.. It was a good idea. but it was executed poorly. I want to do it the way that prank should have been done for my next move. I-I w-want to use magic to turn everything in her room back to front. And all her clothes inside out....?"

H - "hahahahaha!!! Yeah! Do it! That's a good one!"

R - "really?!"

H - "yes!"

R - "okay. And I know you said you are.. But are you really sure you are okay with me using magic?"

H - "yes mom. You are a hero now and this is too funny to pass up on.. Do it!!"

R - "okaydoke"

- poof she was gone.

- poof she was back.


Emma came in from a long day-shift at work, she was going to eat but then decided against it. she just really needs to get some sleep. She opened her door, flicked on the light and seen what used to be her bedroom and what is now the most awkward looking place she has ever seen. Everything is the wrong way round. Drawers are facing the wall so there's no way of getting into them.. Ornaments all twisted around.. Her curtains are back to front. Her bed cover is inside out. She just stands there in the doorway and stares at it for a good ten minutes.
*I can't believe that after the chat with Henry yesterday about consequences that I hadn't thought through the repercussions of breaking into Regina's house.. And what that witch would strike back with. Fuck. And now I'm stuck in topsy turvy land.. Fucking great.*


Regina and Emma haven't had an argument in ages. They had been going to granny's with Henry together. Never discussing the pranks but. Instead, just general pleasantries. Funny little stories and things like that. Their lunch meetings were something they all looked forwards to. Regina was finding herself actually liking and enjoying Emma's company more and more. If only she knew how deeply Emma felt for her.

Henry went over to sit with some of his friends who came into the diner.

E- "so. Thanks for what you did or said to Killian, he's been really cool about this whole breakup. What did you say to him?"

R- "Haha, I just told him I knew a secret of his and that something he had explored previously is now a possibility"

E- "can you be more vague?"

R- "I can."

E- "Uugh c'mon Regina what exactly did you say?"

R- "your mistaking me for your mother Miss Swan, I don't reveal others secrets."

E- "fine.. So.. How's you and Robin?"

R- "ha. Well unfortunately. I ended the relationship. It's not that I don't like him, it's that I don't love him and I don't think I can, I was in love with the idea of being in love and I was told he was my chance and so I took it. But there's no spark, the more time I spend with him the more I realise how little we have in common, he's actually really dull and slightly boring and smells like a tree. But how I adore little Roland. However there is other complications aswell. And I feel it's a lost cause. So we have parted as friends."

E- "yeah like your sister being pregnant with his baby. That's a big complication! Sorry. I mean sorry it didn't work out. But can I be honest?"

R- "why would I care to hear you lie Miss Swan? Of course dear, be honest"

E- "you always deserved way better than him! He was such an idiot for choosing Marian over you.. And you deserve to be someone's first choice! Not someone's default cos the person they chose turns out to be the wicked witch! On a scale of 1-10 You are like infinity and he is like.. a three..just saying"

Regina smiled.


Emma is going to the Town Hall, it's her turn. She really hates that Regina's made her living arrangement so fucking awkward. Stupid backwards wardrobe. And the fact that Emma is too lazy and not in complete control of her own magic that she can't fix it. Emma goes to Regina's office, Ariel's not at her post so Emma sneaks into the office. She isn't sure what she's going to actually do. She hadn't really thought it through. But she wanted it to be in her office. Emma walks over to the desk, the desk she's fantasised about bending Regina over countless times.
*focus Emma! Focus..*
she sees Regina's planner sitting on the table. She thinks it will be funny to write silly messages on each page and make up fake appointments.. As part of the prank because really she needs to do multiple things to get Regina back as good as Regina has been getting her.. As she goes for the booklet she hears Regina's unmistakable click-clacking echoing through the hallway. Emma panics and hides under the desk..
*idiot, who hides under a desk.. Why the fuck am I even hiding? And now I'm under her fucking desk and there's absolutely no where else for me to go and no way to get out now without looking like a complete and utter twat.*
Regina walks around the desk talking to someone, Emma thinks it's Ariel. Regina sits in her chair at her desk dictating upcoming appointments and mailing schedules. She crosses uncrosses and recrosses her legs, still talking with Ariel.

Emma who remains underneath the desk is thanking the heavens that Regina has a massive desk with a lot more leg room than anyone would require. And therefor enough space for Emma to not make contact with the darker woman's legs. But even with the added room it's still proving impossible for Emma to keep her eyes from wondering up the slit in Regina's skirt..
*fuck.. Tan legs... That slit.. Is that suspenders.. Holy fuck.. I can't be doing this... She's Henry's mom.. I can't be thinking about sliding my hand up those legs and spreading them open. And I can't be thinking about smelling her sex. And I definitely can't be thinking about tasting her. Holy fuck I'm soaking. Fuck. Just look anywhere.. Anywhere else.. *
It's hot and uncomfortable. Eventually Regina rises from her seat and walks out the door with Ariel, Emma can hear the two ladies chat and heels disappear down the hall. Emma crawls out from under the desk. She leaves the planner untouched and runs home for a cold shower.
*Too much. That was too much. I can't. It's one thing to dream about her at night. But that was too much. She's not into me. She doesn't even know I'm a gay? She's not even gay. I don't think. I wonder. Fuck. I need her to hate me. I can't be this close to her and not have her, I need there to be some conflict. Not too much. but I can't. I just can't. I know what I can do for my next move!*


Regina comes home from work. Her house smells different. She walks through. Her eyes rage with purple swirling in her orbs. She's mad. Really mad. She goes to the back garden, she feels like she could explode. ALL her apples. Even the ones that were on the tree. All her apples. GONE. She doesn't know what to do.
She felt she was getting along with Emma really well. But now. She has taken something that she loves.
*why.. Why would she take them?! Where has she taken them?! I.. I.. Uuuuugh... I wasn't expecting her to suddenly get good at this."


Emma is sitting in her pyjamas in front of the tv, waiting for a cloud of purple to come yell at her. But. nothing.
Regina never one to forfeit a game kept strong. There was no way she was letting Emma win. Besides. Henry was with Emma. And. As always Regina had the perfect counter move planned out.


Emmas house smells Devine with all Regina's apples in it. She got up, woke up Henry, he got ready for school, Emma got dressed for work. They both had their fruit loops. They both stepped outside Henry ran to his bus which was just across the street, but not before he saw what had Emma frozen in her tracks.


Emma stood there. Just stood there her face similar to the one Sidney snapped. Her car. Her little yellow baby. Her beautiful little bashed yellow rusty baby. Is no more. Her lemon bug is now crimson red. CRIMSON. With a leaf and stock painted on the roof. And to top it all off as if that wasn't bad enough. the dented section of her car has a painted on bite mark. Regina had turned her baby into a big bitten apple.
*I can't go around town in this thing! That fucking bitch! This is my baby! This is the one thing I have that Is mine. I'm going to fucking kill her!*
Emma storms up to Regina's house its 8:15am. Emma is incessantly banging on the door, loud, hard bangs. Regina opens her window and sticks her head out to see what moron was waking her up at 8:15 on a Wednesday.. Her one day off. Emma looks up, Regina's hair is messy, and yet still unbelievably sexy..
*of course she has perfect bed-head hair*
her cleavage on show as her nightdress barely covered her. Emma momentarily forgot why she was there. Regina rolled her eyes and waved her hand in the direction of the door to unlock it. Regina got dressed and made her way downstairs to see Emma who was pacing up and down in the study.

R - "Okay dear. you have my attention?"

E - "don't give me that shit Regina. You.. You.. YOU MADE MY CAR INTO A FUCKING APPLE!!"

R - "You broke into my house, twice, and even into my office once, although you didn't do anything, it still counts. There are always consequences and repercussions for our actions dear. You stole all my apples, so I presumed you must really love apples. So I decided to give you a nice big juicy one."

E - "you're so full of shit, how could you do that to my ca- wait.. You knew I was in your office?"

R - "there's that charming personality. Of course I knew you were there. Under my desk. You really think I wouldn't know when there is a person under my desk?"

E - "well. I didn't break in, the door was open."

R - "it is a government building with government files, you cannot simply sneak in dear. Whether the door was locked or not is irrelevant. You broke in. As the sheriff I would at least expect you to be at the very least, vaguely familiar with the law!"

E - "well, why didn't you say anything? Like why didn't you let me know you knew I was there?"

R - "it was far more entertaining to watch you squirm dear."

E - "you are a bitch, you know that right?"

R - "and?"

E - "and... You make me so fuckin-"

R - "wet."

E - "Wh-wh-wh-what?!"

R - "I make you wet. You were thinking pretty loudly under my desk the other day dear. And yes."

E - "what.. I.. Oh uh.. yes? Yes what?"

R - "oh just answering your question dear, Yes.. you did see suspenders."

E - *fuuuuuck..* "um, yeah well.. Right now you aren't making me wet Regina, I'm fucking pissed! You turned my bug into a fucking apple!"

R - "ttsk. Language!"

Regina steps close into Emma's personal space
*fuck, fuck, fuck, she smells like cinnamon, don't look down Emma, don't look down. Look away. Don't get drawn in*
Regina is close, very close, there is about an inch between the two womens chests. Regina smirks *FUCK!*

R - "Your Move Sheriff."

The smirk that played upon Regina's lips grew as she took a step backwards.

Emma stood in front of her former enemy, taking in her glossy dark hair matching her gleaming beautifully framed dark eyes, her lips full and pink, that low cut deep purple bandage dress which clung to her every curve. Regina rolled her eyes and turned to walk back around her desk to sit down.

R - "So, Miss Swan. Was there anything else?"

Emma didn't know what she was doing. She should have grabbed the dark beauty with both hands and fucked her right where she had stood. *shit..*

E - "uuh no that's all, your right, your a fucking pain in my ass. Yeah, sure, your attractive, so what? I mean If your into icy stuck up bitches, then yeah. But that's not why I'm wet
*what the fuck am I saying?!*
Not that I am wet, cos I'm not. Not that I'm like really dry.. I'm just always really horny. So yeah.. *Why in the fuuuuuuck did I say that fucking idiot*
but yeah.. Your right It is my shot. To get you back. actually, so. Be afraid.. yeah."

Emma whisked herself around and out the door hoping Regina had missed her face turning beatroot, leaving Regina in a highly amused state.


Emma went to work. She was sitting in her office thinking about what could have been.. Without thinking she slipped her hand under her pants imagining what could have happened in Regina's study.. How she could have had Regina at her mercy...

Emma pulled her hand out and mentally scolded herself. She sat in her chair, unnerved by the events of today. Her mind drifted back to her defaced car.
*i need to get her back. I mean though. Regina obviously wants me. Omfg. REGINA WANTS ME?!! ...She fucking stuck her hand between my legs. no wait.. She didn't.. That was just in my dream.. Fuck.. I need to take a cold shower! . *


Emma walked down to Golds shop..

E - "I need your help with something.."

G - "yes dearie, what can I help you with? Hmm.. Oh let me guess.. Something to do with our Formidable Queen perhaps?"

E - "I'm not in the mood for your crap Gold. I need-"

G - "I know exactly what you need.."

Gold conjured a potion bottle in his hand and handed it to the Sheriff.

G - "now, drink up when you are ready. I think you'll like the result? And let's just say you owe me a favour if it works? "

E - "well what is it? What will it do?"

G - "it's a surprise dearie!"


Emma went home. It was around 16:30, Henry was at his grandparents. Emma stood in front of the mirror and pulled the potion out of her pocket.

E - "well here goes nothing"

She drank the blue liquid, it tasted like vanilla.. She placed the now empty bottle on the cabinet next to her. She stood back up in front of the mirror to see what it would do.. But *holy fuck... Omfg.. Shut up.. No way!! I'm- I'm invisible!!! I'm omg.. I'm 'Hollow Man'.. Holy shit.. Regina's gonna die!*