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Why Mornings Are Evil

Chapter Text

In which an annoyed fangirl of the non-rabid variety (one thinks) gets an idea, tries to put it on paper, gets annoyed even more when she is interrupted so much she doesn't even get the first word down, and finally, 3 days later, gets maybe half an hour to write, and the first thing that comes out is this extremely odd, long title, of the hopefully amusing variety, and then promptly gets writers' block

Also known as

In which Gojyo wishes that he hadn't got out of bed, and a newly begun fanfic author tries to actually start writing the story, instead of thinking up more stupid chapter titles

… on with the plot already!

It was a quiet, peaceful morning. The sun was shining, birds were singing, and for once, everyone was sleeping peacefully. No angst-ridden nightmares, no sleep-deprivation caused by yet more angsting. Not even any dreams about a Giant Ravenous Meat Bun yelling, "You shall pay for the massacre of my subjects!" leaving aside the question of whether a certain golden-eyed someone would feel enough remorse for his gorging on meat buns to have a nightmare about it, the point is that it was peaceful. But, unfortunately for the Saiyuki Boys, peacefulness doesn't like hanging around them so much. (Especially with the overabundance of fanfic authors hanging around)

And so, the peace was abruptly shattered by a horrified yell.

Now, since horrified yells are usually NOT what one wakes up to immediately in the morning, Sanzo and Hakkai both scrambled out of their beds, and started heading for the source of the disruption. Goku, being the heavy sleeper that he is, blearily opened his eyes and asked in a confused, sleep-befuddled voice, "Wha… is it time for breakfast already?" and then promptly rolled over and went back to sleep.

Upon seeing this display of sloth, Sanzo took the time to make a slight detour, and roused the 500-year-old boy with many fan smacks, and shouts of, "Bakasaru!" and, "Get out of bed and make yourself useful!" After which, they both headed towards the source of the yell, Goku grumbling the whole way.

Which was not very far. A total of maybe 30 feet in fact. The noise seemed to have come from the public washroom at the end of the hall. Now since the Sanzo-ikkou usually like to know the reason behind horrified yells, (due to all of those pesky assassination attempts, you understand) they started hammering on the door, yelling out, asking what happened. It should now be noted that Gojyo is distinctly lacking from the small crowd in front of the washroom door.


HOW the HELL…? Shit. There is NO FUCKING WAY in HELL that I'm going out there right now.

Gojyo was officially freaked out. And confused. And pissed off. And wondering if somebody out there was having a Good 'Ole Time laughing at his expense. But more embarrassed by the thought of being seen in his present state than anything else. Basically all he knew was that there was NO WAY he was gonna let anyone see him right now. He could hear the others knocking on the door, asking what the hell just happened in there? But if he had his way, they wouldn't find out.

Fucking hell. Who am I KIDDING? This isn't exactly very easy to hide! And if I try to hide it, it will just stand out even MORE! Fuck. Stupid devil and the deep blue sea. Stupid over-used metaphor.

Trying to stave off the inevitable for just a few moments more, Gojyo yelled back through the door, " Ah… Uh… It's nothing! I just cut myself shaving, is all!"

He was answered by disbelieving silence.

Oh that's just GREAT Gojyo, REAL great excuse. They believe that one all right.

In a few moments, he could hear quiet muttering behind the door, out of which Sanzo's voice was clearly the loudest, and getting louder by the moment.

Oh fuck. Sanzo is annoyed. I better start mentally preparing to dodge the fan. Or the gun. Hey does this door have a lock? Aha YES! Few more seconds delay. Now to see if I can actually convince them that nothing is wrong.

"Ah, guys, really there's nothing wrong. Do you mind not hanging around in front of the door? Didn't anyone ever tell you that that's one of the worst forms of rude there is?"

This time, along with the disbelieving silence, there was shocked silence.

"OK that's it," growled Sanzo, "Something is not right when the kappa starts preaching etiquette. Open the damn door kappa!"


"I told you already, nothing's wrong!" Gojyo yelled back through the door. Unfortunately, he had not been able to keep his voice from cracking ever so slightly at the word 'wrong.'

At this, there was yet MORE disbelieving silence, which quickly grew into yet more muttering, growing louder and louder by the second.

Shit. Shitshitshit. Did they notice that slip? With my luck this morning, of COURSE they did. Why can't they just go away? Damn. Is there anything in here I can use to barricade the door? 'Cause if I'm right, Sanzo's gonna lose patience and try-


To break the door down. And that lock doesn't look like it's of the highest quality.

A quick search of the bathroom turned up a notable lack of things usable as barricades. He couldn't even use the medicine cabinet, as the stupid thing was bolted to the wall. The only things that could be of any use whatsoever were some towels and washcloths.

"OK, let's see how well washcloths work as door stops." He muttered, and proceeded to roll them up. Once they were rolled to a reasonable compactness and thickness, he wedged them under the door. And then he leaned against the door for good measure, as Sanzo hadn't stopped trying to break the door down, and seemed to have been joined by at least one of the others, judging by how much the door was shaking.

"Ok guys, seriously," Gojyo yelled through the door, "this is getting ridiculous. If you bust the door, you'll have to pay for it you know! And it won't be for anything! You'll just be annoyed at getting worked up over nothing!" Again though, his voice betrayed him, this time by adding a rising note of panic and a definite tinge of desperation to his words.

"Gojyo," yelled what must have been Hakkai through the door, "why don't you just let us come in? If it's really nothing, there shouldn't be any problem, and it will put our minds at ease without the hassle of breaking the door down."

"Um… Ah…it's a matter of personal pride now! If you come in now, it means that you think I'm lying when I'm not! And I'm telling the truth! Don't you believe me at all!"

"Nope," replied Hakkai, "not even a little bit." Gojyo could practically feel the other man's sunny smile through the door while he said that.

The door cracked. Gojyo just had time to think oh shit and make a grab for the towels before it shattered completely.

By the time Hakkai, Sanzo, and Goku had stepped into the small bathroom (with Goku uncharacteristically silent, as he still wasn't fully awake yet) Gojyo had managed to wrap one of the towels around his head. He snuck a quick glance at the mirror and thought, Riiiigghht, this doesn't look like I'm trying to hide something at all.

Sanzo, being the first to get over the odd appearance of Gojyo With a Towel Wrapped Around His Head, growled, "OK kappa, what the hell are you hiding underneath that towel?"

Gojyo, still trying to stave off the inevitable, managed to say with at least some of his former cool, "I'm not hiding anything! I already told you guys that nothing is wrong, and if nothing is wrong then why would I be hiding anything?" and he shot them a glare for good measure. Unfortunately, the glare was no match for Sanzo's Annoyed Death Glare.

Goku, though still sleepy, was coming more awake with all of the interesting things going on around him. Namely, Gojyo With a Towel Wrapped Around His Head. And, he was now sufficiently awake to be curious enough to wonder why the hell Gojyo Had a Towel Wrapped Around His Head. So, sidling up behind the distracted Gojyo, who was now trying to convince both Sanzo and Hakkai that nothing was wrong, he pulled at the towel.

Gojyo felt the tug, and cursed, trying to catch the towel before it came off. But to no use. The towel came off, everybody saw.

Goku was the first to get his voice back, "What the hell Gojyo! When the HELL did your hair turn bright purple?"