Leaning on the balustrade, Junsu looked down, watching the dancers lose themselves in bright lights and loud music. It wasn’t one of the bigger clubs, they didn’t go there anymore, unwanted and unwelcome, but even here Junsu didn’t feel completely at ease. Instead, he felt old, faded. The bass echoing itself in the dozens of heartbeats didn’t tempt him anymore and he watched as others took his place, moving through the crowd while looking for their pleasure.
Hands on his hips made him straighten up, his fingers wrapping around the steel support. He didn't turn around.
"You left me again."
The sentence was murmured against his ear, only just audible over a new beat that was making the railing tremble underneath his hands. His lips curled slowly into a dejected smile.
"I didn't go very far."
A sigh whispered over his neck and sent a lazy shiver down his spine. The hands tightened fractionally, fingers pressing into his skin.
"So you always say."
Junsu knew Jaejoong was pressing his lips together even without looking. They had had this conversation before.
The crowd below still danced with abandon. He could easily pick out the ones that had lost all care for their own safety or life. They danced with their eyes closed, wrapped around strangers that recognised their needs but only cared about their own. They were draped across seats, crying in the bathrooms, fuelled only by their body's desires. Something inside of him stirred at the sight of them, but he could not decide whether it was a remnant of the hunger he had once felt, or simple disgust.
"Hungry?" Jaejoong asked.
Junsu sometimes wondered how aware Jaejoong was of him when they were not seeking each other out, trying to get as close as possible, but before he could drown in his thoughts again Jaejoong’s arms wrapped around his waist. Sighing, Junsu leaned back and rested his head on his lover’s shoulder so he could look at him, a twinkle in his eyes
"Are you?" He asked teasingly, dodging the question as always.
Junsu hid his intentions by pressing a soft kiss against Jaejoong’s neck, right below his ear. He could feel Jaejoong tense behind him, and watched as he bit his lip and forced himself to relax on the next breath. Junsu nuzzled the spot tenderly, consolingly, making Jaejoong sigh and tilt his head in agreement.
Junsu knew that even after all these years Jaejoong still wasn't used to the feeling of utter vulnerability it brought when Junsu touched him there. He knew why of course, it was the same for most of them, but secretly Junsu hoped that the way Jaejoong’s heart skipped a beat would never disappear. And the fact that Jaejoong allowed Junsu to kiss him there, to touch him like that, even in public, made his own heart swell with pride and love. It was one of the few things he had left.
“Your blood flows with the beat. Go dance,” Junsu said, smiling softly.
“Come with me.”
The unspoken words hung heavy in the air. You (used to) love dancing. Jaejoong was worried, Junsu knew. His lover had recognised the signs as soon as Junsu had stopped caring enough to hide them. When silence was his answer, Jaejoong seemed to deflate, and he only begged a kiss before leaving Junsu to himself.
Junsu watched as his lover made his way downstairs with a gracefulness he hadn’t wholly possessed in life. The ancient memory made him smile even as it reminded him of all the things that had been lost.
Jaejoong had found his place in the crowd, those of their kind that recognised him either giving him a wide berth or staring at him in shock. His lover didn’t care, ignoring them in his search. He danced, pressed against warm bodies, arms wrapping around whoever presented themselves. The humans gathering around him were mostly new arrivals, Junsu noted, maybe the older ones already knew better, knew their chances lay elsewhere. But there were plenty that were drawn in by Jaejoong’s beauty, his smiles, his flirting, his whispers and touches. Junsu knew all too well what that was like.
He watched as Jaejoong found what he was looking for: a tall man, taller than either of them, with a healthy flush on his cheeks. Junsu could see the signs of addiction already taking hold of him, but there was still hope in his eyes, a rare sight in these places. Pressing back against the man, Jaejoong encouraged him to hold, to touch. The man looked like he had just hit the jackpot and didn’t hesitate, sliding his hands under Jaejoong’s shirt, pulling Jaejoong closer, back to front, so he could grind against him. Jaejoong moved sinuously in his arms, eyes fluttering shut. Junsu watched, taking some pleasure in seeing his lover enjoy himself so, when Jaejoong suddenly turned his head up and looked at him. A smirk shot over his features and Junsu frowned, their normal pattern broken.
Jaejoong moved his arm up and wrapped a hand around the man’s neck. His mouth moved in conversation that even Junsu couldn’t hear and then he looked back at Junsu, tilting his head seductively. Even before the man moved, Junsu knew what was going to happen, and a white hot flash of anger shot through him. He watched as the man nuzzled Jaejoong’s neck, and the metal under his hands bent, bent, bent until it broke and then Junsu was moving
The man was new, had just arrived. He didn’t know the rules, he couldn’t know this. Jaejoong had set him up. But reason couldn’t contain the rage Junsu felt. The crowd parted in front of him and he heard more than a few people gasp, in recognition or fear, he didn’t know, or care. Even though he forced himself to contain his movements, it was only seconds before he was in front of Jaejoong, his lover smiling at him triumphantly. The man was still standing behind Jaejoong, but his eyes were wide in fear. Good, Junsu thought, the fool had realised his mistake.
He snarled at the man as he took another step towards Jaejoong and that was enough; the man turned and ran, disappearing into the crowd. Now Junsu could give his full attention to his still smirking lover. One last step and he was right in front of him. Jaejoong shivered, and Junsu could smell his excitement. He knew then that he had been right, but it didn’t satisfy his anger. He slid his hand into Jaejoong’s hair and held him still.
“Mine,” he whispered fiercely, and this close, he could see Jaejoong’s eyes flash in agreement.
He was angry at Jaejoong for doing this, but maybe even more so for doing this in public. He wanted to take, to claim, to bite, but he couldn’t do that here. Those moments, between the two of them, were too intimate, too private. And so he was left with adrenaline rushing through his veins, his body almost trembling with anger.
“Yours,” Jaejoong said, far more calmly but with just as much feeling behind it.
Something inside Junsu healed and broke at the same time and he kissed Jaejoong harshly. It wasn’t enough, but it would have to do. Jaejoong let him take control of the kiss easily, whimpering softly in his arms as Junsu lost himself in the taste and feel of his lover. No matter how old they got, this would always be theirs.
When desire eventually took over from anger, Junsu slowed down and nibbled and licked at Jaejoong’s lips as his hand stroked Jaejoong’s neck possessively, making them both shiver with want. He was careful not to break any skin; the urge to claim his lover was strong enough to overpower him if he saw even a drop of blood. Regardless, he couldn’t stop himself from nipping at Jaejoong’s lips when his lover moaned. They were as close to each other as was physically possibly at the moment and still Jaejoong was moving, pushing, pulling, desperate for more, wanting the same thing as him. But they had an audience, and they should move before that happened, Junsu reminded himself. He snarled in frustration and pulled Jaejoong back by his hair.
Jaejoong struggled against his desires and Junsu’s hold but eventually screwed his eyes shut and nodded, his hands clenching around Junsu’s arms.
“Home,” Jaejoong replied, breathlessly.
Although it was refreshingly cold outside, they walked fast, pausing too often to kiss and touch each other. His need to claim his lover hadn’t abated and he felt wholly unwilling to let go of Jaejoong. They belonged to each other. Jaejoong’s bright laughter lit up the night sky and hid the sad reality of the filthy streets around them. There was joy in his eyes, and need, and even though Junsu knew Jaejoong had tricked him, he would drink when they got home. He would drink and Jaejoong would be happy, for a while, until the cycle reached its start again.