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Harry Potter As Written By...

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Laurell K. Hamilton

The main character of the books is now Hermione, an ass-kicking, take-no-prisoners witch who gradually comes to an understanding that the "monsters" out there (like werewolves and house elves) are really people too. In the process of defeating bigger and badder enemies in each book, she also gradually, but unwillingly, forms a triumvirate of power with her boyfriend Ron, who is comfortable with his wizard status, and her other semi-love interest, Harry, who is a wizard, but does not understand what it really means to be something other than a Muggle and has a great deal of self-loathing because of it. Eventually Harry leaves Ron and Hermione because he cannot bear the "wizard inside himself" any more. Eventually Hermione realizes that she's a sexual being and must not only sleep with Ron and Harry (though Harry still has fits of self-loathing about everything because of the magic he was afflicted with upon taking a bad batch of anti-Wizard vaccine), but also must explore the nature of sexuality with Draco Malfoy, Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, and Neville Longbottom (who is apparently completely subservient to others and Hermione takes on the task of bringing him to some level of self-sufficiency in interpersonal relationships). Plus Hermione also collects penguins to show that she really does have a soft side after all.

David Eddings

Harry grows up a normal Muggle boy, though he does seem to do an awful lot of chores because his Aunt Minnie is the head cook on the farm owned by Vernon and Petunia Dursley. One day a strange man in a dark robe comes to the house where he grew up and is looking for an orphan boy about his age. Harry's Aunt Minnie calls her old friend, Mr. Door, and they take Harry on a journey in which he discovers that Mr. Door is really Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts and, amazingly enough, Harry's great-great-grandfather. Harry learns of an ancient (er, sort of) prophecy wherein he is supposed to defeat the Evil Wizard Voldemort, because if he does not, an alternate prophecy will take hold where Aunt Minnie - really Minerva McGonagall, Transfigurations Professor at Hogwarts - will marry Voldemort. Eventually Harry defeats Voldemort with Godric Gryffindor's sword and discovers he's also the lost heir to the throne of Scotland! He's crowned king, and lives happily ever after, at least until the second series (another seven books that seem to be taking a different direction than the first series, except they abruptly veer off into a retelling of the first seven books instead).

Joss Whedon

Harry is kicked out of his old school for burning down the Defense Against the Dark Arts Building. When he gets to his new school, Hogwartsdale, the librarian reminds him of his destiny--to be the one boy in all the world with the strength and skill to kill the Death Eaters. He meets his bookish and nerdy friend, Hermione, who has a secret crush on her childhood friend, Ron. Together they fight Death Eaters and try to find a way to foil the plans of their master--Voldemort, who is trapped underneath Hogwarts High ever since the earthquake that trapped him there fifteen years ago (and which coincidentally saved Harry's life, as Voldemort was trying to kill him at the time).