Transferring to McKinley had had the opposite affect of what Blaine Anderson had intended. Instead of becoming even closer with Kurt, it had ruined their whole relationship. Even now, Kurt can barely spare Blaine a civil word. Even now, after Kurt had dumped Blaine. Looking back Blaine supposes that it had been much easier to hide the fact that sometimes he liked to look at pretty girls when he was at Dalton than at McKinley.
To be honest, Blaine's not even sure if he knows if he's bisexual or not, although Kurt had told him it was all or nothing. As if he'd be breaking some sort of rule if he liked to look at a pretty girl. It wasn't that he felt like doing anything with that pretty girl. Blaine had tried to argue that it was no different from admiring Lady Gaga or Katy Perry. It didn't mean that he wanted to have sex with them. But nothing that Blaine had said had mattered. All Kurt had seen was what he had wanted to see. Blaine had only been looking and Kurt had dumped him. Of course, he'd found out a week later that Kurt had met someone else but Blaine didn't say a word. There was no point in doing so and he didn't want to go that route.
However the failure of his relationship with Kurt made glee unbelievably awkward. No one knew how to treat him. Finn glared at him and did his best to hint that maybe Blaine should just go back to Dalton. Most of the other kids ignored him. And despite all of the time and effort that he'd put into glee, there were times when Blaine was tempted to go crawling back to Dalton and the Warblers. The only thing that kept him going was Rachel Berry. Surprisingly enough despite her friendship with Kurt and her relationship with Finn, she had stuck by him. It had cost her relationship with Finn and her friendship with Kurt wasn't at it's best. And Blaine hated doing this to her but he loved the fact that no matter what she'd support him.
When they were cast as the leads in West Side Story, Blaine decided that he'd do anything to ensure that it would be a successful production. She had given him so much that it was only fair that he'd give her this one thing.
* * *
He finds her sitting in the choir room, a tissue in her hand and tears streaming down her face. All he can think of is what casually cruel thing has Finn done or said now. And he's torn between giving her a hug and a shoulder to cry on and finding Finn Hudson and punching him. He opts for the first and sits down beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.
"Rachel what is it?" Blaine gently presses.
"I'm never going to get into NYADA now."
He looks at her confused. "Why not?"
"You heard Artie!" Rachel cries.
Blaine sighs. He had heard Artie and at first he had taken it to heart and then he'd slept on it. It sounded like something his older brother would say. And Blaine had decided long ago not to take any of Cooper's acting advice. He just doesn't know what to say to make her believe that they don't need to have some random sexual encounter to get into the heads of Tony and Maria.
"Look, I'll come over tonight and we'll run through our lines again and we'll prove Artie wrong," Blaine offers.
"But," Rachel says as she sniffs, "What if he's right?"
"Come on, Rach what are you going to do? Sleep with Finn just to become a better Maria? Sleep with Puck? Or even sleep with me?"
There's a look in her eyes that Blaine's not too sure about but he ignores it as she shakes her head in denial.
"You'll see, we'll be the best Tony and Maria to hit the stage and we'll prove Artie wrong."
* * *
He's standing in front of her door, feeling completely nervous and gauche. He thinks that it has something to do with that look in her eye when he'd suggested that she sleep with him or Finn or Puck, but mainly him, earlier in the choir room. When Rachel finally opens the door, her cheeks are flushed and she won't meet his eyes. He decides that he doesn't want to know exactly what Rachel Berry was up to before he arrived.
"You're early, Blaine!" Rachel says.
"Sorry, traffic was light," Blaine explains. He doesn't mention the nervousness he'd felt waiting to leave his house to drive over.
"Shall we go downstairs? We can practice our lines there," Rachel says.
He nods and follows her into the house after closing the door and down the stairs. For a moment, he can only see that night when he was last here. Rachel Berry's epic hot mess of a house party. He can almost taste her lip gloss when he licks his suddenly dry lips. His eyes find her in the room and she's looking more flushed than when she greeted the door and maybe there's a tiny part of him that's curious to know exactly what she was up to before he'd arrived.
Blaine swallows and clears his throat out. He doesn't even like girls in that way. Or at least that's what he tells himself. There's a small part of him that hopes once this thing with Chandler fails, Kurt will come back to him. And that's not going to happen if he starts having second thoughts about his sexuality because of Rachel Berry again. He mutters to himself that he's 100% gay and Rachel looks at him sharply.
"What was that?" Rachel asks.
"Just asking if we should get started," Blaine lies to her.
"Oh alright," Rachel says, flipping her hair over her shoulder. "I thought we could do this without our scripts. Are you okay with that?"
He was born to play the role of Tony, having watched West Side Story all of the time with his mother while Cooper and their father were out tossing a football together on Sunday afternoons. Blaine nods at her while she transforms and becomes Maria. And he knows that he should become Tony but he can't, because even though he can go through the motions he can't get over how Rachel looks.
She stops mid-song with a frustrated sigh. Blaine tries not to think about adorable she looks with the pout on her lips as she folds her arms across her chest.
"How exactly are we proving Artie wrong?" Rachel demands. "You're distracted Blaine, I can't be the best Maria ever if you're not even going to try to give this 100%."
Rachel glides over the couch and sits down. Blaine moves to sit beside her and he sighs. He can't quite tell her that maybe, just maybe, Artie might be right. Maybe their problem is because they're virgins who can't keep their boyfriends. Blaine turns to look at her and he sees the same frustrated look on her face that he's certain is on his own.
"Maybe we don't have to have sex," Rachel quietly says. "You know maybe you're right but something's holding us back."
Blaine flushes at the thought of sex with Rachel. It's not the first time he's thought about it and he's fairly certain that it won't be the last. Still, he wants to do this right. And he knows that means not having sex. He shakes his head at her and she pouts even more. He's not sure what propels him forward but soon he's kissing Rachel and it's just like it was the night of the party. Except there's no alcohol burning in his vein and there's also no Kurt glaring at him while he tries to figure out if this is a part of him.
She pulls away from him. "Are you okay with this?"
"Yeah, are you?" Blaine asks as he rubs the back of his neck.
"What about Kurt?"
"It's pretty clear that he doesn't want me Rach," Blaine tells her. "What about Finn?"
"It shouldn't be a surprise but he's back with Quinn."
"Oh," Blaine says, unsure of what to say to her.
Before he can formulate something, she's pulled him back and is kissing him again. Her hands slip underneath his shirt and she slides them up and down his back. Blaine sighs against her lips before nipping at her lower lip. He never thought that it could feel like this with a girl. They pull apart for air.
"Maybe I am not 100% gay," Blaine says, his voice husky.
Rachel giggles up at him. "Maybe not."
He can tell that she's just as relaxed as he is. So he suggests running through their lines again. It works, this time there's no distraction and he's certain that there's an improvement in their performances. When he's pulling on his jacket at the door he smiles at her.
"See, I told you that we didn't need to have sex to become the best Maria and Tony. Didn't I?"
"You did," Rachel replies with a grin.
"Tomorrow we'll prove Artie wrong."
* * *
They don't prove Artie wrong. After rehearsals. He corners them in Rachel's dressing room.
"So guys, have you given any thought to what we talked about the other day?"
"Artie, I think it's a little inappropriate that you're telling us that we should have sex to better our performances," Rachel quietly says.
"Rach, I just have a hard time believing that there's any sexual chemistry between the two of you. I can see that you're both trying your hardest but it's like there's something missing."
Blaine sighs in frustration. Coach Bieste and Miss Pillsbury don't appear to be having the same problems as Artie is. But it's neither the place nor the time to start a fight. Rachel is clearly exhausted and he's just tired.
"We're tired," Blaine says. "Between glee, rehearsals and school work, we barely have any time to sleep."
"Maybe but I am worried and I know that both of you have a lot riding on this production."
Artie wheels off, leaving them with their thoughts and Rachel turns toward Blaine. He holds his arms open for her and she goes into them. He wraps his arms around and rubs her back.
"Maybe he's right," Rachel mumbles against his shirt.
"He's not, we'll just work harder tonight."
* * *
This time it's Rachel who comes over to Blaine's house. His parents are out at some important business dinner for his dad's law firm. Blaine smiles when he opens the door for Rachel. She looks tired and for a moment, he almost suggests that they do something else. Maybe watch DVDs or something but he can see the determination rolling off of her in waves. He could suggest that but he knows it'll go no where and he finds himself silently cursing Artie and his stupid suggestions.
"Come on in, Rach," Blaine says. "I figured we could practice in my room. That is if you're okay with it."
This time it's Rachel who's distracted when they're running through the script. He's half way through his lines when he just gives up. There's no point in trying if she's not going to bother. He flops down on his bed and stretches out.
"Blaine, are you sure that there's no merit in Artie's suggestion?" Rachel quietly asks.
"Rach!" Blaine exclaims. "We talked about this before. Having sex isn't the answer. It's not going to magically make us better actors. It's this whole schedule that we have, we're just tired."
Rachel cautiously lays down beside him, propping herself up on an elbow. "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I am sure," Blaine replies, even though he's beginning to doubt his words. "And anyhow, if either Kurt or Finn were to find out that we had sex with other people, we'd never get a chance to get back with them."
"Who says we have to have sex with other people?" Rachel asks.
"Rachel," Blaine breathes her name but she's suddenly interested in his quilt. She can't mean what he thinks she's meaning.
Her name falls off of his lips again in a harsh exhale. She looks up at him, her cheeks flushed and she licks her lips nervously. And he realizes that she does mean exactly what he thinks she does. This is a very bad idea and he tries to tell her that but she's shyly leaning forward and kissing him. It's not like last night, instead it's a chaste and shy kiss but still all he can think about is Rachel and how good it feels kissing her. He can't quite recall why this is such a bad idea after all.
And then Rachel's hands are all over him and he realizes that he might like kissing her a lot and he might even think about her a lot in several very inappropriate ways but he's not quite certain if that means he's ready to have sex with her or with anyone for that matter. He captures her wrists and holds her still.
"Rach, sex is a big thing, it's not something casual."
"Are you saying that you don't want me?" Rachel asks.
"I'm not saying that at all," Blaine tells her. "But I don't think that we should just have sex because one person thinks it might make us better actors. Tell me how many things Artie's directed? How many of those things have been amazing? "
Rachel can't tell him because he's fairly certain that this is Artie's first foray into directing. And Blaine can't recall Cooper ever mentioning having a director who's told him to have sex with his female lead just to be better at their roles. He ignores the fact that Cooper hasn't had that many roles so he's not really the best judge of how to be a good actor. Blaine releases Rachel's wrists and brushes her hair off of her face. He kisses her again.
"We don't have to sex," Rachel says to him.
Blaine sighs and Rachel moves so that she's laying half on top of him. His hand lands on her lower back and he watches her as she tries to gather the courage to say what she plans.
"We don't have to sex to make this work. We were better last night after we kissed. Even Artie noticed that so maybe if we just kiss some more and do some other things, maybe that'll help us along our sexual awakening," Rachel says.
He nods at her and she takes that for permission. She moves so that she's straddling him and Blaine finds it fascinating how her skirt rides up her tan thighs. He can't help but wonder if her fathers have a clue as to how Rachel's short skirts affect the male population at McKinley. Blaine nervously swallows as he moves his hands to her thighs and slides them up and down the length of her exposed skin. Rachel smiles down at him and presses her body down.
His body's not unaffected by her movements or by her. He's fairly certain that if it was anyone else he wouldn't be feeling this way. She leans down and presses her lips against him and Blaine pulls her down on top of him. Rachel smiles against his lips and grinds against him. Blaine turns them over so that he's on top and he pauses for a second. He knows that if their performance tomorrow doesn't meet Artie's expectations, Rachel will beg him to try something else. He's not sure if going down this path is going to make them better performers.
Yet when he looks down at Rachel, he groans. He doesn't care anymore about being the best Tony to Rachel's flawless Maria. Instead he grinds his hips against her because he knows that she needs this. She needs this release from everything else that's going on in her life. He's certain if she was still with Finn, she'd be getting what she needs from him. He bites his lip to stop from glaring down at her because of Finn. He can't stand that guy and what he did to her.
"Are you okay?" Rachel asks.
"Yeah," Blaine quietly says.
Blaine leans down and kisses her, his hands sliding up under her shirt, resting just beneath her bra as he moves against her. There's something so dirty about their motions and Blaine shuts his eyes as he rests his head against her shoulder. She moans in his ear and Blaine finds that her moans are the hottest sound ever.
Afterwards, they're laying beside one another, panting as they both stare up at the ceiling. He feels ashamed that he had reacted like he had but Rachel's hand is clasping his tightly so he's pretty sure that she doesn't feel ashamed.
"We're going to give our best performance yet tomorrow, I just know it."
He can't quite pretend to have Rachel's enthusiasm. Especially since it appears that everything that's just happened was just to better their performances.
"Uh, I need to get changed," Blaine uncomfortably says.
Rachel doesn't seem to pick up on the tension, instead she shifts on his bed and presses her lips against his cheek.
"Sure I should get home before my dads worry too much, I'll see you tomorrow Blaine!"
She bounds out of his room and Blaine silently curses at the ceiling. This is all Artie's fault. If he hadn't put this idea in either of their heads, then maybe he wouldn't be laying on his bed with the evidence of his arousal coating his boxers. Maybe he wouldn't be falling for his co-star when it's apparent she's not feeling anything in return for him.
* * *
It's Friday and they don't have any rehearsals booked for the weekend. And Blaine is beyond grateful for that. He's been doing his best to avoid Rachel all day long and so far he's been successful until the final bell rings and he drags himself to the auditorium. He thinks that after they run through the production again, he'll go home and call up Wes or some of his other former classmates. Anything to avoid spending time alone with Rachel. If he was being honest with himself, he's actually getting sick of West Side Story by this point.
After they're finished, Blaine's in the small area that's supposed to be a dressing room. He's wiping off his make up and is just about to pull off the shirt of his costume so he can change into his own clothes when Rachel and Artie enter the room. It's beyond crowded and Blaine feels a little claustrophobic in the small area. He glares at both of them but Artie and Rachel seem rather oblivious to his reaction.
"You guys are getting better, I don't know what it is that you're doing but keep it up," Artie says with a knowing smile.
"What do you mean getting better," Blaine angrily asks.
"Well I am starting to believe that you could both be Tony and Maria but there's still a little something missing."
"We've been working on what you said to us," Rachel tells Artie.
"I don't want to pry but have either of you actually had sex yet?" Artie gently asks.
"Well no," Rachel tells him.
"I can't stress how important this is," Artie says. "Think of your art."
Blaine finally snaps. He throws down his own shirt and folds his arm against his chest.
"What you're suggesting we're doing is sleazy and completely immoral."
"Blaine, I just want you two to give your best performance and I think that as the director I know what I am talking about."
"No you don't!" Blaine shouts. "And I am tired of you telling us to have sex so that we can become more believable. What happens if Rachel is cast as the young virginal ingénue? By your theory, she'd fail if she had sex to become Maria."
"Hey don't put words in my mouth," Artie splutters.
"No, I am sick of this. Neither of us is having sex to become Tony and Maria. If you keep coming in here and telling either of us that we need to have sex to become better actors, I'll tell Miss Pillsbury and Coach Bieste."
"Blaine, there's no need to be like this," Rachel softly says.
"Yeah there is, what he's suggesting is wrong and I am tired of it. Maybe the fault isn't us, maybe our director isn't that great of a director. Next thing he'll tell me to get shot so I know how to believably die on stage," Blaine spits out.
"I wouldn't do something like that," Artie says.
"No but you'd tell us to have sex just so we can have better sexual chemistry, what's next?" Blaine demands.
"It was just a suggestion," Rachel says.
"Yeah," Artie quietly defends himself.
"Well it was inappropriate and it's wrong. And I am sick of hearing it."
"Fine, I won't suggest it again," Artie says.
Blaine watches as Artie rolls out of the dressing room and he feels a little guilt for getting so angry at his classmate but he's tired of the insinuation that to become better at their craft that either he or Rachel need to have sex. It's not that he wouldn't like to at some point, and it's definitely not because he wouldn't mind having sex with Rachel, but he doesn't want to feel like he did last night: cheap and used. If he's going to have sex it's going to because he wants to have sex not for some stupid high school production.
Rachel won't look at him, Instead she casts her gaze at a point just behind his shoulder. Her lips are compressed into a thin line and he's not sure what to say to her.
"Look Rach," Blaine says. "I just don't think that we need to have sex to be better actors."
"I think you made your point rather clear," Rachel icily says.
"No I don't think that I did," Blaine tells her. "This has nothing to do with you."
"Don't worry Blaine, you don't need to tell me again that I don't do it for you."
Before he can stop her, Rachel's sweeping out of his dressing room leaving him standing there alone. Obviously she doesn't get it at all. And he's pretty certain that he doesn't either.
"Fuck," Blaine quietly curses.
He changes and goes home where he decides not to call Wes or any of his friends from Dalton. Although he wonders if they're really friends since they don't bother to call him anymore. Blaine sighs as he collapses onto his bed and tries not to think about school, former friends (Kurt included), West Side Story or Rachel Berry.
* * *
He wakes up in the middle of the night, fully dressed, his lights bright in his room and his phone clattering on his bedside table. Blaine groggily reaches for it and finds out that he has about ten text messages. All of them from Rachel Berry. He's tempted to ignore the messages and just turn his phone off for the night. But it's Rachel and if he doesn't at least answer she'll probably call his house and wake up his parents.
The ten messages are pretty much the same, the only thing difference is the escalating urgency in Rachel's tone. She's sorry about the way she acted earlier, of course he's right, and they don't need to have sex but she had just thought that what was happening between them had meant something more. He's not sure how to respond because he doesn't know if what's happened between them is something more or not. He doesn't want to lead her on and hurt her more. He likes Rachel, she's pretty much his only friend at McKinley.
Blaine sighs as he gets up, trying to figure out what to say to her. He turns off his light and then pulls his clothes off before crawling under his blankets in his boxers. The phone vibrates again, alerting him that there's another message. Blaine sighs as he presses the button to read it.
I know it's late and that you're probably sleeping but I just want you to know that I know you're right about the sex thing. As if Barbra would have sex to become a better actress. I just got caught up in what was happening between us and it seemed like a good excuse. I am sorry, I just thought that maybe things were different now. I won't text you anymore tonight. ~ R.
He's glad that she's over the whole sex thing. Well the whole having sex to become a better Maria because as far he's concerned, she's going to be the best Maria Ohio's ever seen. But the fact of the matter is that he wants her. He's just not sure what to do. He's already lost Kurt and he doesn't want to lose Rachel. Blaine refuses to go back to Dalton, not now, not after everything. Still he can't have Rachel thinking that he's ignoring her.
Rach, don't worry so much. It's not you, I'm mad at. Now get some sleep.
She sends him a smiley face text back in response. Although it being Rachel, it's a gushing over-worded text about how glad she is that he's not mad at her and that now she can sleep better. Blaine sighs as he puts his phone under his pillow where it won't wake him up again if she decides to text him again.
* * *
Blaine finds himself at Rachel's front door the next morning at nine. It's probably far too early to be paying a visit but he woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep. The fact that Rachel had felt bad about everything that has happened since they started the production has been eating him up. He has a small bouquet of purple and pink daisies in his hands as he knocks on the door.
He smiles at Rachel when she opens the door. Her face is closed off to him and his smile fades. She's still upset at him, he thrusts the flowers at her. Even though she takes him, he can tell that she's hesitant to do so.
"I passed out last night as soon as I got home," Blaine explains. "I'm sorry."
"I understand, you've been rather tired," Rachel says as she gestures at him to enter the house.
It's more than just that, he knows that she's trying her best to act like everything is normal and okay between them. And if he didn't know her so well, he might just fall for it. It makes him angry that Artie can't see how talented she is. Blaine sighs as he grabs her wrist and pulls her towards him.
"I don't think you do understand," Blaine says, his voice low.
"Yes, I do," Rachel says. "I'm not stupid."
Blaine doesn't say anything, instead he pulls her towards him, he wraps an arm around her waist as he kisses her. He tries to say everything with that kiss that he can't say with his words because she won't listen to him when he speaks to her. She pulls away from him and rests her head against his shoulder.
"Well I appreciate the sentiment, I thought that you told Artie that we didn't need to do things like this to be better actors," Rachel says.
"This has nothing to do with West Side Story Rach," Blaine tells her. "It has everything to do with you and me."
"But you said," Rachel starts but he stops her.
"What did I say Rachel that made you think that I didn't want this?" Blaine asks.
He watches as she tries to piece it all together.
"You said that we didn't need to have sex," Rachel finally says.
"And we don't need to have sex to be Tony and Maria," Blaine tells her. "I don't want to have sex with you just so you can be a better Maria."
"I don't understand," Rachel finally says.
"If and I mean if we have sex Rachel Berry, I want it to because you want to have sex with me and not with Tony and because I want to have sex with you and not Maria."
She looks up at him as if she's afraid to say anything. And Blaine tightens his embrace.
"I am not saying that I want to have sex or that we need to have sex but if and when we do, I want it be because we're both ready for it. And I'd like to maybe try at being something more than just friends," Blaine quietly says.
She smiles up at him and kisses him. "I think I'd like to try that too."