"All right, all right!" yelled Janet at the front door. She pulled her hair quickly back into a ponytail and jerked the door open, wincing as the morning sunlight hit her eyes. She couldn't see worth a damn, and she was still in the t-shirt and shorts that had served as pajamas last night. "Who are you, and what do you want?"
"Cassie?" Well, there was a voice Janet had never expected to hear again. She opened the door widely and stepped out of the entryway. "Come in. What's going on? Why are you here? I thought they weren't going to tell you--"
"That you existed?" finished Cassie. "They weren't. But I found out anyway. God, why didn't you tell me? Why didn't she?"
"Janet, who's at the--" Daniel had been coming down the stairs to check on her, but he stopped abruptly. "Oh. Uh, hi, Cassie."
"Wait, there's a teenaged clone Daniel too!" exclaimed Cassie. "And you're living together?"
Janet rubbed her forehead and sighed. "It gets a lot worse than that, honey. Why don't you come into the kitchen so I can make some coffee, and we'll tell you everything we can."
"So you're telling me that each and every single member of SG-1 has been cloned? And that neither you nor she are really my mom, that Mom's really dead and you're *both* clones?" Cassie wasn't taking this well. Janet recognized the classic signs of teenage rebellion--thinned lips, narrowed eyes, and a distinctly angry tone of voice. Not only had she seen a daughter through the worst of her teenage years, she'd also been exhibiting a lot of those symptoms herself recently.
"For all intents and purposes, I am Janet Fraiser," snapped Janet. "So is she. Our minds are the same. It's our bodies that are different."
Cassie frowned. "They told me her body got taken by the Goa'uld, that there was a sarcophagus involved, and a rescue mission."
"Trust the Air Force to come up with a cover story like that." Janet poured herself and Daniel mugs of coffee. "Want some, Cassie?"
Cassie shook her head. "No, thanks."
"It's not exactly unbelievable," said Daniel. "Not given everything we've been through."
"What I don't get is why I--the other me--went along with it," said Janet.
Cassie rolled her eyes. "Did she think I wasn't going to want to know the truth?" she asked. "Oh, God, this takes 'Cassie Has Two Mommies' to a whole new level."
Daniel gave Janet a confused look. "Cassie has two mommies? I don't get it. I mean, I understand what you're saying on one level, in that there's you and the other Janet, but I'm not really clear on what else--"
"This isn't the first time there have been rumors that Sam and I are lesbians," said Janet.
"Oh," said Daniel. "That explains--" He stopped abruptly, his coffee mug halfway to his mouth. "What do you mean? Who's saying you and Sam are lesbians?"
"Most recently?" asked Janet. "The girls' soccer team. When we first enrolled Cassie in school on Earth? About seventy-five percent of the parents of her classmates."
Daniel blinked and started moving again. "Oh," he repeated. "That does explain why everything vanished out of the soccer team's lockers when they were showering after last Saturday's match."
Janet smiled evilly.
"It also explains how their towels came to be impregnated with a substance that turned their skin and hair bright blue on contact with it."
"Mom!" exclaimed Cassie. "You didn't!"
"You know," said Janet off-handedly. "It's amazing what you can do with some of the simple items available in any high school chemistry classroom."
"Wow," said Cassie. "My mom is now the bad girl in her high school. How weird is that?"
"It's sad, but true." Janet sighed theatrically. "I've decided to enjoy my second run through adolescence by lowering myself to the petty revenge I've avoided for most of my life."
"So why couldn't you do this when my teacher decided she didn't like me and tried to move me to Special Ed?" Cassie rolled her eyes. "Just because I needed some remedial classes from growing up in an agricultural society doesn't mean much! I mean, come on, it's not like I didn't get weekly tutoring from you, Sam, and Daniel in nearly every subject I needed to catch up on!"
"I was trying to be a logical, reasonable adult about that whole issue," said Janet. "And it worked, didn't it?
"Well, yeah," admitted Cassie. "But it would've been a lot more fun if you could have made them all puke uncontrollably or something. And now! You--well, the other you, the one at home--are even less fun than before. I mean, jeez, I get grounded for snapping my gum now."
"It's Posttraumatic Stress Disorder," said Janet. "She and I have been through a lot. She'll get over it, but you need to be patient with her until then."
"She'll get over it?" asked Cassie incredulously. "When?"
"I don't know," said Janet. "I still have nightmares myself. But I do know that it's a difficult thing to get through, and she needs your support."
"What about you?" asked Cassie.
Janet smiled. "I need your support too. If you don't mind having a mom who's the same age as you, that is."
"This is too weird," said Cassie. "I mean, you act just like her, but you look--" She shook her head. "How could she not have told me? How could you not have told me?"
"Everyone thought it would be easier on you," said Janet. "I wanted to, but I was still trying to deal with the fact of being a teenager again. I still haven't completely come to terms with it."
"Noticed that," said Cassie. "Don't tell Mom that you saw me, okay? Because then she'll know I know about that secret desk drawer where she hid your-- She stopped speaking and looked embarrassed. "Look, I found out about your drawer a year ago, when you were offworld and there was a blizzard. I couldn't go out, and I got bored, so I started snooping, and Sam taught me how to pick locks before she realized it was probably a bad idea, so I opened it up."
"At least one of us knows that you found it," said Janet dryly. "I'm not going to tell her. To be honest, I'd prefer to see her as little as possible."
"And I'm mad that none of you guys told me," said Cassie. "I mean, you're my mom, and Teal'c's the one who found me on Hanka, and you guys have all saved my life a couple of times! So when there are clones of you guys that are my age running around on Earth and I don't know about it, I get a little angry!"
"I'm sorry, honey," said Janet.
"I'll get over it eventually. You get used to the weird if you're even marginally around the Stargate," said Cassie. She grinned at Janet. "I'll tell you, this is going to make shopping with you guys a little more fun."
"Shopping?" asked Daniel.
"Not with you, Daniel, don't worry," said Cassie. "I know you've been Mr. Supportive of Mom through this whole conversation, but don't worry, I won't ask you to go shopping."
"Thank God," said Daniel.
"And I get to call you Janet," said Cassie. "At least in public."
"That only makes sense," said Janet.
"Okay, so I told Mom that I was going to visit Dianne, but she's actually working this afternoon. So is Sam up yet?" Cassie stood up.
"She and Jack were out late last night," said Janet.
"Ooooh, it's 'Jack' now?" asked Cassie. "Are he and Sam dating?"
"Yes," said Daniel. "It's--well, it's complicated."
Cassie waved the statement away. "Not really. Are you two dating?"
Janet and Daniel glanced at each other.
"Well, that was all the answer I needed," said Cassie. "Finally. Could it have taken any longer?"
"It'll take a lot longer if I have to take time out to throttle an unruly child," murmured Janet.
"Let's go and wake Sam up," said Cassie. "Please? I want to give her hell too for not telling me about this whole clone thing, and then I want to go shopping."