Thor had been the last to leave Tony’s apartment. He liked the younger man, found him funny, witty, and despite his biting exterior, kind. He had thanked them for the food, given Pepper a quick kiss on the cheek, he liked they way it made her blush (it didn’t make Jane blush anymore), kissed Tony on the cheek because he had made a stink about it, and then gone to his psychology class. He wasn’t all that interested in it but it was one of those silly required classes and he figured at some point it may prove useful.
Jane had been busy with her lab project, so he had gotten dinner alone; which was fine it was something he was used to. Not that he enjoyed the solitude, as he had grown up in a bustling household of people coming and going and yelling and singing, but it wasn’t all too bad given the circumstances. He just hated having time to himself to think and to wonder.
Clint had been home when he’d returned, busy getting changed for a date with this “mystery man” Tony wanted to know so much about. Clint promised that they’d grab a beer one night soon so they could “bond” but Thor had already decided on whether he liked his new roommate. He did. He reminded him a bit of Fandral: confident, out going, a charmer, with a kind strong heart.
Now that he thought about it actually, they all reminded him on someone. Pepper was very much like Sif, strong, a bit bossy, completely in charge of her surroundings, and beautiful all the while. Steve was tricky, he was a mix of his old friends, of Hogan, and Fandral and his younger brother Balder. He needed more time to really get to know him, but he liked Steve and his calm demeanor and lack of cruelty towards others.
And Tony. Well he knew why he had liked Tony from the moment they had met. With his snark and wit and chilled smile. And it hurt a bit, for Loki was back home, far away and unable to add his two cents to Thor’s current situation.
Clint was gone for the night. The excited cloud he had left in had done little for Thor. He just hoped Clint knew what he was doing. Obviously he could take care of himself, but love was blind, stupid and painful.
Thor laughed, now he sounded like a girl. God he needed something to do.
But what was there to do other than study? He had already done that. He still didn’t understand the television set up so he left that well alone and he wasn’t about to use Clint’s X-BOX without asking, as he had learned his lesson with Sif’s back home.
So he had gone out for a run, gotten lost, found his way, gotten lost again, and eventually made it back to campus, exhausted and numb, which was better than having a mind rambling on about ghosts. The shower helped too, though it was odd having one pretty much to himself. He had shared a bathroom with two brothers, his father, and often times Fandral and Volstag. It was almost lonely, not having people wander in and out.
He called Jane, told her voicemail that he loved her, that he missed her just a bit more than he should, goodnight, and to be safe, he would see her in the morning. She didn’t call back.
It was midnight, or just a tad bit past. Clint had called to say he wasn’t coming home, which was an odd thing for a roommate to do, but kind never the less. Thor had gone to bed early, trying his best to sleep, instead being greeted with old faces and welcoming smiles that he wouldn’t see until Summer at least. He needed someone to help him this Skype contraption. Maybe then it wouldn’t be so difficult having to wait.
His phone rang around one. He had tried to set a specific song or tone for each of his friends. This one was unknown. Grumbling and with nothing better to do, Thor rolled over and answered.
“Hello?” he muttered, trying to sound pleasant.
“Brother? You are keeping late hours,” a familiar voice purred.
Thor sat up, his chest tight, eyes wide, hand gripping the phone so desperately he could almost hear the plastic cracking.
“You sound so surprised.”
“Father took your phone and you’re miles away, of course I’m surprised. What’s wrong? how are you-”
“It’s a pay phone, Thor.”
“Then this must be quite the expensive call. Brother are you well?”
Loki was quiet. Thor could make out the sounds of traffic. “Not exactly.”
“I may,” Loki mused. “Have been a tad bit rash.”
“How long will it take for you to get to the nearest Bus station? The one where those disgustingly massive busses come?” Loki coughed. “I may be standing here alone and there is a creepy homeless man watching me and I don’t trust him.”
He could borrow Jane’s car. That was the first thing they had done once he had gotten settled here, they went down and had gotten him a license. He could borrow her car and be there in under an hour.
“Loki how the hell did-”
“I’ll explain later. Please just come. I need you, brother.” and Thor couldn’t believe it, Loki sounded scared.
“Stay there. I’m coming.”
He hadn’t seen Loki in months. Their father had made the decision for them, Thor would go to University in America and Loki, if he could be bothered, Art school in London. They would be apart, unable to cause trouble, unable to “stand in the way of decency” whatever the hell that had meant.
Odin had never liked Loki. Adopting him had apparently been their mother’s decision while Odin had been away teaching in, Thor tried to remember exactly, Italy. They had grown up knowing that Loki was adopted, but Thor seemed to be the only one that didn’t bother. What it had taught him?
His family was stupid.
He pulled up outside the bus stop and looked around. There he was: tall, willowy, dark hair catching the light of the street lamp he stood under, wearing one of those silly sweaters that were three sizes too big and almost reached his knees. His old duffle sat at his feet, packed to bursting, which meant he would be staying a while.
His brother came hurrying over, flashed him a smile and climbed into the passenger’s seat without much ado. Thor followed and turned them towards home.
“Wasn’t sure you’d actually come,” Loki mused, glancing at him out of this made up eyes. He had always enjoyed the effect certain kinds of make up had on his eyes. The dark liner made the green stand out in vibrant shades.
“What are you doing here?” Thor asked, trying to keep his focus on the road. “You’re supposed to be in London. Does father even know?”
“No.” Thor stared at him. “I submitted to a couple art contests, got enough money to pay for a few months here and a plane ticket and Mother wanted me out of her hair, so she helped me get a visa.” Loki shrugged. “Thought you’d be pleased.”
“I’m just surprised. You should have told me.”
“Well I am.”
“Before you showed up at a bus station.”
“Yes well I thought you might say no.”
Thor sighed and sat back in his seat, making sure not to meet Loki’s gaze. He was happy and he was scared at the same time. Their parting hadn’t been sweet and he had been sure Loki hated him for it. He had barely said goodbye before their mother was leading Thor to the front door and shoving a plane ticket in his hand.
“Father won’t be pleased.”
“Father can shove it up his-” Thor frowned at him and Loki sighed. “Sorry.”
“No you’re right.”
“Course I am.”
“Why did you come?”
“London was boring.” Loki stretched, setting his feet on the dashboard and tucking his hands behind his head. “Boring, boring, boring.”
“You could have gone to Florence. You liked it there.”
“I liked it once. Not the same.”
“Of course it’s the same, cities don’t change that much in a year. What about Paris?”
“Too romantic, too many tourists.”
“Too close to home.”
“Do you not want me here, brother?” Loki snapped. “Is that what you mean to say?”
Thor shook his head. “No. No that’s not what I mean to say, Loki. If I didn’t want you here I would have left you at the station.” His grip on the steering wheel tightened and they pulled into the campus parking lot. “Father will want to know your reasons.”
Hell he wanted to know Loki’s reasons. There was a difference between Loki doing something out of boredom, like dying Sif’s blonde hair black or rearranging their mother’s library or replacing all the clothes in Fandral’s closet with dresses and lingerie, and Loki doing something for the sake of a scheme. The latter often had heavier consequences and nasty results.
“I’ll tell him the truth.”
“You are incapable of telling the truth when it comes to Father,” Thor said, pulling into a parking place and shutting off the car.
“You wound me.”
“Okay I’ll tell him half the truth. Or I’ll tell it slant, as Dickinson would. I’ll tell him,” Loki chuckled as he climbed out of the car. “I wanted to see America. That I got a VISA by myself, mother had no play in it.”
“Mother won’t lie.”
“Mother doesn’t care,” Loki spat. “She wanted me gone as much as Father did.”
Thor sighed. “You know that’s not true.”
Loki’s eyes scanned his face and he shrugged. “Whatever.”
It was a quiet and strange walk back to Easton from where they had parked the car. Loki kept his head down, his shoulders near his ears, hands shoved in the pockets of his tight jeans. Thor didn’t know what to say. What words were best after not seeing someone after so many months? After what had happened, how there had been no goodbyes, how did they just start over?
“I’ll have speak with my roommate about whether it’s ok for you to stay with us.” Thor said, pulling out his keys.
“Could always get an apartment.”
“No. You are not getting an apartment by yourself.”
“Oh look at you giving orders,” Loki mocked but he fell silent when Thor turned to him with a glare.
The room wasn’t very big, they’d have to find a way for Loki to squeeze in. Thor had no qualms about sharing his bed, it was large enough, but it was more how Clint would react. He pulled out his phone and called him, planning to leave a message for him to listen to at a reasonable hour.
“Clint, forgive me I thought you’d be sleeping.” Thor glanced at Loki who had dropped his bag at the foot of Thor’s bed and curled up on top of the duvet.
“Mm nah, too busy... never mind... what’s up?” he was breathless and Thor could hear muttering, a deeper voice, in the background. “Stop I’m on the phone... hang on...”
“I uhm... Well...”
“Spit it out big guy, I’m a bit tied up at the moment. A bit literally actually. What’s going on?”
“My brother is here.”
“Oh is that.... all?”
“He needs a place to stay for a while.”
“Kay sure whatever.”
“Possibly for the semester.”
Clint made a choked sound and Thor fought back a laugh. “Yeah sure whatever we’ll figure it out, kay bye.”
“Your roommate?” Loki asked in a soft voice, his face buried in his sweater clad arms.
“He says you can stay.”
“How gracious of him.”
“You don’t have anywhere else to go, don’t be a brat.”
Loki nodded. “Sorry.”
“No you aren’t.”
“No I’m not.”
Thor laughed. “Would you like a beer?” Loki made a face. “It’s all we have besides vodka.”
“You aren’t going to drink it straight are you? Clint says it’s decent in Gatorade, makes it last longer. Whatever this gatorade is...” Thor holds up one of the colorful sports drinks with a frown. “They taste alright I suppose.”
Loki chuckled. “Always so puzzled. Sure, whatever works.” He stretched, his limbs long and cat-like, back arching across the bed, his eyes screwed shut. “God that bus was awful.”
“Should have called me from the airport. Oh wait, you should have told me in the first place.” Thor muttered, mixing the vodka with the punch gatorade and handing it to Loki who took it with a smile.
“How have you been, Thor?” He asked and Thor tried not to read into the hints of compassion. Loki didn’t actually care, it was merely conversation, he tried to tell himself. But it wasn’t, was it? Loki stared up at him, waiting, wanting in some way, scooting over so Thor would have room and curl up next to him, just like the old days. And Thor had to smile. This was going to hurt. The whole ordeal was going to hurt in the end.
But Thor grabbed a few beers and sat down next to Loki to tell him of what had happened in those long months, about his American experience, about Jane and how she was slowly drifting away from him, about how father may be growing ill, his lectures long and exhausting, about Tony and the others, Tony whom Loki was sure to either like or detest. He told him about the classes he was taking and planned to take, pursuing History or maybe language. He told him about how he and Jane and Jane’s friend Darcy, who was currently down in DC, had gotten lost on the way to New Mexico when he had first arrived, and Loki had laughed at him, a bubbly bright sound Thor hadn’t heard in years.
Loki told him about London, about the museums and the clubs, the parties he had attended, the poets and run down bookstores, the protests, the fires, about the classes and his arrogant figure professor who couldn’t say the word penis. He told him about the one or two people he had met, the girl he had loved, Ellie, who had been an exchange student, and the boy after that, Simon, who had left him for another man, an older man, a model. Loki hadn’t seen anyone after that. Not since.
It wasn’t long before they were drunk, not completely hammered, but Loki was giggling, draped over Thor, his words slightly slurred, Thor’s face flushed, arm around Loki’s shoulders. It would be dawn soon, the sunlight would start peeking up over the campus. Thor was grateful for his lack of morning class on Tuesdays, that meant he could keep an eye on Loki for a while and get a bit of sleep.
“Hmm, I lied brother,” Loki murmured, his lips brushing against Thor’s neck. “I lied.”
“Why I left London.”
“And why did you then?”
Loki looked up at him, his framed green eyes locking with Thor’s, his arms snaking around Thor’s chest. He sighed and pressed his face into Thor’s neck.
“You weren’t there.”
Thor smiled. “You’re drunk, Loki.”
“You weren’t there, Thor. I was lonely. I missed you.” It was more of a whimper than anything and Thor pulled Loki tighter against him, lifting him so he sat in his lap.
“Shush, it’s alright Loki.” He murmured, letting Loki curl into him, pressing Loki’s face back into the crook of his neck. “That’s no reason to leave school.”
“Yes it is. School is stupid and it’s shitty when you’re lonely.”
“Could have made friends.”
“No, I hated them. They were cruel and arrogant and stupid.” Loki’s grip on Thor’s shoulders tightened. “They hated me.”
“And you!” Loki shouted, pulling away. “You never said goodbye.” he was choking on a sob, Thor could see it, the way his throat tightened, his shoulder reaching his ears. “you fucking asshole, you never said goodbye to me.” he threw a weak punch, hitting Thor in the chest. “You fucking left me there for them to tear apart!”
The family. God Thor had thought about it, but hadn’t realized how cruel his family could be. They had this thing about blood, if you weren’t blood you didn’t count and they hadn’t forgiven their mother for adopting Loki without their consent and after that had chosen to turn their disapproval to Loki himself.
“I’m sorry,” Thor whispered, brushing Loki’s dark shaggy bangs out of his eyes. “Oh I’m sorry, so sorry.”
“You left me.” Loki sighed, his shoulders sagging. He pressed his head against Thor’s chest. “What was I supposed to do? London was shit without you there. No one was nice to me. They used me, hated me, just like the family did.” Loki looked up at him and smiled, faintly. “You at least treated me like a person, called me pet names, held me... Loved me...”
“What did you call me then?” Loki giggled, snaking his hands back up Thor’s chest, his lips moving to his ear. “What was it?”
“M-Mockingbird,” Thor stuttered, Loki’s teeth nipping at his earlobe. “My little mockingbird.”
Loki whined and rolled his hips, clinging to his brother. “Do you still love me, Thor? The way you used to?”
“Loki we can’t. Jane-”
“Doesn’t love you. Not as I did, as I do. And yes I’m probably really drunk, but I’ve missed you, so fucking much Thor, please say you still love me.”
This was wrong and it was going to cause so many problems if anyone found out. It would be harder to keep it quiet, and Jane would hate him. But even so-
“I do love you Loki. That has not changed.”
And then they were falling, back into their old ways, their bodies remembering each movement, how to quickly shed each other’s clothing, where to place soft kisses, where to bite hard to claim the skin with dark bruises. Thor pressed Loki down into the bed, kissing him, starving for that familiar touch, the taste, the scent of him, drowning himself in it.
“I missed you Loki,” he whispered, pressing a careful finger into his brother, the lube making the slide quick and easy. Thor could still feel the haze of the alcohol, the heaviness behind his eyes but that didn’t bother him, Loki was sprawled out beneath him, whining, reaching for him, begging him. How could anything else possibly matter?
“I’m glad you’re here.”
“Thor please stop talking,” Loki groaned as one finger became two and a third was added seconds later, his body opening up with ease. “Please just fuck me.”
They moved together, Thor pulling Loki close, aligning their hips, sliding in, swallowing Loki’s cries in a kiss, melting into him. The bed creaked under them as Thor thrusted, pressing Loki further into the mattress, hooking his long legs over his broad shoulders, placing kisses over his face.
“God, Thor, please,” Loki whimpered. “Please.”
Thor pulled out and turned Loki over, his hands bunching in the sheets, hips raised and waiting for the quick rough slide back in. Thor covered Loki, wrapped his arms around him, holding him, loving him.
“I’m here, I’m here,” he whispered into Loki’s pierced ear. “I’ve got you.”
Loki scrambled for Thor’s hand, lacing their fingers together, his face contorted in pleasure against the dark sheets as he arched back into Thor. “Oh god. Thor, please. Faster,” he whined and Thor obeyed, thrusting into him, forcing his way deeper until Loki was falling apart around him, cum streaking across the sheets, his body relaxing as Thor continued to use him.
“Loki.. Loki look at me,” he groaned. “Look at me, my little mockingbird,” Loki shivered under him as his breath caught and Thor’s breath hit his neck. “Let me see your face.”
Loki shifted and turned his head to look, his eyes dark and tired, a smile on his pink lips, fingers gripping Thor’s with a renewed fervor. He clenched around Thor, tightened until it was almost unbearable, the heat and the wet sounds, the slick slide of his cock in and out.
His orgasm tore through him and he gasped into Loki’s shoulder, biting into the pale skin as his body shook, everything become hotter and wet and smooth.
“I missed that too,” Loki murmured, loosening his grip on Thor’s hand so Thor could wrap both arms around him again. “Fuck I missed you.”
Thor smiled into the dark hair. “I missed you too.”
This was going to hurt in the end, Thor knew it in his gut. Somehow, this was going to hurt, but the orgasm and the warn, lithe body in his arms was enough to fend off the guilt for now. He kissed Loki, let the soft sounds and giggles lull him out of his worries. This felt good, felt right, just as it always had.
But something had to give in the end.