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Tony Sometimes Has Slightly Extreme Reactions to People Taking his Stuff

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1) His coffee.

Clint didn't often venture into Tony' s workshop, because Tony always yelled at him for messing things up or moving things 5cm from where they used to be. (Seriously, he nudged that wrench as he walked past to grab Stark for a de-briefing. Totally not his fault that it gave the engineer a concussion when his hand hit it and it flipped up to hit him i the face when he went to grab the table to stop himself from falling over when  he tripped over the screwdriver Clint had dropped. Not his fault at all *Nonchalant whistling*)

So when Clint wandered down to avoid Thor and his latest morning tantrum (seriously, if you're not a morning person, don't get up so early), only to find he'd been locked out of the Iron Avenger's sanctuary, he wasn't all that surprised. He was surprised that he couldn't see Tony anywhere in the workshop. Curious. JARVIS had said he was down here and JARVIS was very rarely wrong about where Tony was. Clint began imagining what a human JARVIS would look like to pass the time.

Clint jumped, mentally tucking and rolling out of his thought train, when Tony appearing at his workbench startled him out of his reverie. He looked to be lost in thought for a moment before glancing toward the door, JARVIS obviously having alerted him to the archers presence outside it. He looked to be a bit worse for wear, hair mussed, clothes wrinkled, for all the world like he'd just been furiously making out with someone.

Clint tried to delete that thought from his brain as soon as he thought it because there was no-one in the workshop with Tony except for the new Iron Man suit he was working on and oh my god that would've been gross.

Tony waved him in. Clint stepped with caution.

Tony poured himself a cup of coffee from the machine in the corner of the shop and Clint watched, slightly jealous, as he gave a small groan at the taste of the very expensive coffee he only bought for himself.

"So, Cupid, what the hell do you want?" Clint searched his brain for an answer to Stark's question and found that he'd completely forgotten.


"Well, please let the door hit you on the way out."

'Cupid' did one better and stole Tony's coffee.

Tony did one better and rigged his arrows so that during their next training session, they backfired and melted his uniform.


2) His breakfast (and maybe a little bit of dignity too).

Natasha didn't like Tony, and he was fine with that, he'd never really liked her either, but even she was concerned when she sauntered down the stairs to see him making an omelette with the goofiest grin on his face and a hickey on his neck that definitely hadn't been there the night before when there'd been no-one else in his room for the entire night.

"Tony? What's with the..." She made a vague gesture to where the hickey was and watched, amused, as his eyes widened comically, a hand coming up to clasp at his neck.

"Son of a bitch! Oh, you are so dying tonight, you little bastard..." She took note of his facial expression right before he ran back up the stairs and out of ear-shot.

Natasha eyed the pan on the stove hungrily, debating whether or not stealing Stark's food was worth it.

It totally was.

It was totally worth the aftermath too.

She looked pretty good with blue hair.


+1) His secret boyfriend (for the weekend).

No-one was really surprised when Loki came sauntering through the mansion anymore, Thor liked to keep a close eye on his brother and his villainous ways. What they were surprised about was the thunder that echoed through the air straight after he appeared in the kitchen, where the Avengers (plus Coulson and minus Thor) were eating something Steve had cooked. He glared at the occupants of the room in turn, saving Tony for last, amplifying it ten-fold when he reached him.

Thunderous footsteps reached the ears of those sitting and they all grimaced, the brothers were fighting again.

"Brother, you are being unreasonable. I simply meant-" Loki stood, a cry of outrage escaping his lips.

"I'm being unreasonable?! You're the one who basically just said I can't keep a steady relationship to save my life!" He gestured to the rest of the rooms occupants. "I'm the only person in this room who has been in a successful marriage and you're telling me that I can't keep a relationship?! What happened to your last girlfriend, hm?! Oh, that's right, you've never had one!" With this, he turned on his heel, storming away. Thor looked heaven/Asgard-ward and sighed, shaking his head. He wandered away in the opposite direction.

The moment Thor was out of earshot, the superheroes began to whisper and theorise amongst themselves.

"Loki has a girlfriend? When did that happen?"

"Do you think there's more to the name 'Silvertongue' than just being a good liar?"

"Do you think he's gay?"

"Tony, are you ok? You're usually first to pitch in with this sort of thing and you haven't said a word..." Tony's head snapped up so fast that Natasha almost reached for her gun.

"What? Yeah. Pshh, I'm fine, there's nothing wrong with me why would you think that? I have to leave now."

Natasha started to think, which was never a good thing.


Tony caught the tail end of a conversation (read: whispered argument) a few days later.

"I refuse to attend my ex-wife's wedding to another man! It's just embarrassing, it's like, hey, look how much better than you I did."

"Loki, Sigyn wishes for you to attend, it would be rude not to at least-"

"No! I'm not setting foot in that god forsaken realm and that. Is. Final!" He disappeared.

Thor sighed and Tony heard him flop down on one of the couches. He waited a few more seconds before carefully pushing the door open and sauntering in with his hands in his pockets.

"How much of that did you hear, Stark?"

"Enough to know that this isn't about his ex." Thor looked confused, Tony took pity on him and started to explain. "It's not about the fact that his ex is getting married, it's about Asgard and how he'd do anything not to go back there. And I get the feeling that this marriage ended messily?"

"It ended when Odin forced one of their children to kill the other, driving the surviving child into madness." Tony's eyebrows hit his hairline.

"Huh. Well, that's probably a factor too. Basically, he doesn't want to go back to the place he never fit in and be reminded of that an his dead kids at the same time, you have to handle this very gently if you want him to go at all." They both considered Thor trying to handle something 'gently' for a moment. "Why don't I talk to him?"

"I think that would be best."


And that was how Tony Stark found himself sitting on his bed with a depressed looking chaos god on the other end.

"Thor said you wished to speak with me." Tony thought about the best way to approach this.

"Yeah, he told me about the wedding that you don't wanna go to, he thought maybe you could handle my gentle, slightly more subtle approach at convincing people to do things better than his 'DO THIS NOW' sort of attitude." Loki giggled, Tony counted it as a win.

They sat in silence for a few moments before Loki dragged himself across the length of the bed and sat next to Tony, his knees tucked beneath his chin.

"I just feel that as soon ad I step back into Asgard, I will be rejected by its occupants yet again, that I'll have to avoid all those that have issues with me or my past actions. Just seeing Sigyn again will bring up all kinds of memories of a happier time I will never be a part of again." There was something in Tony's eye, like an eyelash or something, he totally wasn't crying.

Ok, so he was, who cares.

He wrapped an arm around Loki in an attempt to console him and pressed a lingering kiss to the top of his head, waiting for more words to spill from the other's mouth. When none did, Tony just pulled him in closer, unwrapping his arms from the death grip they had around his knees and wrapping them around the shorter one's waist, lying them both down.

It was a very complicated manoeuvre.

"You know that I love you, right? Just remember that throughout however long Asgardian weddings last. We'll find you a kick-ass outfit or something and I'll mess it up a little before you go, and when you come back, we can spend a couple of days in bed, doing nothing but relaxing and eating and stuff. You never know, maybe someday we'll be inviting my ex-girlfriend's to our wedding." Tony's speech put a smile on Loki's face and he snuggled further into the radiator that was Tony Stark.

"I think I'd like that." They drifted off to sleep together.


They did find Loki a kick-ass outfit for the trip to Asgard, but it got more than just a little messed up by Tony right before they left.