The commotion stops after the incident with Fryer and Danny introduces me to the new girl, Lori; she seems nice and a little bit out of place, but what would I know about being out of place? I had no idea what had happened to my friends when I was gone. I call that being out of place. We're both sort of quiet for a second, because this wasn't exactly the perfect way to be introduced to someone.
The awkwardness of it all made me ignore my surroundings for a minute; there were ambulances and police cars everywhere and Fryer was still there, probably sore from Steve's punch. Then Chin broke my concentration by insisting I should go to the ER so I could get my wound taken care of. I had honestly forgotten about it because my arm was numb from the gunshot but his reminder was enough for the pain to come back.
Everyone agrees I should take care of my wound. Everyone except Steve, who hasn't said a word, in fact he hasn't even looked at me.
After a brief second I find myself agreeing with Chin. Though I despise hospitals with all my heart and soul, I just figure it would be a nice way to walk away from Steve without being rude, and by nice I mean not so nice.
He's mad, I get it, but I should be mad too. I was the one left alone by my friends, except Chin, when I needed them the most. I should be the one turning my back on him, I should be yelling at him asking him where he had been this entire month, when I woke up lost and in need of friends. I needed him and he wasn't there.
Chin drives me to the ER and if it hadn't been for the radio playing in the background this would have been an awkward ride.
It takes only a half an hour for the doctors to patch me up but in less than five minutes I was already desperate to go home.
I sit there in an empty room waiting for the doctor to dispatch me and I take this brief moment alone to think about all that had happened in the last hour; sure, for a moment Steve probably thought that, in my desperation to feel accepted, I was hanging around with the wrong crowd. Though that was obviously not true, just the thought of him thinking I was dirty made my heart break a little. I wouldn't care what he thought if I didn't love him so much.
"Okay, ma'am, you're ready to go home," the doctor speaks, closing the door behind him and writing frantically on a piece of paper which he hands to me a second later. "Get some rest, try not to move your arm too much, alright?"
I get up from the gurney and walk out, immediately looking for Chin. To my surprise he was not outside; he had been quickly replaced by Steve.
"Where is Chin?" I ask him, avoiding his eyes.
"I sent him home," he spoke glancing briefly at my wounded arm. "I'm gonna give you a ride home"
How very nice of him to worry about me when it's too damn late.
"No thank you." I answer, making my way out. He follows me close; though I don't look back I can feel his body close. "I can take a cab."
"No. I'm taking you home," he speaks harshly, bossy. Once we are out he opens the passenger door for me, ever the gentleman. "Get in."
I honestly have no strength to argue with him at this point. I'm too tired and too sore. I might as well take the free ride.
If the ride to the ER with Chin had been quiet, the ride home with Steve had been ten times worse. Mainly because I was tired, but also because I figured he didn't know what to say and I didn't know if he was still mad or worried. I think the first option is accurate though.
He stops in front of my house and I reach for the door handle quickly with urge to get out as soon as possible.
"Thanks for the ride," I speak politely and walk out.
He watches me; I know his don't leave me until I'm out of the car.
I ignore him completely, seriously, I'm too tired to fed up with all this I don't care whatever he wants to say to me.
"I'm tired Steve, go home."
"We have to talk."
"There's nothing to talk about."
I reach for my door and before I know it he's standing behind me.
"Maybe you have nothing to say but I do," he whispers in my ear. I shiver involuntarily at his proximity.
The door opens and we walk in, I already gave up on arguing with him and myself. If I wasn't too tired I would have closed the door in his face, call him names and tell him to go to hell, that it was too late for him to speak to me, that our relationship had already been destroyed. But damn, I cannot process anything anymore.
"If you wanna say something just make it quick, I'm tired."
He looks down at his feet and if I didn't know better I would say he's nervous, but that's not the Steve I know.
"I'm sorry," he whispers. "I should have been there for you, I should have seen something was wrong and I should have done something for you."
"All the 'should have's don't cut it for me, Steve," I snap at him,"yeah, you should have been there for me but you weren't and now you apologizing to me is not enough."
"Then tell me what can I do," he speaks.
"Nothing, which is exactly what you did when I needed you."
I turn my back to him, heading towards the kitchen, sighing heavily as I feel tears falling down my cheeks.
"Tell me what you want, tell what can I do for you to forgive me."
"Nothing..." I sigh heavily once again, "just go home Steve, I'm tired."
I thought after being completely clear about my feelings, about him leaving, he was actually going to do exactly that, leave. But he didn't. In fact he didn't even move. He stood there watching me; I could feel his eyes on me at the back of my neck.
"Look me in the eye and tell me you want me to leave," he whispers, standing a little bit closer to me that I thought he was.
I turn around slowly; I didn't even notice how close he was until his body was almost pressed against mine.
"I really think you should leave," I whisper, his eyes travel from mine towards my lips, to which I lick them subconsciously.
"Is that so?" He speaks and I think I'm gonna lose it because he has never been so close.
"Yes..." I manage to whisper "yes. I think you should leave, boss," I speak firmly. I figured if I mention he's my boss he would focus or maybe I would.
"Have you thought that since your badge has been taken, I'm no longer your boss?"
What does that mean?
"Meaning no matter how many times you try to remind me I'm your boss, it won't change whatever I'm about to do."
"What are you about to do?"
He doesn't speak; he just moves closer, his whole body crashing against mine. I lick my lips again as I see his eyes, once again, looking at them. His hands come to caress my cheek softly; my eyes close at his touch.
"I'm gonna show you I really care."
He closes our distance with a kiss, a brief yet passionate one. He pulls away slowly, sucking my lower lip as his face moves away.
"Steve...we can't do this," I manage to speak "this is so..."
"Perfect," he finishes. "Everything about this, about us is perfect."
Once again he closes the distance between us with a kiss. There's no way I can escape from this, not that I actually want to.
His hands travel to my waist, pulling me up towards the kitchen counter, our lips never apart, not even for a minute. He creates a path of kisses from my lips to my neck. My breath gets caught in my throat as I feel his tongue licking the soft spot behind my ear and his hand rambling underneath my shirt.
Then he suddenly stops, moving his lips and his face away from me. His eyes bore into mine and somehow I'm scared we went too far, maybe I should have forced him to leave, I should have told him no when he wanted to give me a ride...he's gonna regret this, he's gonna change his mind and leave me here standing, wishing he could love me and touch me like had been doing it so far.
"I just...I don't want you to believe I'm doing this because I want your forgiveness. I'm doing this because I love you and I will regret every single second of my life not being there for you."
"Steve I know I've been harsh towards you, saying how you didn't do anything to help me..."
"And you were right, I didn't."
"But there wasn't much you could do."
"I could have listened to you, told you everything was going to be alright and instead I stood aside thinking you just needed time."
"Which I did…" I whisper but he continues
"When in reality all you needed was a friend." He finishes, his hand coming to rest at my waist again, his eyes full of regret and sorrow. Though I don't think I'll be doing this with a friend.
I rest my hands on top his, giving each a light squeeze. He looks at me again and I bend down to kiss him sweetly.
"I love you Steve, and right now the last thing I care about is how wrong we were about everything. We all make mistakes Steve, all we have to do now is mend them"
"Well this is sort of my way of doing that."
"So you ARE trying to apologize."
He shrugs slightly, "Yeah."
"I always pictured your apology as going for lunch at Kamakona's or surfing..."
"If you like we could stop doing this and go for lunch," he makes a lame attempt of walking away but I pull from his shirt, forcing him to stand between my parted legs.
"Oh hell no, McGarrett, your way is better than mine."
"Thought you would say that."
He kisses me again, this time he successfully takes off my shirt, carefully not to hurt me and his warm hands land on my back sending shivers down my spine.
He lifts me from the cupboard and guides me towards my bedroom, his lips still on mine. We crash against the mattress and he stops to look at me for a second.
"Just tell me if you want me to stop and I will."
"You came here to apologize; you might as well finish what you started."
He kisses me again and I suddenly remember the doctor's orders of getting some rest. I think I should leave the rest for later.