Chapter Text
11/02/05
Dear Blue Eyes,
I guess I just have to face it. Guys like you just don't exist. I've burned holes in the soles of my feet just roaming, looking for you. It's all been kind of bleak and gray, this journey, but I always feel like there's a light there at the end of the road. A bright colorful light with flashes of pink and green and blue. Blue for your eyes. There's a lot of blue there at the end. Like walking into a world sculpted of sapphire.
I've been pulling away from people lately. From my family, from school, friends. Audrey. I've been pulling away from her the most. I don't think she's noticed yet, what with her vanity and such, but in due time. Here's hoping. Because if she doesn't realize that we're growing apart, I think I'd feel a great deal worse than if she did.
It'll be a funny thing to explain, you know, when people start to wonder about my distance. It'll be funny to tell them all about you. About how you're always there in the back of my mind, suckling at my thoughts like a leech.
Maybe I should tell them how I chase you, that'd be fun. Tell them how your morning dew eyes lead me to the ends of the earth and drop me right off the edge. Tell them how I love it. Love how you've got me falling.
They'll ask me how I met you, I'll say "In a dream." They'll laugh at this, "Hopeless romantic," they'll call me. They'll have no idea that "in a dream" was exactly the setting. They won't get it. They'll never get it.
Last night I got to hear your voice. It was nothing but the word, "No," but it held the weight of the entire human language. "No," is what you said when I asked your name. It's fine I guess. Since you're only a figment of my imagination I guess your name is whatever I want it to be. Maybe Paul. You look like a Paul.
Well, I have to go. High school awaits. I can't wait to close my eyes tonight. Since I can only really see you when they aren't open.
xxooxx,
Bden