She has to send them into battle day after day, has to watch them struggle for their lives, then she has to come back here and whip up a few cold drinks and help them relax. They all have to pretend for an afternoon that their lives are normal. She has to witness Kira's tiredness, Ethan's failed attempts at levity, and the perpetual worry in Conner's eyes. She has to watch Tommy soothe his muscles nightly, and watch Trent struggle to maintain his composure around the others. And then the next day, she has to see it all over again.