Stop Loving Me

by MrMsTanaka

Summary:

Don't play with love. A love triangle that needs a resolution. Ryuu loves Mirio but Mirio isn’t aware of her feelings and Shimon is someone she likes also very much…

Chapter 1: Part 1

“Ouch!“
“Don’t make such a fuss.“
“But it hurt!“
“But after all it will be beautiful…” The mellow susurrant voice of Mirio cut through Shimons ear and let her shiver.
“Come on, let yourself go…” Softly pushed the older the other girl into the pillows and started to caress her neck delicately.
Shocked by her doing Shimon opened her eyes wide and pushed Mirio away.
“Are you nuts?” The younger was indignant and tried to stand up.
“What’s the matter?” Mirio didn’t even know why her opposite reacted like this.
With a half shocked and half upset look spied Shimon at Mirio.
“I can’t do this! And anyway… since when are you acting like this? Backwards you were also so quiet and… shy.” The younger crossed her arms in front of her chest and suddenly she saw an imaginary movie playing in Mirio’s eyes which apparently reflected her old life.
But she didn’t answer at all; so much shyness was left in her.
“I mean… it really felt good but I don’t know you like that. Since you are playing Z-Boy you are acting… strange.” Shimon didn’t mince her words and it was anyway too late before she realized what she was saying.
Mirio started to doubt. Right in this moment she was just about to have a little bit fun, she wasn’t aware of this kind of situation or even this reaction.
And that wasn’t the worst – she couldn’t tell Shimon that she started an affair with Ryuu. But the younger blonde one was right, she wasn’t like this before. Mirio started to be more open-minded since the recent Kumichou had her finger in the pie. And she became so open-minded that she didn’t even notice her borders anymore. But the more she thought of this the less she wanted to tell Shimon about it. Quite the contrary; to think of her lover made her again going wild.
“People are changing…” With these words Mirio stepped again in front of Shimon, their faces almost touched each other.
The younger was shivering because of her anxiety; drops of sweat were running down her forehead. The fingers of the older were grabbing her arms.
“Just let yourself go. I promise you that you will enjoy it.” Mirio pushed the younger even more carefully back to the red couch.
Shimon sobbed, didn’t really know what to answer. On the on hand did she really enjoy what Mirio was doing, on the other she was just afraid; afraid of the touching, because it was her first time and afraid that someone could disturb the both of them. A dressing room was not the safest place in her opinion.
These were all reasons to push Mirio away again, but deep inside her she was wishing that she would go further.
“Don’t be afraid. I will be very gentle.” Mirio was purring and closed her eyes when her lips met Shimon’s.
Shimon let her heart decide and not her head. Everything felt just so good in this moment; everything what Mirio did with her. And the more she was doing it, the more Shimon loved it and she was able to let herself fall more and more. She felt safe at once and her anxiety flew away.
“I want to feel you.” Shimon’s heart skipped a beat when she heard these words directly on her ear and she was feeling a warm hand below her shirt.
She took a deep breath and closed also her eyes.
“Mirio-kun… I…”
“Sshh… just enjoy it.” The older rolled up the shirt of the younger and caressed her belly in the same moment.
“I-I… don’t know if it’s alright…” One last doubt in her was left but she has already given up her body for Mirio.
“You won’t regret it…”

20 minutes later were both lying on the big couch. Shimon was busy with sorting her thoughts; Mirio meanwhile stood up and snatched her shirt.
“You better go now.” She got what she wanted and if she needed her, she knew Shimon would come back to her; she would even spend the whole night with her.
Inside her she felt that Shimon has already given her heart to her.
But Ryuu wasn’t allowed to get to know about this incident, Mirio would lose her head.
“W-what…?” The younger tenderfoot was looking scared at Mirio.
“Go, nobody shall see you here.” The older threw Shimon’s pants to her and put on her own.
“But Mirio-kun…”
“Go!” Suddenly more aggressive shouted Mirio at the shy girl and gave her an evil look.
As fast as she could grabbed Shimon her stuff and put her clothes on. She didn’t know why the older suddenly was acting like this. Just a few moments ago she was giving her an unforgettable time in her arms and then she was just harsh and aggressive.
“Hey, wait!” Shimon was almost gone when Mirio called after her.
“… I’m sorry. This was not my intention.” The older took Shimon’s hand and squeezed it softly.
“It’s just no one is allowed to catch us like this, I hope you know that.” The younger nodded in silence and looked to the floor.
The warm hand of Mirio made her calm down and at the same time she felt the excitement from before again.
“But I would gladly see you again – under these circumstances if you know what I mean.” Mirio gave her a cheeky wink and made Shimon smile again; the little argument from before was forgotten.
“I think that would be possible. I’m going now.” Again they shared a long kiss until Shimon disappeared behind Mirio’s dressing room door.
Mirio sighed and let herself fell down on her stained playground.
“Ryuu mustn’t get knowledge of this…”

Chapter 2: Part 2

“Mirio, you are absent-minded!” Ryuu ripped furiously her bowtie apart and threw it on the dressing table, one moment later she leaned against it.
“Ryuu-san, I’m sorry!” The blonde girl walked towards the substantial older woman and grabbed her shoulders from behind, but the Kumichou shook her off and went a few steps in another direction.
“Where are you with your thoughts? Did something happen?” She took off the ruby-colored velvet jacket sat down on a chair a few seconds later and stared at Mirio, which was standing in her Z-Boy outfit in front of her and didn’t know how to start with an explanation. An awkward silence took over and Mirio stared embarrassed to the floor.
“God dammit, talk to me! Where were your emotions till now? I haven’t felt anything on stage. You are acting bland.” Ryuu stood up enraged and went to the window; put her hands in her pants pockets.
The younger in the room was scared that the Kumichou would get to know about her and Shimon; she was truly hoping that Shimon didn’t say a word to anyone. Since a few days the younger girls were meeting regularly, were spending a lot of time together and enjoyed their togetherness. Mirio wasn’t aware till that moment that Ryuu got the short end of the stick all the time and now everything was clear to her. She has never seen her lover that angry, she really was afraid just to take a step in front of her.
“Mirio-chan… you know what I feel for you.” Suddenly the older sounded calmer and reasonable again; she turned around to the blonde girl and took a deep breath.
“I was just worried, I’m sorry if I have overreacted.” Mirio was relieved when she noticed that Ryuu had apparently no idea from the things Mirio was doing.
Now she plucked up courage and stepped towards the older woman and embraced her with self-confidence.
“I’m also sorry - really. It’s just, that I’m feeling currently a bit overloaded, that’s why I’m not really on the track. I try to change that instantly.” She embraced her lover firmer and laid her head on her shoulder.
“Too bad, that there is just so little time left…” Mirio grinned widely and also Ryuu knew instantly for what Mirio was up to, that’s why she pushed the younger a bit away to look into her eyes.
“Well, I have plenty of time after show.” Mirio couldn’t overhear the seductive voice of Ryuu, put on a slightly smile and nodded.
“I try to be here as fast as I can.” With a tender kiss Mirio sealed these words and went straight to the door.
“We are meeting again on stage soon.” She threw behind her.
“In my favorite scene…” Added Ryuu and blew a last kiss to the younger girl.
As fast as possible ran Mirio to her dressing room, but right when she was going around the corner another blonde girl bumped into her.
“Mirio-kun! I-I… am sorry.” But before Shimon could formulate the rest of her excuse Mirio pulled her into her dressing room.
She locked the door directly after they stepped in and hoped that nobody outside has seen them.
“Hey, listen, we can’t meet tonight.” First still really self-confident was it now hard to speak out these words.
“Why not?” Shimon didn’t know what has happened.
“You said we would meet each other tonight in front of the cinema and later we are going to your place.”
“It won’t happen tonight.” Mirio tried to be neutral and as cold as possible but inside it was hurting her to break Shimon’s heart like this.
The latter turned to the wall and let her head hang down; she tried to understand why Mirio rejected her like this.
“We are doing it another time – I promise!” With her forefinger she lifted the chin of the younger and searched for her eyes, but she almost couldn’t handle the sad gleam in them.
“Don’t look like that. I don’t like it either that we can’t meet, but as I mentioned before we’ll doing it another time.” She gave Shimon a passionate kiss which the other reciprocated instantly.
And then there was again this fire, this spark of passion which made Mirio and Shimon shudder. The older has never felt like this with Ryuu and was wondering why it was so different with her.
If the show break would have last longer, Mirio would have seduced the younger girl instantly on her couch.
Their kiss seemed endless, but after a while the both separated again. The sadness in Shimon’s eyes were fading away, the happiness came back.
“Now leave quickly and pay attention that no one will discover you here.” With a cheeky grin Mirio stroke across Shimon’s cheek until this girl opened slowly and quietly the door to vanish behind it.
She followed Mirio’s advice but she didn’t notice that from the other hallway another colleague came and observed Shimon how she sneaked out of Mirio’s dressing room…

The latter in the meantime checked her costume again for the beginning of the second act and powdered herself again.
“Asumi-san, just a few minutes left till the start of the second act.” A guy from the staff knocked on every closed door to let the actresses know when they have to be ready.
Mirio really had to be ready; she was one of the people who started in the second act. But at once she was feeling so unwell. To be with Shimon was totally different from her experiences with Ryuu, the emotions were more intensive. Anyway she was meeting again with the Kumichou; also that she didn’t get the feeling something could be wrong. She didn’t know what was happening to her, but she was afraid that she might fell in love with Shimon. And this couldn’t be good. Even in their own private rooms they would have to hide. Ryuu didn’t show it off, but she was defending everything that she loved – and Mirio was a part of that.
The blonde girl sighed loudly and went to the door.
‘Alright, let’s go.’ She went through the hallway and stepped onto the still dark stage, but she already knew that she couldn’t look Ryuu into her eyes…

Chapter 3: Part 3

The eager whispering in Mirio’s ear when the scene ended and the lights went down made her nervous.
As soon as she and Ryuu were offstage the older was acting normal again, but Mirio knew what would happen later. She felt so odd. Backwards she was always looking forward to meet with Ryuu, couldn’t wait for the time to be with her after a show or on her free days. But now she felt guilty, she had the feeling that she betrayed her lover. Her head made the craziest scenarios what could happen if the Kumichou would get to know about her and Shimon.
But somehow she was aware of the fact that she wasn’t Ryuu’s only lover here; at least Mirio came to that conclusion of what she had heard and seen.
“Mirio-chan, are you dreaming?” The voice behind her was familiar to her but she had no idea who it was, so she terrified turned around.
“Morie-san!” Was she shouting out a bit too loud and knew just in that moment that she was thinking too hard.
“Yes, that’s right.” The taller laughed and threw a strain of her dread locks wig back.
“You have to get on stage soon again, don’t miss it!” Now with a bit more emphasis she was pushing the smaller one to the stairs on which Mirio had to get out.
She didn’t say any other word and as soon as she needed to get out, she walked over the small stairs and appeared on the other side of the stage.
And of course this song was reflecting her inner chaos perfectly. She was falling apart, lost herself in the lyrics and felt how her heart almost tore apart when suddenly Shimon walked by behind her and Ryuu was standing on the other side. Mirio briefly caught their expressions.
What was the best she could do? Something inside her said that she never developed feelings for Ryuu, that she just felt attracted to her. It might be because Ryuu was her first experience in this regard. But could Mirio believe her when she said that she had strong feelings for her? Didn’t Mirio catch the older while she was dragging an Underclassman in her dressing room when the younger was on her way to her? But she couldn’t be mad at her, after all the Kumichou was always there for her, in any situation.

The song seemed endless and with every second more and more outbursts of feelings overcame the young ‘Siennes, so that she left crying the stage and sat down for a moment to dry her tears with a tissue. Nobody should see her like that, they would just ask why she reacted so hypersensitive while singing this song today, and at least she never cried here. And somehow it didn’t fit her character which she was playing, as well. So she pulled herself together and played the rest of the show with brilliance and without shedding another tear.

“Hey Mirio!” She was meeting Kiriyan in the hallway who congratulated her for her performance today.
She was really touched.
“Oh, thank you, Kiriya-san.” The younger blushed slightly and turned her glimpse to the floor.
“You are definitely having what it takes!” Kiriyan slapped on Mirio’s shoulder, grinned again and vanished in her dressing room.
“See you tomorrow!”
Mirio sighed and found her way to her own dressing room. But as soon as she opened the door she stumbled a bit back again. Ryuu was sitting on her couch with a red rose in her hand; she was still dressed as Steve and gave the younger a passionate look.
“Hey, little spider-boy.” She was grinning and stood up quickly, dragged Mirio to her and closed the door right behind her.
“I’ve been waiting for you…” Again the eager whispering like before on stage; Mirio shivered.
“The second half was so much better; I think we should celebrate this success.” The Kumichou grabbed Mirio’s hand and pulled her to the couch.
They haven’t taken off their make up nor changed clothes yet, but Ryuu was just longing for Mirio’s body.
“I missed you so much.” She whispered and started to take off Mirio’s clothes.
Mirio felt so uncomfortable at once and started to shiver some more, but Ryuu couldn’t interpret it rightly and thought she was doing this because of her arousal. The younger tried to fight against it, but wasn’t able to. She was following everything what Ryuu was doing in silence, even it didn’t feel right. But she didn’t want to reject the older one, therefore she was also way too afraid and because of that she let her do everything she wanted.

Minutes later the Kumichou leaned back with a satisfied moaning and stroked softly across Mirio’s belly.
“We have to meet more often again; I hardly can live without you.” With a slightly melancholy brought Ryuu this to Mirio and gave her a little peck on her cheek.
Mirio however was lying with her back on the couch, staring absentmindedly over the edge and fixed a spot on the floor. She was about to cry, but this would have been too suspicious. On the inside was she kind of happy that she was able to satisfy Ryuu, but somehow she felt empty and out of place. She was missing Shimon, her big eyes, the slightly smiling lips when Mirio touched her, the tender togetherness, which is here hardly noticeable.
And she doubted if such a thing ever existed in this relationship.
She was noticing extremely what kind of feelings she had for Shimon, it was something serious already. She couldn’t give Ryuu what she wanted anymore and so Mirio also noticed that she gave her heart to Shimon – and not to Ryuu…

Chapter 4: Part 4

The bright sunlight was twitching Mirio’s eyes; she forgot to close the curtains the evening before and now she woke up way too early, although she had the chance to sleep longer – after all it was her free day.
She caught the display of the alarm clock beside her bed; it was just 8 o’clock in the morning. With a loud sigh she turned around and pulled the blanket over her head. But even this didn’t help her; she wasn’t able to fall asleep anymore.
Annoyed of that fact she turned around again and looked to the window. It was a beautiful day, no clouds; a nice day to go out, but somehow she didn’t feel like that. Right after that she was searching for her mobile phone and as soon as she found it she discovered that she got a message.
‘Hopefully not from Ryuu…’ Were her thoughts, this would have ruined her day already.
But when she pressed on the little letter on the display she was relieved. The message was from Masao. She wanted to meet up with Mirio, because they haven’t seen each other for a long time. After all they were involved in two different projects and because of that there wasn’t much time for other things.
But the blonde girl didn’t have the desire to meet with people like Masao at this moment. She was always so funky and her mood was almost too good all the time. Technically the right thing to cheer Mirio up… if the other girl wasn’t that curious about everything…
No, Mirio didn’t want to struggle with something like that on that day, it would have made her mood apparently worse instead of better.
So she typed fast an excuse that she didn’t feel well and she still had to do so many things. A few minutes later she got a reply.
“It’s alright, although I’m a bit sad. See you again soon hopefully!” This was everything Masao’s message said and Mirio sighed again.
She felt bad that she lied to her but first she had to solve her own problems.
Moments later the blonde pulled herself together and got up from her bed. When she went to her bathroom she checked her face in the mirror.
‘God… how are you even looking today?’ She washed her face and came to the conclusion that today wasn’t a good day at all and she should have stayed in bed.
But after a while she felt lonely in her little apartment. So she pondered if she should go out, at least the day was perfect for a walk in the park. Again Mirio looked out of the window and then she made the decision to go shopping.

After some hours and a few bags with new clothes later she sat down on a bench in a park. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a minute, she felt the warmness of the sun on her skin and in this moment she could let all her thoughts pass away which were bothering her so much. But then a slightly shadow appeared in front of her, she felt that the sun was covered by something.
“Mirio-kun?” A voice - a very familiar voice – interrupted her daydream.
She opened her eyes slowly and saw blonde hair spotlighted from the sun behind it. It took her a little moment until she realized that Shimon was standing in front of her. The girl grinned widely and went down beside Mirio.
“What are you doing here?” The younger girl asked right away and observed Mirio’s face.
“I was… shopping.” The older simply answered and looked back, saw Shimon’s beautiful smile and couldn’t look away anymore; this woman gave her so much.
Shimon laughed and kicked a little stone back and forth between her feet.
“I should have come to that conclusion myself, after seeing your shopping bags…” Somehow she sounded ashamed but on the other hand she still laughed.
Mirio laughed also and nodded silently. They were sitting a few minutes in absolute silence next to each other and just watched the birds in the park; until Shimon broke the silence.
“Would you like to have coffee with me?” She acted shy and didn’t dare to look up in Mirio’s eyes.
The older swallowed and slowly looked to Shimon which was constantly staring to the ground.
“Uhm… well…” She started but couldn’t finish first, she had the feeling Shimon was shivering somehow.
“Y-yes, I would really like to have some coffee with you.” Now Mirio smiled also, gave Shimon a happy look.
The latter dared to lift her head now to see in Mirio’s eyes, see the sparkling happiness she gave with just one look and so she had to smile, too.
“Any place in particular?” Mirio asked curiously.
“No…” Shimon answered.
“Just Starbucks.” The younger had to laugh again.
“If you don’t want to go there we can search for another place.”
“No, it’s totally alright with me!” Now the both of them were laughing and decided to visit the nearest Starbucks.

Much later the two were standing in front of the house where Mirio’s apartment was in. They had a great time while drinking coffee and talking about random things. Mirio got to know Shimon so much better than before and somehow she could forget everything else what she was bothering her regarding the relationship with her.
“Do you want to come in?” Mirio shamelessly asked and threw a flirty look to the younger girl.
“Uhmmm…” Shimon was kind of overwhelmed; she didn’t expect a question like this.
“Yes?”
“Oh well… I would gladly like to come in.” A bit shy, yet surer about her answer she looked deeply in the brown eyes in front of her.

So Mirio brought Shimon up in her apartment, showed her everything and later they had dinner together. The day turned out nicer than expected for Mirio and also Shimon had a lot of fun. But later when both were sitting on Mirio’s couch and snuggling together, terrifying pictures were popping up in Mirio’s head. The fear of being caught was back, blurry images of Ryuu were rushing through her mind, and she appeared several times in front of Mirio’s inner eye, making her feel dizzier.
“Is everything alright?” Shimon asked suddenly, discovering Mirio’s hard look, wrinkles on her forehead.
“Yes… yes…” She just answered and loosed her arms which were embracing Shimon.
“I’m just tired. I want to sleep now.” She stood up and walked two steps.
“Should I go now?” Shimon asked, shyly and unsure.
“No…” Mirio answered, turned her head around.
“Please stay on my side tonight…”

Chapter 5: Part 5

The next morning came faster than expected. Mirio opened her eyes and tried to remember where she was, until she realized it was her own bed. She was still feeling tired and turned herself around. A familiar scent was lying in the air; she tried to find it again and reached her second pillow. It didn’t smell like her, it was something different. The blonde girl tried to remember where she has smelled it before.
And then she realized that it was Shimon’s subtle perfume which she didn’t recognize in the first sight. She looked closer to her right, but she couldn’t see the other girl anywhere. Was she gone? But why? Mirio sat up a bit and looked around through her sleepy eyes. Then she heard footsteps coming closer to the bedroom.
“Oh, you are already awake.” The person said, it was Shimon, who was about to close the door.
“Good morning.” She said and lay down on Mirio’s side again.
“Morning.” Mirio smiled, threw back a strain of hair from her forehead.
“For a second I thought you were gone.” She said with a husky voice; Mirio didn’t prefer mornings, she slept almost every day as long as she was able to.
Shimon opened her eyes widely.
“Why do you think that? I was so happy to wake up next to you.” The younger girl gave Mirio a gorgeous smile which she couldn’t ignore and smiled also.
She reached for Shimon’s head, stroked across the slighter long hair down her cheeks to her neck. In that moment she had to admit how beautiful Shimon was, even in the morning when Mirio was just walking around like a Zombie.
“I think we have to get up now, don’t we?” Shimon asked a bit disappointed that they couldn’t share more time in bed together.
Mirio caught the alarm clock and sighed.
“Yes… sadly we have to.”

Later that day the two girls were joking around during intermission of their show. They’ve eaten together and now were talking about randomness. Mirio didn’t notice that Ryuu was watching them. So the dark haired woman walked towards her and interrupted the conversation of the both other girls.
“Excuse me, Mirio. Can I talk to you for a minute?” She asked neutral without moving a muscle.
The younger nodded, excused herself to Shimon and stood up to follow Ryuu in a separated room.
“I have called you yesterday. But your mobile was shut off.” The older said.
Mirio swallowed, she vaguely remembered that she switched off her mobile that nobody could annoy her on her day off.
“Oh, I’m… I’m sorry.” She answered and looked into Ryuu’s eyes which were filled with sorrow.
“I wanted to meet up with you…” Ryuu started and tried to sound still neutral.
“Why haven’t you sent me a message or something? You must have seen that I called you, I talked several times to your mailbox!” Now the dark haired raised her voice, sounded snappish.
“I’m sorry, Ryuu, okay? I haven’t checked my mailbox; I had some things to do.” Now Mirio was a bit afraid of the other, backed a few steps up but Ryuu followed her.
“I just miss you so much… Mirio-chan…” Now the older sounded softer again, she really was craving for Mirio’s attention.
Mirio was feeling very uncomfortable in this moment and she tried to get rid of Ryuu, she was still afraid to say a word to her, because she was so much older and she knew how the Kumichou was when she wanted something, but Mirio knew that she couldn’t give it to her anymore.
“Ryuu… I need some time. Please understand that.” Now she finally said it, looked shyly in the eyes of the older woman.
Ryuu swallowed, looked away and nodded slightly.
“So… is there someone else?”
“What?!”
“You heard that right!” The Kumichou was suddenly angry, grabbed Mirio’s hand and dragged her to her.
Mirio felt the pain in her wrist and had a hard time not to scream out loud.
“Who is it?!” The older worked with pressure on Mirio, tried to beat the words out of her, she had suddenly the feeling that Mirio got another girlfriend beside her.
But was she allowed to call herself a girlfriend to Mirio?
“Please… s-stop, that hurts!” Mirio almost cried when she tried to get rid of Ryuu’s grip.
The latter realized what she was doing and let her finally go; Mirio stumbled a few steps backwards. Ryuu looked at her own hands and then at Mirio.
“I-I’m so sorry!” She called out and wanted to walk towards her again, but the blonde girl raised protective her hands in front of her.
“Don’t come any closer!” Ryuu stopped in her movement and Mirio walked away even more.
She didn’t say a word anymore until she left the place and went back to Shimon. Intermission was almost over and they also had to get back on stage again.
It was hard to play with Ryuu on that day, but at least the older was professional enough and didn’t show any of her real feelings on stage. Mirio hoped this at least…

When the blonde girl came back into her dressing room after the final curtain she found a red rose on her dressing table with a white letter on it.
She opened it.
‘Mirio – I’m sorry about what happened during intermission. I hope you can forgive me. I was out of my mind and didn’t think clearly. I have reserved a table in your favorite restaurant for tomorrow evening. I hope you will come. Love.’
Mirio swallowed hard, looked at that tiny piece of paper and all the feelings she felt someday for Ryuu came back. She once brought her to that restaurant and they had an awesome time together, it was one of the best evenings Mirio has experienced in her life. It was also the first night they spent together.
What should she do? She was with Shimon but somehow she couldn’t let Ryuu fall, especially not now, because she knew how she could react…

Chapter 6: Part 6

Mirio laid on her bed the other evening and pondered about how it went in the end. She just ripped her tie apart, threw it right into the next corner and opened the first buttons of her shirt. She had no clue about what she should feel now.
Ryuu was gentle and the nice woman she used to be to every other member of the Troupe and Mirio knew that she was even something special to the elder.
They went to her favorite restaurant, had dinner and talked about randomness, about things in Takarazuka, but not about the incident the day before and that Ryuu was out of her mind while she reacted harsh in Mirio’s presence. The younger of them had to think about it suddenly while they were sitting on the table and she realized Ryuu never apologized for it in person, just in that little letter she has put in her dressing room the evening before. That was a moment in which Mirio looked her into the eyes while Ryuu was speaking about the show and some fun moments. It was awkward but the younger didn’t say a word. She didn’t want the evening to become kinda awful and strange because she’d raised her voice. So she decided to stay silent, just answered on some things Ryuu said and ate her dinner.
Later when they left the restaurant the Kumichou didn’t hesitate to ask Mirio if she should bring her back home and Mirio affirmed, but strangely the elder wasn’t about to come into her apartment as well. Usually she asked for it and Mirio also let her in all the time, but this time it was totally different and unexpected.
And now the younger was here, still lying on her bed and wasn’t able to sleep at all. It was confusing but she felt that Ryuu still had all those feelings for her which she couldn’t reflect anymore, because there was Shimon. Ryuu acted a bit more reserved than before to her, maybe she tried not coming too close again for the next time to show her that she didn’t mean to be violent again or something else.
Mirio slapped her hands in front of her face and sighed. She suddenly asked herself why she was going out with Ryuu, she clearly could have said ‘no’ to her, but she affirmed the meeting, trying to save the relation between them. She was afraid that Ryuu might doesn’t react as herself another time again, so Mirio just wanted to please her and make her happy, although the younger wasn’t it as well.
‘You look good in that shirt.’ Words popped up in her mind, words Ryuu told her right after they met in front of the restaurant.
The young woman sat up a bit and unbuttoned this shirt completely and stripped it off, threw it beside her bed to some other clothes. Instantly her head fell again into her hands and she grabbed her hair, pulled it and was suddenly really upset about herself.
“Why me?” She asked toneless into the darkness of her bedroom, punched with her fist into the mattress and stood up quickly.
Her feet were carrying her to her bathroom; she switched on the lights and saw her tired face in the mirror.
“You look terrible.” She said to herself, observed her face for another moment, then closed her eyes, stumbled a bit backwards and stopped in front of her shower, where she bumped into the glass door of it.
Slowly she slid down the glass, ended up on the cold tiles on the floor and wrapped her arms around her knees. Mirio didn’t know why but she had to cry at once, all of her anxious and desperate feelings regarding Ryuu and Shimon were blowing up suddenly, she was really not sure about what to do and how she should end up with any of them. Also the young woman asked herself if she should tell Shimon about the relationship between her and Ryuu, but she was afraid that the younger girl would leave her if she has done it. The other way around would have been a terrible idea as well, because Ryuu stated her point clearly the other day.
So Mirio cried. And she didn’t know how long she cried, but sometime in the middle of the night she has become so tired from crying that she fell asleep in her bathroom.

The next morning came early for Mirio. With the rising sun she woke up and groaned in pain. Her bones and muscles were hurting from the hard ground she was sitting the whole night, also her body has become very cold during her stay in front of the glass door.
“Damn…” She whispered and held her arm against her back.
“Stupid kid.” The young woman stood up and made some grimaces because of the pain.
Her way led her right to her mirror again; the light in the bathroom was still switched on and she recognized the little wrinkles below her eyes, also the red marks around the lids, because she cried so much. She looked tired and without any energy, she didn’t even want to go to the theater this day. But she had to and she had to face her two lovers again; still not knowing how she should decide between them.
“Let’s get it on.” She told herself in the mirror and tried to push her look for the day a bit.

“Mirio, wait!” It was Shimon who tried to hold Mirio back before she was able to enter her dressing room.
“Good morning!” Her voice was so happy and the elder tried to put a slightly smile on her face when she finally turned around.
“Good morning, Shimon.” She just answered, looked and sounded tired and her bones were killing her, she couldn’t even move rightly, but she tried to disguise it.
“Hey, is everything alright? You look sick.” Shimon was worried and put a hand on Mirio’s shoulder.
“I’m fine, just a bit tired. I haven’t slept that much last night.” It was just a bit of a lie, but she didn’t want to bother Shimon with the fact that she was sleeping in her bathroom and pondering about whom to love.
“Uhm… okay.” The younger swallowed and tried to find the words again she was going to ask.
“I… I just wanted to ask you if you have time tomorrow at our day off?” At the end of her sentence she has gotten quieter and didn’t dare to look in Mirio’s eyes again.
In her opinion she was also grumpy and not just tired, so she was a bit careful with the things she asked. Mirio tried to fix Shimon’s eyes, but it was hard to concentrate for her.
“Well… I…” Before she was able to answer properly, she lifted her head because she heard a sudden noise from the other side of the hallway and there was Ryuu coming along at once.
Mirio forgot her answer, stared a second too long at Ryuu and swallowed, tried to say something but it was just stuttering.
“S-see you on s-stage, Shimon.”
“But…!” Mirio turned around, opened the door of her dressing room and locked herself in it, let her bag fall on the floor and took a deep breath.
That was too much; she wasn’t able to deal with that kind of situation now. She left Shimon confused and she knew that the younger of them would ask some questions about what just happened.
Mirio sighed and walked straight to her table, sat down on it and fell with her head on the table top.
“I can’t do this anymore.”

Chapter 7: Part 7

The show just ended and now Mirio was back in her dressing room, still in her costume, but she was too tired to move anything on her body right now. The sleep deprivation was awful for the young woman and she just wanted a bed right now. But that wasn’t that easy. First she had to get out of this costume, remove her makeup and then maybe she could go home in peace.
At least that was what she thought until she heard a knock on the door.
“Mirio? Are you there? Can I come in?” It was Shimon and Mirio was wondering how she was able to change her clothes that quickly, also the thoughts which were chasing her since the day before were back suddenly.
“Yeah… come in.” The elder just answered with less enthusiasm and looked right to the door, while she was leaning with her arm on the table, holding her head with her hand.
The younger actress went into the dressing room and smiled slightly.
“You were great today.” She just said when she closed the door behind her and took some steps in Mirio’s direction.
“I mean… you are always great, but today was somehow… special. I can’t describe how it felt. It was really awesome.” Shimon’s smile has gotten wider and she finally stood in front of the elder, looking her deep in the eyes.
But it didn’t last long and Shimon tried to find words again, because Mirio didn’t answer, just gave her a tired smile and nodded.
“I-I-I just wanted to let you know of this a-and…” She swallowed and played with her fingers.
“About what I a-asked you today before the show started… I mean… tomorrow.” Mirio nodded again while she was trying to follow Shimon and her words, it was hard.
“Do you want to go out with me?” It took a lot of courage for the younger to ask it right away, but maybe that was the best.
Mirio raised an eyebrow and lifted her head. She remembered that Shimon asked her to go out for their day off but the elder tried to suppress these thoughts and she was really tempted to say ‘no’ because she needed some time on her own. On the other hand she was unsure how her day off would be if she was alone at home, just thinking about Shimon and Ryuu. She just hasn’t found any solution yet.
“Well, I…” She started, swallowed and tried to look into Shimon’s eyes, it was harder than she expected.
The younger lifted her head as well again; after she asked she was a bit embarrassed that it was too harsh to ask this again so suddenly.
“I don’t know, Yuri-chan. I really don’t know.” Mirio sighed and stood up, turned her back to Shimon and walked a step into the room.
“What do you don’t know? If you want to go out with me?” Suddenly Shimon was kinda upset and walked towards the elder.
“Do I need you to remember that you were the one asking me out first and that you were also the one flirting with me and in the end made out with me?” The younger raised her voice slightly, reached for Mirio’s arm and grabbed her hand.
“Just tell me ‘yes’ or ‘no’. I won’t be angry with you if you’d say ‘no’, but what kinda answer is ‘I don’t know’? I don’t get that.” She squeezed Mirio’s hand and waited for her to turn around again, but she didn’t do it.
“I miss you, Mirio-kun. You’re always busy. I was lonely the last days, you made promises that you didn’t keep.” Shimon tried to hold in not to cry, although it was already pretty hard for her.
Mirio shivered, the words of the younger made her feel unwell inside. She knew exactly about the promises she made, but she always had a different excuse and maybe she hasn’t even had an excuse at all. Slowly she turned around and saw the gleam in Shimon’s eyes.
“Yuri-chan…” She whispered softly, swallowed and squeezed also her hand.
“I’m so sorry. I’m such a fool.” With her other hand she stroked across Shimon’s cheek and she felt how the younger leaned against her palm.
“Mirio, I…” Shimon tried to find words again, looked a bit up, but was afraid to look into the elder’s eyes.
But in the end she was able to, fixed her look and put her other hand on Mirio’s which was still lying on her cheek.
“… I think… I… fell in love with you.” The words were quiet and Shimon was about to cry, but Mirio didn’t let her do so and without hesitation she pulled the younger to her and kissed her.
She kissed her with passion, but not wild and with lust. It was a kiss of love, a kiss that also reflected Mirio’s feelings for the other girl. Though Mirio wasn’t really sure about her real feelings for Shimon yet, she just felt that this was right and she wanted it to last.
But suddenly the two of them were interrupted quickly, because someone opened the door with vigor.
“Mirio-chan, are you… eh?!” Ryuu stood in the door, already in her normal clothes and with her bag in one hand.
She was about to visit Mirio this evening as well and now she caught her with Shimon tightly entangled and kissing each other. Her mouth stood wide open and she let her bag fall down.
“This is a joke, isn’t it?” The Kumichou pointed with her finger at both while they separated fast from each other, Shimon was totally shocked because she didn’t know that someone was able to come in, but she forgot to lock the door.
“Kumichou-san! I’m terribly sorry. I know this love can’t last, I-“ Shimon tried to excuse herself but Ryuu interrupted her quickly.
“Of course this love can’t last! Who the hell do you think you are?” Ryuu was furious and spoke up, almost shouted, looked straight to the underclassman which was now anxious as hell; she wasn’t even able to answer on this.
“What’s this game about, Mirio? When did you consider telling me about it?” Now Ryuu stared at Mirio, she was also speechless first and every time she tried to open her mouth to say something the Kumichou was interrupting her.
“Just cut it out already, I think I don’t want to hear it anyway. You know how I feel for you, Mirio, and you just throw my feelings away and give them to the next best girl you were able to find.” The Kumichou was so upset, that she pulled her hair and took a step into the room, Shimon and Mirio automatically took a step backwards to the wall.
The youngest of them all never saw her Kumichou being furious like that, she just knew her as a loving and caring person.
But before Ryuu tried to speak further, she made another decision and just turned around, held in while she was standing in the door and took a final look behind her.
“We are not done yet.” She grabbed her bag and left, slammed the door with anger.
“Ryuu-san!” It was too late for Mirio, the elder didn’t hear her anymore and the young woman collapsed, slid down the wall behind her to the ground, covering her face with her hands.
Now she started shamelessly to cry, she didn’t care that Shimon was still there.
“Mirio-kun, what… what was that?” Shimon just asked, looked down to the woman next to her, how she was sitting on the floor, bawling her eyes out; she was confused.
“What did she mean? What feelings?” The younger of them were desperate, kneeled down on Mirio and shook her shoulder.
“Just tell me!”
The elder lifted her head slightly and wiped some of the tears away, didn’t take care of her makeup at all and gave Shimon a sad and anxious look.
“I didn’t know when I was able to tell it to you. I… I…” She sobbed and swallowed hard.
“I wanted to end this thing, but I couldn’t! Believe me, Yuri-chan, I love you! Ryuu and I… we… we just…” She saw how Shimon’s eyes gotten wider and she put her hands away from the elder, backed off and finally stood up again, still looking with incomprehension at Mirio, tried to figure out what she just was about to say, but she didn’t want to hear it, because she knew already what she wanted to tell her.
“I should go now.” She just said and turned slowly around, but before she left the dressing room, she stood there, her hand wrapped around the handle and hesitated to open the door finally.
“I…” Shimon started and fought against the upcoming tears.
“… I don’t think that this relationship has a future.” The younger vanished through the door and ran down the hallway.
“Yuri-chan!” Again it was too late and Mirio tried to stand up from the floor, but she wasn’t able to.
The young woman slammed her fist against the wall behind her and didn’t even realize the pain in her hand, she just cried, facing the fact that she has lost both women – at least as her lovers.