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50 ways to leave your lover

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Toby sleeps surprisingly well on the sofa-bed downstairs, and Sasha is his alarm clock. Every morning she climbs onto his legs to wake him up, and every morning he tells her that he sleeps downstairs to protect her from the monsters.

They leave in the night, and Toby is late to work the next day.


When Jan wakes up the first thing she notices is that her head is pounding. On the way to the bathroom she notices that her contacts are still in, sticking to her eyes. She lifts the toilet seat, and notices that she slept in her stockings. And when she finally stumbles back into the bedroom, she notices Michael Scott drooling on the bedspread.

Very quietly, Jan darts back into the bathroom and shuts the door.


Very quietly, Jan gathers her shoes and purse and leaves.


The office is cool and empty and silent early in the morning, just the way Angela likes it.

She rests her palms on Dwight's desk for a moment and slowly takes in the room. Her gaze ends on Jim's desk - messy and unprofessional, as usual. She shakes her head slightly in disapproval. Jim is going nowhere.

But, Angela thinks, Jim knows. Jim knows because Pam knows. And if Pam and Jim know, it's only a matter of time before Kelly knows, and then the whole office. And then Angela will be the unprofessional, work life overlapping with private life. Messy.

She tries to pull out his top drawer, but it's locked. She tries every drawer - all locked. She smiles a little.

She leaves the key beneath the bobblehead doll. He'll understand.


Jim is never stingy with compliments. He says that she is gorgeous, she is funny, she is incredibly well-versed in Project Runway trivia; she is a wonderful girl and he really, really likes her.

"I'm sorry," he says wistfully. "You're everything I want." Katy gets it, she's not dumb - everything, but not her.


He leaves in the afternoon, just after the bus brings the kids home from school. He would've left sooner - or actually, he does leave sooner - but he forgets his goddamn skis that he never uses anyway and comes back for them.

He gives the boys each a quick hug, and gives Meredith the finger.

It's okay. When winter falls, she realizes she misses the skis more than she misses him.


Creed almost follows her to Shanghai.

He changes his mind when he sees the flight rates.


"Scrantonicity" had sounded like a cool name at the time, but now that Roy is sober, it seems a little retarded.

And the longer he thinks about how much he doesn't want to write out a $500 check to a stupid cover band for a stupid wedding reception, the more he thinks about how the wedding was another stupid idea courtesy of no less than eleven snorkel shots.

Pam cries, and yells, and cries some more. But she's never given him enough credit - behind the puffy eyes and sagging shoulders, he can see the relief.


Ryan isn't sure how to end a relationship that he never actually started. He doesn't answer her calls, and doesn't return her messages, but it never matters because she's there in the office every damn day of his life.

One day he sends himself a fake e-mail from "Your friend, Suzy ;-*", and leaves it open on his desktop while he eats lunch, but then realizes that he must really genuinely be going crazy if he's sending himself e-mails from imaginary girlfriends. She may or may not have seen it; he guesses it doesn't make a difference, since he's pretty sure she did see him making out with that drunk Swedish chick at the bar that one time, and even that hasn't discouraged her.

Short of killing yourself, maybe there really isn't a way to leave Kelly Kapoor.