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Hammer Talk

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Tony went down on his back with a thump. His breath rushed from his chest, yet he still managed enough air to speak.

“What about hanging it from a coat rack?”

Steve paused, his eyebrows furrowing as his forearm pressed into Tony’s chest, keeping him firmly against the ground.

“Thor told me he tried it once. Held up alright… until he called Mjolnir to him across the room.”

Tony hummed, looking at Steve thoughtfully. He shook his head.

“Alright. Get off me, Cap.”

Steve stood up and extended a hand to help Tony up off the mat. Tony took it gratefully and shook out his arms before settling back into his opening stance again.

“Ready when you are,” he said.

“What if I carried Thor while he was still holding it?” Tony asked as he walked into the room.

“Good morning, Tony,” Steve said, flipping a pancake. He heard the scrape of a chair as Tony sat down at the table.

“Although I suppose since Thor is holding it, it wouldn’t matter.”

“No, probably not,” Steve agreed.

“Hmm,” Tony trailed off thoughtfully.

“Pancake?” Steve asked.


“What if he put it on the passenger seat of a car, and I tried to drive the car?”

“Steve,” Tony said, his voice stilted and harsh.

“Would the car need to be worthy or just me?”

Thor’s laughter rang out over the comms. Steve sent his shield flying, the sound of metal on metal telling him his aim was true.

“For that matter, how would a car be worthy in the first place–”

“Steve!” Tony interrupted. “Is anyone else concerned that I’m the one telling Steve he needs to focus?”

“Slightly, yeah,” Bruce said.

“Just a little,” Clint said.

“Not surprised that Steve is the one who needs to be told, highly concerned that you’re the one doing it,” Natasha said.

“Hey,” Tony complained.

“You asked,” Natasha replied.

“Fair point.”

Steve sighed at the stretch of his thigh as it pressed against his chest, his hands digging into Tony’s sides as he moved against him. Tony’s hair hung limp, stuck to his forehead with sweat, but the man himself showed no signs of slowing down.

He tilted his hips up, giving Tony a better angle, and was rewarded with a sloppy kiss before Tony moved to nip at the crook of his neck, breathing heavily into Steve’s skin. A thought struck.

“What about an elevator?” Steve asked.

Tony stopped suddenly, lifting his head up from Steve’s neck to get a better look at Steve’s face, his expression thoughtful. He shifted around until he was resting back on his ankles, arms wrapped under Steve’s thighs to ensure they stayed together.

“Wouldn’t it be like the car thing? Would the person in the elevator have to be worthy?” Tony asked.

“What if someone pressed the button and got out, and it was in the elevator by itself?”

Tony pursed his lips. “Wouldn’t the elevator have to be worthy, then?”

Steve tilted his head. “It depends. Does the rule apply to living things only, or will an inanimate object be subject to the same judgement?”

“What if we had JARVIS run the elevator with the hammer in it?”

“Would JARVIS count as a person or an object?” Steve asked.

Tony glared.

“He’s a person to us, of course, but we don’t know what Mjolnir thinks,” Steve amended.

Tony shook his head and paused for a moment, then he looked down at where they were still connected.

“We’re going to talk about the sentience and thought process of a hammer now?” Tony asked.

“Hey, you could’ve kept going,” Steve said, shrugging.

“I’ll show you ‘keep going’,” Tony growled.

Steve lifted a brow. “Show me what you got, old man.”

Tony did just that.