Chapter 1: The Animal-Iser
Location: L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. Headquarters
'As your new leader, I... Dr. Rodney Aloyse von Roddenstein, have an important announcement to make,' the tall, bald-headed scientist on stage waited for the rest of the league members to take their seats before continuing.
'How many of you are tired of having your evil plans thwarted by cute and adorable O.W.C.A. agents?' Rodney asked, squinting at the crowd.
Hands rose up all over the room.
'Well, do I have a surprise for you. I have set up an elaborate trap for our secret agents. Or should I say the trap has already been sprung. BEHOLD... the Animal-Iser!'
The curtains on the stage pulled apart, revealing the O.W.C.A. animal agents suspended in a beam of light coming from a machine on the far end of the stage.
'And now, with one touch of a button, I will turn them into regular animals so that they can never thwart us again!' Rodney dramatically posed next to the machine.
The agents watched in horror as his finger drifted closer and closer to the big red button.
'But wait, no need to rush. Why should I take all the credit? Cause I'm evil, that's why! No seriously, I am eager to announce that one of you lucky evil scientists will get the honour of pushing the button. Now, my robots placed a special winning ticket under one of the chairs. The person sitting on that ticket is the winner!' Rodney stepped back and smirked, watching the other scientists scramble to lift their seats and find the ticket.
'Oh, look. I WON! I never win anything,' Heinz Doofenshmirtz flounced up to the stage, waving the winning ticket happily in the air.
Rodney sighed and rolled his eyes. Fate just wasn't on his side today if his idiot rival won the honour of defeating their enemies.
'Just push the red button, right?' Heinz asked, looking over his shoulder at the other scientist. Rodney nodded.
The L.O.V.E.M.U.F.F.I.N. evil scientists and the trapped O.W.C.A. agents collectively held their breath as the button was pressed. The yellow ray turned red, then blue, then purple, then white in a burst of energy that had everyone covering their eyes.
When the light finally died down, the scientists gasped in awe at the stage.
'Did it work?' Heinz asked loudly, uncovering his eyes.
Rodney just stared in horror at the middle of the stage. Heinz followed his gaze and shrieked loudly.
Chapter 2: Never Trust a Bunny
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
'Was your machine suppose to turn them into humans? Well, human-hybrids, I guess,' Dr. Doofenshmirtz gestured to the animal-like features of the young men and woman laying nude and unconscious on the stage.
'Of course not. I don't understand. I tested the machine and it worked perfectly on that frog agent,' Rodney examined his machine.
The scientists in the crowd started talking all at once, distracting Dr. Doofenshmirtz from the incoming threat.
'Hey?! Perry-the-former-platypus, you can't just hit me without warning like that!' Heinz pulled himself off the floor and faced off with his teal-haired nemesis. Cold brown eyes were focused on him, the young man adopting a martial arts stance.
'Okay, this is just embarrassing. I can't fight you while you're naked. Here, take the lab coat, just take it,' Dr. Doofenshmirtz insisted, holding out his coat and looking away from his nude opponent.
Perry glanced down at his new body in shock, giving himself a once-over before grabbing the offered clothing and throwing it on.
'What did you do?' Perry churred, glaring at his evil scientist.
'Why are you looking at me? It's Rodney's machine!' Heinz gestured to his rival who was still checking the machine for the problem.
Meanwhile, the rest of the agents were pulling themselves back into consciousness and staring in shock and horror at their new bodies.
'Hey, the uncontrollable twitch is gone!'
Perry sighed and gave Agent Pinky-the-former-Chihuahua a look. The pink-haired boy just gave him a shaky smile in return.
'At least I still have wings,' Agent Donald-the-former-duck commented, flexing the small wings attached to his back.
'I still have my tail and ears,' Agent Wendy-the-former-wolf jumped up and down excitedly. Most of the former animal agents voiced their agreement with her. Ears, tails, wings, even fins seemed to have remained virtually unchanged.
'I don't think I can move,' one of the three merpeople on stage announced. The merboy and mergirl on either side of him nodded and slapped their fishy tails on the ground in annoyance.
'Anyone else want to lend a lab coat before this really gets awkward?' Heinz glared at the audience. The other scientists finally broke out of their stupor and started to crowd onstage.
Doofenshmirtz and Perry stood to the side, watching as each scientist approached their personal nemesis to offer their lab coat. Granted, the merboys didn't really need one, but the mergirl definitely did.
Rodney jolted up from his machine and turned slowly, staring wide-eyed at the attractive Chinese boy standing nude and unembarrassed in front of him. Long black hair with white streaks, panda ears, dark eyes, delicate lips...
'Now is not the time, Peter,' Perry churred, arms crossed over his chest in annoyance.
'I'm just being friendly,' dark eyes glared back at the former-platypus.
'Friendly, pervy... With you, either one is possible at any given time,' Perry commented, tapping his foot.
'Um... right, the lab coat,' Rodney broke into the awkward conversation and handed his coat to the former-panda who took it with a smile.
'Thank you, Doctor...' the young man purred, not even bothering to hold it closed at the front.
'Now that everyone is at least halfway decent, please explain what went wrong with your machine, Dr. Aloyse von Roddenstein,' Professor Poofenplotz insisted, standing next to her pink-haired young nemesis.
'I modified it!' a new voice echoed from the far side of the room. All heads turned to find the speaker. The O.W.C.A. agents gasped at the sight of the rogue bunny rabbit, now turned bunny-eared human, grinning at them.
'Dennis,' Perry churred, glaring at the rogue agent.
'You know him?' Heinz asked, glancing over at his clearly pissed off nemesis.
'He's a rogue agent,' Perry answered, not taking his eyes off the blond young man with white bunny ears.
'This was a more fitting punishment then just turning you all back into ordinary, mindless animals. And the best part is, that machine is going to blow up in three, two, one...'
The agents grabbed their scientists and dived off the stage, well aware that Dennis never made empty threats. Heinz found himself sprawled on the ground with Perry kneeling on top of him. The explosion collapsed the stage itself, leaving everyone choking on the smoke, but not seriously injured.
'Have fun blending into human society with that beaver tail, Perry the former Platypus,' the bunny-eared young man laughed, using a grappling gun to lift himself out a hole in a ceiling.
'On that note, when we do finally catch him, I get first hit,' Perry churred, lifting himself off his nemesis.
'I'm pretty sure he's managed to cross all of us, Agent P,' Pinky grumbled, shaking the dust out of his hair and pulling Professor Poofenplotz to her feet.
'Now what do we do, oh fearless leader,' Heinz commented sarcastically, looking around for his rival.
'Oh, right,' Rodney straightened and tried to hide his red cheeks.
'Peter!' the former platypus admonished.
'I didn't actually DO anything... much,' the former panda answered, straightening his lab coat and getting to his feet.
Perry sighed and stepped onto a chair so he could look out over the crowd of scientists and agents.
'Alright agents. Clearly our new forms make it impossible to return to our host... I mean, regular homes. Our only option at this point is to stay with our idiotic scientists who've gotten us into this mess,' the teal-haired youth announced.
'Hey! It was Rodney's machine!' Heinz pointed, glaring up at his nemesis in annoyance.
'There WILL be a temporary truce, whether you humans like it or not, until things are back to normal,' Perry continued, taking charge with ease.
There was some grumbling from both the scientists and the agents, but no one seemed to want to cross the former platypus.
'I have a question!' Pinky waved his hand in the air.
'Yes, Agent Pinky,' Perry nodded for him to continue.
'Since we can't use our animal cuteness as a weapon anymore, do we have a back up plan?' the pink haired youth asked.
'Speak for yourself,' Peter purred, all but sitting in Rodney's lap. The evil scientist was blushing bright pink at the attention.
'We're still secret agents. None of us are truly defenceless,' Agent Berny-the-former-bear growled in his gruff voice. He towered over his blue-haired female scientist at a height of 7 foot 4.
'And we're practically human now. Use sex-appeal if you need to,' Peter added, nuzzling Rodney's cheek.
Dead-silence stretched over the room and the awkwardness of the situation was back.
'Since your scientist was the one that got us into this mess, you are in charge of encouraging him to fix that machine. Have fun using that sex-appeal of yours, Peter,' Perry remarked, breaking the silence.
'Oooh, I will. But you have to tell Major Monogram,' Peter shot back.
'Fine, fine. We'll keep in contact via our watch communicators. Agents dismissed,' Perry announced, dragging a slightly-protesting Doofenshmirtz out the door.
(yes, they get back to Doofenshmirtz's penthouse without Perry flashing everyone along the way)
Heinz flushed in embarrassment as his nemesis changed into a spare t-shirt and shorts behind him.
'So... you're really going to be living with me until this is all over,' Heinz looked around his lab, wondering if he'd be able to do any evil inventing with the agent always there watching him.
'Yes, yes. Just until Rodney can fix that machine. I'll contact Peter in a few days and remind him,' Perry stated, looking around for a viewing screen so he could set up a proper communication with the Major.
'A few days?' Dr. Doofenshmirtz raised an eyebrow in question at his nemesis.
'We're talking about Peter the pervert. There is no way he wouldn't take advantage of a situation like this,' the teal-haired youth sighed, adjusting his watch communicator so that the video played on Dr. D's largest viewing screen.
A white haired man popped up and did a double take. 'Great googley-moogly, Agent P! What happened to you?'
'Not just me, sir. All the O.W.C.A. agents have been turned human... well, humanoid,' Perry gestured to his tail.
'This is serious. Did Dr. Doofenshmirtz do this?' Major Monogram glared over his agent's shoulder at the scientist.
'For the umpteenth time, NO, Dr. Doofenshmirtz, I mean me, I mean I did NOT do this. It was Rodney's Animal-Iser. Oh, and that former bunny agent,' Heinz recalled, trying to remember his name.
'It was Dennis, sir. He reprogrammed the machine. It was originally intended to turn us back into mindless animals, but turned us humanoid instead,' Perry added, still standing at attention.
'This just keeps getting worse and worse. Either way, I'm glad you and the other agents weren't seriously harmed. Do we have a plan to get you back to normal, Agent P?' Major Monogram asked, trusting that his head agent had already taken charge of the situation.
'Yes sir. We have a temporary truce with LOVEMUFFIN until everything is back to normal. Every agent is staying with their nemesis for now, since we clearly can't go... home, like this,' Perry cast a quick look over his shoulder at Dr. D to remind the major that they couldn't talk freely.
'I see. I will make arrangements to have replacements take your places until you're back to being animals again. No need to worry about a thing. Just make sure that... wait, which agent is Rodney with again, Carl?' the Major shouted the young intern's name.
'Let's see... he was assigned to Peter the Panda,' the redhead declared from off camera.
'Good, good. Agent Peter is a level headed panda. He'll keep the doctor in line,' the major failed to see the look Perry and Heinz threw one another.
'I trust you and the other agents will keep LOVEMUFFIN from taking advantage of the situation,' the Major turned back to the viewing screen.
Perry was mid-salute when Carl added, 'And if Dr. D tries to molest you in your sleep, use one of those kung fu kicks!'
'Hey! I'm not a pervert. I happen to be a responsible father, you know,' Heinz argued, glaring at the screen.
'Geez, Carl. I'm sure Agent P knows how to take care of himself if something like that happens. Anyway, good luck, Agent P,' Monogram signed off and the screen went black again.
'I think I've had enough awkwardness today. Come along, Perry the former platypus. I'll show you to the guest room,' the scientist trudged out of the lab.
'Fine. But can you just call me Perry. The whole former platypus thing is just weird to hear,' the teal-haired man insisted, following his nemesis out of the room.
Yes, the merboys and mergirl are safe. I wouldn't kill them off.