Your name is John Egbert, demon hunter extraordinaire, well maybe not so extraordinary, and you currently have a sunglasses clad demon sitting on your couch eating fruit loops out of what you believe is a mixing bowl, and frankly your a bit unsure of what to do next.
I'd probably be best if you started from the beginning.
==> Go to the day before
It is now the day before and you are currently and always will be John Egbert. Yes, John Egbert who only two days earlier finally finished unpacking and furnishing your new apartment, that you just moved into, alone, if you will add. Yep 18 years old, out of the house, and finally a worthy adult without a father hovering over your shoulder.
Not that you don’t love your father, its just that, sometimes he was a bit overzealous in teaching you his super manly ways in the family tradition. Which just so happened to be demon hunting. Thanks to your bloodlines knack for being immune most all of demons psychic tricks made you guys great for the job and it rendered most demons into just really insanely strong and evil people, who sometimes did magic and stuff. No big deal.
Your two awesome cousins, Jade and Jake, who are—did I already say awesome? Are awesome demon hunters too and they make your fathers manly chest swell with pride. Unlike you and your sister, Jane, who you like to think are just a bit too nice for this field of work. But every time your father just sighs and says you both take after your mother, who was just as kind, and that he still loves you no matter what. Nevertheless you still tried your best to be as great a hunter as you could be to make him proud.
But finally you moved out, now trying to make a place for yourself in this city you now call home. Thankfully you don't have to work and demon hunt at the same time—that would be ridiculous. No you get paid for your services by the mayors office in a, wink wink nudge nudge kinda deal, as long as you keep getting rid of the pesky lower demons that tend to clog up in the city, the city will pay you back, in money. How easy is that?
Now lower demons you don’t have much problem with killing, though you did as a kid. Lesser demons look like semi-invisible bug monsters and are just down right ugly. They send out waves of negative energy that cause normal humans to be, for lack of a better word, dicks to each other. Then the demons feed off the bad vibes, causing an endless cycle and loads of pissed off people. So yeah not too much skin off your teeth to get rid of the nasty little buggers.
But higher level demons? Those guys scare the crap out of you. Your not even sure if you could kill one if it showed up in front of you. But you weren’t going to think about those guys, you’ve heard from a few good sources that those higher level demons don’t bother going out and causing a ruckus in the middle of town, and prefer to keep whatever lives demons keep a bit quieter than one would imagine. The only thing you would have to worry about is a rabid demon, like those vampires in stories that would swoop through a town and drain it dry, Yeah those kind of dudes happened every so often, which you ended up hoping wasn’t so often in this case.
But back to your job, which you regret to inform you haven’t actually started yet, although you do plan to remedy that fact today and finally start earning your keep. As soon as you get done putting on your shoes you are going to run yourself down to the central park only a few blocks away and start the monotonous job of putting up attraction and destruction spells which would, as you guessed it, lure demons towards them unknowingly and then destroy them. An easy way of crop clearing masses of those lower level baddies.
All of which actually entailed running around the city almost everyday putting up little frowny green slime ghost stickers—the wards if you hadn’t guessed—only to do it again the next day and put up new stickers to replace the used ones. Thankfully you didn’t have to go back and peal each and every used ward off wherever the hell you had put them, once activated the ward burns up leaving only ash behind.
Standing in front of the doorway you made a last check of your belongings: keys, phone, wallet, music player, and every bit of space left on your person filled with stickers? All check. Pushing in your ear buds and pressing random on your music player you were now ready to start your day at work. A smile cracked over you more than average front teeth, yes life was good.
You ended up making it back home a little before the sun began to set, tired but very pleased with the amount of work you you managed to do. You didn’t come home with a single ward left on you. After taking a well deserved shower, whipping yourself up some dinner—which just ended up being Chinese delivery—and watching Con Air once again, you found yourself curious if any of the wards had been set off yet. All to quickly you ended up just a bit more than curious to see your own handiwork in use. Not to mention the persistent voice in the back of your head sounded way too much like a child showing off their achievement and demanding praise, and you were going to fulfill that inner voice even if the only one to praise it was you.
Soon enough you were at the entrance to the park you had mentioned earlier, yeah you had put up a few wards on the way here during your run through but this is where you began to put them up in earnest, knowing that this park was often used as a travel route for people trying to get across town made it much busier than a normal park.
You were happy so see a bunch of the places you remember sticking them were gone, put to use already and you quickly ducked off the path to check those you had put deeper into the tree covered area. Barely checking the wards you began to enjoy the feel of the night air on your skin, just chill enough for you to be thankful for the zip up you were wearing and the relaxing touch of the kind of breeze you only got at night made you so relaxed and peaceful you couldn’t help but begin to daydream.
A daydream that was all to quickly cut short as your lazy wandering eyes locked on to a prone form at the base of a tree, a tree you had marked, which meant this was a homeless person or a demon, a demon your ward wasn’t strong enough to kill but more than enough to harm. Oh god please be a homeless person.
Please, please, please, with a fucking cherry.
Nope no cherry for you, as you slouched down and poked who ever this guys was with a conveniently found stick—you weren’t about to touch him obviously—you noticed blood around his head and chest. It didn’t look like he was beat up, it looked like a small bomb had gone off in front of him, that and from what you saw of him, white hair wasn’t exactly normal.
Shit, shit, now what do you do? Fuuuccckkk. Fuck me. So do I kill him? Do I leave him here? Oh my god. Fuuuuccckk mee. Uuuhhhhh.....iyftudrtyedesfgg.....
After about another minute of that you finally calm yourself down from your freakout, and, much to your own amazement have come to the conclusion that you cant just leave this guy here. Really your father must of taught you a bit too well how to be a good person, although you knew he never meant for those teachings to include demons.
But you didn’t live with your father anymore and it didn’t matter what he thought, you are John Egbert, and you know you are making one of the biggest mistakes of your fucking life.
Scooting closer you don’t see much more of his face than when you poked him, still noting just the pair of aviators and the shock of white hair in the darkness of the park,. Awkwardly you maneuvered yourself and manage to hoist him up on to your back; with his chest up against you and his butt in your hands.
Yes his butt was if your hands, so what? You try carrying a 150 pound dude on your back without touching some butt and see how you like it. And also you were pretty sure you didn’t like guys. You even gave it a sec to look down at The Hammer or little Egbert to check, nope not liking this one bit.
Finally you make it up to your apartment door, tired to all hell out. Fumbling with your keys you manage to open the door and still keep your passenger on your back as you make your way inside. Your first thoughts are to just plop his ass on to the couch and leave him but you end up deciding against it. It was your ward that ended up with him hurt the way he was and you weren’t just about to start neglecting him the minute you walk into your home.
Trudging you make it to your room and are at last able to abandon the guy who had been laying on your back for the last 20 minutes. Carefully you ease him onto your bed and try to make him as comfortable as possible until you stop caring and just decide your tired as fuck. You only find half a moment to scrawl a seal on a piece of paper and haphazardly taping it to the outside of your bedroom door—you didn’t want some strange demon guy trying to kill you in your sleep before you even got a chance to chat with him, did you?
Within moments you find yourself slumped face first into the plush fabric of the couch and really you don’t remember all to much after that.
“Dude, wake up.”
“Dude. Broski. Mr. Bucktooth drooling over there. Wake up.”
“I can tell your not going to kill me because killers don’t drag home victims to their beds and then choose to sleep on the couch. Though the trapping me in your room part kinda fits the bill.”
“Look if you don't let me out of here soon I promise I will pee on everything you own, then it will be mine. And you would be all like 'oh please Mr. Strider can I have my computer back?' and I'd be like 'Hell no, this is mine now, I peed on it.'”
“What no laughter from the peanut gallery? ….Aw sick your drooling more now. You look like stupid fatty, fat, fat baby you know that? Fatty-chan.”
Finally that woke you up—but the jumping up, arms flailing, and then falling face first into the floor helped too. Trapped inside your own hoodie for the first terrifying moments left you struggling on the floor before finally finding some stable footing and managing to stand up. You even pulled off wiping the crusted spit off your face before trying to meet this loud obnoxious house guest.
Slowly walking over you found yourself face to sunglasses with the demon guy you had saved last night. God you still cant believe you did that. And it also pissed you off to realize he was taller than you, not by much but enough you had to angle your head back to meet his face square on.
“So are you going to keep standing there ogling my face or are you going to finally let me out of here so I can go piss?”
“You promise you wont do any bad things if I let you out?”
“Yes ma’am, I wont destroy your shitty apartment nor call a horde'a demon bats to shit on your face, is that good enough for you?”
“I guess.....but no need to be a dick about it.”
“Shoot you try having a destruction spell try its damnedest to pull your guts out from your eyes and tell me how you feel the next morning in some strange dudes house. Who happens to also have a terrible choice in movies and actors, as is apparent from your wall of posters.”
“Hey Nick Cage is awesome and my movies aren’t terrible!”
“No they're not.”
“Yeah. They are.”
You both continued to banter back and forth like that without really trying for a few more rounds, and sometime in the middle of the whole charade you finally managed to yank down the barrier spell to set the asshole in front of you free. And as soon as it was down he bumps past you and walks into the living room like he owns the place and keeps walking, apparently intent on finding this mysterious bathroom. You stare after him thinking for a sec to tell him where it is, but no, its a small apartment he should be able to find it no problem. And true to your thoughts he comes back a few moments later with his hair fixed and whatever blood had been left on his face gone. Much to your surprise the wounds from last night had disappeared.
“You got anything to eat? I'm starving.”
“Yeah check the kitchen out, I'm gonna go change real quick.”
“Thanks, but don’t be surprised if there's nothing left when you come back.”
“Fine, fine. Oh, don’t touch the Chinese food, that’s mine!”
A petulant 'aww' was heard from the kitchen before you closed your bedroom door. Thank god he didn’t ransack your room while he was awake, you know he had more than a chance and you gave him a little bit of credit for that. Grabbing whatever was at hand you dressed yourself in fresh clothes and found your way back into the living room.
The sight that greeted you was a white haired boy about your age, rocking dark aviators—which you still haven’t seen him take off yet—in a beat up hoodie still decorated with some blood and a pair of ripped up dark cargo pants, all sitting on your couch with a mixing bowl in his hands shoveling fruit loops into his maw like it was his first meal in days. He really looked like a normal human, also he had found the remote and was apparently watching My Little Pony.
Half at a loss of what to do with yourself you walked your way across the room and joined him on the couch, neither of you saying a word. Quickly you opted to zone out, not really caring about ponies or their problems, but you did catch something about a wedding or something, whatever. The show must have been half over because a few moments later the end song was rolling and the channel began to change to the next program.
The demon boy took that chance to mute the TV sending the room into relative silence, the honks and beeps of cars nearby were the only sounds heard. Out the corner of your eye you caught your guest opening his mouth looking as if he were about to speak only to close it again. After a few more tries he finally spoke.
“So you obviously know, what I am right?”
“Uh, yeah, I do.”
“So why did you grab me last night if you knew?”
“...Cuz I felt really bad for the state you where in and it was all my fault and it was the least I could do. Not much of a demon hunter now am I?”
“So your the asshole who put up those fuckin spells that led me to get my ass handed back to me on a silver fucking platter, huh?”
“Yeah that was me.”
“.....Whatever its cool man. I should of kept my wits about me and realized I was being drawn by a damn attraction spell.”
Silence once again filled the room, that would not do you had to say something.
“So whats your name? Where are you from?”
“You wanna know my name?”
“Yeah! Whats wrong with that?”
“Nothin, the names Dave and I was born in Texas, but I moved to Georgia bout 14.”
“Georgia? Why Georgia?”
“You know the song The Devil Went Down to Georgia? Yeah Bro thought it was hilarious and giggled the whole damn drive there, so fuckin proud of himself.”
“You have a brother?”
“Yeah, an older brother an sister: bro's a dick and Roxy's a drunkard, I also have a sister Rose who's doing whatever the fuck she does with her vampire girlfriend. Now enough about me, whats your deal?”
“Oh, um, my names John Egbert, and I used to live in Washington state and moved down here only like a week ago. Uh, I have an older sister Jane, and I lived with my two cousins: Jade who's my age and Jake who is more Janeys age. My father mostly raised all of us up together and taught us how to be demon hunters and stuff. But as you can tell I'm not very good at it.”
“Heh no shit.”
“Shut up Dave your the one who got caught in my trap!”
“Well the only reason I got caught in your shitty trap was that it was such a piece of crap I couldn’t even recognize it.”
“Your just angry you got your ass beat by my wards.”
“Yes so angry, so infuriatingly angry you cannot believe. I may even go grimdark over here with this level of enraged emotion I am having. But look lets stop with the introduction OK, I'm still hungry as fuck and I do believe you owe me dinner and some shit because you're the cause of the state I am currently in at the moment. Deal?”
“What? I have to take you out to dinner? What like a date? And you just ate all my fruit loops, how in the hell are you still hungry? What are you a black hole?”
“Yes a date Egbert, I demand the most ironic of dates. With dinner and a movie and all your feeble mind can think of. That is if you even can, which just for the record, I think you don’t have the lady balls to try to do something that ironically awesome.”
“I do too have the balls, big dude balls, not lady balls. And I will take you on the most ironic date-venture ever!”
And so you did. Once you and Dave made it out of the apartment your first stop was at a nearby McDonalds and was not, you assured him the dinner you were going to take him to, but so Dave would shut up about how hungry he was.
You started the date with the best ironic idea you could come up with and took him too a mini-golf arcade place called Alternia and you guys did the whole nine yards.
You and Dave had bright pink and purple golf balls that matched the puny putters you both had been handed and played through all 24 holes with complete sincerity. Once that game was finished—with Dave being the winner—the pair of you proceeded to have a contest in the arcade who could win the most tickets. And thankfully the winner of that face off was you, though Dave was a close second. Both of you choose a prize: you picked a bright red crocodile in sunglasses and Dave picked out what looked to be a yellow salamander with a spit bubble in its mouth.
Without a word each of the chosen plushies were pushed towards your respective partner. You started to snort and giggle when you realized the both of you had thought the same thing, you even thought you saw a sort of smile on Daves face; well that was before he took it upon himself to smother you with the yellow stuffed animal to death.
The portion of the date spent at the put-put place ended with both of you crammed into a decrepit foot powered swan boat, each of the new felt consorts siting in each of your laps as you guys did circles around the sorry excuse for a lake until it was time to stop.
After that it was time for the dinner part, and you think you really out did yourself there. Remembering seeing a diner nearby you and Dave proceeded to share and extra large milkshake—two straws—and a burger for each of you.
Since the date began neither of you had brought up what either of you where, no demons or demon hunters were mentioned the whole time thankfully. You did find out that you guys had a lot in common. You were both close to the same age with Dave a few months older, both passionate about video games and movies, although the content of each is where you began to differ. You both had some kind of passion for music: you in love with the piano and Dave with his turn tables and 'sick beats' as he called them, he even said he sang a bit but would not demonstrate that ability no matter how much you begged.
Full and satisfied—although Dave whined how he was still hungry—you and your date found yourselves at the movie theater watching the loop of ads roll before the film finally started, an extra large tub of buttery popcorn in Dave's lap and a large coke sitting between you two—it was a date of course you both had to share. Not forgotten the pair of stuffed animals you both had won also sat together in a neighboring chair. The movie thankfully started only a few moments after you sat down.
It was an awesome action flick, full of car chases and explosions, beautiful women and the blossoming romance between the action star and his love interest, case in point, it was awesome. Though your date didn’t think so and took many opportunities to tell you as you left the theater and on the way home.
Long past sunset it was dark when you both made it to the door of your apartment. Another bout of awkwardness decided to show its fat head as you two just stood there for a moment, but deciding it would be best to go inside you turned and began to fumble with your keys while trying to keep a hold of your stuffed prize at the same time.
“So was the date ir--” You began throwing a glance over your shoulder before being turned around and roughly pushed against the door by the white haired guy now standing front of you. Without even enough time to question what the hell he was doing you found his mouth on yours. It was hot and fierce and you had never been kissed like this in your whole life, ok well its not like you were kissed a lot anyway but forget that and back to now with Dave kissing you. Dave, a dude you just met this time last night was kissing you, and he was a demon--which you had kinda forgotten--and a guy and Dave.
You could of gone longer with your inner freak out but at that moment Dave took that opportunity to deepen the kiss, mashing his face against yours causing your body to go slack dropping keys and toys alike.
Feeling the lick of his tongue against your lips you couldn’t stop yourself from parting your own just a bit in response. Taking full advantage of that slip Dave thrust this own hot tongue into your mouth, setting afire whatever it happened to touched, the sensation making your head spin. Just as you were getting your wits together enough to maybe push him away Dave broke contact with your face, staring down at you with his godawful smirk.
You could feel the effects of the kiss although had only been a few seconds; your face was flushed, your panted breath ragged, you even think your legs are a bit weak too. Cursing yourself for reacting to his attack you pushed the back of your hand to your mouth, maybe in someway trying to prevent him from doing it again, to block yourself from him. From behind your had you saw him lick his lips slowly, with the same infernal appendage that had intruded into your mouth, and that smirk return to his lips once more.
“Now that, was a meal. Thanks for the great date Egbert. See ya soon.” The last part of the sentence was said as he dipped down to pick up his discarded crocodile and walked—no fucking sauntered away like the cat that just gotten into the cream. Except you were the cream, and you didn’t know how much you like that particular idea, also you just realized that simile ended up really really gay.
And all you could think of as your weakened legs finally gave way, the back of your hand still glued to your face as you slid down the door was: What the fuck just happened?