“Hi Sheldon” Penny chips as she breezes through the apartment. “Hey Raj, what’s happening.” Smiling brightly and plopping down on the couch, careful not to encroach on Sheldon’s spot. “So I got this audition today, and I had to drive all the way ….”
Sheldon smiled (well showed his not-grimace face) tuning out the constant babbling of his neighbour, as she regaled to them another story about her inept attempt to make a splash in the acting world. This was a process that Sheldon suffered through most days for the past six years, and he had been able to deal with this forced interaction by relying on the other members of this close knit group, however right now that group was breaking apart.
Wolowitz was married now, and he assumed was engaging in coitus most evenings, either that or assisting his new bride in folding laundry, or winding twine, or whatever it was that married people did with their evenings. Leonard had been out of town for a month at a sister university in a deluded attempt to make a breakthrough in the world of theoretical physics.
This left Rajesh as his only companion and buffer to the insistent babbling of Penny. Rajesh, who, mute with some ridiculous psycho-symptomatic fear of women, effectively useless in the fight against ‘the voice that never stops’. Sighing at this predicament, Sheldon wondered, not for the first time, why he had been cursed with this infernal appeal to these lesser humans. “I know right,” Penny’s words broke through, apparently interrupting his sigh as a sign of understanding. “Thanks for listening guys.” She chirped standing and practically skipping out of the apartment. “I’m so lucky to have you guys here to come to.” The door closed and she was gone.
“My goodness that girl can talk” Rajesh commented.
“Oh my Lord” Sheldon muttered as he stood and made his way over to his computer station. “Yes she can talk, no thanks to you.”
“Me?” Rajesh swalked, “What did I do?”
“What did you do? What did you do?” Sheldon spun around in his chair to look at his friend disbelievingly.
“It’s not a question of what you did,” agitation showing clearly in Sheldon’s voice. “The fact is that your fear leaves you not only mute but entirely impotent.”
“Dude!” Rajesh objected, “That’s totally not true, I can pleasure any women, I’m told that I’m quite a good lover.”
“I see, and how do you respond to such a complement, write her a note, sign language perhaps.” Sheldon’s stoney face suddenly breaking into a quite scary grin. “Bazinga! As if I care what you tell them.”
“Whatever man.” Rajesh pouted.
“Now, now don’t be despondent.” Sheldon soothed. “I have a plan to fix my Penny problem, so you don’t have to worry about a thing.”
“You’re not going to…. kill her are you.” he asked nervously, he had known Sheldon for a few years now, and he actually admired the man greatly, but he kept this information to himself, because along with the adoration he was also just a little afraid of him, as Leonard noted once, Sheldon was just one lab accident away from being a super villain.
“Phesh, no of cause not, that would create far more problems than it solves.” He assured, waving his hand dismissively. “No, I’m going to fix you.”
“You’re what now!”
“I am going to fix you.” He explained patiently. “Really Koothrappli, this is going to be a lot harder to do if you can’t keep up with simple statements.”
Rolling his eyes, Rajesh decided once again that it was better to simply go along with Sheldon once he had his focus on a new project, apparently this time he was the project, sighing and resigned to his fate, Rajesh asked the obvious. “Ok, what are you going to fix exactly, and dare I ask how.”
Sheldon smiled wickedly at the other man, walking over to sit with him. Once he was seated on the couch, turned slightly to face him he continued. “You do find me attractive don’t you?”
“What? No, I mean, you are a good looking man I suppose, but I’m not, that is… No.”
“Really Raj?” Sheldon voice dropped as he casually reached out to wrap his long fingers around the other man’s wrist. “Because your heart rate is up and your eyes are a little dilated since I came closer to you.” Suddenly leaning in Sheldon pressed his lips lightly against his friends. “Yes,” he murmured against his mouth, “Your heart rate is definitely picking up, so either you are having a cardiac event or you find me sexually attractive.”
Suddenly dropping his arm and leaning back, Sheldon smiled smugly at the smaller man. “Don’t bother denying it, it’s quite alright you know, you see I have been seducing you over the past few weeks.”
“What the fleck.”
“You see, at first I assumed your problem was due to the increased testosterone produced at instant of sexual attraction,” Sheldon explained. “However t occurred to me that I might have misjudged the cause when I noted that you are unable to speak to Mrs Tully in unit 5.”
“The old woman with the hairy mole on her top lip?”
“Yes that’s her,” Sheldon nodded happily. “I observed that you usually go for young slender women, and unless you have a hairy-mole fetish that isn’t apparent in your day-to-day life, then I can safely assume that you are not sexually attracted to her.”
“You kissed me.”
“Correct,” Sheldon’s voice was praising. “Well done Rajesh, you picked up on the really clever part. Of cause, disproving a negative doesn’t necessary prove a positive, so I had to test the hypothesis that sexual attraction was not the cause, but without the distraction of the female presence, so naturally that meant it was up to me.”
“You, you.” Rajesh stuttered, anger, humiliation and desire all building up inside of him.
“Yes, yes, I know I am brilliant, but please hold your praise until you hear the whole plan.” Suddenly Sheldon was up and heading to his room. “Now you just wait here, and we will get started.” Rajesh sat mouth open, as he tried to digest what had just happened. Sheldon had kissed him. Sheldon knew he was attracted to him. Sheldon seduced him?
Raj was fairly certain that Sheldon hadn’t seduced him, well not intentionally anyway. Rajesh had been falling for Sheldon for the past year actually. He started to notice Sheldon that way once he began friends with Amy Farrah Fowler. Seeing them together had left him feeling jealous and antsy, which was puzzling as Amy was not his type at all, it wasn’t until he found himself dreaming about Sheldon’s long fingers running through his hair, and wrapping around his hard leaking cock that things fell into place.
“Are you ready?” Sheldon called out from his room.
“Um ready for what?” Raj answered nervously.
“For this.” Sheldon breathed. Rajesh looked up to see Sheldon standing in the doorway, Sheldon but not Sheldon. Sheldon’s long legs covered in fishnet stockings, his narrow hips barely covered by a snugly fitting leather skirt, his hip bones jutting out pass the waist band clearly visible below the shiny midriff top.
He should have looked ridiculous, but he didn’t, he looked sexy as hell, as he sashayed over, pouting with red shiny lips, holding Rajesh’s gaze with kohl rimed eyes. Rajesh wanted to tell Sheldon how hot he looked, how beautiful, he wanted to reach up and lick that colour off his lips, burry his tongue in that hot mouth and get his hands under that tight skirt and around the quite prominent cock trapped inside.
Rajesh wanted all that and more. What Rajesh did was squeak and faint.
“Hummm” Sheldon pondered. “Dam, what was I thinking; I shouldn’t have dressed this sexy, now I still don’t know if he can speak,” Sheldon muttered going back to his room to change. “I never should have asked Amy for help with this.”
Chapter 2: Who's the pretty boy then?
(Previously on Big Bang …. Sheldon appeared dressed as slutty Sally, Rajesh was so turned on that he fainted.)
When Raj regained conciseness, Sheldon was just Sheldon again, sitting at his screen and generally ignoring him completely. “What happened?”
“Well you just woke up so I guess you fell asleep.” Was all he offered.
“Right, well I’ll be going then.” Dazed Raj made for the door, thinking that the whole encounter was just a vivid dream.
“OK, see you tomorrow.”
Over the next few days Raj noticed a very strange and disturbing change to Sheldon’s behaviour. Firstly, it was the greeting. Whenever he arrived, Sheldon would welcome him inside, offer him a beverage and actually sit and talk to him. Not telling him things, actual conversation, as well as the occasional touches, a quick press of thigh against thigh, bumping shoulders over a shared amusing snippet on TV, or a funny tale about Howard.
Then Raj began to notice some subtle changes in Sheldon’s wardrobe. Like when they were watching TV together and Sheldon lent forward to grab the remote, his too short shirt riding up his long smooth back, revealing a pair of pink lacy knickers peaking out over the top of his low hung jeans.
Changes like on the following night, when Sheldon was wearing a most fetching midriff top, Penny’s midriff top if Raj’s memory served him well. “Um Sheldon?” Raj began nervously, “You seem to be wearing women’s clothes.”
“Oh am I?” Sheldon looked down at himself before shrugging and turning back to the TV. “Do you feel uncomfortable seeing me dressed like this?”
Rajesh considered this for a moment before answering, “Actually no, you should wear whatever you like I guess.”
“Oh Raj!” Sheldon gushed, throwing an arm across Raj’s shoulders and kissing him firmly on the cheek. “Look at you, all comfortable.” Rajesh was actually far from comfortable, not emotionally comfortable with his friend acting completely un-Sheldon like manner and not physically comfortable being that he was now sporting a very uncomfortable and inexplicable erection. Just when Raj thought the night couldn’t get any more uncomfortable, Penny waltzes in. Raj grabs the pizza box thrusting it into his lap to hide the tent in his trousers. “Ahh Penny’s here.” Sheldon announces. “Raj, why don’t you ask Penny about her day?”
Raj mouth moves but only silence ensues. “Oh, Raj still not talking.” Sheldon sighed removing his arm and himself from the couch. Head reeling, Raj looks from Penny’s confused look to Sheldon’s back. He really doesn’t understand how, but he knows he has disappointed Sheldon, and more troubling, he realises that he really doesn’t want Sheldon to be disappointed; he wants him to be happy.
The nightly pattern is set, Raj arrives to find Sheldon dressed in his strange mix of men and women’s clothes, the ratio of women to men’s clothes increasing daily. They greet, talk, touch and kiss, quick chase kisses. Rajesh is quite happy with this new Sheldon, except whenever Penny, Amy or Bernadette come over, then it’s silence and stiff backs.
This continues for several days, accumulating to the night that Leonard finally returns from his month long trip, finding his two friends in a warm embrace, Raj looking extremely chuffed and Sheldon dressed in what Lenard can only think of as a “Picard does Dallas” uniform.
Of cause Sheldon is a genius, but Rajesh is pretty smart too, smart enough to know when Sheldon is working on something, smart enough to figure out that he is in fact Sheldon’s latest project, he is also smart enough and keen enough to play this out. Raj is not too proud to admit, well to himself anyway, that he has been lonely for a long time, and that Sheldon was an attractive man.
If all he has to do is NOT talk to women to get all of Sheldon’s amorous attention, then he is happy to keep his big mouth shut. Another benefit of keeping this thing going was no one, I mean no one, wanted Sheldon to get any more obnoxiously confident, if he knew he had actually cured Raj after the first week they would never hear the end of it.
Anyway he could always pretend to be drinking, or just wait until Sheldon wasn’t around to talk to the girls. Like on a Wednesday night when he and Penny were chatting in the laundry, like they were doing when Leonard wandered in. “So Raj, it’s pretty early in the week for you to be drunk isn’t it?” he asks looking smug and knowing.
“So now you can talk to women but you can’t talk to men now?” Leonard was sounding less friendly now. “Well women and cross dressers at least.”
“Leonard, don’t be mad at him.” Penny chimes in.
“It’s not just Raj that I’m mad at.”
“What! What did I do?” Penny squeaks.
“The same thing as he’s doing” Lenard accuses pointing to Raj. “Tricking Sheldon into dressing like a fool, how could you two do that to him, how could you be so cruel.”
“Leonard,” Raj begged, “You don’t understand, we not trying to trick him, were helping him.”
“How you figure?”
“You know what he’s like, he would never would have understood what I wanted from him otherwise, this had to be his idea.”
“What do you want from him?”
Lenard was shocked into silence, looking between Raj and Penny, waiting for the punch line, but all he got was a sympatric look from Penny and a sheepish one from Raj.
“Raj,” He spoke softly now, suddenly unsure about everything. “You want Sheldon to be your boyfriend?”
“Yes.” His voice barely above a whisper.
“Well you can’t trick him into that, you have to talk to him.”
“Oh I don’t know,” Penny offered. “I once dated a boy at school for 6 months before he suspected a thing.”
“No, this isn’t right. You tell Sheldon the truth, tonight, or I’ll tell him myself.” With that Leonard left, leaving his washing and two guilt ridden friends behind. High-Fiving Sheldon on the way pass him in the hall.
Yes, Sheldon really is a genius, a genius that is in love with a certain tricky little lamb, and Leonard hates it when Sheldon is right.