Actions

Work Header

let's go to the mall, today!

Work Text:

Darcy still can't believe it: aliens. Like real live aliens that speak like they're stuck in a Shakespearean remake of well, Norse mythology and eat like horses. Not that she's not fine with it. She's totally fine with it but now instead of one hunky dude that had tendency to break mugs when he liked coffee there's five of them because of course he brought friends and of course she has to watch them while Thor and Jane make starry eyes at each other.

And she hates babysitting. She hated it when she had to do for pocket money in high school or when her aunts and uncle ask to watch their brats at gatherings. The fact that it's three full grown Viking aliens does not warm her to the fact. First of all, they're big. All of them. Even the shortest one is big and second of all, she's seen what they can do.

Cool shit, no doubt. But man. Ass kicking Viking aliens.

She’s pretty sure that watching Top Model is not what their idea of fun. Well, maybe Fandral would get into it. She thinks the other are totally UFC and Volstagg's case Iron Chef. Hmm, maybe later she'll check Netfilx for them.

Right now they're all sitting around the small table Jane has, looking around the car dealership turned lab like they want to touch everything and the big one is looking at the fridge like he wants to eat everything in it. Which, to be fair, he probably does, and more importantly can. Darcy however isn't an amateur. One thing she's learned in all her years in babysitting: sugar high equals danger and she has some Pop-Tarts stashed in there because she's found out that Asgardians have an appetite for just about everything. Thor ate her last three boxes in one sitting and no way no how that's happening again.

With a nod, she claps her hands together and swallows nervously when they all look at her.

They kinda look a little... sad. Like puppies told to stay in a corner while their big brother gets to play with the sexy scientist lady in the desert. Darcy does, kinda maybe, feel a little bad for them in that regard. Thor and Jane are off and the five of them are stuck together.

Sighing, she smiles. "Okay, so we're gonna need to get you guys some clothes that don't belong at Comic-Con and then I'm going to show you the best place on Earth. Well, that would be Disney World, but the best place within driving distance in Puente Antiguo.”

"And what is this place, Lady Darcy.” The big big one--Volstagg, asks her and Darcy is already thinking: nicknames. They’re going to need nicknames.

"Well, Volly old pal. The Mall, because you all need some Earth wear badly and nothing beats the food court."

"Well, she has mentioned food, we already know who's up for to going this Mall," Fandral grins at her and his friends while ducking Volstagg's swing and Darcy doesn't know why Asgardians grin so much, especially when having to do with violence, but she's going with the flow.

She turns to the other two. Hogun looks undecided but Sif shrugs, "It would do to explore this realm further. It has changed a lot in the last thousand years."

Hogun lips do something that is not a smile and Darcy has to admit he looks less severe when he does so.

"Plus knowing Thor we might be here for quite a while." She looks at Darcy, who nods in agreement. Thor and Jane’s "dates" last forever.

"The mall it is!" She claps her hands together again and grins--apparently it's contagious. They all stand and Darcy has to convince them to leave the more conspicuous weapons behind. No axes, no swords, no spears, or shields, but she gives in at daggers. Win some lose some. She also find a few extra clothes Jane has lying around. While Fandral, Hogun and Sif find something to wear Volstagg stands idly in the corner, not in full armour, but still looking like he's an actor in a some war movie. The beard is amazing, Darcy has to admit. She kinda wants to ask to braid it. Maybe later. As the other three finish changing, Darcy pats his arms encouragingly and smiles up the guy.

"Don't worry, Vol buddy, we'll find you something at the mall. Big and Tall, definitely, and then we'll you a pretzel."

"What is this pretzel?"

"Oh they're delicious!" Darcy assures, looking trough her bag for the keys to SHIELD funded truck — Thor and Jane took the van — and her camera phone.

He grins down at her, “These pretzels, they’re food?"

"Oh yeah, the best stuff ever! We’ll get you one with mustard.”

The other three come out and Darcy cringes at their fashion choices but says nothing motioning them all together.

Holding up the camera phone, point it at them, "Smile!"

One thing about these Asgardians she's beginning to like is that they smile easily. Darcy snaps the picture, tucking her phone away. As they get in the car and head out Sif asks what the device was for.

Darcy smiles, "I should tell you it's to help chronicle your journey on Earth, but really it's for my facebook."

"What is a facebook?" Fandral pokes his head between the seats, looking at the steering wheel in apt appreciation.

Frowning at the road, Darcy thinks about the right way to describe facebook and then shrugs. "If the Social Network is still playing I'll take you to the cinema and show you."

"And what is a cinema?" Hogun asks.

"Will there be food there?"

She can't help it. The laughs that bubble out of her and make a mental note to ask Jane to ask SHIELD for a raise because man, this is taking babysitting to a whole new level.