I am seriously the most awesome guy on the freaking planet.
Seriously. The most AWESOME guy ever.
Well, maybe not ever. The guy who first thought to grill meat was definitely cooler than me. But that's it. I swear.
Because I'm fucking cool. And hot. And just... awesome. It's got to be the hair. Something about the wild hair makes the girls weak at the knees: girls love bad boys after all, and what's more bad ass than wild hair?
I'm so bad ass, in fact, that when Halloween came around, I decided to do something totally awesome. See, everyone was like, "Oh, Kiba. Duh. He's gonna be a dog or something. Maybe a werewolf. He's fucking cool." And I had planned on doing that, but nah. Hot guys like me need to be original, or we'll just be mindless drones with great abs.
I decided to dress as a kitty. Yeah, boy. A kitty.
I had the freaking ears and whiskers and tail and everything. Tight skinny jeans. Tight tank top. Leather gloves. Fuck, I was like walking sex.
The girls were going wild. Even the ones with boyfriends were checking me out. The boyfriends looked ready to trample me for being more attractive than them, but whatever. I could totally take them all on. At once. With one hand behind my back. Blindfolded, and hopping on one foot.
I was about to hit on this one chick when I saw that someone was clearly ignoring my awesomeness. That stupid Shino. It was weird, because I really, really wanted him to notice me. I mean, I totally hadn't been thinking of him when I got the costume the day after I heard he had a cat. No fucking way.
Whatever. "Yo, Shino!" I got up in his face. He gave me the stink eye. Douche. "What do you think of my tail?"
"I think it is rather..." he said all awkwardly, like he wanted to say something else but didn't, "becoming of you."
I gave him a patented Kiba!smile. Before I really knew what the fuck I was doing, I got even closer to his ugly face and licked his chin all cat-like. At least I had the courtesy to blush. "Damn right."
Spinning around like a top on speed, I got ready to flee when I felt a tug on my tail. I stepped forward again but I was stuck. I followed the fake appendage only to see that that asshole Shino had his grubby hand around it. I wanted to yell at him to let me go, but before I did, HE FUCKING LICKED ME. ON THE LIPS. IN MY MOUTH. HANDS ON MY GLORIOUS BACK—HIPS—ASS.
Then everything kind of went black. They say I blacked out, but I'm way too cool for that.
But even if I did, you know, pass out, I am still the most awesome guy you know.
But sorry girls and boys, I am taken. (I blame Shino's wicked tongue.)