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Strip Pokerstuck: Double Down

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Everything is ready. The scene is set. Various Humans and Alternians (God-Tiered or otherwise) have taken their seats in the large room.

They are waiting for the arrival of ROXY LALONDE, who called all of them here in the first place for an IMPORTANT MEETING. Roxy has done this before on several occasions. Once, she had called them there under the pretense of a strategy meeting, only to then begin needling everyone present about the current status of their various relationships. On another occasion, she had told the group she had important information, and then began an impromptu reading of the Complacency of the Learned series. One memorable occasion had involved her asking Jade to bring up a "fuckton of sand" from the Land of Light and Rain to have an indoor beach party with. That one had actually gone over pretty well.

Suffice to say, no one present is all that convinced that today's "stunning revelation" will be all that productive or important, but here they are nonetheless.

JOHN EGBERT is focused on a small rubber blue ball that he is making perform gravity defying stunts with his WINDY POWERS. This had stopped being an amusing distraction to everyone else about three minutes after John had started. His girlfriend, ROSE LALONDE, is resting against him, her nose buried in one of the many Alternian harlequin romance novels she has pilfered from Karkat's stash.

John's other girlfriend, VRISKA SERKET, is also nearby. Boredly tossing around her dice. The relationship of the trio was popular idle gossip among the group. Rose and Vriska had essentially worked out a deal to share John in the interest of mutual cooperation and group cohesion. John basically just went with it. They generally switched off for various romantic dalliances, but on occasion would simply go through with it at the same time.

JADE HARLEY is sitting comfortably, with her feet in the lap of her boyfriend, DAVE STRIDER. She has been grabbing stuffed animals from her room via her SPACEY THING and dropping them towards Dave's head, which he will then catch, seemingly in an instant, and toss back in her direction at which time she warps it back to her room and retrieves another.

ARADIA MEGIDO sits a small distance away, resting on her arms propped behind her. She looks mildly amused by the various time wasting activities being participated in around her.

None of the God Tiers present, with the exception of Aradia, are dressed in their full costumes, however. Most are dressed casually, with various allusions to their aspect.

KARKAT VANTAS and TEREZI PYROPE are also sitting close by. Karkat seems to be doggedly and boredly staring at the door. Terezi will occasionally whack one of his horns with her cane while his back is turned, prompting an angry outburst, after which he will simply turn around again as if daring her to continue, which she always does.

At last the door opens and KANAYA MARYAM leads JANE CROCKER and JAKE ENGLISH into the room, where they quickly sit down. Finally, Roxy comes in last closing the door behind her.

"Heeeey, guys! Can ya guess what we're doing tonight?" She says in a slight slur, but nonetheless excited.

"Well, you said you had a 'stunning revelation' for all of us, which I'm assuming means probably fucking nothing important," Karkat says.

"Oh...there will be ALL KINDS of revelations tonight! All of us are gonna see things we never have before. There will be big, huge revelations!" Roxy says, firing off a hearty 'wonk' at the group.

"That was a sexual thing..." Kanaya says low enough for no one else to hear.

"Tonight is gonna be game night!" Roxy exclaims holding out a double deck of cards. "We're totally playing strip poker!"

"Seriously!?" Karkat groans, exasperated.

"Uhh..." John says uneasily, looking over at Jane and Jake. "Really?" Rose, Dave and Jade don't look all that excited, either.

"Yes, John, really. You guys need to get over this weird parents thing, okay! We're the same age. None of us ever did any of the crap your actual parents did. We just happen to be genetically identical or something," Roxy expounds.

"But..." John begins.

"Nope. Not gonna hear it, John," Roxy says, adopting a faux-serious expression. "Do you know what my childhood was like?"

Kanaya and Rose roll their eyes.

"Umm...no?" John responds.

"Well, I can tell you that I grew up alone. Not kind of alone, but actually alone. All I had were my totes awesome chat BFFs and a fuckton of meowcats. So if it seems like I'm hella desperate to finally have actual fun with real peeps, then yeah I guess I kind of am."

"Uhh..." John offers, lamely.

"Dude, let's just go through with it so she'll finally stop getting all crazy about this shit," Dave says.

"That's my boy!" Roxy says.

"Oh, God, don't say it like that," Dave says, shaking his head. Jade giggles.

"Okay, but..." Jade begins. "There's way more of us this time. It'll take forever! And last time was pretty long...not that I'm saying there was a last time," Jade says suddenly, her face reddening.

"I've thought about that! I've made this totally awesome plan for how we're going to speed things up! We're doing teams!" Roxy says.

"Uh...teams?" Jane asks.

"Yep, Janey, teams! We pair up in groups of two. Each team gets a hand, instead of everyone. That way we don't have this huge crazy mess of like twelve or however many hands we got here."

"How does that work...you know...when it comes to the whole stripping thing?" Dave asks.

"Good question! Well, like usual the lowest hand loses. What happens then depends on the hand. If the hand is a pair or higher, then one of the people on the team has to strip. If it's just a high card, then both players on the team have to. A team is out when both people on it are bare-assed."

"Um...okay..." Jade says.

"Now, I know what you all are saying: 'but Roxy, that could still take a long time, especially if everyone keeps getting all these pairs!'"

"Actually I was saying-" Karkat begins.

"But I've thought of that too! So, I've got another idea. I like to call it...the penalty card! Whoever wins the previous hand gets to choose the penalty card for the next hand. Like, say I win I might say 'okay, the 8 of spades is the penalty card!' And if a team ends up with that card in their hand then someone on the team has to strip! And remember, there's two of every card!"

Roxy seems pleased with her ideas. For their part, Aradia, Vriska, Terezi and Jake actually look pretty excited. Jane looks nervous, but keeps shooting looks at Jake while he is looking away. Karkat and Kanaya both look resigned and John, Rose, Dave and Jade have segued into grudging acceptance.

The group begins to look at one another, sizing up potential partners.