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Take My Heart and Make It Fly

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Chris is leaning against the kitchen sink watching Chad and Jared playing with Izzy on the swing. Jensen built the swing a few weeks after Izzy got to go home with them and whenever Chris watches her on it she looks completely carefree. He’s totally in love with the little girl. Jensen and Jared definitely made the right choice. Isabelle fits right in with them.

“Stop staring at my kid,” Jensen says. “It’s creepy and I feel like I have to hide her away so you won’t steal her.”

Chris laughs. “She is cute.”

Jensen snorts and hands Chris a beer. “Did you talk to Chad yet?”

Chris sighs and takes a sip of his beer to buy a little more time. He’s been thinking about asking Chad to look into adoption themselves since Jensen and Jared started talking about it. He’s just to chicken shit to bring it up.

Their life is good the way it is and they have a lot of free time they just can spend in bed having sex. Of course it’s nice to have Chad all to himself. But somehow Chris feels as if there is something missing.

“No.” He shakes his head. “Didn’t find the right moment, y’know?”

Jensen grins and nods. “Sure, if that’s what you want to tell yourself.” He takes a sip of his beer before he continues more seriously. “Look Chris, I know you want a kid, and you don’t get any younger. It’ll only get harder to adopt a kid. You should really talk to Chad if you still want to have the chance of having a child one day.”

Chris knows Jensen is right. He’s already in his early thirties. He just isn’t sure how Chad will react to the proposition. Just because they got married three months ago doesn’t mean that Chad wants a kid as well.

He hears Izzy laugh and turns his gaze back to where Chad is tickling the little girl. Jared is laughing too. And Chad? Well, he’s looking at Izzy with pure joy and adoration on his face. The look makes warmth spread in Chris’ belly. He doesn’t know how or why, but this beautiful man out there chose to spend his life with him. Chris has never been more in love.

~

When they lie in bed that night – with Chad’s head resting on Chris’ chest and Chris’ arms slung tightly around his husband’s body – Chris thinks about what Jensen said to him this afternoon and he thinks there is no time like right now.

He clears his throat carefully and Chad looks up at him. “What?” Chad asks, drawing random patters over Chris’ heart with his fingertips.

“So,” Chris starts and damn, why is this so hard? “I watched you with Izzy today.”

Chad smiles. “She’s a sweetheart and she has Jen and Jay completely wrapped around her finger.”

Chris chuckles. “Yeah.” Then he continues more seriously, “I was thinking that… y’know we could… maybe have one of our own.” His voice is shaky and insecure and he feels like a little child asking for something their parents can’t afford.

Chad stills and Chris can practically see what he just said sinking in. “You want a kid?” Chad asks, his voice sounds shaky too.

Chris shrugs. “Yeah. I mean only if you want that too, of course.”

A grin breaks out on Chad’s face and he presses a soft kiss to Chris’ jaw. “I thought you’d never ask. Of course I’d want a kid with you.”

The weight Chris felt on his shoulders ever since the thought took place in his mind is lifted off them and he pulls Chad tight.

“I wasn’t sure it was something you wanted,” he admits.

Chad smiles shyly. “I want everything with you, Christian. I love you and want everything you want too.”

Their lips meet in a sweet kiss, which turns heated pretty quick. But the one thought Chris can’t get over is that soon they won’t be alone anymore. It feels so damn right.

~

After they finally talked about it, Chris can’t wait for it to happen. He never thought it’d be so difficult though. Their days for the next months are filled with meetings at several adoption agencies, filling out forms and inviting strangers to their home to assess if they’re suitable to raise children. It’s tiring and Chris sometimes asks himself if this is really worth it.

That is until they meet Lillian. Lillian is a girl, barely twenty and pregnant in her eighth month. She’s been looking for a family to take her unborn son for quite some time now. She never found the right couple though.

All three of them hit it off right away and two days later Lillian informs the adoption agency that she wants Chris and Chad to adopt her son no matter what. The agency complies and prepares the necessary paper work. As soon as Lillian’s child will be born it’ll belong to Chris and Chad.

They offer Lillian a place in her son, and soon to be their son’s life, but she declines. She tells them that she couldn’t be happier to know that he gets the home she’s not able to provide for him.

It’s four weeks after they signed the papers that Lillian calls and tells them to get to the hospital. They just finished painting the nursery in light blue and Chris thinks that their son already has perfect timing.

They get to the hospital and eight hours later the doctor holds out their son to Chad. Chris watches Chad taking their son with big eyes.

“Hi,” Chad croons. “Hello Ryan Logan Kane.”

Chris feels a lump building in his throat and he leans over Chad’s shoulder, looking at their son. He’s beautiful, with blonde hair and blue eyes. Ryan looks at them and yawns tiredly. Chris lets out a soft laugh and Chad leans into his chest.

When Chris closes his arms around his husband and child, he knows that whatever stresses and strains they had to take to get here were definitely worth it.