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"You always hurt the one you love"

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                  Jake English Stood instructing his fellow club members on how to shoot pinpoint accuracy, to hit the 40' mark target but instead swerving your bullet to hit the 100' mark, Jake demonstrated, and did it with ease, as for his fellow club members, well, they could just work on it. He stepped away to take a look at the last Fundraiser the club did, Shoot! That Darn-it All , the rats at the Fencing Club tied with us again! At this rate, they would never get them kicked out. Jake walked back into the room and smiled at everyone, "Good work guys, meetings over, you can pack up now, though some bad news, we made enough money for keeping are place at the last fundraiser, but, That dirty, good-for-nothing Captain Dick- i mean Dirk, tied with us again. They laughed, and sighed, saying things like 'will get em' next time cowboy.' You run into the small stare-well and cover your face with your hands, all you could think about was him, all practice, him and his chest- his body-AND WHAT IN TARNATION, WHY ARE YOU EVEN... you stop yourself, splash cold water on your face, and walk out with a couple members of your club on the right side of the school.

                  "And what do you know, exiting from the left, Dick- i mean Dirk Strider and his metal flailing gang." you say smug, that Joke never getting old with your group, using hand quotations to show the implied stupidity of Dirks ‘sport’. On the other side of things, Dirk Strider had better things to worry about than this - anything was better to worry about than this hooligan. Yet here he was, walking round the corner with his faithful gang from his pride and joy of a club (one that was threatened - and he wasn't about to have that happen), and found none other than this... just, idiot. He sneered at the other, Foil rested on his shoulder from the middle of practice. "What crawled up your ass and died?" he asked. Sure, he didn't like this English kid, but it seemed like he was the one who always started shit.

                    Your gang just scowled at him and his gang, they knew to let you two do the talking. "Fuck you Strider, oh wait.  You would like that wouldn't you?" You snorted and spit at the ground in his direction. Oh god, why was it that everytime you insulted him, it hurt you instead? It was all, to get him to talk to you, and now this was expected, by his gang and yours to be this hostile. But, past your shell of 'just trying to get your attention' all Jake wanted to do was throw his gun bag down, walk up to Dirk, and kiss him till you both needed to stop only to breath in oxygen for a moment. Then repeat. But still, you have hated him like this for so long, since elementary sense freshmen year, and now that you're a senior that mask of hate slowly faded into you, and you faded into a person you don't want to be. And it was too late to tell him how you felt now way too late, instead of love, you'll have to trade it for violence. The closest contact you two could ever come, would be in a fist fight. 'Are you happy now?' you thought to yourself, 'you're the lowlife idiot.' It was funny really, you were wrong in your choices, but the voice in your head, seemed to be 100% right. And you ask back to the voice in your head, 'Then why weren't you there when i needed you the most? So i didn't make this mistake in the first place!?' The voice in your head, did not respond.

 

                   This fucking kid was done. Seriously you were sick of his shit, Jake english was about to get a gash across the side of his face for having such a smart-ass mouth. "That's it you fucking cunt!" You lunge to attack him but your gang holds you back, Jake does the same, dropping his gun bag only so his gang could hold him back to. "Come at me strider, i'll give you a nice shiner on that sensitive pretty boy face of yours!" until you hear Jade Running towards you, she must have just gotten out of sewing club and saw you two. Jade was both of your friends, she was everyone's friend. "Stop! Stop! What do you think you two are doing!? If the Principal saw this you two would be suspended!" She drilled the reality of where you were into your heads, and you both calmed down. "Fine Harley, your right, truce English?" Dirk said with a huff. "No way, far from it, i won't fight you now, but will continue this later." Jade glares at you, but you can see sympathy behind her eyes, she is the only one who knows. "Lets go." you say to your gang, and you turn to walk in the direction of the path to the field, where you and your friends like to hang out after school. Your stoped tho, when Dirk walks up behind you, with a nod to Jade promising there will be no fight.
            He puts a hand on your shoulder and you turn around quickly, ready to defend from a flying fist or blade. Although, you are not faced with a fist nor a blade, just Dirk Striders shaded stare. "I don't know what your problem is" He starts "but i'm going to shut you up whatever it takes, because i'm sick of your bullcrap. So, English, when you want to fight?" Jade pushes the two of you apart. "Not this week boys, both of you have tournaments! You need sleep and health to give em' your best!" You both can't help but smile at her. Jake picks up with "Okay fine Jade, well Dirk, how does next week wednesday sound? Principle goes home early and the field will be all ours." He just glares back at you “Fine, but don't chicken out.” Jake snorts “ As if, you would be more likely to forfeit because you broke a nail!” Jade looked at her wits end, “Boys! That's enough now go your separate ways so we can all go home.” both of you huff and turn back to your groups. Everyone goes home, and even your gang too after an hour of hanging out at the field, trash talking the fencing team and other stuff as always, you were like a bad group of male ‘plastics’ in that respect. At the time of 7:00pm your group decides to disperse, being the season of summer it was getting hot and unbearable to stay out longer, so you all leave to reside to the air conditioning and fans that await you at home.

 

           Your house is just far enough to where the busses won't pick you up, but it's still a ways of a walk. Dirk Walks out of the Dennys restaurant that was close to the school with a single friend who bought him some soda while the two of them chilled, enjoying the free air conditioning sense neither of the boys had it at home. You said your goodbyes to your friend and started on your walk home. On your way you take the back streets, spotting a familiar Raven colored hair and forest green Jacket, perfectly tanned skin and toned body. He turned down a suburban aly-way, which is really just a sidewalk enclosed by two wooden fences. This was your chance to find out what was up, without his gang there to back him up. You flash step quickly about two blades length away from him. “English” you start, he turns around quickly, recognizes its you and puts up his fists. “Now im not here to fight, im just on my way home.” He sighs “We both know your house is that way” he nods over to the opposite direction.” “True, but i have a couple questions..” he still looked hostile “Just questions Jake.” he slowly put his fist down and softened his expression. Jake leaned up against one of the fences “Okay, shoot.” You took a step closer, about an arms length away now. “What made you hate me? Didn't we used to be friends? What went wrong?” Jake looked dumbfounded, as if you asked him the meaning of life. “I-i can't answer that.”

 

         “What? Why not?” You said as you stepped even closer, right infront of him. Now, it was well know in your school that you were Bi- sexual, that you went both ways, and alot of people where like that now-a-days. There were a lot in your school actually, and it wasn't a problem. You would occasionally have A jackass tease you about it now and then, but you didn't care, you expected it. What you didn't expect was to have one of those jakeasses kissing you in the next four seconds, even though that's exactly what happened. Hey, you wernt complaining 

             You didn't mean it! You couldn't control yourself, it was an accident! okay no it wasn't. It was fully intentional and you know it. You grabbed the sides of Dirks shirt and leaned in and kissed Dirk right on the mouth. And what you couldn't guess in a million years, even if your life depend on guessing this you would die because, Dirk Strider was kissing back. Next thing you know you were pushed up against the fence, his knee in between your legs, brushing up against you, he was kissing, licking, nipping at your neck, and your mouth was wide open in shock-in pleasure and in lust as you let out a soft moan. No stop, stop, stop you had to stop this. Your mind screamed, why? You started it! Even though you just wanted to tell your mind to shut up you knew it was right. you started to whisper out ‘Stop’ and ‘Wait’ until it finally became a sentence. “S-stop. Dirk Stop!” You pushed him away. Dirk just stood there with a puzzled face “I don't understand, i thought you-” he was about to finish with ‘liked it’ and a smirk, but you cut him off. “We can't! Im sorry but we cant, im so stupid, just im sorry.” And you started to back up. “You -cant tell anyone this happened....” He grabbed your wrist and pulled you close, shit just cuz this kid was less muscular than you, doesn't beat the intimidating fact he was taller then you. “Make me” He said and he tried to kiss you again but you pushed him away once more. “L-look w-we can talk tomorrow after school okay? I just have to be home.” Both you and him know your bulshitting but he just smirks “Ill hold you to it then.” You could hear a bit of southern drawl come out (he picks it up from his bro that he lives with) “O-okay-” you pause “uh and Dirk?” You start to ask “Yeah?” he replys. “N-no-ah never mind.” you say, as you quickly turn to walk your way home, gradually trying to abscond the fuck out of there. “Tomorrow then English, its a date.” He says and turns to walk the other way. While meanwhile you freak out about his choice in words. 

             When you get home You find your mom working on paperwork and your Dad watching TV, you say your hellos and go upstairs on your laptop. The rest of the night is uneventful, the clock in your room strikes its hour hand, meaning it was currently 11:30pm.Your parents went to bed about and hour ago, and with your dashboard holding nothing new, you shut your laptop and set it on the ground. You were ready to fall asleep until your mind started to wander. Your hand traces over or neck, and you figure sense you take showers in the morning, not at night, Dirks kiss must still be on your skin. Your heart jumps as you turn on your side, hand still on your neck, you close your eyes and remember the moment. You kissed him, then he pressed you against the fence, when you felt his knee brush up against the in between of your legs, is when you were finally aware of your position. He kissed back and when you made those embarrassing moans, he moved his kisses down your neck. You stretch your neck as to re-enact that moment.

                 But then you can feel an imaginary Dirk, kissing your skin like before. His voice rings through your ears. The seductive tone that you only heard for the first time ever those few short hours ago. And you find your hand moving down into your boxers, except its not your hand, its Dirks, he is still kissing your neck to. He is moaning your name, and your hand- his hand starts to pump your hard member as you shudder under his touch. “Dirk” you silently moan out to the night. the hand under your pillow clenches and you get a fistfull of its stuffing. You pump faster, your mouth opens in a cry of his name, you turn your head to quiet your moans in your pillow. He pumps faster kisses you sucking on your neck more, more, more you need more friction more of him, more of “Dirk!” You cry out as you cum into your hand, you take deep breaths and clear your head. You have done this before, but never admitted it to yourself, never cried out his name, but with all the events tonight, you think it was finally time to come to terms with the reality that, you love Dirk strider. You love Dirk strider, he may feel the same about you, taking in consideration the way he reacted to your kiss, and you were supposed to fight him next week. Shit.

 

Chapter Text

    Last night after you clean yourself up, you let your mind stop thinking in fear you would get no sleep at all, but you found you didn't need much help your ‘release’ made it easier for you to fall asleep. The last thing you remember is the rise and fall of your chest as you breathed soft light shaky breaths and you couldn't help but feel warm inside, full of love at it felt so perfect. The harsh cold stab of the sharpened iceblade that is reality, came when your alarm went off. As far as everyone else knows, your a snarky ass to Strider, he likewise, is the same back. Your bitter hate for each other is well known in the school like yin and yang many would describe what you too had, but that was just it you ‘had’ nothing but hate. You cross the hall and thank god the bathroom was there because the two steps it took you to get there seemed like you would collapse before you could take them. You slam the bathroom door and bang your head on its closed cold wooden surface once inside. With an added fist to the door, you whimper a curse and you can't help yourself as tears start to pour down your face. Reality strikes of what's going on that day, you have no idea what you will do, and you decide to leave it to future you during school time that day to straighten things out, and know what to do. You turn on the shower hot enough to reden your skin, when you are done washing yourself you switched the water to cold and stood under the shower. Punishment for thinking of him, you will never have him, to get your hopes up is stupid, he is messing with you, you dumb fuck. At least thats what you lead yourself to believe, your shattering falling apart, you can't even decipher your own feelings.

    You get a heavy feeling that Dirk enjoys pulling the strings of your heart, making you dread walking home one class period, and then beg the clock to move its black ominous hands faster onward, or stare at the fire alarm and hope school issued a drill that day and maybe you could see Dirk outside see him and-. See him and what? Your mind asked, you built a shell you must live with for the rest of your life so it seemed. You would have to act like you hated him anyway. You don't see Dirk in the hallways on friday, your schedules don't match up in a way for you to pass by him today. But on your way to Global History you smell his cologne in the hall, you wanted to melt, you were greatly disappointed when the girl next to you smelled of perfume, and your nose lost the scent. You had your assistant coach teach practice after school, you lied and said you had to take a make-up test in Geometry. Thankfully you avoided your friends enough as to where they had no idea you were acting different. You were about to walk home when you realized, just because you rushed out of the school, doesn't mean Dirk did. Then you had the best idea ever, Fencing practice took place in the Northern Gym, the northern gym is where you gym locker was, you had the perfect plan. You could peek and watch Dirk for a bit and go before he left, if anyone saw you in the locker room you would say how earlier today you left your ipod in your locker and you walked back to school to retrieve it.

 

    So ‘peeked’ is exactly what you did. When you first look Dirks blonde hair stuck to his forehead a bit from sweat, is when you realize your heart was racing a hundred miles a minute. No Five hundred, he bit his lip for whatever reason and it should be a crime to look that fucking sexy in a white fencing suit. Those things weren't supposed to be sexy, that's not fair. You watched him as he directed the bouts, fixed posture and demonstrated moves people were getting wrong. Every move was graceful, strong, and forceful but fluent and breathtakingly fast. You watched as his fingers manipulate the handle of the blade so the foil would move; bend to his will like a magic show where you just gawked at the magicians talent. Although the only optical allusion here was that you dreamed you had a chance that maybe, just maybe for once if you begged him, Dirk would place those fingers on you to caress your body. Sadly before you knew it time passed quickly and you had to leave before the others caught you on your way out. You left it up to your future self to decide what to do, but you had no-fucking-idea what to do, you are your future self, welp your shit out of luck. You put in one of your earbuds and pressed play on your ipod, you weren't feeling happy exactly, you were nervous and you just wanted to feel strong.

    You play ‘Evanescence- My Last Breath’ it was well know you liked metal and rock and screamo, some people think its because of your whole bad ass aura with gun club and everything. The truth is it expresses your anger and your emotions more than you ever could you let your music speak for you. You dont let anyone know it but you have quite a voice, a really good one actually, but that's just it, you dont let anyone know, you dont want to sing in front of people because you only sing your music. Your music in a direct portrayal of your feelings you would just start crying like the caged little boy you really are. But before you could stop yourself to notice anyone near you you start to sing softly..”Hold on to me love, you know i can't stay long....all i wanted to say was i love you and i'm not afraid. Can you hear me? Can you feel me in your arms?” You take a deep breath, but cant stop yourself from continuing singing, no one was around you were approaching the sidewalk-enclosed-by-two-suburban-picket-fences-that-you-lamely-called-an-alleyway now.

   “holding my last breath, safe inside myself... are all my thoughts of you. Sweet raptured light it ends here tonight.” You just barely finish the lyrics before there was a tug at your hand. You stop and turn around to find none other then Dirk giving you a stoic look. You rip your earbud out of your ear and shake loose of his grip, backing up a bit. “W-what the heck dont grab me like that!” "You never told me you could sing." Dirk said teasingly. Your mind floods with the fact you were singing. “H-how long have you been standing there?” He just smirked, damn that asshole for being so chill about this. “Forget about me already?” he said. Oh god if he only knew, and your pretty sure he did. He is messing with you. “Look, its even a new level of low for you to be doing this.” you looked at him stern, he looked a bit annoyed. “And what exactly might i be doing? Hm? Because i know that wasn't a joke yesterday.” he said. Maybe you should end this whole thing now you’ll never have him, what's the point? “Yesterday was...an accident!” You choked down your lies, choked them down like dry cold turkey and you stared at a cold glass of water, the truth, and refused to take a sip. Now Dirk’s faced seemed panicked (well as long as you have known him, to anyone else maybe just slightly annoyed) you were actually scared, what did you just do? You started to choke down silent tears, but you couldn't stop them from running down your face. He turned his head slightly and looked away from you like he was thinking.

    “Wait...” you start “I..” you reach for the glass of water and devour it in seconds “Thats i lie! Im sorry Dirk i, im sorry...” Now he looked concerned for you again, voice filled with tears you couldn't bring yourself to say any more until he took hold of your hips and guided you close to him slowly. When the two of you were close enough you where in kissing distance he asked softly. “Sorry for what?” You froze a bit still shivering your crying subsided with a sniff as you regained yourself, blushing in realization of your position. “Im sorry ive been so vile to you....and well.. when actually...” He looked at you to continue “I-i just, for so long i-” He pulled you into an embrace. “I know.” he started “I kinda figured it out, also i saw you at the beginning of fencing practice.....” he paused “I'd notice you anywhere.” Dirk retreated from the hug to look into Jake's eyes, raising a hand up to his cheek to lightly swipe away the tears with his thumb. “Your also terrible at being discreet.” he chuckled softly. Jakes back was to the Fence on the right of the sidewalk, the same fence that he was pressed up against the other day. “Dirk...i-” He smirked and silenced you with a kiss. You melted and fumbled back hitting the fence somewhat gracefully as the pressure of Dirks kisses grew so did the heat, this time dirk was the first to moan. Like yesterday he put his knee between your legs and made you mewl and moan and he increased friction on your erection, kissing your neck, this time instead of ‘stop’ you moaned out ‘yes'.

   There were 3 ‘thuds’ that you expected to hear, the ‘thud’ of the blood pulsing in your ears, the ‘thud’ of your heart pounding in your chest and the ‘thud’ of your head as it sometimes moved back against the wooden fence. You weren't accounting for a fourth ‘thud’ nope not at all. So you can imagine your surprise when you hear the ‘thud’ of Dirks Knees dropping to the ground, mouth dangerously close to your erection you were definitely sporting, fingers teasingly tugging at your belt on your shorts, and at the angle you were currently at you can see his orange irises glowing with intimidating lust and looking at you, smirking with an added soft chucle, this time meschiviouse instead of purely kind and light hearted, this time it was full of desire and laced with a deviouse tone.

 The haze of the day grew moonlit as it started to get darker outside.