It's been four days since that stupid Ancient device rendered both Rodney and John incapable of speech, and Rodney's still doing his best to avoid John. And John can understand that, at least a little. After all, it's kind of John's fault that he initialized the silencing device, although to be fair, Rodney had a hand in it too. Really, though, John's not that concerned about being fair or laying blame; he's more concerned about Rodney.
Because Rodney, John knows, isn't really angry at John. Rodney is scared.
That, in and of itself, is not unusual; Rodney's almost always scared. The fact that he does what needs to be done anyway is one of the things John admires most about him. Any idiot can be fearless; the real hero is the guy who knows all the ways things can go bad and still keeps going. And sure, sometimes John has to yell at Rodney to get him to snap out of it and focus, but that's all part of Rodney Wrangling and John's used to it.
The problem is, he can't do that now because John can't yell at anyone. He also can't give orders or ask team leaders to fill in the blanks on vague mission reports or talk to Elizabeth about security measures. Honestly, when he really thinks about it? He doesn't actually miss being able to talk. As long as he has faith that Zelenka will eventually fix things--which he does--not talking for a while is kind of a relief.
For Rodney, though, it's a goddamn nightmare. Talking isn't quite like breathing to him, but it's close. While John knows that Rodney trusts Zelenka more than he'd ever say, he also knows that Rodney's kicked into Worst Case Scenario mode and getting him out of it will require more than yelling. It'll also probably take more than dinner and the most recent season of Doctor Who, but John figures that's a good place to start.
"Hey," he tries to say as Rodney answers his door. Nothing comes out, of course, and Rodney scowls at him for a long moment before stepping aside. After setting the tray on Rodney's desk, John holds out the package of DVDs he's wrapped in plain paper.
Rodney looks surprised when he unwraps the package and sees the Doctor Who box set. John mimes out the Daedalus landing, a little embarrassed at how long it takes Rodney to figure it out. John's always sucked at charades and stuff like that and it's made the past few days kind of annoying.
Putting the box set aside, Rodney steps up to give John a hug. A little surprised--they're not all that into hugging--John gets a sudden idea. After sliding his arms around Rodney, he strokes Rodney's arm and then taps out, "I'm sorry," in Morse code. Rodney figures it out faster than he got John's miming earlier.
"Me too," Rodney taps out, and John relaxes just a little. Rodney's probably still a little freaked out, but John's hoping to take care of that too.
He jerks his head at the tray, raising an eyebrow, but Rodney's way ahead of him. He shakes his head and tugs John toward the bed. Grinning, John lets Rodney get him to the bed and then goes for Rodney's belt as he sits down. Once he's got Rodney's pants and boxers down, he leans in and licks delicately at the head of Rodney's cock. Rodney huffs out a little breath and John smiles up at him before turning his attention back to Rodney's cock.
It's a nice cock; John's always liked giving Rodney head. In fact....
John wraps his hand around the base and pulls back. "You have the best dick," he says. "I like the way it's work to get it all in."
Even though he knows he can't be heard, John's face is still hot when he slides his mouth down over Rodney's cock. He's never told Rodney that, of course. He sucks at dirty talk; he feels stupid and clumsy combining words with sex. It's easier to just do things, but now, maybe he can do both. Sort of try it out, like a rehearsal or something.
They might not be able to speak, but they can both make certain noises. As John goes and down and down and even further down on Rodney's cock, he can hear Rodney moaning and gasping. The silence is kind of strange though, because while John hardly ever talks in bed, Rodney does all the damn time. In fact, that's one of the things John really likes about sex with Rodney; it's so much fun getting him to the point where he's stammering and almost incoherent.
"I miss hearing you," he says, once he's got Rodney hard and slick. "It's so fucking hot when you start swearing." Rodney give him a curious look and John just shrugs and smiles, like it's no big deal.
He's not sure if Rodney wants something simple, like mutual blow jobs, or if he wants to fuck John. How the hell is he supposed to ask or mime that without resorting to clumsy Morse code? Then inspiration hits and he reaches into the drawer on Rodney's nightstand and pulls out the lube.
"You want me to keep blowing you?" John asks. He licks his lips and looks at Rodney's cock. "Or this?" He holds up the lube.
Rodney frowns for a moment, and then he takes the lube out of John's hands. John nods and then pauses. He bottoms a lot more than Rodney does, but occasionally Rodney likes being fucked, and John's not sure what's Rodney's interested in tonight. He knows what he wants, though, and he looks pointedly at the lube in Rodney's hands and then gets out of his clothes in a hurry.
John manages to get undressed a little faster than Rodney does, and by the time Rodney's naked, John's on his hands and knees on the bed. When Rodney sits down next to him and runs a hand down the length of John's spine, John reaches out and taps out "this OK?" on Rodney's arm. His answer is a snort, and when he looks up at Rodney, Rodney's "well, duh," expression makes it obvious.
He grins at Rodney and then settles down on his knees and elbows, ass in the air and his knees spread. Rodney's hand runs down his spine again, but this time he keeps going, letting his fingers trail down the crack of John's ass. Squirming a little, John gives an appreciative moan and says, "God, you have amazing hands."
With a frown, he wonders why he's never told Rodney that. It's not like it's actual dirty talk or anything.
Then Rodney's fingers are back and this time they're slick with lube. He seems to be in the mood to take it slow, and why not? It's not like they have anything to do; they're both relieved of duty, so the only thing that could interrupt them would be a major emergency. "Yeah," John says. "Do it slow. Make me wait for it."
It's weird, he thinks as Rodney gets his hole really slick before pushing the tip of one finger inside John. Normally John would be telling Rodney to get on with it, to hurry up, even though he secretly likes it when Rodney's slow and really thorough. "God, your fingers feel so fucking good inside me."
One of those fingers, all slippery with lube, strokes across John's perineum. He jerks away and then, as quickly as he can, pushes back against Rodney's finger. Rodney taps on John's ass and John recognizes "OK?". John twists so he can look at Rodney over his shoulder and nods, hoping he looks as eager as he feels. Rodney grins and when he fingers John again, John settles back down and moans.
"Do you like that? Because it's fucking amazing...I'd do that to you if you liked it." John's never gotten his mouth near anyone's ass, but he suddenly wants to. He's pretty sure he could talk Rodney into it. "Fuck," he says. "I want to lick you there, even rim you if you wanted it."
Rodney just pats John's ass and slides his finger back inside. It's good, and it gets even better when Rodney pushes another finger in. He's still taking his time, though, spreading his fingers a little and then moving out to add more lube.
"That's...yeah, that's it. Your fingers...you're so fucking good with them." He's squirming more now, and Rodney smacks his hip lightly. Unsure if Rodney wants him to stop squirming or if he's just letting John know that he appreciates the view, John turns again to look. Rodney's smiling that broad, real smile most people don't get to see and John can't help smiling back at him.
"Have I told you," John says, once he's turned and and his face is back safely resting on his pillow. "Have I told you how much I like it when you smile like that?" He hasn't and he knows it, because it's just not the kind of thing John says. Right now, he's not really sure why.
Then Rodney eases a third finger into him and John groans and pushes back, wanting more. "C'mon, Rodney. Gimme more." He's said that before but it's still weird because normally Rodney would be telling him to be patient or that he's going to fuck John so hard or that John's fucking hot like this. They're not exactly silent, John's panting hard and Rodney's humming a little now and then but still, it's pretty quiet and John's not sure he likes that.
"Rodney, please? Fuck me now, please?" That's another thing John doesn't do and he wonders if Rodney would like hearing him beg. Rodney does, sometimes, when John's blowing him with a couple fingers up his ass. John doesn't think any less of him for it, doesn't think Rodney's at all submissive or anything. "Please please please?" John tries out and yeah, it actually feels kind of good to be able to say what he's usually thinking at this point.
He feels it in his thighs when he slides his knees just a little further apart, but it's worth it when Rodney makes a little huffing noise and twists his fingers hard. "Oh fuck...do that again! God, Rodney, more!" As if Rodney can hear him--or maybe it's just the way John's moving--Rodney does it again and then again. "God, your fingers...."
John's more than ready when Rodney finally pulls his hand back and settles behind John. "Do it," John says as he pants into his pillow. "C'mon, Rodney, fuck me. Wanna feel you in me." That's the kind of thing that would normally make John wince, but now that he's kind of eased into it, it's not that bad. In fact, it's kind of hot, being able to let go like this. "Do it," he says again. "Fuck me!"
Rodney's cock, John thinks as Rodney pushes slowly inside him, is perfect for this, too. John's slick and ready, but there's still there's that faint burn John likes so much. "I fucking love your dick...yeah, gimme more!" But Rodney just keeps moving slowly and John wonders if he'd go faster if he could hear John, if he knew how much John wants it. "Please please please...damnit, Rodney, come on!"
When Rodney pauses, pressed right up against John's ass, John figures it's time for a little non-verbal communication. He pulls away from Rodney a little and then presses back hard, clenching down tight against Rodney's cock. Rodney's gasp seems unusually loud and John grins and does it again. "Yeah, you like that, don't you? Want more?"
John's about to move again when Rodney's hands come down onto his hips, grabbing hard and holding John still. He stays like that for half a second and then pulls back and then shoves in. John grunts and does his best to just take it as Rodney starts fucking him hard and fast. The angle is perfect; John sees stars behind his closed eyelids as Rodney fucks him and fucks him and....
"Yeah yeah yeah...God, fuck me...oh yeah, Rodney! Love it...love your dick in me, love the way you fuck me. More, goddamnit, c'mon, give me more!" It's easy now; John can say all the things guys in pornos say and it doesn't feel weird or forced. It feels perfect and he just keeps talking, his mouth moving even as he pants and groans. Rodney might not be able to hear John's words but he sure as hell knows what John wants, because he just keeps going. Still, for all that John's babbling like he never has before, the silence is heavy and oppressive. "Miss your voice, miss hearing you say my name...oh fuck, Rodney...gimme more!"
Even though Rodney's gripping John's hips so tightly he's going to leave bruises, John manages to shove back a little; it's enough to make Rodney speed up just a little. "Yeah yeah yeah...do it...love it when you fuck me...love your dick in me...love this so much...God, Rodney...love you!"
For just a moment, it feels like time has stopped. All John can think is why? Why did he say that? Why hasn't he said that before? And then, as he comes hard, he isn't thinking at all. Coming feels like saying, "I love you." It feels right and perfect and so fucking good that John has to fight to keep from collapsing down onto the bed.
Behind John, Rodney grunts and his rhythm goes unsteady. "Yeah," John says. "Yeah, Rodney...c'mon c'mon c'mon...." And Rodney does, shoving in hard and fast before he goes still. Unlike John, Rodney doesn't manage to keep in position, and once he's done coming, his weight shifts onto John's back. John's used to it, though. He doesn't even mind the wet spot as he eases down until he's lying on the bed under Rodney. "This is nice," he says. "Nice and close...I like it."
Of course, Rodney doesn't know that. He rolls off John quickly, panting as he flops down onto his back. When John turns his head to look at him, Rodeny's still flushed and his hair line's a little sweaty. He's unshaven and tired-looking and John can't help smiling at him: right now, as far as John's concerned, Rodney looks perfect.
"I love you," John says and then catches his breath. He can hear himself. The words seem to echo around the room, and Rodney's eyes fly open and he stares at John in shock. "Um," John says, and yeah, he still sounds incredibly loud to himself. "You heard that?"
"Yeah," Rodney says. "I take it you didn't mean to...."
Rodney's giving him an out, and John kind of hates the wary look on his face, the downward slant of his mouth. "I said it earlier," he says. "When we were...." He trails off and is about to try again when Rodney's radio chirps.
Rodney has to reach across John to get the radio, but John grabs his wrist. "I meant it," he says, even though his heart is racing and he feels just a little nauseous.
"I was afraid...I thought it was just me...um...." Rodney stammers and then he's smiling. "Yes, John. Me too. I love you."
"Rodney? Colonel Sheppard?" John's pretty sure Zelenka says something else, but he and Rodney are too busy kissing and anyway, it's kind of obvious that the problem's been fixed.
It won't be easy, he thinks when Rodney finally stops kissing him and reaches for the radio, but maybe John should say some of the other things he's kept locked up in his head. "Yeah," he says softly. "I think I just might do that."