Title: Alone With You
Author: Lil Jei
Rating: PG 13
Wd Ct: ?
A/N: Un-beta'd and not exactly word for word of the song...but still I tried.
Summary: Inspired by Jake Owen's "Alone With You" for chubwinchester's meme.
No matter how they ended he still wanted him. Dean had been perfect for the past couple of years, but then he got even better. Middle age had hit at just the right time. Sam had discovered kinks he'd never known he had. But Dean had steadily gotten more and more depressed over his image. And Sam had begun dreading meal times and sex times, but even now he wanted what they used to be. Well before things had gone crazy.
Dean's damn weight had become more important than their relationship. It had hurt Sam in ways he couldn't describe. Dean would always seek out Sam for sex and affection in the bedroom but avoided everything else. Sam could see that Dean was doing it as a way to seal himself off from the possibilty of being dumped. It took booze and weed somedays for Dean to even crawl into bed with him. And cuddling had become a no go zone...and that used to be one of their favorite things to do especially on football Sundays.
And Sam hated it. He'd lay awake at night after each and every time they did have sex and wanted to hate himself and Dean. They'd both stopped talking about anything other than sex, no talk about love, fun times, hell even sports was an avoidable conversation with Dean because he was jealous over the athletic bodies. He knew that they had gone from being in love and happy for 5 years to being out of touch and unhappy with themselves and one another.
What hurt too because of everything was that they'd conquered everything else; the dreams about ghosts and past lives, the economy and money issues, hell they'd even made it past meeting the in-law stage with flying colors. But this thing was between them, this weight that slowly crept up on Dean had become this tangible and destructive thing in their relationship. Dean went from having to be semi-active at work to being in meeings and constantly doing nothing but talk on the phone. And that had proven bad for his health kick and diet obsession. It had gone from 5 pounds the first year to 10 and then last year they'd past the 15 pound mark and Dean had lost it. A melt-down with tears, screams, broken mirrors, and slamming doors. And that only been the beginning.
It had quickly gone from a kink for Sam to something he wanted to hate too. And when he got mad about it and Dean tried to say it didn't matter that made Sam even madder. There was such a disconnect between them that all the rest of their life began to crack. He tried to explain to Dean that he didn't mind and that he understood but Dean took it as another sign of his failing. And that would make him try even harder to seduce and please Sam, and Sam hated that feeling. He felt that after all they'd been through Dean didn't need to take advantage or push the sex on Sam just to feel better about them.
Sam did realize though that between work and the weight Dean was a heart attack waiting to happen and Sam tried to make things healthier but that back-fired and led to their breaking up. Dean just couldn't understand what Sam wanted one way or the other. And Sam was fed up with feeling like the bad guy, only there to make Dean feel sexy again or to be screamed at. And he knew Dean felt out of control and ugly, but nothing Sam did was helping so he had sat them down one night and said "This isn't working, I can't win this war and...I just can't be alone with you anymore."
That was that then, he'd said he'd pick up his stuff when Dean was at work one day and he'd walked out. And spending every day afterwards regretting it. But he knew it didn't matter, he and Dean needed different things in life and as much as it hurt to give up Dean and their life together Sam had known he needed to leave, needed to break this addiction. It wasn't okay now but one day it would be, hopefully sooner rather than later.