con bravura (alternatively titled: a romance in pixels)

by TheMostPsychotic

Summary:

con bravura. adv. : in music; boldly, brilliantly. From the Italian with boldness.

Sometimes you have to be brave. And sometimes someone else has to be brave for you.

(In the end, though, you're still going to have to be brave for yourself at some point. Whether you want to or not.)

Chapter 1: in which roxy is impossible and jane is as romantically linear as her time period dictates

-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
TG: jaeny
TG: fuck
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
TG: uh
TG: so dirk n i were talking an
TG: *d
TG: shit
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
GG: What in the Sam Hill do you think you're doing?
TG: uhhhhhh
GG: What were you and Dirk talking about?
GG: You sure seemed eager to tell me!
GG: And now you don't anymore. Puzzling, really!
TG: sure is puzlinz allright
TG: maybe ill jsut
TG: leav eyou here to puzzzle over it while i go get a drink
TG: or 2
TG: or 12
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
GG: Stop being ridiculous, Ro!
GG: So help me, I will talk to DIrk and get him to copy/paste.
TG: nooo not the copypasta
TG: y would u do this to me :'c :"c :'c
GG: Because I am a wicked, wicked girl.
GG: C'mon, RoLal, don't keep me in such suspense!
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] is now an idle chum! --
GG: Oh goodness.

-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] --
GG: Dirk, are you there?
TT: Sorry, Crocker, the man's out.
TT: I'm here, though. What can I do for a pretty lady like you?
GG: Hoo hoo hoo, you ladies' man you! :B
GG: Well, RoLal seemed pretty excited about something, and then she seemed to change her mind!
GG: She's idle now, and refuses to talk to me.
GG: I threatened to get Dirk to give me the conversation they had, but I guess that one's gone down the tubes!
TT: Aw, you have no faith in me, do you, Crocker?
TT: I can pull the motherfucker up right now.
GG: Can you really???
TT: Sure can.
TT: Here we go, all up in my clipboard.
TT: Wait a second.
TT: Whoa.
GG: Whoa, what?
TT: Nothing.
TT: Just, damn, shit be heavy.
TT: I haven't seen Dirk elocute like this since that one talk about feelings we had, once.
TT: And shit if Roxy's not waxing poetic.
GG: About what???
GG: This isn't fair, just paste the log!
TT: Uh, sweetheart, I dunno if I feel comfortable giving this to you myself.
GG: No!
GG: Ugh, come on.
GG: You know, none of you are being very helpful about this!
TT: Might be a method behind our madness, did you think of that?
GG: No, but I doubt there is!
GG: I bet this is all an elaborate prank!
GG: Well, you tell Roxy I'm the master of pranks around here, so she can just move her little drunken patootie right out of my spot!!
GG: >:B
TT: Haha. Oh God, oh man, Crocker, I am a fucking robot and I am cracking the fuck up.
TT: This is so ironic it hurts.
TT: Like, literally. It's kind of incredibly fucking sad, actually.
GG: I don't have the faintest clue what you're getting at!
TT: I know, and jeez. Sucks to be Roxy.
GG: Ugh!
GG: You stupid cagey Lalider-Strondes.
TT: The fuck?
GG: I'm going to go talk to Jake!
GG: You tell Dirk to message me when he gets back from wherever he's gone.
TT: Ablution.
GG: Oh. I take it he'll be a while?
TT: Eh, he left two hours ago.
TT: Maybe one more hour?
GG: Bluh!
GG: Well, let me know.
TT: Will do, sugar.
-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] --

-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] --
GG: Do you know what is going on here?
GT: Sorry, what?
GG: Roxy is being utterly impossible and Dirk is taking one of his darned ablutions and I don't know what's happening!
GT: Im not sure i could say i do either.
GT: Just what are you referring to?
GG: Roxy being so cagey!
GG: She said she had discussed something with Dirk and wanted to talk to me about it, but then decided it was a bad idea, and now she won't talk to me at all!
GG: My thought is that it's either a prank or something is seriously wrong.
GG: Oh gosh, Jake, what if Roxy has a fatal illness?
GG: She's too young to die!
GG: Oh gosh, oh geez, I can't believe I was so snappy with her. What if something happens to her before she talks to me again?
GT: Ok jane you are being utterly impossible yourself!
GT: Calm down. There is almost no way in hell that roxy has a fatal disease because nobodys told me anything about it either!
GT: Im pretty sure the fact that im in the dark about this means its something non life threatening.
GT: Maybe just be patient and wait for dirk to come back from his dumb ablution.
GG: That's going to be like an hour!
GG: What could it be, Jake?
GG: Why is she being so...ugh!
GT: Ok im no grammar expert but i dont think ugh is actually a legitimate adjective.
GG: Shoosh you!
GG: What if she wants to go out with you? Oh jeez, I don't know if I could handle that.
GT: That would be a little disconcerting.
GT: Goodness i would have all the ladies then wouldnt i!
GT: *wipes face with handkerchief*
GT: Speaking of ladies, you havent told the lady herself have you?
GG: Goodness no!
GG: Have you told Dirk?
GT: Not yet i havent.
GT: Im a little worried about telling him, actually.
GG: Because of his little crush?
GT: Yeah...im kind of afraid hes still got it!
GG: That would be awkward, all right.
GG: Even more awkward would be if Roxy liked you!
GG: Gosh, awkward-fest.
GT: Sure would be.
GT: Jane? You still there?
GG: Haha yeah I definitely am still here!
GT: You always get flustered when were talking about going out.
GT: Is there something wrong?
GT: I know it must be a little weird for you particularly because of the long distance not telling anyone thing...
GG: No no it's fine!
GG: Just fine.
GG: The not telling people part was my idea, anyway.
GG: Awkward!
GG: Awkward-fest!
GG: Hahahaha!
GT: Jane you do realise i know you.
GG: Umm...yes?
GT: I can tell when youre being silly.
GG: Can you!!!!??!
GT: Well yeah youre using like twenty punctuation marks every message.
GT: Seems a little fishy to me.
GT: *glares at you very sternly*
GG: Why would it be???????!?
GG: I mean why would it be?
GT: Because youre stressed about something!
GT: And its not just miss lalonde!
GT: Whats wrong honey?
GG: Honey?
GT: Sorry just thought id try it out.
GT: Test the waters so to speak.
GT: Ill take that as a no?
GG: No!
GG: I mean it's fine, I guess, if you really want to use it?
GT: Ill take that as a no.
GT: For fucks sake jane you really should learn to express your thoughts!
GG: Express my thoughts hahahahah why would I need to do that.
GT: For this very reason jane...i am convinced you arent telling me something that is pretty important!
GG: I have nothing to say to you!!!
GG: Except that, um, you are a pretty good boyfriend, and stuff.
GT: Are you sure you want to be doing this jane?
GG: WHAT?????
GG: I mean what?
GT: I kind of feel like you like someone else.
GT: Its not a big deal really! I mean we started going out just because there was nobody else to go out with.
GT: I mean i guess i couldve gone out with strider but um frankly im not sure im ready to deal with his histrionics as a boyfriend.
GG: Hahahahahahahahahahaha
GG: I really have no IDEA what you are talking about!!!
GG: I mean, the histrionics part I get. Dirk can get dramatic!
GG: But why ever would you say I liked someone else?
GT: Because youre being silly about this and also because we never really say we like each other or anything.
GT: Its a pretty sad excuse for a relationship.
GG: Are you saying we should break up?
GT: Maybe?
GT: Its your pick in the end jane. This was your idea and youre pretty much running the show.
GT: I think we can both tell that its probably time.
GG: Well, you know.
GG: Um.
GG: You're probably right.
GG: But before we do let me just make this very clear!
GG: I don't like anybody!
GG: I don't really like you, either.
GG: Not in that way, I mean! You're definitely an agreeable guy and I like you bunches.
GG: Just as a friend! :B
GT: Of course of course!
GT: I agree wholeheartedly.
GT: Lets say we put this whole mess behind us and look for people were better suited for.
GG: All right, that sounds just fine.
GG: Of course, there goes my chances of ever being in a relationship again.
GG: I mean, Dirk's not exactly looking for ladies, and if I don't have feelings for you, well...
GG: I don't have a lot of options!
GT: What about roxy?
GG: WHAT????????????????
GG: Okay, and that time I really meant the capslock and all the question marks!!!!
GT: Youre kind of writing her off arent you?
GG: Well, she's a
GG: She's a girl!
GT: *sighs*
GT: That doesnt mean you can just say no to her entirely!
GG: She hasn't asked anything!!!
GT: What if she did?
GT: What would you say?
GG: Probably, um, nothing?
GG: I would be really surprised, I guess.
GG: And confused.
GG: Why on earth would she like me??
GG: I probably would've said the same thing about you had our dating not been a civil agreement between the two of us!
GT: You dont exactly have the greatest of self esteems, ive noticed.
GG: Well, there's not much to be esteemed about!
GG: Wait, that didn't make much sense, I'm sorry.
GT: Theres plenty to be esteemed about miss crocker!
GT: Youre a very nice girl, a great friend, very pretty, very witty and very smart.
GT: Anyone who didnt like you even a smidgen is a gigantic douche and i mean that!
GG: Do you qualify?
GT: No, not particularly, i mean i did actually like you a smidgen.
GT: Just i guess the feeling has faded to more of a friendshippy kind of thing.
GT: I know thats ok with you!
GG: It is, actually.
GG: I'm just worried about my future relationship status.
GG: Oh goodness! Jake, that's Dirk, he's back!
GG: I'll talk to you later, if that's all right!
GT: Sure is!
GT: Have fun and figure out what roxys problem is and then report to me!
GG: Okay, of course!
GG: Bye!
-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT] --

-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
TT: AR said you were looking for me?
TT: Well, here I am.
TT: Gracing you with my presence.
TT: Hello?
GG: Aaahh, sorry, Dirk!
GG: I was saying goodbye to Jake.
TT: What were you two chatting about?
GG: Um, relationships, actually.
TT: Huh.
TT: What a coinkydink.
TT: I was actually going to talk to you about relationships, too.
TT: Did Roxy say anything to you at all?
GG: No!
GG: She said that she was going to talk to me on your orders and then she just rushed off.
GG: She's idle now.
TT: I noticed.
TT: That little bitch, I knew she'd run off. Shouldn't have taken that ablution.
TT: All right, here, let me copy/paste this for you.
TT: Be nice, all right?
GG: About what?
TT: TT: All I'm saying is, maybe it's a good idea for you to talk to her about it. TG: are u serisor TG: i cant just up and go jaeney guess wat i have the hotes 4 u in a p lesbsian fashion is that ok w u??? TT: Yeah, you can. It's actually really easy. TT: You just pester her and say "Hey, Jane, I kind of like you a lot." TT: "Yes-lez." TT: "Wanna go out with me?" TT: "And also maybe fuck like beautiful homosexual bunnies?" TG: holy shitttt strider u defs just took kthat from ur 'courtin jaek english' word doc didnt u TT: Maybe, maybe not. TT: In any case, I at least personalized it for you, didn't I? TG: yeah wooohoo it says lesbian like five ufkcing million times TG: ths for rubbin it in dirk shes never goanna swing that way TG: partics not for ME i mean who would ever liek me lik that TG: not soemoen as perfect as she is thats 3 sure
TT: There's more, hold on.
TT: TG: i mean shes beautiufl and shes so smart TG: i coudlnt be that smrart in amillion yesars TG: shes probably likea fucking genuisu and here i am with an iq thast so low on the scale that the scale literarlly says 'welp this kid is so fuckked in ilfe haha' TG: and the scale for her is liek 'shit girl u going to harvarard!!!' TG: if u know that existed anymore TG: i guess it still xsits for her right TG: so shell probaly go there and become a dr and shesll be like the greatest fucking docotr of all time TG: and all her patients will hit on her and want her fab booty TG: and ill just be sittin here in futureworld pinkin over her gorgeous hair TG: *pining TG: and those EYS have you seen them dirk TG: have you seen those eyes TT: I sure have, Roxy. TT: Don't think I've got quite the appreciation for them that you do, though. TG: nobody does
TT: TG: nobodys ever oging to love her like i love her and I CnATN EVEN TELL HER TT: Yeah, you can. TT: I already told you, just up and tell her. TT: It's really not that hard. TG: OH YEAH THATS WHY U AND JAKE ENGLISH ARE GAY MARRIED TT: Wow, low blow there, sugar. TG: sryr sory sorry TG: im just really stressed abotu this TG: if you couldnt tell TT: No, I could tell. TT: I can also tell that you're totally wasted. TG: well what does one do when one is depsairing for their romance life TG: one gets watested tahts what one does TT: No, that's what you do. TT: A better idea would be to just give yourself up. TG: i cant TG: its gonna screw everyhting up TG: shell newver even talk to me again andits going to DUSKC TG: *sjkck TG: *scuk TG: *how am i even makin these typos shit be crAZY
TT: TT: Tell her. TG: no TT: Do it. TG: nooOOOO TT: If you do it, you'll feel better. TG: yeah thats what people on the interet say about hangover nausea TG: just throw up n youll feel better!! TG: it doesnt work like that dirk TG: the vomit just ekeps comin and coming and comign TG: fufuckkkkkkk TG: my life is the cocksuckiest of them all TT: What can I do to make you take my advice? TG: ship me a box of the finsest liqorus TG: *finest *liqiuors TG: they all have to cost you at least 40 buckaroos TT: Are you serious? TG: toes TG: *lmao TOTES TT: Okay, fine, I'll do it. TT: I'll ship them out Friday. TT: Just tell her. TG: are you sereisou??? you will???? TT: Yeah. I'm finding them right now. TG: hoyl shit TG: good luck gettin them shipped anywaher haha TG: ok well TG: i guess if youre going to all this effort id better do somethign too huh TT: Yeah, you fucking better. Shipping alone is going to cost me like $100. TT: Dammit. TG: hahahahhahah
TT: TG: ok look petsering her rn TT: Good. TT: I'm going to take a shower real fast. Try and pretend that fixin' you up with your longtime crush isn't going to cost me like five thousand fucking dollars. TG: it wont only like four hundered ;) TG: ok here GOES TT: Good luck, Rox. TG: thx TG: im gonna need it :////
TT: That's all.
GG: I think I need some time to myself!!!!!!!!!
-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] --

Chapter 2: in which things happen

Summary:

You can take the plunge, or you can wait behind the curtain. It's all up to you, but only one choice is going to pull you forward.

Pick the right one.

-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] --
TT: Well hey there Rox!
TG: jfc wat do u want
TT: I just wanted to deliver some news!
TG: holy shit
TG: whatsup with the expclaimation pts
TG: *excplanation
TG: wait no that wastn even the wrod i was tryin to type
TG: *exclamation
TG: drirk if ur tryin to cheer my up be4 givng me bad ndews its NOT WORKIN
TT: What do you mean, I'm sure it's giving you a sense of good times and happiness!
TT: Okay yeah I can't do that anymore either.
TT: So I told Jane.
TG: holy fuKCING SHIT YOU DDID WHAT NOW
TG: DIRK STRIDER I WILL HAVE YOUR TESTICELS ON A PLATTER
TG: DELIVIERED TO JAKE ENGLIGHS AND THEN LETS SEE HOW FUNNY TELLING PPPL ABOUT UR SUPER SECRETS CRUSH IS
TG: HUH
TG: YOUI WANNTA TAKE THIS THE MOTHERFUCK OTUSIDE
TT: No, not really.
TG: DIRK IM LITRALLY GOIN TO FUCK U UP OK
TT: Wow, hold up, would you?
TT: I didn't even tell you how she took it.
TG: ok yeah shota
TT: Um.
TT: Did you mean shoot?
TT: Sorry, I'm just having trouble not laughing.
TG: u and ur fucking anime swag
TG: no what did she say asshag
TG: *hat
TT: Asshag is a pretty cool insult, actually.
TT: Can I keep that one?
TG: no u may NOT
TG: (c) roxy incorporprated
TG: now tell me waht janey said u dumbpass
TT: She said she needed some time for herself.
TG: ARE YOU FCUKGING KIDIDNG ME
TT: Uh. No?
TG: DIRK I AM GOING TO KIL YOU IN SOM ANY DIFRENRENT WAYS THAT UNDAYINGUMBRAGES THREATS DONT HVE FUCKING NADA ON ME
TG: POISNON
TG: STABBIIGN
TG: DORWING
TG: *DROWNING
TG: SUFUFCOATION
TG: *HOWEVER THE FUCK THATS ACTAUALLY TYPED I DONT RLLY CARE
TG: PICK WHICH 1 U LIKE THE MOST AND I WILL PICK ONE OF THE ONES YOU DIDNT PICK
TT: I'm not going to give you any ideas on how to kill me.
TT: Besides, I'm all the way over here, Rox.
TT: Nah nah nah boo boo, you can't fucking touch me.
TT: I'm sorry, that was uncalled for in a time as stressful as this one.
TG: NO
TG: EFFIN
TG: SHITBALLS
TG: SHARELOCK
TT: *Sherlock?
TG: FFUCKKCKFKK YOUUUYUYUYOOU STRIDERERRRR
TG: JLASKDJFLDASKJFLDJSF,SA;;
TT: Do you have caps lock on or something?
TT: And was that right there the result of you slamming your head on the keyboard?
TG: DIRK
TT: Wow, do I know you well or what.
TT: Cheer up, Rox, she said she needs a minute to herself. It's not like she said "I'm not lesbian and I'm never going to talk to Roxy Lalonde again because she is! Homophobia FTW!"
TG: YEAH WELL SHE DIDNT SAY "LOL I <3 HER TOO LETS GAT GAY MARRIED ASPAP"
TG: also im not lesbsian
TG: jsyk
TG: i prerfer 'unconcerend about minanimal issues like gender'
TG: minanimal lol thats a p good typo
TG: have to rememeber that one
TT: You turned off caps lock!
TT: I'm proud of you.
TG: yeah yeah im proud of me 2
TG: now onto the killing bit
TG: y/y ?
TT: N.
TG: that wasnt an optoin WRONG ANSREW
TG: ur now.........
TG: soaked in crimsons.
TG: 8))
TT: You're just trying to cheer yourself up now, aren't you?
TG: actually no im trying to distact myself from wanting a glass of straihgtup vodka
TT: Is it working?
TG: u tell me mr
TG: *waves a glass in the ari*
TG: *air
TT: Jesus.
TT: Put that thing down and be patient.
TT: She'll get back to either me or maybe you at some point.
TG: u honestly htink i can wait that long
TG: wat am i some kind of sueprhaman u
TG: *superhuman
TG: lol imagine u as a super ham
TG: dirk strider super ham!
TG: u would taste delicsious
TT: This just strayed into weird territory.
TT: The hell are you drinking?
TG: sighs
TG: good shit striderer
TG: some good shit
TT: Wait.
TT: Jake is pestering me.
TT: I'll be right back.

-- golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] --
GT: How on earth did you manage to break jane mr strider???
GT: She just popped up on my screen mumbling utter horseshit about how i knew everything from the start????
GT: What on gods green earth is she talking about??????
TT: Ah.
TT: Sorry about that, bro.
TT: Guess we're having some technical difficulties.
TT: Except instead of with robots it's with people's brains, yo.
GT: That sounds rather dangerous actually.
TT: Oh, it is.
TT: It's definitely what you would call an "adventure".
TT: Except with 2X the amount of female hormones.
GT: Ok but could you explain what the hell it actually is???
TT: Oh.
TT: Yeah, Roxy likes Jane and I gave Jane the log to prove it and I guess Jane's having an aneurysm now?
TT: I dunno, I'm not the one talking to her, dude.
GT: Oh no im not talking to her anymore.
GT: I kind of stopped looking at her window after the first time she accused me of being "in on the conspiracy".
TT: Why does she think that?
GT: Well uh you see.
GT: This is going to be a touch awkward to explain old chap!
TT: Try me, dude.
TT: I've been playing psychiatrist with a teenage girl's raw emotions. Can't get much more awkward than that.
GT: Well uh jane and i were dating!
GT: And i broke up with her today because i just had this hunch that she needed to be with someone else.
GT: Uh hello?
GT: Strider?
GT: Strider sir are you still alive and breathing?
TT: What.
TT: Oh yeah.
TT: Hey.
TT: Inhaling.
TT: Exhaling.
TT: Both functions are working properly. Don't shit a flip.
TT: I mean like.
TT: Whatever.
GT: Ooookay.
GT: In any case i guess i asked her what would happen if roxy liked her.
GT: Not because i was aware that was a thing but because what if it was a thing?
GT: I just wanted to know if my friends would be compatible or not!
GT: And i guess i was right?
GT: Wow thats pretty crazy huh?
TT: Pretty crazy.
GT: Yeah totally crazy!
GT: If you want to know what janes going to say, i can tell you that i
TT: You?
GT: Wait just one moment jane is really ripping me a new one!
GT: Ok back.
GT: I honestly have no idea what shes going to say!
GT: I just hope that its the choice that will make both my girls happy, you know?
TT: Yup.
TT: Sure is nice when people are happy huh.
GT: Yeah it is!
GT: Um strider are you there?
GT: I mean if youre dealing with roxy simultaneously i totally get it but i thought we were having a conversation.
TT: Sorry.
TT: I may or may not be dealing with my own shit simultaneously.
TT: But whatever, I guess. Roxy and Jane are more important at the present time.
GT: Oh dear im sorry strider!
GT: Anything i can help with?
TT: Probably not.
TT: Thanks for the offer, though.
GT: Sure! You know im always here for you.
GT: Ok but what to do about the girls.
GT: Hmmmm.
TT: Hmm.
TT: Yeah, I have no clue.
TT: Let them fight it out?
GT: There will be bloodshed, i hope you realise.
TT: Dude, that's the point.
TT: Get it all out, you know?
GT: Ok sound argument I guess!
GT: How do we get them to talk to each other though?
TT: Man, I dunno, magic?
GT: Better yet!
GT: Lets be immature and refuse to talk to them anymore until they talk to each other!
TT: Aw hell yeah.
TT: Ok, on the count of three.
TT: One.
TT: Two.
TT: Three.

TT: Hey, just thought I'd tell you, I'm not going to talk to you until you talk to Jane.
TG: what
TG: noo
TG: strider u cant abnandon me like this oK
-- timaeusTestified [TT] has blocked tipsyGnostalgic [TG] --
TG: aw christs

GT: Jane for the love of fuck please just go talk to roxy.
GG: Are you absolutely insane or just mildly batty??
GG: Absolutely not!!!
GT: Well you should be aware that im blocking you until you two do talk.
GG: What???
GG: JAKE YOU GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT.
-- golgothasTerror [GT] has blocked gutsyGumshoe [GG] --

GT: You know old chap on second thought that was pretty stupid of us both to block them at the same time.
TT: Why do you say that?
GT: Because now we really have no way of knowing when theyre done catfighting.
TT: Nah, bro.
TT: I thought of that already.
TT: I haven't blocked Jane and you haven't blocked Roxy, it's just that in their angry and stressed haze they won't process the idea to flip their support systems.
GT: Oh!
GT: I should have known i can always count on you to be levelheaded
TT: Yup.
TT: In all situations at all times.
TT: You know me.
TT: Ha ha.
GT: Dirk you are awfully weird sometimes you know that??
TT: Yup I sure am.
TT: Wow look at the time. I think that now we have solved the ladies' problems I am going to go have something to eat.
-- timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT] --
GT: Strider???
GT: Isnt it four am your time???
GT: Or maybe my calculations are off again i dont know.
GT: *sighs heavily*
GT: Is there something youre not telling me strider??

-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] --
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] --
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
-- gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] --
GG: Stop it, Roxy!
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
GG: Roxy I swear to God.
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
GG: Roxy!
GG: I am trying to be a big girl here.
GG: Please humor me.
TG: dont wanna
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] --
GG: Roxy.
GG: For goodness' sake.
GG: I will cut you.
TG: wow hold the f up
TG: we got a badsass here
GG: The title sort of fits me, doesn't it?
GG: Badsass.
GG: I kind of like it.
TG: ok wait what
TG: wat are you doing
TG: arent you supsposed to be furious w me
GG: Wherever did you get that idea?
GG: Sure I'm a little hysterical but isn't that everyone's natural reaction to this kind of thing.
TG: noope
TG: looked it up on yahoo! answeres and everyoens reaction is different
GG: And Yahoo! Answers has never done you wrong.
TG: yahoo answers is my bff
TG: why are we even talking about this arent there bigger elepants in the room
GG: Elepants.
GG: Pff.
TG: shutt upppp
TG: im kinda sloshed ok dont blame me 4 typsose
GG: You're always sloshed.
GG: Unfortunately.
TG: ye but today im totally slosehd
TG: like EBAYOND slwoshed
TG: shit be crayz sloshes
GG: Wow, you are sloshed.
GG: What's the occasion?
TG: what
TG: the hell
TG: y ru even ASSKING
TG: jessus christ
GG: Right.
GG: Well.
GG: I'm not blowing up at you!
GG: That's a good thing, right?
TG: i guess
TG: it would be bttetr if i knew your ~*~*ture intentions*~~*
GG: Um, my true intentions?
TG: yeap
GG: Um.
GG: My true intentions.
GG: True.
GG: Intentions.
GG: Okay, uh, can we discuss this a little first?
TG: there is absotleutly nothign to discus
TG: *discuss
GG: Yeah, there kind of is!
GG: Okay, what if I ask you questions, and you answer them non-objectively, as if you were answering questions on a test?
TG: ffffine
GG: All right, here we go.
GG: How long have you liked me?
TG: dunno a while
TG: three four yrs
GG: Goodness.
TG: test
TG: this is a tests that im takin in school
TG: remember that above all esle rolal
TG: that tests cannot actually resposnd to your answers
GG: Sorry sorry sorry.
GG: Okay, um.
GG: Why do you like me?
TG: chirst thats like asking someoen why thes kys is blue
TG: idk becaues youre fucking GORGOEUS and because youre smart and funny and eprfect in every single way
TG: liek i have literally not found anything to dlislke ab u
TG: *disliek
TG: *w/e
TG: i mean youre just legitmeately the best person ive ever met and ever will meet how could i not adore u
TG: *letigitmately
TG: **bluh
GG: Okay.
GG: Okay jeez.
GG: I'm sorry! Don't take this as the quiz talking back! It's just I'm having some difficulty knowing someone would say this about me!
TG: ok dont fuckin boTHER with the questions
TG: just tell me flat out lpzl
TG: plz i mean
TG: do you hate me bcuz im lesbian
TG: im not
TG: like im actually not i think imight be like pan or something
TG: i dont fuckin care if youve got boobs ur just like
TG: goddamn janey i love you vag and all ok
TG: if u were a guy i would still be all over you
TG: so maybe that makes me like janesexual
TG: can that b a thing
TG: lets make a pride flag for the small yet proflific commnutiy of janesexuals
TG: no discrimination in the workplace
TG: marriage rights for lgbtqj couples
TG: protest the whtie houses compelte ignorance of janesexuals all over the country
GG: Okay, stop!!
GG: I'm really flattered that you like me.
GG: And frankly, I'm a little bit blown away!
GG: I really never
GG: Gosh, I just
GG: I didn't think anyone would ever actually like me like that!
TG: well happy bday i guess
GG: Roxy, you're the sweetest girl I know.
TG: um thx
TG: or something im not rly sure...how to respoend to that?
GG: I mean, this is probably a really, really awful idea.
GG: But do you maybe want to try going out with me?
GG: I mean, I don't know how to date people, let alone girls, and I don't know if I'll ever like you as much as you seem to like me, but I do like you a heck of a lot and I can definitely do my best.
GG: If my best is good enough, that is.
GG: I'm sorry! I really have no idea how to make romantic proposals!
GG: I'm completely screwing this up, aren't I????
GG: Oh gosh oh gosh oh gosh.
TG: no no calm ur gorgoeus tits janey
TG: jesus
TG: r u kidding
GG: Um?
GG: Not really?
GG: Oh jeez don't make me have second thoughts.
GG: About this.
GG: I'm already stressed out enough!
GG: Oh gosh oh gosh I'm sorry I really didn't mean to offend you or anything.
GG: Roxy, are you there?
GG: Oh gosh I'm a terrible person oh gosh oh gosh oh GOSH
TG: stop saying gosh its starting to look like the word ear
TG: have you ever done that janeay
TG: just said ear over and over and ovee again
TG: its starts lookin p dumb
TG: see lets try it
TG: ear
TG: era
TG: ear
TG: ear
TG: fuck wait how did i mess that up
TG: how hard is ear to type rolal
TG: apparenantly very hard
GG: Roxy!
GG: Please don't leave me hanging!
GG: This is hard enough as is.
TG: ok im sorry
TG: i just am really scared
TG: thats all
TG: what if ur just being
TG: ok yeah thats a dumb thought
TG: lets do this
GG: Really?
TG: really
TG: and lets hope to god we dont fuck oursevles up
GG: Yeah, that sounds like a good plan...
GG: Um, do you know how to date someone?
GG: Just...by the by.
TG: lmfao no fuckin clue babe
TG: were throwin caution to the wind here
TG: lets hope the wind doesnt blow it in like a pile of dog shit or somethin
GG: I'll cross my fingers.
TG: me 2
TG: hey jane
GG: Yeah?
TG: you didnt freak when i called you babe
GG: Um, yeah.
GG: I think it's kind of...cute?
TG: holy fuckin shitbags
TG: 4 realz
GG: You are cute!
GG: There, I said it.
GG: You're cute.
GG: I'm just really nervous.
GG: And don't want to mess this up.
GG: That's my only concern.
GG: Please don't think I'm being silly!
TG: dont worry i dont
TG: im freaking out just as much as u
GG: I don't know, I'm freaking out a lot! :B
TG: no me
GG: I don't think you could possibly be panicking more than I am!
TG: idk im panicking a whole fuckin lot over here actualss
GG: No, I really think I'm more worried about this than you!
TG: jane
TG: i am drinnking wawter
TG: in an effort to sober up and see if that calms me down
TG: do u see my sacrifice
GG: Oh jeez.
GG: You are worried, aren't you?
TG: ridicuclsouyl so
TG: *ridicusloulsy
TG: *ridicuclsouyl
TG: why is htis word so hard to type
GG: *Ridiculously.
TG: thanks babe
GG: Anytime, love.
TG: awwwwww cripses
TG: xcuse me im just metling into a little puddle over here
GG: Maybe we should go talk to the boys?
TG: how they bocked us
GG: They may have *blocked us, but Dirk didn't block me.
GG: Did Jake block you?
TG: oh
TG: no he didnt
TG: i can always count on you 2 b levelheanded cant i
GG: Always, my dear!
GG: Should we tell them that we're on decent terms now?
TG: well
TG: maybe we could just
TG: tell them were dating
GG: Are you sure???
TG: well its not like we can just causaulyly say yeah were ok nothing happened
GG: We actually could...
TG: ok so i kind of want to rub this in striders face
TG: like lol i got my girl u gonna go for ur boy now?
TG: maybe hell actually make a fuckin move
TG: i mean if thats ok w u
TG: i dont mean to rush you
TG: sozzsosoz????
GG: No, no, it's okay.
GG: Actually, I'd rather like to see the boys happy, too.
GG: But maybe we could focus on ourselves first?
TG: yeah i think i could
TG: deal w that
TG: wonkos
TG: *winks
TG: hahAHA score ONE for rolala
GG: Congratulations! You got it on the first try.
GG: Shall we?
TG: we SHALL
TG: *links her arm in janeys*
GG: *Accepts arm linkage with a smile!*
GG: You know, I don't think this is going to be quite so panic-attack-inducing as I was thinking when I first panicked.
TG: no
TG: it wont

Notes:

sorry if the coding is off but i really have to go so i hope it works lmfao

Chapter 3: in which the story ends (or does it?)

Summary:

And then sometimes you need a little kick in the pants to get going.

Protip: the butthurt's worth it.

Notes:

sorry i was going to update yesterday and then rping....
i suck at this whole "responsibility" thing haha

and then it was two months later

TG: and i was like lol no i have a gf
TG: i dont need no man
GG: Hehe!
GG: What did she say?
TG: well she just kinda like
TG: bapcked r the f up lmfao
TG: its funny bcuz dang sista gays arent even a thing anymora but w/e right???
GG: They certainly are around here. :B
TG: ur dad seemed fine with it
GG: Oh, he was!
GG: He loves me. I expected no less of him!
TG: wat ab when u inherint
TG: i mean if were still 2gether then i g uess
GG: What? No!
GG: Shoosh, RoLal.
GG: GFsies 5evr, right?
TG: awww u rememberd my exaxct mispslelling <333
TG: u DO care
GG: Of course I do, love.
GG: On the subject of inheriting? Goodness, I don't know.
GG: I think I'm honestly more worried about justifying to the media that my girlfriend is from the future, not the fact that she's a lady.
TG: oh yeah lol
TG: teensey problme!
TG: and u w ill never bear an hair
TG: *heiar
TG: *hear
TG: *heir
GG: I'm not concerned about that!
GG: Betty Crocker will survive just fine without a little boy or little girl to succeed me; I'll find someone I trust to take care of it.
TG: i think u mean to entrap in her hellsa wicked snares
GG: It's not "hellsa wicked" and being the face of Betty Crocker is not a "snare"!
GG: It's an esteemed position that every young baker aspires to someday reach!
TG: positon my cute butt
GG: Your cute butt indeed!!
TG: spekain of cute botts
TG: when do we get to rp again
TG: winsks
TG: *winks
GG: You and your silly role-playing!
GG: I don't know, soon.
GG: I think I'd prefer it if my dad was out of town.
GG: Just so that he doesn't walk in on anything...personal.
GG: :B
TG: ok fine fiiine
TG: when is he leavin again
GG: Umm...you want me to go ask?
TG: hells YES janeneny
TG: do u want to have some fun or not
GG: I am usually up for fun!
GG: Okay, hold on just one moment.
TG: for u baby i would hold on AALL the momemts
GG: I'm back!
GG: And blushing like a schoolgirl, oh, goodness.
GG: How do I compete with your adorable sweet nothings?
TG: aint hard beautuful
TG: u just talk
TG: ;))
GG: Oh gosh...
GG: I never know what to type when you give me such sweet compliments!
TG: dont worry about it
TG: like i said u just talk
TG: & it gives me the shuvers liek damn
TG: *shivers
GG: Goodness, you're so sweet!
TG: i knwok im kawaii
TG: but do i make ur kokoaro go dokidoki???
GG: My kokoara is dokidoki'ing like you wouldn't believe, Ms Lalonde.
GG: Um, what does that mean exactly?
TG: ahahhah i cannot believe u actaulyl type dthat
TG: dirk will fliap a tit
TG: *SHIT lmfoaaaaa
GG: What???
GG: If you two bet on me again I will be the one flipping a tit.
TG: id like 2 see u TRY
TG: no 4 realzise id like to see u try
TG: when is ur dad goin out of town again
GG: Oh, dear, dear Ro.
TG: weelllllll????
GG: This weekend. :B
TG: oh shist really???
GG: He wasn't going to go to this conference, but I convinced him it would be worth it.
GG: For the good of his career!
TG: jeaney
TG: u are a beautiful piece of heaevn
TG: how did i get so lucky
GG: Gosh, I don't know!
GG: Maybe you're just a pretty piece of heaven, yourself.
GG: *winks*
TG: GODDD JANEY STOP BEIN SO CUTE
TG: christ ur gonana give me a fuckin heart attack
TG: also thx
GG: For??
TG: u won me fifteen bucks
TG: dirk will b so pissed lmfao
GG: You did bet on me!!
TG: i did
TG: and im not ashnamed !!!
GG: Ro, what am I supposed to do with you??
TG: well 4 startesr u could ravish me
TG: ;)))
GG: Ro, darling, that's a little difficult.
GG: Since we're in different time periods and all!!
TG: o pzl
TG: we totes did it last week
TG: oh hey dirky dirk is petsetrin me
TG: brbrs

-- timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] --
TT: How's it going?
TG: its oging well ty v v m
TG: is this a social call mr strider sir or soemthing else ntirely
TT: Okay, so I might be in a bit of a delicate emotional state right now.
TT: Jake has expressed his desire to court a young lady over the internets.
TG: is that soooo???
TG: did he hapepne to sate the name of th woman he was lustin after??
TG: *state
TT: No.
TT: I panicked and pestered you before he could say anything else.
TG: ooohhh dirk :(((
TG: thats not how u propese gay marriage silyl boy!!!
TT: I said a lady!
TG: did HE say a lady
TT: Well.
TT: GT: I was thinking i might want to be in a relationship again! GT: I met this nice girl on the internet and she seems interesting. GT: What do you think about that? GT: I thought i would get my best friends opinion before i made any sudden moves. -- timaeusTestified [TT] is now an idle chum! --
TT: Yeah so you now know everything I know about mystery lady.
TG: dirk u r as dumb as an ASS
TT: Like a butt, or a pony?
TT: I could deal with the latter. Some of those mofos are pretty intelligent, you know.
TG: ok wait one sec!!!
TG: did i ask for a lectutore on ponybrains
TG: wowo gosh i dont think id did!!!
TG: gooshshh
TG: let me go fetch janyey ok
TG: shes got some chocie words 4 u as well
-- tipsyGnostalgic [TG] has invited timaeusTestified [TT] to memo dirk u huge fuckin ididot let the cototon candy squad slap some sense into ur thikc skullk --
TT: I don't know about this.
TT: What if my thikc skullk is damaged beyond repair.
TG: get yo ass in the memoroom dirk
TG: or welel be forced to take xtremm mesaures
TT: Such as?
TG: such as fuckin ur shit up SIDESWAYS
TG: go
TT: Ok, I'm going.

-- timaeusTestified [TT] has entered memo dirk u huge fuckin ididot let the cototon candy squad slap some sense into ur thikc skullk --
TT: Ok, I'm here.
TT: What now.
GG: First of all, let me just say that I didn't type the name!
TT: Wow, really, Crocker? I would never have guessed.
TT: What sense are you slapping at me?
TG: so much sense
TG: so much ur brain will probs impolde
TT: I wouldn't want that.
GG: Ro, shush!
TG: meahhhh
TG: dirk we have soem v mportant news to tell u
TT: What's that?
GG: Jake only wants to court a lady because he thinks you don't like him anymore!
TT: Ok that's a load of bullshit right there.
TT: He wants to court a lady because he's the hettest piece of dude on the planet, past or present.
TG: lmafo dirk thinks jake is hetero
TG: news flash sweetie pie hes like fucking usexual
TG: like
TG: you sexual
TG: sexu 4 u al
TG: u get me
TT: I get what you're saying.
TT: It's just not processing as fact.
TT: Because it - hahaha - isn't fact!
GG: Dirk, please, stop being so closed-minded!
GG: He's actually told us before that he might be interested in you.
TT: What.
TT: Ok this isn't really a very funny prank Jane.
TT: I know you think you're the expert and shit but this is so unfunny that I could jump off a fucking cliff and still not be laughing.
TG: that doesnt make sesen ://
TT: I know.
TT: See how much this is screwing me up?
GG: Talk to him!
TT: You're crazy, right?
TG: lamfoa
TG: legit lmfao
TG: like dang strider u dont rememembr how me and janey got totheget?
TG: *together
TG: how did that typo happen
GG: You drank the alcohol, honey. You tell me.
TG: oh thats right lol
GG: Maybe we should work on that.
TG: idea
TG: lets foucs on DIRKS problesm since thats the ideo of the momo and all!!!!
TG: *memo
TT: No, Ro, your drinking is a serious issue. Let's talk about that.
TT: How does alcohol make you feel?
TG: no espcapin this time dirk
TG: u r gonna go talk to jake no qs asked
TT: I don't wanna.
TG: woah deja vu
TG: this is like what i said word 4 f'n word
TG: do u rmemeber this jane
GG: I sure do!
GG: And Dirk, you're being ridiculous.
GG: If you want to know how happy you can be when you take a chance, just look at me and Roxy.
GG: We're living proof.
TG: dirk baby
TG: masturbation becomes like 10x better when u have somebody to do it w
GG: Roxy?
GG: WE'RE NOT GOING THERE.
TG: but what if its the turning pt
TG: MAYBE HES CONVINCED BY MY MASTURBRUATING ARGUMENAT
TG: hmmmmmm dirk are u convinced or wat
TT: No, not really.
GG: I TOLD YOU ROXY.
TT: She warned you bro.
GG: DIRK STOP.
GG: Dirk, I will tell you this once more, and once more only!
GG: If you talk to Jake I can promise you that something good will happen.
GG: Promise.
GG: Promise promise promise.
GG: I don't even know what else to say.
GG: Yes, it's worth taking the deep breath and making a move you wouldn't have expected yourself to make.
GG: Yes, being brave isn't impossible outside of life-threatening situations.
GG: Yes, I think you two would be completely adorable together.
GG: Yes, I kind of want to go on internet double dates with you two because double dates are really cute!
GG: And YES, masturbation is ten times better with a partner!!!
GG: And YES, YES, YES, being with someone you love makes you happier than with you're someone you don't!!!!!!
GG: So why don't you save Jake from that unhappy fate and ask him the hell out???
GG: GOSH!!! >:B
TG: janey
TG: i am
TG: so
TG: propud of u
TG: <333333333333333
TT: Christ.
TG: pppstt dirk
TT: No.
TG: ppppspsssTTT DIRK
TT: No!
TG: pspsppsppsppspt t DIRK U OWE ME
TT: Ugh.
TT: Fine.
TT: Thirty dollars will be in your account by tonight.
GG: Did you...
GG: DID YOU TWO BET ON ME AGAIN.
TT: Roxy bet me in a private message fifteen bucks you'd flip a tit sometime in the next half hour.
TG: u totes did
GG: THAT IS NOT THE POINT OF THIS.
TT: You're right, it's not.
TT: And what's more, I still don't really want to ask out Jake.
GG: Why not???
TG: yeah why notu dirk
TG: jane just plipped a fit @ u and eveyryhting
TG: why not???
TT: Because, I don't know, I've come this far without it and I can go further without it too?
TT: I just don't want to.
GG: You're afraid.
TT: I am not.
GG: Oh, yes you are.
GG: That's why you keep agreeing to these stupid bets.
TG: acutally its bcuz he thinnks hes gonna get money
TG: (lol)
GG: Roxy, shush and let me finish!
GG: You're scared that if you tell Jake you like him, the whole embarrassing story of your teenage homocrush will come out, and he'll dump you right off.
GG: Guess what Mr Strider!
GG: He knows you like him.
GG: He knows how much you've been through!
GG: He knows a hell of a lot more than you give him credit for.
GG: Oh jeez.
GG: I am not launching into another monologue again!
GG: Roxy, if you and Dirk bet on this I will not role-play with you this weekend.
TG: shitiths
TG: dirk betts off
GG: I am sighing really heavily right now, Roxy.
GG: Are you imagining that?
TG: well i WAS
TG: and then i was imaginang somethin else ;)
GG: You are little to no help.
TG: soz soz sozzz!
TG: hey tho ur monologues are good dont stop now ur an o roll!
TG: *on *a
GG: No, I'm done.
GG: Sorry, I think I just lost all my steam.
TT: Damn, I was kind of enjoying that.
GG: Were you getting convinced??
TT: Would it help if I said kind of?
GG: You mean not really, don't you.
TT: No, I mean kind of.
TT: Why don't you give me a.
TT: Dammit.
TG: damn waht
TT: Damn Jake English.
TT: He appears to have discovered that I'm not actually idle.
TG: well
TG: u know what to do dirk!!!
TG: go get ur man
GG: Go, DiStri, go!
GG: We have the utmost faith in you!
TG: *wraps arom around gfs waist and does likea catcall thingy*
TG: idk if thats appropro for this situation but i have always wanted to catcall w my arm wrapped around janeys waist
TG: y/n
GG: Y.
TT: Go sloppy internet romance in a private chat, would you?
TT: I have an intense fear of emoting to get over.
TT: In like five fucking seconds flat.
TT: Oh jesus christ I am fucked ten ways to Sunday.

-- golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] --
GT: Dirk i know youre there!
GT: There is practically no way you arent actually.
GT: You always warn me before you leave suddenly during a conversation.
GT: Dirk i will video call you and it wont be pretty as i am still in my pjs!!
TT: What are you talking about, bro, shit would be picturesque.
GT: Aha i knew you were still there!
GT: Why did you leave so suddenly?
TT: Well.
TT: Jesus, I just know Jane is making a bet with Roxy.
TT: Just to get back at me.
TT: Fuck.
GT: Um what?
TT: Okay, bear with me, would you?
TT: 'Cause I got something to ask you that's apparently not going to be any sort of dramatic surprise, but hey, it's still freaky as fuck for me.
TT: So.
TT: Bear.
GT: Bearing like fuck old chap!
GT: Er i actually am not sure what exactly that means.
TT: God, you.
TT: All right, here goes.

 

TT: Roxy, Jane, you crazy motherfuckers, I simultaneously hate and adore you both.
TG: coton candy squad scores yet agian!!!
GG: And the crowd goes wild!
GG: :B

Notes:

so i might write a dirk/jake sequel to this

if there is interest in such frivolity???

but thank you to everyone who kudos'd, and especially to those who commented - you guys are so cute and nice and wonderful and your comments make my days totally super. thank you thank you thank you and may all your ships become canon!!! uUu

Notes:

y'all will have one update per day on this one hmhmhmm