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Coitus Magicus

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"Wait," Lee put a hand on Tony's chest to push him back, "why is it glowing?"

Tony looked down. It was, indeed, most certainly glowing. "Because it likes you?" he guessed.

Lee gave him a skeptical look. "Is it supposed to glow like that? Is this a wizard thing or something?"

Tony shrugged. "I didn't exactly get a handbook about this sort of thing. It's happened a couple of times before when I…you know. And then it went away after I…you knowed. So I don't think it's a problem."

"You don't think it's a problem?" Lee asked incredulously. "Your dick is glowing rainbow colors, and you're not even worried?"

"I've learned to sort of go with the flow with the whole wizard thing," Tony explained. "After all, that's what being a wizard is, really: knowing when to go with the flow."

"And the flow is having a glowing, rainbow dick?"

Tony scratched his head. "Maybe that means I'm gay?" he guessed. "I already knew that. But it doesn't feel wrong or anything. I think the wizard side of me is just really excited to finally have sex with you."

Lee snorted. "Only the wizard side of you?" he teased.

"Every side of me," Tony corrected and leaned in to kiss Lee again. His tongue parted Lee's lips, and his knee slipped back between Lee's thighs.

Lee pulled away again, though. "Are you sure there are no magical STDs we have to worry about? Or, what about pregnancy? Who knows what a glowing dick could do?"

Tony gave him a skeptical look. "Men can't get pregnant," he assured Lee.

"Are you positive? Even when there's magic involved?" Lee demanded.

"Yeah, pretty positive." Tony shook his head. "Where on earth do you get this stuff, anyway?"

"Fan mail," Lee informed him and accepted another kiss. "If you'd had dozens of stories sent to you about how you were having Mason's ass-baby, you'd be worried, too."

Tony shuddered. "Okay, that's kind of killing the mood."

"It's glowing less," Lee agreed.

"Ass-babies?" Tony said nervously. "Really?"

"There's no way you can't double-check?" Lee asked hopefully.

Tony groaned and rolled off him. "Just a sec." He padded over to the desk where Arra's old laptop was sitting.

"I'll just lie back and enjoy the view," Lee teased.

Tony looked back over his shoulder to tease Lee in response, but the sight of Lee lying naked in bed completely obliterated his ability to form coherent sentences. Tony gulped, and his dick perked right back up and began glowing merrily once more.

"Well?" Lee asked curiously when Tony hadn't done anything but gape at lean, muscular flesh for far too wrong.

"Right," Tony yelped. "Emergency research getting done immediately!" He grabbed the laptop and returned to the bed with it. It was suddenly imperative that he solve this problem now so he could get back to having sex with his incredibly hot boyfriend.

Lee scooched over on the bed to read over his shoulder. Tony had finally figured out how to de-ward the machine so that his friends could see the display as well. Logically enough, the setting was in the Security Center of the Control Panel.

"Healing?" Tony guessed and clicked on that folder first. There were a lot of healing spells there. Tony clicked through a few before he found one titled "Illness." "Aha! There, look," Tony breathed a sigh of relief. "It turns out that, not only am I not giving you any magical STDs, but I'm actually more immune to diseases than everyone else."

Lee slid up behind him and pressed a kiss to the side of Tony's throat. "Guess I lucked out then, huh?" he teased.

Tony's mouth went dry, and his dick went hard. "Lee…" he breathed and leaned in for another kiss.

Lee seemed to have a harder time breaking apart this time. "What about the other part?" he asked.

"Other part?" There wasn't too much blood going to Tony's brain just then.

"I saw a file at the bottom on childbirth," Lee suggested. "Try that."

Tony clicked it. There was a lot of midwife knowledge there that Tony hoped to god he didn't have to use and there, right in the table of contents, it said: "Pregnancy, Male."

Tony gulped.

Lee gulped.

Tony clicked it.

They both read Arra's very terse message: "What are you, crazy? Stop reading so much porn on the internet."

Tony and Lee exchanged a relieved look and then a laugh. Tony set the laptop back down on the floor. "It gives a whole new meaning to 'safe sex,' doesn't it?" Tony asked and pushed Lee back down onto the bed beneath him. His rainbow, glowing dick rubbed up against Lee's inner thigh in a very pleasant way.

"Hmm?" Lee's eyes had gone dark, and a brief glance down informed Tony that there couldn't be much blood left to go to Lee's head, either.

"Sex with a wizard," Tony explained and spread Lee's legs.

"I kind of like it," Lee retorted. "And we'll never have to worry about not being able to find your dick in the dark."

Tony laughed and smacked Lee in the head with a pillow. It probably wasn't sexy, but it needed to be done. And, given the way Lee looked at him afterward, all breathless and disheveled, maybe it had been pretty sexy after all.

Tony kissed Lee and set about to satisfying with glowing dick's every last whim. Lee's non-glowing dick seemed equally satisfied by the time they were through.


It wasn't until two days later that Tony finally found the time to check Arra's computer again. Lee had, unfortunately, actually had to leave the bed that day for a photo shoot, so Tony was left on his lonesome.

And because a guy couldn't help but be a little curious, he poked around to see if he could find the answer to the mystery of his glowing dick.

Miraculously, Arra had organized things clearly for once. In the main folder, right at the bottom, was a file labeled "PENIS!" in all caps. Tony clicked it.

"Penis. You have one. Try not to think with it all the time," was Arra's helpful advice. There was one footnote: "And, yes, it is supposed to glow like that. Powder of hawthorn root will cover it up, if you ever need to for I-don't-even-want-to-know-what reason."

Tony snorted. With Lee, he doubted he'd ever need a reason again.