There’s Only Black

by alienat

Summary:

Jensen wakes and remembers nothing.

Notes:

Written for angst_bingo  for the prompt ‘Wild Card: Amnesia’. Comments are love.

 

There’s only black. Nothing, just a big deep black hole. It scares him and he jerks his eyes open. There’s beeping and nothing else. He’s in a hospital bed, connected to a heart monitor. That’s where the beeping is coming from.

The rest of the room is clinically clean and empty except for the huge guy curled up on the chair next to his bed. He doesn’t know him, but with the dark circles around his eyes the guy looks exhausted. Besides the chair doesn’t look too comfortable.

He sees a movement at the door and looks over. An older woman is standing there looking at him with huge eyes before rushing over to him.

“Jensen, you’re awake.”

Jensen? Who’s Jensen?

“Oh my God, you’re finally awake. How’re you feeling?”

The shrill voice wakes the guy in the chair. Who’s now also making his way over to him, smiling.

“Hey, sleeping beauty. You finally decided to join the living again?” The guy curls his huge hand around his and presses a kiss to the back of his hand.

What the hell? He freaks. “What the hell are you doing? Who the fuck are you?” he yells, jerking his hand away. Pain shoots through his shoulder and he groans. The guy is at his side instantly.

“Hey, calm down, you’ll hurt yourself, Jen.”

The woman though is watching him with sad eyes. “Jared, I think he doesn’t know who we are.”

The guy – Jared apparently – looks at her, before looking back at him. “Jensen?” he asks, his voice full with fear.

It makes him feel guilty, but he shakes his head. “I don’t remember.”

Jared’s eyes are full of concern, when he asks, “Do you remember what happened? Do you know where you are?”

Jensen – it looks like this is his name – shakes his head. “I don’t even fucking remember my own name, let alone anything else. It’s all black, dude.”

Jared nods and looks at the woman, before turning back to Jensen. “Don’t worry. We’ll help you to remember.”

The next hours and days are spent with a lot of doctors at a lot of appointments. Jensen doesn’t remember what he likes and what he doesn’t, but he knows he hates to be picked and prodded. Jared is always there, as is the woman, who turns out to be his mom.

More people come to visit and he learns that he has one brother and one sister and some crazy ass friends. They all tell him things, but he never remembers himself. The doctors’ verdict after all the picks and prods is that he has retrograde amnesia. The good news is his memories can come back to him; the bad news is that it can take years, if ever.

A week later he goes home with Jared, his boyfriend. Damn, not that he had to wake up to find out that he has amnesia, but also that he’s apparently gay. It freaks him the fuck out and he’s grateful when Jared shows him the guest room, even though Jared’s eyes are full of hurt, when Jensen closes the door in his face.

He needs to be alone for a little bit. In the last week he hasn’t had time to himself, there was always someone with him. Now, the silence scares him. Being alone, means he has time to think about his condition and about his life.

He knows he’s an actor. He doesn’t know how to act, however. Jared says that he makes a mean steak, but Jensen doesn’t know how to do that. His mom tells him that he’s a hobby photographer as well, but he doesn’t even know what camera he has, let alone how to use it.

He tries to remember, but there is nothing… only black. He doesn’t know how to be the guy his family and friends want him to be. He doesn’t know how to make them happy. He doesn’t know what happy means. He can’t remember ever being happy.