"Hey, Hank," Jack walked into Hank Landry's backyard.
"Jack, glad you could make it."
"What, and miss our bi-weekly chess match?"
Hank gave Jack a look.
"Fine, our bi-weekly SGC briefing. So, anything interesting happen?"
"Just the Tok'ra representative."
"So nothing interesting."
Hank laughed, "guess not. It's all in the report anyway."
"Good," Jack sat down at the picnic table in front of the chess board. "I guess since the briefing is over, can we play now?"
"I still can't believe you fly out here just to play chess."
"I don't I am here for the briefing, what I do when it is finished before I fly back is my business."
"Hey works for me Buddy, besides I wanted to ask you a question about one of the old mission reports you left for me to read."
"Oh? You mean the 'unofficial,' 'off-the-record,' 'not fit for print' ones?" Jack motioned for Hank to start playing.
"Yeah," Hank made the first move.
"Ask away," Jack moved his pawn.
"I want to know about the time you were missing and reported being on a planet called Dagobah."
"Dagobah? Now, that's a name I haven't heard in a long time, a long time. . . . "
"Don't get melodramatic."
"Look, I know that movie too. Carolyn was only four when the original came out, but I still took her to see it. She was seven when Empire was released. I ended up taking her and half the girls in her class. So believe me Jack not only do I recognize the name Dagobah, but I recognize your phrasing." Hank paused a moment, "so did you leave that 'mission report' as a joke? See if I was paying attention?"
"Nope it's all true."
"What? No," Hank denied it, "it can't be."
"Oh, but it is, it is." Jack considered for a moment, "let me tell you a story that began in the gate room only a couple of years ago, but actually happened . . . a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. . . ."
Hank shook his head at Jack's introduction, "I have a bad feeling about this."
"It's alright, trust me. As I was saying it happened in a galaxy far, far away . . ."
"" "" "" "" ""
"Ah, Sir? Can I get permission to activate the gate before something happens and my leave gets canceled – AGAIN, Sir?" Jack was getting anxious. It never worked out well when he tried to take time off, that is why he was trying a different approach this time. Instead of going fishing in Minnesota he was going to go fishing in a small stream that runs through Chompka Groves on the planet of Chulak. Oddest of all, he was going to go fishing with Master Bra'tac.
General Hammond only chuckled and gave Sgt. Davis-Harriman the go ahead to open the gate. "Okay, Jack you have a go. Have fun and don't ruin our relationship with the Jaffa on Chulak."
"No worries, Sir, and if there's an emergency here on base, you better plan ahead and tell me now. If Thor needs me, he's going to have to beam me up! If the Tok'ra, forget it!
"Colonel, get out of here," with that the Gate activated and Jack smiled at the General and hurried through the Gate.
When Jack reached the other side, it wasn't the forests and fields of Chulak that greeted him and it wasn't the constantly smirking face of Master Bra'tac. It most certainly wasn't the beautiful binary stars of Chulak; instead it was gnarled trees, fetid swamps, and a fog-filled sky.
"Looks like I am not in Oz anymore," Jack muttered to himself as he turned around to see about dialing out. There had to have been a glitch in the dialing sequence for him to have landed on the wrong planet, right?
Jack turned and saw that there was no DHD, which worked out well, because there was no Stargate either. Instead, before him was a little green man (was this Mars?) a rather elfin like creature who was only about two-thirds of a meter high. Wait he looks just like . . .
"Looking for someone are you? Hmmm, found someone you have?"
"It talks? And it talks English, great," Jack thought to himself
"Basic I speak. English you hear."
"Huh? Right, ah no, I'm not looking for someone, but something. I am looking for a big honkin' stone or metal ring called a Stargate or maybe you call it a Chap'pai? Seen it?"
"Find it, when ready, you will," the little man continued, "guest you are. This way my home is, follow."
"No, I'm going to keep looking."
"Find it you will not, not without training."
"Training?" Jack asked aloud, but to himself he began to think, "that's it I hit my head. This isn't a creature that looks like Yoda - this is Yoda and I must be unconscious somewhere. I let Charlie watch this movie to many times if I'm creating delusions of Jedi Knights. Bet Bra'tac hit me over the head – some Jaffa ritual thing."
"Jaffa ritual this is not. Minch Yoda I am, your Master I shall be. Return home you shall, when ready I say are you."
"Look, I ain't Jim Henson, this isn't real."
"Frank Oz, neither you are, but train you I will. Old for training you are," Yoda pulls Jack down to eye level, "special you are. Trained you must be."
"First lesson this shall be, 'a Jedi must have the deepest commitment, the most serious mind,'" Master Yoda stopped and looked at Jack considering the 'serious mind' comment, "all things are possible with the force. Believe this we must."
Jack still thinking this is a delusion decided to play along, "so if I allow you to train me. I'll be able to find the Stargate and go home?"
"When you have completed your training, home you will return."
"Fine, we'll give it a try."
Yoda moved quicker than Jack would have guessed and whacked him on the knees with his walking stick, "try not. Do or do not, there is no try..."
"" "" "" "" ""
"Hank, it was all so much like the movies it wasn't funny. I should really send some of our guys out to check to see if that Lucas guy has an ancient communication device and actually saw into another dimension or something. I mean, for crying out loud, the only thing he got wrong was that Han shot first."
"I can't believe it Yoda is real," Hank just shock his head. "So you meet Santa or maybe Bugs Bunny yet?"
"Well, we actually . . . "
"I don't want to know. Honestly, Jack. Don't tell me."
"Okay," Jack was enjoying Hank's discomfort. For one thing, it was stopping him from paying attention to the chess board. "If you don't want to know, skip the missions to P4X-MAS and to PWB-DOC." Ah, the look on Hank's face – his kingdom for a camera.
"After that I need another beer. I'm going to get myself a refill, want any?"
General Landry got up, turning his back on Jack, to go over to the cooler to get a refill. As he walked he called over his shoulder, "so did you learn anything from the little green man, Jack?"
"Well he tried," Jack smirked to himself at the word try.
"Do, or do not. There is no try," Jack heard the familiar phrase in his mind as he held out his hand and a new beer floated into it through the power of the force, right before Jack glanced over at the chess board and motioned with two fingers lifting his knight off the board and landing in the correct position to put the other man in to checkmate. Funny, how even the most experienced chess players overlook the knight, but a little green elfin creature had taught him: never underestimate a knight.
Hank turned back, "so, you didn't learn anything?"
"Who me? You're kidding, right?" Jack laughed, "checkmate by the way."
"Well, I'll be," Hank looked over at the board. "I'll beat you the next game."
"Oh, you can try."