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Killing Elvis

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FROM: Philip K. Burke <pkburke@management.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: Project LV-426

Dr. Liu,

Got your final report yesterday on Project LV-426. I'm amazed. Great work all around. It's been forwarded to the Chair, our friends at the Pentagon, the Defense Appropriations Committee, and DARPA. The acid-resistant armor is something that should really catch their eye.

We're expecting some big grant money from this.

Burke


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Philip K. Burke <pkburke@management.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: Project LV-426

Burke,

Did you read even the executive summary of my report? There are some interesting biomaterials that we could work with, but I stressed, multiple times, that this creature is far too dangerous to even consider using in military research projects. It's aggressive, stupid, vicious, aggressive, impossible to train, and did I mention aggressive?

Yes, their armor is acid-resistant -- newsflash, THEIR BLOOD IS ACID. And they're about as bullet-proof as your dog. Less, even, because their limbs work on hydraulic principles and operate under pressure, which is why they splurt like a popped water balloon when they get hit in those Marine camera feeds we saw. A slight wound to a limb takes them right the hell out of commission, and now your troops have to deal with an insanely aggressive and stupid xenomorphic K-9 unit that oh by the way IS BLEEDING ACID.

Frankly, I recommend sacrificing the specimen and moving straight to replicating the biomaterials that we can. We've got all the samples we're ever going to need, we're not going to learn anything more from its behavior, and even if we did hate somebody enough to drop these on them as an act of war, they wouldn't do anything militarily useful. They'd just slaughter people at random, and then we'd have to fight our little friend Elvis and the local population when our troops moved in. They'd be great as a terrorist weapon, but that really isn't our clientele.

I just called Senator Barnett and told her so.


FROM: Philip K. Burke <pkburke@management.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: Project LV-426

YOU WHAT?

Are you out of your goddamn mind, woman? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU JUST DID?!

And Jesus Christ, Elvis?! You named it Elvis?!!


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Philip K. Burke <pkburke@management.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: Project LV-426

LV-426. LV. Elvis.

Burke, I've made the Company close to a billion dollars with my patents and the other research out of this lab which, oh, yes, includes the stasis field the Company is going to announce at the shareholder's meeting this weekend -- you know, the one that'll be replacing the old hypersleep technology and some forms of anesthesia within the next decade. You've been here two years, have had three mediocre projects, and you came on board with this because you were the only one who had access to your late brother's encrypted notes.

What are you going to do, fire me?


FROM: Philip K. Burke <pkburke@management.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: your new assignment

Saw the Chair briefly yesterday. Senator Barnett's office contacted him directly with their concerns, and he called me into his office to discuss the report.

I shared your concerns with him, and your strong recommendation that the creature should be euthanized. I may have mentioned that it was for the best, but a pity, because in its way it's a rather beautiful thing, and once it's gone no one will have the chance to see it the way it really looked.

He wants it mounted and in his office.

Get on that, will you? Next week should be plenty of time.


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Philip K. Burke <pkburke@management.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: your new assignment

Well-played.


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>, J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: it's time

The Chair, Senator Barnett, and all relevant parties understand that Elvis is too dangerous to keep around. We've been ordered to put him down.

The Chair wants Elvis stuffed and mounted. Is that possible? He wants this done by next week.


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>, J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: it's time

The Chair wants WHAT?!!!

...oh, God, Burke fucked us, didn't he?


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>, J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: it's time

This lab's focus is science, not office politics.

But for the record: just because we have to drop everything we're doing for the next week in order to figure out how to kill and mount an utterly alien life form does not mean that Burke fucked us.


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: yup

Burke totally fucked us.


FROM: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>, Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: it's time

Um... speaking as a redneck who grew up taking deer every season, Burke might have fucked us really, really well, actually.

Either of you been hunting? Done taxidermy?


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>, J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: re: it's time

No. Initiate us into your ways, O redneck sage.


FROM: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>, Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: re: re: it's time

I can't initiate you unless you shoot a deer and I cut it open and stick your head inside. (I'm serious, that's what we do to a kid on his first hunt.) I never got much into taxidermy, but my brother is a hunting nut, takes deer every season, mounts heads, mounts fish, all that stuff. Basically, you skin it, tan or otherwise preserve the skin, then mount it on a form.

We're going to have trouble with every part of this. 1. Elvis doesn't have skin. 2. He has an exoskeleton that we have no idea whatsoever how to preserve. 3. How the hell do we kill him without leaving a visible wound? He can survive in a fucking vacuum. 4. Once he's dead, we're going to have to cut him up. How?! He has fucking acid for blood! 5. We don't have a form, because nobody makes them for whatever Elvis is. We'll have to make one. 6. To make a taxidermy form -- and my brother was a taxidermy nut since we were kids, that's the only way I even know this -- they used to mount the skeleton, do a clay sculpt over it, make a mold of that sculpt, then cast it to make the form. Elvis, of course, doesn't HAVE an internal skeleton.

And, oh yeah, because this still is all classified as hell we can't bring in any external consultants who know what the hell they're doing.

A week, huh?

We're fucked.


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>, J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: re: re: re: it's time

> I can't initiate you unless you shoot a deer and I cut it open and stick
> your head inside. (I'm serious, that's what we do to a kid on his first hunt.)

This explains so much about you, J.D.

Great job on the breakdown. I'm actually not too worried about the form. Anybody who looks at this thing (sorry, Elvis) is going to be looking at the exoskeleton, right? It's not actually chitin, it's that weird-ass molecule that still gives me nightmares, but I know it's rigid -- hell, I actually petted Elvis once, when he was restrained in the sampling box. (He didn't like it.) His exo is pretty damn sturdy, so we don't have to worry about perfectly mimicking an understructure, which is a good thing because he doesn't have one. We know we can't remove the exoskeleton in one piece. Best way to go is going to be big sections. I can weld us an armature; we secure the exoskeleton to that, with pins maybe -- I'm thinking the underbelly is the best spot for that -- then brace it internally, maybe with expanding foam, even an ultralight ferrocrete?

The only thing that worries me is with regard to the final mount is the exoskeleton. Is it going to degrade after Elvis dies? Will it weaken? Change color? Change mechanical properties -- dry out, become brittle, what? We've got no freaking idea. Chair isn't going to like it if his throw rug stinks.


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>, J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: the mount project

All right. We have three problems: 1) Killing Elvis and preparing the carcass for mounting. 2) Engineering the mount. 3) Ensuring the preservation of the material.

We've made the most progress on #2. Anne, start designing an armature. You've got Elvis's measurements in the computer; Lord knows we've scanned him enough. Figure out where to put supports, lock down the design, then start fabrication. J.D., go through everything we've ever done with Elvis's tissues. I know that's an insane job; I'll take the research side of it. In particular, I want you find the oldest tissue samples and see how they've preserved. With any luck, we can use something similar. With great luck, some of them weren't preserved at all, and we can see what would happen to Elvis's exoskeleton in a worst-case scenario. That may give us some ideas on problem #1 -- the preparations part, anway. When you get done with that, help me go through our internal literature and everything else that everybody in the Company ever did involving Elvis. With what little they were able to collect.

It's just our luck that the only specimen we've got is a live one.


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: luck. right.

It's just our luck those morons tried bringing back an egg.


FROM: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: suggestion

Go through the archive footage of Elvis's threat postures.


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: suggestion

Why?


FROM: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: suggestion

Your armature decides how he's going to stay, forever.

Might as well make him look bad-ass.


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: suggestion

Good point.

Threat Display #33.

[Image attached]


FROM: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: re: suggestion

FUCKING SWEET.


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: re: re: suggestion

It does look pretty boss, doesn't it? I am a little worried about the extended jaws. No idea what that material is, since we can't sedate him to get a sample. If it's different from the rest of him, we could have problems.


FROM: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: re: re: re: suggestion

Good point. Do you think the risk is worth it?


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: suggestion

Look at this sweet mock-up I just rendered FUCK YES IT'S WORTH IT

[Image attached]


FROM: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: suggestion

Jesus Christ, once Elvis is declassified my brother will never brag about his fucking deer heads again.


FROM: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>, Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: tissue integrity

Okay, I've just spent more time than I care to think about crawling through our tissue archives. Somebody always has to misfile shit. Good news is that one of the early biosample containers (tail spine) was left open and nothing done to it. It's just fine. So we know Elvis's exoskeleton will last at least five years. I'm bringing it back for tests, but its integrity looks perfect to me. I'll set some up to boil, so we'll see how that'll affect its integrity. I'm going to make one more pass through some items, and I'll be back in the lab.

On another note: Biosample 00247 is two grams lighter than it's supposed to be.


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: Biosample 00247

Checked the logs. Last person to access biosample 00247 was Aldo Straczynski. He left for Initech last year.

Funny thing: I checked our security records, Dr. Liu. You never cleared him to access stored biosamples.

I wonder who did.


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Philip K. Burke <pkburke@management.weyland-yutani.com>, Colonel Paula Fetterer <pfetterer@security.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: IMPORTANT Fwd: tissue integrity

Burke, Colonel Fetterer: We need to get on this immediately. Our records indicate that Aldo Straczynski was the last person to access this material. I didn't clear him to access it, so I don't know who might have given him permission. It would have to have been someone above my pay grade.

He left for Initech last year, didn't he? If he was working with them before he left...

[Forwarded message attached]

FROM: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>, Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: tissue integrity

Okay, I just spent more time than I care to think about crawling through our archives. Somebody always has to misfile shit. Good news is that one of the early biosample containers (tail spine) was left open and nothing done to it. It's just fine. So we know Elvis's exoskeleton will last at least five years. I'm bringing it back for tests, but its integrity looks perfect to me.

On another note: biosample 00247 is two grams lighter than it's supposed to be.


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>, J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: Killing Elvis

Good catch on the biosample, J.D. Anne, nice job fingering a possible culprit. I've alerted Burke and Company Security, since that could be industrial espionage. Though I doubt anybody will have any more luck with Elvis's genome than we did. Maybe in a hundred years or so.

I've been working on the termination issue. I think our biggest problem overall remains cleaning and preparing the carcass. The acidic blood is extraordinarily dangerous. We don't have a toxin that works on Elvis -- hell, we can't even sedate him -- and we can't suffocate him, because he doesn't seem to breathe unless he's vocalizing. Which means if we want him dead, we have to wound him. Which means, acid blood.

Here's what I'm thinking: let's use the stasis field. Obviously we can't set up a field generator in his cell, so get the portable prototype from the boys in engineering, no matter how they squawk. Put Elvis in stasis, make a trocar out of ferrocrete or something that doesn't dissolve too readily on contact with his blood, and tap him in an inconspicuous spot. No pulse in stasis, but we can set up an external pressure differential and pump the blood out. God, we've got to figure out how the hell we're going to store it. Ferrocrete cylinders? Or drain it into a water reserve, and dilute it insanely, ie, homeopathic levels? That might work.

Anyway, drain the blood, then turn off stasis, and he'll be dead. Cleaning the exoskeleton of Elvis's tissues will still be dangerous work, but at least the major part of the hazard will be gone. We might just want to section the remains and put them up to boil straight away in a huge volume of water. It depends on what we find once we start dissecting.

J.D., give this method a try on a couple of research animals. If it's feasible, we can go full-scale and use the technique on Elvis.


FROM: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>, Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>

SUBJECT: re: Killing Elvis

...and this is why you run the lab, Doc. It works.

I do want to do a large scale test before trying this on Elvis. I think I'll go see the folks in Agricultural. Maybe they'll let me have a cow.


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: cow

No, they will not.


FROM: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: cow

Bet you twenty bucks.


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: cow

You're on.


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Colonel Paula Fetterer <pfetterer@security.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: LV-426 Biosample 00247

Colonel Fetterer,

Please advise me of the status of the investigation into the missing two grams of Project LV-426 Biosample 00247.

M.L. Liu


FROM: Colonel Paula Fetterer <pfetterer@security.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: LV-426 Biosample 00247

The investigation is closed. Please refer all inquiries to Mr. Burke; he has the complete file.


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Colonel Paula Fetterer <pfetterer@security.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: LV-426 Biosample 00247

The hell? I have control over these samples. I signed the custody forms, I interact with the government when they oversee our controls, and this goes to Burke and not me?

Please send me a copy of the file immediately.


FROM: Colonel Paula Fetterer <pfetterer@security.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: LV-426 Biosample 00247

Mr. Burke has the copy of the file, Dr. Liu. Please coordinate with him.


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Colonel Paula Fetterer <pfetterer@security.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: re: LV-426 Biosample 00247

Oh, don't worry, I will.


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: security logs

Anne, send me copies of the security access logs and clearances. I need to prepare a cluebat for someone. Is J.D. back yet?


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: security logs

No, he's still on his holy quest. I just got a text from him, will keep you posted.


TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: hey anne guess what

TEXT MESSAGE FROM ANNE: what
TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: no guess
TEXT MESSAGE FROM ANNE: ...oh christ you got a cow
TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: fuck yeah i did
TEXT MESSAGE FROM ANNE: when you get back, i need your help with something

TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: what?
TEXT MESSAGE FROM ANNE: got the armature pretty much done
TEXT MESSAGE FROM ANNE: but I want to double-check how exoskeleton appears in that position
TEXT MESSAGE FROM ANNE: need more reference shots to check my mock-up
TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: ...you want me to taunt elvis

TEXT MESSAGE FROM ANNE: yes
TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: until he happens to go into that particular threat posture
TEXT MESSAGE FROM ANNE: yes
TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: how many threat postures have we identified?
TEXT MESSAGE FROM ANNE: 147

TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: fuck
TEXT MESSAGE FROM ANNE: will you do it?
TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: okay but you owe me a beer


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: security logs

It's official. They gave him a cow.


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: security logs

God. Why do we keep working here?


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Philip K. Burke <pkburke@management.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: LV-426 biosample

Burke,

What is the progress on the investigation into that missing biosample? I've checked with security, but they said the matter has been closed and referred me to you. I'm supposed to keep custody of those materials. I have the records. I have possible evidence. Under what rationale is security not supposed to tell me what the hell is going on?

[Documents attached]


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Philip K. Burke <pkburke@management.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: LV-426 biosample

I know you read my email; are you pretending you didn't see it was set up to notify me when you opened it? Do I need to remind you that this is not just a Company thing? There are national security issues involved here. We're talking about potential bioweapons, for God's sake. I'm not going to sit on this. I will call Senator Barnett again if I have to.


FROM: Philip K. Burke <pkburke@management.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: LV-426 biosample

It's nothing. It was a sanctioned test and the material was destroyed. There was a slip-up in accounting. The Chair has been informed. Don't worry about it.

How's the Chair's trophy coming? He asked about it. Please prepare something I can forward to him.


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Philip K. Burke <pkburke@management.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: progress report

We're making very good progress. The armature for the mount has been completed, and our tests show that the exoskeleton should be stable in a mount for the foreseeable future, to the point that I feel confident saying that I see no risk of damage in a curious observer handling the specimen. This should make the mount ideal for display, although I'd want more data before saying how well it would hold up in a high-traffic area, such as a lobby or museum exhibit.

We've figured out how we're going to safely sacrifice the specimen -- this was our biggest challenge, as we want to preserve the exoskeleton and minimize hazard to our personnel -- and have developed our cleaning strategy. Because of the nature of the structures involved, tissue fixation does not appear to be necessary, and once the specimen is clean we can proceed directly to assembly of the final mount, which we're currently modelling using computer scans in order to find the most effective means of sectioning the exoskeleton for durability and ease of assembly. Sectioning in multiple units allows us to pose the specimen in a manner that maximizes the visibility of its noteworthy features and is also visually dramatic. Barring unforeseen developments, we should be finished well ahead of schedule.

As I write this, J.D. is testing the killing method with a cow.


FROM: Philip K. Burke <pkburke@management.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: progress report

Thank you.

Out of curiosity, how's J.D. going to be disposing of the dead cow?


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: query

Good question. J.D.?

[Forwarded message attached]

FROM: Philip K. Burke <pkburke@management.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: progress report

Thank you.

Out of curiosity, how's J.D. going to be disposing of the dead cow?


FROM: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: query

...fuuuuuuuuuck.


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: oh dear

[Forwarded message attached]


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: oh dear

AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Remember when you asked me why we kept working here? THIS. THIS IS WHY.

What's the deal with the security breach? Any word on Straczynski?


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: oh dear

No. I think Burke cleared him, and I think there's something going on that we're not supposed to know about. Is there some kind of shadow division working on this? Maybe. I can't imagine they had any better luck than we did, which makes me wonder if something is squirrelly. It's a problem well above your pay grade, and frankly, quite possibly above mine. Burke says the Chair knows about this. I doubt it. The Chair's notorious for never reading his email, and I don't give odds that his assistant Ms. Winterbourne will listen to me complaining about Burke, because I've been complaining about Burke since he got here. I'll mention it to the Chair in person when I see him at the shareholder's meeting this weekend.


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: oh dear

You're going? I thought you deep-sixed that.

(J.D. is now vainly tugging on the dead cow, trying to move it across the floor. This is the funniest thing I have ever seen. He's going to have to get the power loader in here.)


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: re: oh dear

DO NOT LET J.D. DRIVE THE POWER LOADER. CHRIST.

They want me to be there for the stasis field announcement. I stand up, I smile, I wave, I drink heavily from the open bar.


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: re: re: oh dear

Don't worry. I've still got my Class 2 rating, remember?

J.D. pauses in his efforts to ask a good question: do you need us at the shareholders' meeting? I think he is primarily motivated by the open bar. To be honest, so am I.


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: re: re: re: oh dear

Ha. No.


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: oh dear

J.D. says, "Damn."

OK, I took pity on him. After we take some reference photos, I'll get the power loader. We'll just need it for two minutes, because we're dumping the cow into Elvis's cell. Give the condemned a great last meal, you know? When we're done with the photos, I'll do another mock-up and revamp the armature a little. I'm using the fabricator to make a quick-and-dirty model of the exoskeleton, so I can make sure my dimensions are spot-on. We'll put it together, then when it's set we'll break it down and start prepping Elvis. Poor guy.


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: re: oh dear

Good idea. Have at it.


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: for posterity

OK, got reference shots. For your amusement, some screencaps from our recordings of J.D. taunting Elvis. My favorite is the one where Elvis actually lunged at him. Look at J.D.'s face.

[Image attached]


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: for posterity

Oh, God. I shouldn't find that funny.


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: for posterity

Neither should I. And yet.

The video's even better. I used the hi-speed.

[Video attached]


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: for posterity

You're getting a raise.

I've finished my review of everything we've ever done with Elvis's tissue samples. Nothing conclusive yet, but I pulled some additional materials of storage and am running an experiment. I am not 100% certain yet, but it looks to me a lot like we're going to be able to use simple maceration: plain boiling water to loosen the tissues, and then we just scrape the exoskeleton clean. It's not pretty, but it'll work. See you in the morning.


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: current status

Good morning, Dr. Liu. I have to run out for some more supplies, but wanted you to see this when you came in. I've done a revised mock-up in the computer. This is what the finished mount will look like. Note that our previous mock-up, based on manipulating the scans we made, made some wrong projections about how the exoskeleton would line up in this position. The plates at the right shoulder are a prime example. I'm glad we did this; it let me catch some errors in our model that had made it through all of our QC and review. We're probably the only ones who'll give a crap about this, but I'm glad we'll have it right.

I have to make some adjustments to the armature. That'll be this morning. I've set the fabricator to work making models of the sections of Elvis's exoskeleton, based on our archived scans. J.D. and I should be able to assemble the physical mock-up this afternoon.

[Image attached]


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: current status

Good. I have meetings with manufacturing regarding stasis all day. I'll be back in the lab before we leave for the day. Hopefully.


FROM: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: rough mock-up

Doc: Anne kind of worked through lunch, and she just pretty much fell over. What kind of hours is she putting in on this thing? I'm heading out on a deli run so she gets some fuel into her.

Anyway, since she's power-napping, it falls to me to send you this. We put the mock-up together. It's rough, of course, but pretty goddamn sweet. Here's a pic.

I realized we need to change some details on the sectioning, and Anne's got a couple of adjustments to make to the armature, but after that we can go ahead and do it for real.

[Image attached]


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: rough mock-up

Good work, both of you.

Just so you know: people are asking when Elvis is going to be put down. I get the impression they want a show. Let's not give them one.


FROM: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: rough mock-up

Roger.


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: wtf

J.D.? How long was I asleep? Where'd you go?


FROM: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: wtf

Not long. Deli. On my way back with food.

I briefed Doc. She says she doesn't want Elvis's being put down to have an audience. Maybe we should do it tonight, after we finish the armature revisions. That way, people come in, he's already gone and they can't come and gawk. Make it a fait accompli. I dunno how we do this. It's kind of weird. Do we flip for it or something? Or does Doc have to do it, because she's In Charge?


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: wtf

I'll do it. Dr. Liu has the shareholders' meeting to get ready for, and I was here when Elvis was -- "born" really isn't the right word for it, I guess; that poor Marine. It's been a long time on this project for me, and I've worked with Elvis a lot over the years. It's not like he was a pet or something -- he was way too dangerous for that, and he doesn't even have a personality -- but he's been a huge part of my career. He's an alien monster, but he feels like my alien monster. I'll put him down.

I kind of want to be alone.

Run me through your set-up when you get back here. Then we'll finish the armature and -- I dunno, you can go home, I guess, and it'll be Elvis and me.


FROM: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: wtf

I understand.


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: here we go

Dr. Liu, just so you know, the armature is finished. J.D. is leaving. Everything's set up.

I'm going to take a few minutes, and I'm going to put Elvis down.


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: here we go

Thanks for telling me.

I'm at the grocery store. How surreal. Tell Elvis I said goodbye. Not that he understands.


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: here we go

Will do.


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: the button

J.D.,

I just said goodbye to Elvis and put the stasis field on him using the portable model. Worked perfectly. He's frozen. Believe it or not, in Threat Display #33. It's like he knows. I'm going to take a few minutes just to look at him, and then I'm putting him down. It's lever to left, green button, right?


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: the button

You got it. Feel free to call if you need me. Worst-case and something goes wrong, just shut off the pump. And for the love of God don't go in there with him, even if he is in stasis. Place the trochar with a waldo or a robot or something.


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: the button

FUCK NO I'm not going in there do you think I'm FUCKING INSANE


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: Elvis still in the TV room

J.D.,

I was going to call, but it's late and I didn't want to wake you up. Dr. Liu's car got T-boned by a drunk while she was on her way home from the grocery store last night. She'll be okay, but it's going to be rough for a while. She's got a leg that's pretty badly broken and she's zonked out on drugs, and before they sedated her the only person she was able to reach was me, so I'm the one who has to handle calling everybody with updates and such. Her husband is out of town, and can't get back until tomorrow. I've been coordinating with him and her sister and her daughter, and I'm going nuts over here.

The reason I'm emailing you, other than to tell you that, is that I got the call while I was getting ready to put Elvis down. I just dropped the trocar and raced to the hospital. Elvis is still alive. He's secure, and he's still in stasis in his cell.

Could you go in tomorrow morning and shut the stasis off? I know it's Saturday, and I know he won't perceive the passage of time in stasis, and even when he comes out, he'll just be in a little cell. But I don't want him to just wait around in stasis until he dies.

I'm crazy, I know.


FROM: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>,

SUBJECT: re: Elvis still in the TV room

Good morning! No worries. Give Doc my sympathies. It's nine-thirty, and I'm about to hit the shower now. I'll throw on some pants and head for the lab.


TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: anne please pick up your phone
TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: please please
TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: elvis is not in his cell repeat not in his cell

TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: elvis is loose
TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: lab is locked down and was when I got here
TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: i'm in his cell b/c it's the only secure room in lab
TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: i don't have security's number on this phone
TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: i can't get the net on my phone for some stupid fucking reason

TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: i'm sitting in elvis's cell and my battery is low

TEXT MESSAGE FROM ANNE: I'm just leaving the hospital. They made me turn off my phone.
TEXT MESSAGE FROM ANNE: I've called security. I've given them your number. They'll call you.
TEXT MESSAGE FROM ANNE: I'm on my way now.

TEXT MESSAGE FROM ANNE: Do you know where Elvis is? Is he still contained in the lab?

TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: i didn't see fucking bodies everywhere on my way in
TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: so i guess he's in here somewhere
TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: no clue where
TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: i don't see him, i don't hear him, but they're sneaky fuckers, you know that, and fast

TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: i don't know if he's in the fucking room
TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: i am so scared right now

TEXT MESSAGE FROM ANNE: Security will be there any minute. Hold tight.

TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: oh god security just arrived and they have such beautiful fucking guns
TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: god bless you anne
TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: i love you so much right now

TEXT MESSAGE FROM ANNE: I'm almost there. Tell me what's going on.

TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: they swept the lab. he's not here.
TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: they're evacuating the building now.

TEXT MESSAGE FROM ANNE: Don't let them take you out of the lab!!! I need the access logs!!!

TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: okay

TEXT MESSAGE FROM ANNE: They're holding me at the perimeter. I'll be in once they verify me.
TEXT MESSAGE FROM ANNE: I'm calling Dr. Liu's hospital room now. She's doped to the gills but was awake when I left.
TEXT MESSAGE FROM ANNE: keep texting me with updates

TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: they brought in guys with motion trackers. all they're reading is each other.
TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: biosniffer is negative
TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: holy shit.
TEXT MESSAGE FROM J.D.: elvis has left the building.


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>, J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: Fwd: congrats!

Oh, my God.

I am forwarding you this immediately so I have witnesses.

[Forwarded message attached]

FROM: P.K. Burke
TO: M.L. Liu
SUBJECT: Congrats!

Dr. Liu,

Stopped by your lab last night to check on progress. You might have told me you'd finished the mount ahead of schedule. I forgot to mention that I pulled a few strings and finalized the declassification. It's a little unorthodox, but sometimes a grand gesture doesn't go amiss. I've had the mount crated up and taken to the convention center. We'll present it to the Chair at the meeting. Good work.

I'm calling security now. Keep in touch with me this way. Tell me what's happening.


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>, J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: Fwd: congrats!

oh god.

oh no.

oh no.

oh no he fucking did not.


FROM: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>

TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>, Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: Fwd: congrats!

OH YES HE FUCKING DID

Doc, we told the guys here too and they're calling the conference center and they're rolling over there right now WHAT THE FUCK


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>, J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: Fwd: congrats!

How much manpower do they have? How many guns can we get into the conference center right now?


FROM: J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>, Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: re: re: re: Fwd: congrats!

my guess? not enough


QWIKFEED @ecarter: shareholders' meeting continues
QWIKFEED @ecarter: Weyland-Yutani prepares to announce "world-changing breakthrough"

QWIKFEED @ecarter: holy shit
QWIKFEED @ecarter: for once PR does not lie; literally world-changing.
QWIKFEED @ecarter: hypersleep effect using only a stasis field. amazing.
QWIKFEED @ecarter: applications agricultural, transport, medical
QWIKFEED @ecarter: shareholders are going nuts they know how much this means

QWIKFEED @ecarter: not only financially but in terms of money and lives saved
QWIKFEED @ecarter: right now the Chair of Weyland-Yutani could run for God
QWIKFEED @ecarter: and possibly win
QWIKFEED @ecarter: ...huh, now an executive is making some kind of presentation to the Chair


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>, J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: what burke was thinking

Okay. I'm typing while I'm on the phone with Security. Only way I can keep you guys updated. I tried calling Burke direct. He didn't pick up his phone.

I think I know what he was thinking. He hasn't told the Chair about the missing 2 grams of biosample, and he knows I'm going to bitch about it. He saw Elvis in stasis, and thought I was holding back on the mount being ready because I didn't want him to look good for the Chair. He wants some insulation from the heat he knows is coming. And if Elvis is declassified the missing biosample is suddenly much less of a problem. So Burke's making a Hail Mary.

Anne, security wants to know what field settings did you use?


FROM: Anne Ardelli <aardelli@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>, J.D. Ralston <jdralston@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: what burke was thinking

Full stasis lock. All the way. That's why he's not back right now despite being out of the field. It'll take time to wear off. I have no idea how much because I never put Elvis under like this before MOTHERFUCKER


QWIKFEED @ecarter: it's a crate. they declassified something?
QWIKFEED @ecarter: Chair knows what it is. he's grinning like a kid on Christmas.
QWIKFEED @ecarter: a previously undescribed form of alien life.
QWIKFEED @ecarter: stuffed and mounted specimen

QWIKFEED @ecarter: ...quit asking everyone, it's in a box covered with a cloth and I can't see it yet, but it must be big
QWIKFEED @ecarter: ...executive speaking is Philip Burke. Not a big name at the Company, until now
QWIKFEED @ecarter: oh, my god
QWIKFEED @ecarter: okay, DAMN they embargoed all pictures except for their own
QWIKFEED @ecarter: I can describe it until their pics come up
QWIKFEED @ecarter: it's man-size or a little bigger, quadruped, black, looks almost insectile

QWIKFEED @ecarter: or biomechanical, lots of weird little projections coming off of it
QWIKFEED @ecarter: what look like retractable jaws, one sticking out on a kind of stalk from inside the mouth
QWIKFEED @ecarter: it's hunched down on all fours and its tail is raised, looks about to strike
QWIKFEED @ecarter: and it has a HUGE, elongated head
QWIKFEED @ecarter: THEY ARE PUTTING THEIR PICTURES UP NOW DON'T READ ME GO LOOK

QWIKFEED @ecarter: ....that's a great mount. I swear, it looked like it moved
QWIKFEED @ecarter: ...
QWIKFEED @ecarter: oh fuck.


NEWSTICKER: //scores trampled in panic at Weyland-Yutani shareholders' meeting//
NEWSTICKER: //Weyland-Yutani executives maimed, one grievously//

NEWSTICKER: //Weyland-Yutani corporation faces criminal, civil probes//
NEWSTICKER: //new form of alien life announced, shot//


FROM: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Augusta Winterbourne <awinterbourne@chair.weyland-yutani.com>

SUBJECT: the Elvis Papers

Ms. Winterbourne,

Please advise the Chair, who I realize is convalescing, that in light of recent events I feel it is in the urgent interest of the Weyland-Yutani corporation to publicize the enclosed correspondence between myself and Philip Burke, as well as the attached access logs pertaining to specimens collected from the late xenomorph subject of the LV-426 project.

If this information is not publicized by the company, I shall tender my immediate resignation and publicize it myself.

M.L. Liu


FROM: Augusta Winterbourne <awinterbourne@chair.weyland-yutani.com>

TO: M.L. Liu <liuml@bio.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: re: the Elvis Papers

Dr. Liu,

The Chair advises me to inform you that your prompt production of this material is greatly appreciated. Your resignation is not required.

Your associate Dr. Anne Ardelli's provision of the portable stasis unit prototype to security personnel saved the lives of at least thirty people who were grievously injured by the xenomorph and in the resulting panic. The Chair himself might have lost a limb if not for Dr. Ardelli's actions. It is through her provision of the device that the body count was not far higher.

The Chair appreciates your work on behalf of the Company.

Sincerely

A. Winterbourne


FROM: Augusta Winterbourne <awinterbourne@chair.weyland-yutani.com>
TO: Philip K. Burke <pkburke@management.weyland-yutani.com>
SUBJECT: termination

Mr. Burke,

This email is only a formality. The Chair requests me to inform you that he has reviewed your conduct and your performance and has concluded that you have committed outrageous breaches not only of binding company policy but of federal and state law. Your actions have caused a horrific and unnecessary loss of life, and have exposed the Weyland-Yutani corporation to civil and criminal sanction. Evidence also exists that you may have been a party to industrial espionage, breach of military secrets, and illegal trafficking in rare species. We will be cooperating fully with the relevant authorities.

Your only hope is to cooperate with the investigation, and even then you are facing the extreme likelihood of crippling fines and substantial jail time, including certain charges of reckless endangerment and manslaughter.

The Chair has advised me to tell you that the Company will provide neither support nor advice to you and has terminated your benefits, including medical coverage, effective immediately. If the Company can be of any assistance, it will not give it.

He asked specifically that I use these exact words: Mr. Burke, you are so fucking fired.

Sincerely,

A. Winterbourne