"How has your research been going?" Beverly Hofstadter asked her son. "Anything new?"
"Recently I've been focusing on positrons," Leonard replied as he served tea. "I'm doing trials of the set-up by Dr. Voss in DESY—"
"So, nothing new then." She turned away from the crestfallen experimental physicist to the smugly smiling theoretical physicist beside him. "How about you, Sheldon?"
"Last month, I had two papers published on the topic of micro black holes," he announced, "for which I have been nominated for a real award, unlike the Newcomb medal."
Leonard pretended not to hear that last part.
She nodded. "As expected. The status quo has beem maintained in the eight years of your acquaintance and cohabitation agreement."
"Not quite, Mother." Leonard informed. "On a more unexpected note, Sheldon has a girlfriend now."
Beverly's eyes quirked up by a millimeter, indicating her surprise. "Indeed? How delightful." She spared a glance at Leonard. "I'm given to understand that you, on the other hand, are still unable to find a female to pair bond with, correct?"
Leonard busied himself sipping his tea, ignoring Sheldon who was pointedly shaking his head.
"Unlike Leonard—who has never demonstrated himself to be qualified of doing so—I have entered into a Relationship Agreement with a superior specimen of womanhood, who not only has enticing physical attributes and an enthralling personality, but also possesses an intellect without peer—aside from my own of course," Sheldon asserted. "Her name is Amy Farrah Fowler."
"Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler?" Beverly inquired. "The distinguished neurobiologist with a predilection for primate behaviors and addiction studies?"
"Yes," he confirmed. "Have you heard of her?"
"More than heard of her, I know her personally." The corners of her mouth twitched in her version of a smile. "How can I forget, after her romance with my middle child?"
Leonard choked on his tea. "Excuse me?"
Sheldon blinked rapidly. "What ever do you mean by that?"
"You don't remember, Leonard? That fascinating girl was your first date, when you both attended that gifted junior scientists' convention in New Jersey."
He tilted his head to the right, then to the left, a perplexed frown on his face. "… Huh?"
"I know you lack an eidetic memory, but given your abysmal track record with women, I would've thought that you'd remember a unique opportunity to date a lady who's clearly out of your league," Sheldon hissed, displaying such an abundance of white teeth that Leonard found himself scooting backwards.
"Her father was brilliant, for a medical doctor that is, and her mother was an editor in my first publishing house," Beverly said. "We were acquainted with them, your father and I, and because Amy was in New Jersey for the convention, we thought it might be beneficial for two gifted children to socialize and at the same time, familiarize themselves with the romantic relationship model. We then arranged for them to go on a date."
Still agape, Leonard poked at the foggy memories of the adolescence he had tried his utmost to forget, and came up with the image of a thirteen year-old brunette wearing wire-rimmed glasses over green eyes and beaming with a wide, Cheshire Cat smile. That girl was undoubtedly a younger but very much unchanged—
"Amy Farrah Fowler!" Sheldon exclaimed, standing up for his girlfriend. He waved dismissively at the blonde accompanying her. "And that one."
Penny rolled her eyes at him, then smiled at Leonard's mother. "Hi Beverly, nice to see you again. I'd like you to meet my friend…" she took Amy's arm and urged her forward, but Beverly had already risen from her seat and gave each girl a rather stiff hug.
"Penny… and our charming little Amy Farrah Fowler…"
"My girlfriend," Sheldon stated, scowling at how Beverly's arms were still lingering around Amy's shoulders.
"Dr. Beverly Hofstadter?" Amy looked from his mother to Leonard and back again, for several times. "Oh my goodness, why have I never made the connection..?"
Beverly shrugged. "That's quite understandable; I don't really expect you to associate a renowned neuroscientist such as myself, with my middle child, or remember him and any trysts you have been obligated to attend with him."
Leonard dropped his head and sighed.
"Trysts?" Penny cocked an eyebrow. "What the heck going on?"
"I have just found out that my roommate and my girlfriend had a romantic rendezvous behind my back," Sheldon retorted. He narrowed his eyes at Amy and Beverly. "Additionally, my girlfriend is presently engaging in extended physical contact with an individual other than myself, in clear violation of the Relationship Agreement. This is the heck that just goes on and on and on."
"That was when we were thirteen!" Leonard cried, standing up. "And it was a blind date. We didn't go behind your back."
Penny stared at him for five seconds. "I'm going to skip over that Twilight Zone-esque part." She smirked at his seething roommate. "Don't be so pissed, physicist. You know Beverly, she gets so affectionate sometimes. You had that kiss before."
"Wait, WHAT?" Leonard gawked at his mother, then his roommate, then his more-than-a-neighbor. He shuddered and took a step back. "Nevermind, I'll pretend I didn't hear that."
While Leonard sat back on the couch and wished to sink right to the center of the Earth, his roommate went rigid as Amy poked a finger at his chest. "Sheldon, you told me you've never kissed a female before, aside from your mother, your sister, and your Meemaw."
"And that was true, I didn't kiss Dr. Hofstadter, she kissed me."
She shook her head knowingly. "There's no need to deny it Sheldon, I completely understand, she's an incredibly attractive woman."
"You completely do not understand," Sheldon objected. "You are the only non-family member I've ever initiated lip contact with, outside the purposes of CPR."
"He's quite right my dear," Beverly assured her. "That was an alcohol-induced lapse of judgement on my part."
Sheldon looked down defiantly at her. "See?"
She crossed her arms and pouted. "Technically, what you said was still incorrect."
"What do you mean by, incorrect?"
"By definition, you have never initiated lip contact with me."
He opened his mouth but snapped it shut just as quickly.
Beverly took her seat again and sipped her tea, watching the couple. "Hmm, interesting. They are a compatible pair, very similar, but also different enough to be complementary. Unlike Sheldon, Amy had the advantage of conventional schooling and all the social know-how that imparts." She peered expectantly at Leonard.
"Er… right," he mumbled.
"What a darling," Beverly said, only the slightest crinkling of her eyes betraying her delight. "I imagine she would make a wonderful daughter-in-law."
"Mother, she's dating Sheldon," he pointed out. "He's my best friend and she's his girlfriend, she's not going to become your daughter-in-law, I can't steal her from Sheldon."
"You're right, you can't. A woman like her would never go for a sissy-pants who only engages in derivative research."
Leonard threw his head back on the headrest and groaned.
Penny slid on the couch beside him and nudged him with an elbow. "So what's this I hear about trysting with Amy?"
The ladies had left to go on a Girls' Night Out with the visiting Dr. Hofstadter. Being well aware of Amy's drunken kissing tendencies, Sheldon had attempted to tag along, only to be rebuffed and told in no uncertain terms that it was a girls' only night out.
In their wake, silence settled over apartment 4A, and while normally welcome, Sheldon felt as if it was ringing in his ears. He clicked up the volume settings of Red Dead Redemption.
After his fourth order of digital whisky, Sheldon steeled himself and turned to Leonard who was reading their new journals, slouched on the chair beside his spot.
"Leonard, I have an inquiry."
His roommate nodded absently, eyes still skimming over the pages. "Sure, sure…"
"Your first date… with Amy, why did you completely forget about it?" He paused his game and set the controller aside. "Was it a terribly traumatic experience?"
Leonard straightened up and adjusted his glasses, his thoughtful gaze looking past Sheldon. "No… just the opposite in fact."
Sheldon frowned. "What do you mean by that?"
"I mean, I probably forgot because unlike all my other dates when I was a teenager, it wasn't completely horrible. It was… alright." The bespectacled man chuckled.
Grasping the controller, Sheldon's thumb convulsed on the Start button, alternately pausing and starting the game. He wasn't quite sure what answer he had been expecting, but that was most definitely not it.
"It was… well, I guess it was a lot like when we went to that wedding," Leonard mused, not noticing when Sheldon's eyebrow shot up. "Especially during one-on-one time, Amy can be a lot of fun—"
"I'm already aware of that," he snatched the journals from his roommate. "She's MY girlfriend."
"Wait a minute, I'm not yet done with—"
Sheldon stomped to his room and slammed his door to his so-called primary friend's protests.