Actions

Work Header

Strip Pokerstuck: God Tier Style

Chapter Text

Everything is ready. The scene is set. The God Tiered Humans and Alternians have taken their seats, and there is a new degree of tension in the air. Two fifty-two card decks have been combined and the game is about to start.

“Well, it looks like we're juuuuuuuust about ready!” Vriska says. A smirk crosses her face as she adjusts her orange top.

“I’m still not sure how I even ended up agreeing to this! I’m pretty sure out of everyone here I have the least opportunity to cheat, even with my trickster ways! I mean look at you guys: time stopping, complete control over all space and the ability to have power over luck. I’m like…totally outclassed here,” John says.

“Its okay, John,” Aradia interjects “We agreed to not use our powers.”

“It’s cool, bro. This is totally gonna work out awesome. Two guys playing strip poker with a bunch of hot girls in the hopes of scoping some choice ass is not something that has ever backfired in any sort of media whatsoever,” Dave added.

“Not that I’m endeavoring to sound impatient here, but are we going to sit here all night or play cards?” Rose asked.

The cards are shuffled. The first hand is about to start.

==> Be Jade.

You are now JADE HARLEY, the nigh omnipotent WITCH OF SPACE, freshly ascended to the DOG TIERS. That’s probably not a real thing, but you will continue to say it because you find the term cute and humorous.

You have somehow found yourself embroiled in a game of STRIP POKER with your friends. These friends also happen to be pretty near omnipotent too, but just not as much as you due to a fair amount of RIDICULOUS SHENANIGANS. Your new powers would pretty much make this game incredibly unfair if you could use them, but you have agreed not to, even though that’s kind of like being asked to turn off your ears, which are delightfully canine at the moment.

You are suddenly thankful that those ears are the only thing you acquired from your beloved guardian, because there’s a very real possibility you might have to forfeit your clothes during the coming game, and it would be extremely embarrassing if you had fur…or a tail.

Looking around the room you see that the girl to boy ratio is kind of imbalanced, so there will be a lot more naked girls running around here than boys at the end. You also remember that one of the boys is your brother, which is sort of weird. So, you’ll keep your fingers crossed for Dave. You admit to yourself that was pretty much the reason you agreed to this in the first place.

Without further adieu you decide it’s time for Operation Get Dave Naked to commence.

As the cards are dealt, you realize you’ve never played poker before and don’t really know the rules. It certainly wasn’t one of the modus’ you used during your oh wait never mind you figured it out instantly with your awesome powers. You look at your five cards:

6(D), A(D), K(C), 4(S), 3(D) (Translators note: the letters are the suits)

Eeep. Okay, so not the best first hand. You would have felt more comfortable with a pair, but still an ace high isn’t terrible, and with the king there it’s about as good as a high card situation can get. You remember that because this is strip poker you don’t have to worry about winning so much as not losing. As long as you don’t have the worst hand out of everyone you get to keep your clothes for now. So the goal for now should be to build the most likely good hand, not take crazy risks for the best hand.

Besides, you still have a draw. You can exchange any to all of your cards for new ones. Which cards should you discard?

==> Jade: Keep the Ace and King, then get three new cards.

You figure that it would best to hold on to the ace and the king. True, getting rid of the king would give you another chance at a pair, but if your gamble didn’t pay off it could leave you with a weaker hand. You opt to play it safe.

You get: 9(H), 5(C), 2(S)

Well...that certainly wasn’t what you were hoping for. You guess the 9 and the 5 are slightly better than the 6 and the 4...but...not by much. Looks like you just have to hold out hope someone has a worse hand than you.

Rose takes three cards. She looks impassive...but that’s just Rose. John also takes three cards. He doesn’t look that nervous. Vriska takes three cards. She’s smirking. Dave takes four cards. Good sign. He has a poker face...like usual. Sooo cooool. Aradia also takes four cards. You feel a little better now.

“Time to show ‘em!” Vriska says enthusiastically. Everyone lays down their cards.

You have: High card, ace high with king kicker
Rose has: A pair of fours
John has: A pair of fives
Vriska has: A pair of threes
Dave has: Two pair; queens and sixes

Oh noooo. This doesn’t look good.

Aradia has: High card, king high with queen kicker

You breathe a sigh of relief. There’s a rash of giggling and catcalling in Aradia’s direction. She seems to be laughing too.

“Incoming erotic shoe removal,” Dave says with a smirk.

“Don’t be so sure...” Aradia says. She makes a show of reaching up to her face, and begins working on the hood of her outfit. After some tugging it comes off, probably a little less smoothly than she planned, and her long black hair cascades down amidst cheers.

“Pssh...no sense of shame,” Vriska says with a smirk.

“Indeed. Her hair is showing and everything. I have never been so scandalized,” Rose adds.

“Um...nice...hair, Aradia...” John says, sounding a little out of his element.

“Thank you, John.” She says, in her typically placid manner. Rose rolls her eyes at him.

“What? I mean...shouldn’t we be supportive about this?” John asks.

“Joooooohn, this is about winning and humiliation...so...of course not!” Vriska pipes up. “C’mon. Time is wasting!”

That was a little too close. You almost lost there. You silently hope for more favorable cards in the future.

It's your deal now.