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The Elaine Song

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I first saw her on a poster,
My heart a roller coaster.
My only candidate, my only choice,
I saw her picture and near lost my voice.

Oh, Elaine, Elaine, she's Governor Marley,
And I do think that she's totally gnarly.
When I'm near her then I act really barmy,
She's the type of girl that I'd join her army.

Then I broke into her mansion,
Saw her face and expansion
Took over my young heart, then all suicidal
Used gopher repellant to steal her gold idol.

Oh, Elaine, Elaine, she's Governor Marley,
And as a pirate, for her love I will parley.
In her house sometimes it does smell like barley.
When I'm lost at sea, I follow her star-ly.

You didn't let me drown, honey,
And called me your plunder bunny.
You're my honey pumpkin, my only love muffin,
You're my soul, your root beer my MacGuffin.

Oh, Elaine, Elaine, she's Governor Marley,
<ADVERTISEMENT> If this was FULL THROTTLE™ she'd be my Harley.
Now that I've passed my trials my heart's topsy-turvy,
I'd do anything to touch her bits so curvy.

When I broke up your wedding night
though-really-it-wasn't-yours-as-you'd-replaced-the-bride-with-some-monkeys-in-disguise-as-part-of-a-cunning-plan-but-how-was-I-supposed-to-know?
Anyway...
I thought you looked oh so right.
You slid from the roof just like a ninja
You scared off LeChuck, your hair slightly ginger.

Oh, Elaine, Elaine, she's Governor Marley,
Something something something something something arley.
Now we've exploded that captain ghost pirate,
We can have ourselves some good peace and quiet.

Someday I'll convince you to be Mrs Threepwood,
I'm a much better husband than old Mancomb Seepgood.
I'll be your dairy farmer, if you'll be my cow.
Oh, Elaine, Elaine, please say you're mine now
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand forever.


"GUYBRUSH!" Elaine leaned out of one of the many upper windows of the mansion. Her hair was somewhat frazzled, and her eyes more than a little wild, though he wasn't quite sure how he could tell that at such a distance. Sometimes he was amazed at his ability to Look at things and see what others could not. In fact, behind her he could see several of the Town Elders.

"Yes, snufflewufflekins?" Guybrush stroked his lute lovingly once more, repeating the final chord of his song. He'd found the lute a few days ago, hanging from the chandelier in the Scumm Bar, and while he had wondered where the pirate who normally resided there was hiding, Guybrush was not the sort of mighty pirate who would look a gift lute in the mouth. Neck. Whatever. But right now, his attention was fully focussed on his gubernatorial lady love, and he felt a swoon coming on.

"SHUT UP!"