The Doctor and Rose stared in shock at the bride who had mysteriously appeared on their TARDIS. The bride stared right back, just as flabbergasted.
“What?!” The Doctor cried for the second time. This made no sense! What was a human doing so many galaxies away from earth at this time in history and how the hell did she get on the TARDIS!
“Who are you?” the bride snapped somewhat disdainfully. She had a rough, slightly winey voice.
“But…” he trailed off, still with no idea.
“Where am I?” she demanded.
“What?” The Doctor said again.
“What the hell is this place?!” she yelled at them.
“You can’t do that, I wasn’t…” he looked up at the console. “We’re in flight! That’s physically impossible. How did-”
“Tell me where I am. I demand you tell me right now, where am I?” the bride started shouting.
“Inside the TARDIS,” The Doctor said bemused.
“The what?” she asked again.
“The TARDIS!” he said more firmly as he ran around to check the monitor.
“The what?! ” she demanded.
“It’s called the TARDIS.”
“That’s not even a proper word!” the bride cried sounding really angry. “You’re just saying things!”
“How did you get in here?” The Doctor demanded of her.
“Well obviously when you kidnapped me!” She seethed. Rose almost laughed but ended up chocking. The Doctor was becoming more bemused and perplexed by the second and was staring at the woman as if she were mad. “Who was it?” she demanded. “Who’s payin’ ya? Was it Nerys? Oh my god, she’s finally got me back. This has got Nerys written all over it!”
“Who the hell is Nerys?” he said.
“Your best friend,” she replied snarky.
“Hold on, wait a minute. What are you dressed like that for?”
“Oh dear god,” Rose buried her face in her hand.
“I’m going tenpin bowing,” she replied sarcastically. “What do you think, Dumbo? I was halfway up the aisle!” The Doctor slowly backed away from the ranting woman and started pushing buttons on the console. “I’ve waited all my life for this,” she continued. “I was just seconds away. And then you – I dunno, you drugged me or something.”
“I haven’t done anything,” the Doctor defended himself.
“I’m having the police on you. Me and my husband - as soon as he is my husband - we’re gonna sue the living backside off of ya!”
The Doctor didn’t reply as he was too busy fiddling with the controls. Rose was trying hard not to laugh watching the entire thing.
Just at that moment, the woman noticed the doors and ran towards them.
“No, wait a minute! Wait a minute! Don’t-” the Doctor cried… but she had already opened the doors.
Straight out onto a view of the supernova.
“You’re in space,” he told her, calmly walking to stand beside her. “Outer space. This is my… spaceship. It’s called a TARDIS.”
“How am I breathing?” she asked, for once not yelling or snapping.
“The TARDIS is protecting us.”
“Who are ya?”
“I’m the Doctor, this is Rose,” he said pointing back to her. “You?”
“Donna,” she replied somewhat grudgingly.
“Yeah… Is that optional?”
“It is for him,” Rose told her.
“He’s an alien.” It wasn’t a question.
“Yeah,” he said.
For a moment they just stood looking out into space. It was the longest she had ever been quiet for.
“It’s freezing with these doors open.”
The Doctor slammed them closed for her. Then he ran up to the console.
“I don’t understand it,” he said sounding annoyed. “And I understand everything. This can’t happen. There is no way that a human being could lock itself onto the TARDIS and transport itself inside. It must be…” Quickly he turned around and pulled some sort of ophthalmoscope out of his tool belt, turned back to her and looked at her through it. He got so close that Donna had to take a step back. “There’s some sort of subatomic connection, something in the temporal field,” he began his techno-babble. “Maybe something pulling you into alignment with the chronon shell. Maybe it’s something macrobudding in your DNA with the interior matrix. Maybe a genetic-”
Smack! Donna’s hand flew around and hit him in the face. Rose covered her mouth and took a step towards him.
“What was that for?!” he cried.
“Get me to the Church!” Donna shouted at him shrilly. He looked at her a second in disbelief.
“Right, fine,” he cried. “We don’t want you here anyway, do we Rose? Where is this wedding?”
“St. Mary's, Hayden Road, Chiswick, London, England, Earth, the Solar System,” she said. Then finally she looked up at Rose. “And what about her? Is she one of your victims too? Look she’s been crying. What did you do to her?”
“I just lost my mother,” Rose said in quiet disgust. “I wouldn’t have been able to say goodbye if it weren’t for him.”
“Right, Chiswick,” the Doctor said, clearly unhappy that Donna had upset her. But Donna’s expression had softened to one of sympathy and guilt.
The TARDIS landed a moment later and Donna was out the doors like a shot. She looked around at the buildings in annoyance.
“I said St. Mary’s. What sort of Martian are you? Where’s this?”
But the Doctor wasn’t listening. He was stroking one of the side panels in concern.
“Something’s wrong with her,” he said. “It’s like she’s recalibrating.” He ran back inside to the console, nearly knocking Rose over on her way out. “She’s digesting. What is it? What have you eaten? What’s wrong?” he said to the TARDIS, oblivious to the fact that Donna had noticed how small the box was. “What do you think Rose?”
Rose watched as Donna walked around the TARDIS in bewilderment. She pointed the befuddled Donna out to the Doctor, who’s eyes lit up.
“Donna,” he said. “You’ve really got to think. Is there anything that might have caused this?” Rose rolled her eyes, that hadn’t been what she meant. “Anything you might've done? Any sort of alien contacts? I can't let you go wandering off in case you're dangerous. I mean, have you... have you seen lights in the sky? Or... did you touch something? Something - something different? Something strange? Something made out of a sort of metal or... who're you getting married to? Sure he’s human? He isn’t a bit overweight with a zip around his forehead, is he?”
By now Donna was looking up at the box in shock, covering her mouth in distress as if to stop the cries.
“It’s alright,” Rose told her. “Alien technology. It’s just bigger on the inside…”
But it was all too much for her, and Donna ran off.
“Doctor!” Rose cried to him. He came out and saw Donna running away, together they ran after her.
“Donna!” he called. “Donna…” he said as they fell into step with her.
“Leave me alone, I just want to get married,” she told them.
“Come back to the TARDIS.”
“No way, that box is too… weird.”
“She’s just bigger on the inside, remember. Look at me, I’ve been living there for two years, I’m fine.”
Donna obviously chose to ignore her and looked at her watch instead… what was a bride doing wearing a watch?
“Ten past three, I’m going to miss it.”
“Can’t you phone them? Tell them where you are,” the Doctor suggested as they walked down an ally.
“And how am I supposed to do that?”
“Haven’t you got a mobile?”
“Doctor-” Rose tried to warn him, but Donna had already gone off again.
“I'm in my wedding dress. It doesn't have pockets. Who has pockets? Have you ever seen a bride with pockets? When I went to my fitting at Chez Alison, the one thing I forgot to say was ‘give me pockets’!” The Doctor scratched his head, realising how much of a mistake it had been to say that. The smallest things could set this lady off.
“Here, use mine,” Rose said holding it out to her, but she didn’t take it.
“This man you’re marrying – what’s his name?”
“Lance,” she replied.
“Good luck, Lance,” he said rudely.
“Oi! No stupid Martian is going to stop me from getting married. To hell with you!” Then she was running again.
“I’m – I’m not… I’m not – I’m not from Mars…”
Rose smiled and giving his hand a tug they ran after her.
“Taxi!” Donna was calling trying to hail a cab when they caught up. Deciding to help her they tried to wave one down too, but none of them seemed to be stopping.
“Do you have this effect on everyone? Why aren’t they stopping?” the Doctor exclaimed.
“Rude,” Rose told him with a grin.
“They think I’m in fancy dress.”
“Get off the sauce, Darling!” a Taxi drive called out the window as he drove by.
“They think I’m drunk,” she said incredulously.
“You’re not fooling no one, Mate!” a couple of teens called from their car.
“They think I’m in drag!!!”
Both Rose and the Doctor were really feeling sorry for her now. Sighing Rose turned to face the road and let out a loud whistle. The other two both covered their ears, but it did the trick.
“Warning please,” the Doctor told her as a cab pulled up. They all bundled in, Rose sitting in the middle.
“Saint Mary's in Chiswick, just off Hayden Road. It's an emergency, I'm getting married! Just... hurry up!” Donna said to him in a panic.
“That will cost you, Sweetheart. Double rates today,” the driver told her.
“Oh my god, have you got any money?”
“Erm… no. Rose?”
Rose dug around in her pockets eventually pulling out a small metal bar.
“Ooh, my credit stick! Oh, they don’t take these yet… No sorry.”
Next thing they knew he was pulling over and kicking them out. Donna was spewing insults and profanities to him.
“And that goes double for your mother!” she yelled as they got out and slammed the door.
“Wow, she’s got a mouth on her!” Rose said to the Doctor who grinned and nodded in agreement.
“I'll have him. I've got his number. I'll have him. Talk about the Christmas Spirit.”
“It’s Christmas?!” Rose cried in delighted surprise.
“Well, duh. Maybe not on Mars, but here it's Christmas Eve.” Donna said.
“Wow… it’s been a year since you, well,” Rose wigged her fingers at the Doctor to indicate his change of appearance. “God, it’s been a brilliant year!”
“It has been one hell of a brilliant year,” he grinned in reply holding her hand.
“You two are such a disgustingly adorable couple,” Donna told them.
“Oh no, we’re not a couple, are we?” Rose said dropping his hand.
“No. Nope, just friends, right Rose?” the Doctor said, his voice sounding oddly higher than usual.
“Yip. Just friends. Why does everyone think we’re a couple?”
Donna stared at the two of them incredulously as if it should be obvious.
“Umm… didn’t you want to call your family?” Rose said changing the subject and took out her phone.
“I’ll go find us some money… Hang on, why are you getting married on Christmas Eve?”
“Can't bear it. I hate Christmas,” she said dialling in a number. “Honeymoon in Morocco. Sunshine - lovely.”
“Right… back in a tick,” he said before running off to an ATM machine.
Donna had redialled the phone four times already, no one had answered and the Doctor was still standing in line looking very impatient and agitated.
“Get off the phone!” Donna cried down the line to someone who couldn’t hear her. Then she obviously reached someone’s voicemail. “Mum, get off the phone and listen. I’m in…” she paused and looked around. “Oh, my God - I dunno where I am! It's... it's a street. And there's WH Smith... but it's definitely Earth.”
Rose smiled at this, Donna was catching on fast. But her smile faded when she chucked back the phone and ran up to a woman walking by.
“Excuse me... I'm begging you. I'm getting married, I really am and I'm late and I just need to borrow a tenner and I'll pay you back I promise and it's Christmas.”
“Donna, wait. The Doctor will be back in a second,” Rose said to her.
“I’m getting married in a few minutes! I can’t afford to wait a second!” she cried.
The woman, trying not to laugh, took out a note and gave it to her. Rose chased her as Donna ran to a taxi and jumped in.
“Doctor!” She called. At the ATM, finally with money, he turned around. She saw, with horror, that he had been looking at three masked Santas playing trumpets. As she looked back at Donna she saw that the driver was a Santa too.
“Thanks for nothing Spaceman. See you in court!” she cried getting in and slamming the door.
“No, Donna wait!” Rose cried. But the car sped of, knocking her to the ground.
“Rose!” the Doctor cried running over to her and helping her off the road before another car could hit her.
“I’m okay,” she said limping slightly. “It just got my knee. Doctor, the driver’s a Santa!”
“The taxi, with Donna. The driver’s – one of them,” she pointed at the advancing Santas. She remembered last time she met them all too clearly and didn’t fancy another meeting.
Thinking quickly, the Doctor pointed the sonic at the ATM and money spurted out. Crowds of people jumped in between them and the Santas, trying to catch the free money.
Supporting Rose, they ran back to the TARDIS.
Rose leaned heavily on the Console while the Doctor ran around her pushing buttons, pulling leavers and hitting it with a small mallet.
“Behave!” he told the TARDIS. “Ugh, she’s not liking this…”
“We’re flying?” Rose asked.
“C’mon Old Girl, you can do it,” she encouraged.
“Okay, we’re nearly up to her. Rose, get that lever there, when I tell you to, pull.” Nodding Rose hobbled around to the lever and held on. The Doctor ran over to the doors and flung them open. Along side them was Donna in the cab, banging against the windows.
“Open the door!” he called to her.
“Do what?” came Donna’s muffled reply.
“Open the door!”
“I cant, it’s locked,” she cried. Rolling his eyes he took out the sonic and pointed it at the door. Donna pulled down the window. “Santa’s a robot!” she said incredulously.
“Yes, I know. Now Donna, open the door!”
“You’ve got to jump.”
“I’m not blinking flip jumping! I’m supposed to be getting married!”
The Robo-Santa put his foot down and the sped ahead of them.
“Rose, now!” Rose pushed the lever and they moved forward, crashing into a car. “I’m reminding you of that next time you complain about my driving!”
“You’ve been flying her for hundreds of years,” Rose laughed.
Once again they pulled up along side the taxi and the Doctor disabled the Robo-Santa.
“Listen to me. You’ve got to jump!” he told Donna.
“I’m not jumping on a motorway!”
“Whatever that thing is, it needs you. And whatever it needs you for, it's not good. Now, come on!”
“I’m in my wedding dress,” Donna told him as if that was reason enough.
“Yes, you look lovely. Come on!”
Fearfully Donna opened the door and shifted so she could jump. But looking down at the moving ground she began to panic.
“I can’t do it,” she told him in terror.
“Trust me,” he said gently, his arms open to catch her. Donna still hesitated.
“Donna you have to trust him!” Rose called. “We have been through so much together. All the times that something has happened, he’s been there for me. He hasn’t ever let me fall. Not even a black-hole could stop him – and I mean that literally. I trust him with all that I am… Now, jump!”
Donna looked at her and back at the Doctor, whose eyes had filed with tenderness at the statement. A moment later she hurled herself, screaming, from the car and landed in his arms. Quickly he got up from under her, closed the doors and took over the controls from Rose.
And with that they flew away from the taxi and the motorway. Running away with the bride.